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Three Things We All Do / Will Do [ Post #96 ]

We all live such different lives. We all have different worlds we live in, both on a personal, individual level, and on a social, communal level. No matter how different we all are, I was thinking about three things we all do, and will do, whether we are aware of them or not. I really don’t think there are any exceptions to these if we have lived any substantial amount of time on this earth.

The first thing I believe we all do is find our own god (or God). “What”, you say? No, not everybody finds God. Some people never really think about God much at all, some spend a good portion of their lives “searching for God,” and some people are sure they have found God and live with a certainty that they know God and everything about God and living the spiritual life. And some are certain that there is no such thing as God or a spiritual, other realm (those described as “atheists” or agnostics).

I say, I think we all find our god (or God). Everyone. What is god to you? What drives you? What do you live for? What gives you meaning? What keeps you from just giving up, becoming overwhelmed by everything? Why live? I’m saying that if we stay here and continue living our lives, there’s something that we consider our “god.”

For some people with a lot of ambition and drive and perhaps insecurity, money is their god. Don’t we all see that? Some people are driven only by money. Getting rich, very rich. Proving that they are better than anyone else. Having more money than everyone else, that’s success. For others, there are other things that become their god. How about sex for the sex addicts? Relationships for the relationship addicts? Drugs and alcohol become gods for many. Of course for some religious people the God of their particular religion becomes their God. I’m saying we all find something that becomes our “god,” even if we don’t see it that way.

On a personal note, I must say that I’ve never been a shallow person. I’ve always been a deep person, even if I didn’t know that in my earlier life. I never got hooked on the superficialities of life, as I see it. I was never into accumulating a lot of possessions. Or trying to be or look better than anyone else. Money was never a god for me. Yes, money is very important in having a good life and functioning well through all of life’s phases, but I never considered it a god like some people do. So, what is my God?

I would say my God is the creative, life force that gave me life and has sustained my life this far. I would not say it is the God of the church, the temple, the synagogue, most religions. Well, yes in some sense, but religious systems have a well-defined, concocted definition of God that I see as limited and a speculative invention. My God is the universal force of the universe, whatever the hell that is. And it is very real to me. Coming from an evangelical Christian background in my teens, that is a major shift in my theology.

My walks in the cemetery help me reflect on the deeper aspects of life.

So, I’m saying we all find our God in this life, whether we realize that or admit to that or not. And my second thing we all do, as I see it, is we all have our own life story inside of us. Some of us openly tell others our story, perhaps in a book such as an autobiography. I haven’t written my autobiography, but I have written over ninety blog posts telling a lot of my life stories. A lot of my life story is in those ninety or so essays. And, or course, many people do not write out their stories, but they do have them inside of their heads, so to speak. Many keep them there all their life and die with them. Others, like myself, tell them in bits and pieces as we wander through life with our friends and companions.

And then there is the one thing we all will do as this life comes to a conclusion. When the time comes, we all must face the impermanence of life and let go of everything. Yes, let go of everything, totally, completely. That’s not being morbid, really, as I see it, that’s being realistic. We all have to do that. And it may take various forms.

Some of us will have time to ponder this end stage of life. We will face it for a certain period of time before we “let go.” Others may experience a quick or even instantaneous release of our life. Some may let go in their sleep. No matter how, I think we all play some part in the letting go and releasing of our grasping of life. That’s my thinking about this, but I guess we don’t know anything for sure until that time comes and we experience it.

So, how do I feel about all of this? Well, I feel good about my concept of God. Not that I understand much of any of it, even being the theologian that I am. And about our life story we carry around with us all through life. Well, I’ve worked on letting some of that story out through my writing and sharing with people. My good friends have a pretty decent and accurate sense of who I am, and I’m cool with that. And then, that final part, that letting go. Well, I’d prefer to live forever here on this earth plane, but that is not up to me. Nature has its laws, and all living things must die. So, I guess we just have to deal with that. I do work at being in a good place of peace, love and completeness with life, including forgiveness where necessary so I can leave this life feeling good about my life. And, if consciousness survives physical death, well, I’ll be somewhere with God or the creative force. Perhaps with the sages. That would be nice. Perhaps with Jesus, whom I love dearly. And if there is no consciousness after life ceases, well, case closed. Life is over and done with. And I hope that is not the case. Out of my hands, like so much of life.

Live the best life you can. That’s my advice. Be love. Be compassion. Be with the universal life force (God if you will). And let it go when it is over. Go in peace, go in joy, go in love. Be thankful for it all.

Wally

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Moods: A Fascination of Mine [ Post #95 ]

There’s one thing that has fascinated me for a long, long time. The moods we all experience from day-to-day, and for some people, the (what seem to be) more or less permanent moods they seem to live in. Don’t we all know people who just always, or mostly, seem to be in a bad mood? And, inversely, some perpetually perky, happy, Pollyanna-type of people? And probably most of us are in between these two types, having various moods from time to time. I don’t know why, but this subject just fascinates me. Maybe because I’ve run the gamut in moods during my life and now feel a bit removed from being run by the world’s impact on determining my own personal mood. Not talking perfection here, just having a buffer from being run by moods emanating from this (what I often see as a crappy) world.

I’ve written about my early years being rather negative and dark and pessimistic (and, yes, with good times and moods periodically breaking up my dark times). Thank goodness I never totally surrendered to the bad times. That’s where bad activities occur, such as drug use, other addictions, hateful actions (today’s trend of just going out and shooting people) or even suicide occur. I was tempted to some of those actions but something (I’ll call it God) kept me going on an even keel, not venturing down those paths.

So, moods. Where do they come from? Why do we have such a variety of moods. Do they just happen or do we play a part, perhaps a significant part in the moods we are in? Doing some research on this topic tends to confirm my own theories on this subject from the scientific and psychological perspective.

Now, I’m not talking about the deeper topics of mental illness and emotional disorders and all that. I’m talking about our more superficial-type daily moods. Our wake up out of sleep mood, our before and after our morning cup of coffee moods. Or our wake up in the middle-of-night dark mood. Yes, I’ve experienced all of these, and thank goodness, I’ve learned to have better control over my moods.

I’ve discovered that moods can trigger so much in our lives. I didn’t realize that before. I just assumed they happened and there was not much we can do about them. Now I see that we do have control over our moods and our moods can trigger our emotions without our awareness. My first partner was always in a bad mood, it seemed, unless he was high on pot. Being stoned, he was always in a “mellow” mood. But not stoned, watch out. It took me so long to see that whole process.

So, moods. I find that I have to work at keeping myself in a good mood through daily life. It seems there’s always something to come along and knock us down, potentially putting us in a bad mood. When my doctor recently asked me if I suffered from depression or any mood disorders (Medicare asks and encourages doctors to ask this question every year), I responded, “well, not really; disgusted at times perhaps, have you watched the news lately, doctor?” He laughed and got my point.

I’m always checking on my moods and my spouse’s mood now that I know how important our moods are. There’s always stuff going on and often it can be crappy stuff, but still, I believe that we can determine our moods and that makes all the difference in how we live day to day and moment to moment. I do wish that I had this awareness earlier in my life of the affect of moods on our emotions and phycological well-being.

So, this is a fascinating field of interest for me. I feel sad for those that always seem to be in a negative, pessimistic mood. I do hope people seek help if they are stuck in dark moods. Life can be better, life can be good. But, it takes work, sometimes hard work to experience the good life available to us all.

So, I say, find something you enjoy doing. Do it. Be aware, be mindful of how things affect you, how others may be influencing you and your moods and emotions. If you experience real trouble in all of this, seek some help. You have been given this one life for now. Make the best of it. Seek the light, the good, the bliss! And, I would add, without the artificial and potentially dangerous substances that disrupt so many lives these days. Perhaps explore the metaphysical, spiritual life that many have discovered to help them navigate through it all.

As usual, I could write a book on this subject. But this short essay is enough for now. The point is that I just seek the best life now, and that means paying close attention to my daily moods. I’ve wasted too much of my life energy in the past being in bad moods for some stupid reasons. I just seek the best life now, no matter what is happening. No matter how the news media twists and filters the news to just give us the bad stuff and ignoring all the good that is also occurring in life. I work on staying on the good, the right path. Yes, it is hard work. But I must do it. I must choose to be in a good mood. That is sometimes the hard that I choose.

Wally

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NDE’S ? Not Really, But Weird [Post # 94]

So, a while back, I was reading about the actress Marilu Henner and read about a fascinating phenomenon. She says she has total recall memory. She can remember specific details of virtually every day of her life since she was a child. She can remember virtually every day of her life? Wow, that blew my mind. Got me doing some research on that topic. The condition is called hyperthymesia. Yes, it’s a real phenomenon, also known as highly superior autobiographical memory (HSAM). And, yes, it’s a rare condition. Only about 61 people in the world have been diagnosed with this condition as of 2021. Doesn’t that blow your mind?

So, I began thinking. I certainly don’t have total recall of the many memories of my life. I am not one of those 61 people in the world. But I thought about what deep memories do I have from my long life. There are lots of memories in my mind, of course. But what came to mind in consideration of this subject were four long-term memories which were deeply burned into my memory. Memories I know I will have as long as I live. Memories that are so vivid it is as if they happened today.

The very first one burned into my memory is when I was about six years old and going under the anesthesia for my tonsillectomy surgery. When the anesthesiologist put the mask over my face and told me to count backwards from 100, I went into a very strange place. As the ether was taking affect, I was in a completely dark, strange place. I mean blacker that anything I’ve ever experienced. A black “void” I would call it. I felt I was going somewhere. I felt God was close to me and taking me through this experience. I felt a strange completeness with God, life, the universe. At first I was scared, of course, but I quickly submitted to the experience and let go into the void. And I felt okay with it all. I felt a trust of wherever I was going, with whatever was happening. It was a strange feeling of weird comfort. And of course, the next thing I remember was being back in my hospital bed recovering from my surgery. And I never told anyone about that brief experience with the ether mask putting me under.

Another vivid experience and memory from my childhood or very early years (I’m not sure of my age then) was a vision or dream or whatever of my brother, my father and me walking along a path with Jesus, talking about things, about life. I really don’t think it was a dream, I believe it was a vision, and it was so real, as if it just happened a few seconds ago. A very clear, crystal-clear vision of us walking and talking about things. And Ii was amazed, thinking how did we get here and why are we doing this and how did we come together? And why, since my brother and father were not “religious” types at all. Strange.

Okay. In my adult life I had a strange experience all about death and the process of dying. I was under the influence of pot, I admit, but it was a very vivid experience, a very real experience. I can’t compare it with anything else I’ve experienced in my life. It was about the process of dying. I really can’t put it into words, but I was on my deathbed and going through the process of letting go and just being with the whole process and realizing this is what it’s like, and that this is going to happen someday. That there’s no way around this experience, it’s really going to happen like this. A total “letting go.” A similar experience to my tonsillectomy experience but even more detailed and real and certain. Like I said, I can’t really put it into words.

And then, several years ago I had a dream that was unlike any others I have had. Yes, I’ve of course had many, many strange dreams in my life, but this one was different and was burned into my mind and consciousness unlike any others.

I was in a space capsule in deep space. I was all alone. It was eerily quiet, and it was completely dark, a darkness and silence I cannot put into words, just like my tonsillectomy experience, once again. I was all alone. With the universe, with all life, with God. Words cannot convey the feeling of being in a space capsule in deep space. But I will never erase that memory from my mind. Very profound.

So, what are these experiences? Why have I had these four very bizarre experiences, all seemed to be concerned with the purpose of life, with the experience of being with the ultimate experience, God, if you will? I cannot explain them in any way except to somehow compare them to some experiences I have read about regarding Near Death Experiences (NDEs). They are mysteries I just have to live with, not knowing the meanings at all, really. I’m sure others have had similar odd experiences. My spouse had an experience of being in a bright yellow tunnel coming out from anesthesia after surgery years ago. He said it was the brightest yellow light he’s ever seen. And he does not have these type of experiences, he rarely remembers dreams at all. I have forgotten many other memories, but these will stay with me forever. As I have said, they are burned into my mind. I take the good meanings from these experiences instead of something else such as dread or fear. It is all good and I try to learn the lessons given from the “wherever.”

Wally

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Ministry Abandoned and Other Paths Not Taken [Post #93]

So, we live our lives. We have lots of choices to make on our “journey.” Many, many choices. Many twists and turns for some of us. Not knowing what we want or where we’re going, sometimes for a short period as we move through life. For some, a long time of not knowing where they want to go, as far as a career, a work life, or perhaps even a “calling.” Some of us end up making good choices (eventually), others make some bad choices along the way and end up not having a good life. And, yes, that is sad.

So, my story, my life, ended up going well in the long run but it had its moments of real confusion and uncertainty, shall we say. Early in life I figured I would graduate from high school and probably just get a menial job. That seems to be what my family, especially my father imagined. Just get a job, marry and have a family and live the average mediocre life, like everyone else. I didn’t really think about it all that much. But after high school I became interested in the possibility of getting some more education. I had a religious insight or experience in my teen years and I just sensed that I would benefit from additional education after high school. I did go to college and as my college years ended, I thought about possibly entering the ministry in the evangelical church I was involved in during that time.

I went on to theological seminary after college and enjoyed that first year of seminary. I found religious study fascinating and also confrontational. The more I studied, the deeper I pursued theological and religious studies, the more I saw that religion was really a system developed a long time ago by people wanting to set down a belief system and have some control over people. The questions were many about how the Christian religion developed and I realized that what is often “preached” at us is, well, not accurate or true or even good. But, this all fascinated me tremendously. I was a bit overwhelmed, I guess you could say, by all of this, so I decided I needed a break from these academic studies for a bit.

I advised the dean of my seminary that I would not be returning for my second year of my Masters of Divinity program, that I needed a break. His response to me was that he knew I would return as this was my “calling,” my mission you could say. That gave me a good feeling in a sense.

I left Chicago and returned to Los Angeles and eventually got started in my airline career, as I always had a strong interest in aviation and flying. I eventually went through a period of great doubt of all things religious and became a self-described atheist. I did not return to seminary, but I did continue to pursue my deep interest in things religious and spiritual and my philosophical pondering. Those interests never left me. To this day I study deeply in these areas in my lifetime learning process I guess you could say.

So, I never did enter the ministry officially. I have done some preaching and guest speaker engagements in churches over the years. I enjoyed that but never wanted a career doing that. So that career path was abandoned a long time ago.

Another path I did not go down was the all-American dream of getting married and having a family. For a long time, I just assumed that would be my life, where I was headed. But I never felt right about that path. It was what was expected of me, but I just knew it was not right for me. And I’m glad I didn’t go that route. It would have been a disaster, I’m sure. Something just told me “no,” don’t do that. Again, I made the right decision with my life.

That may have been the right decision for me, but there are consequences of that decision. I now have no “family,” meaning children. I am missing out on the experience of being a father and having kids to have family experiences with. That’s just the way it is, and, as I say, it would not have worked out if I had gone that route, I’m sure. The right choice, but consequences from that decision.

Other paths I did not take, thank God, were destructive paths I saw others take. Addictions, drugs, uncontrolled sexual experiences and destructive romantic relationships. Crime and unlawful actions. I basically stuck to the moral and ethical path in my life, but I was not perfect by any means. But I feel the choices I made did save me from self-destruction. I never thought I’d live as long as I have, so my life has been a miracle as I see it. I realize this fact every day. Every day I wake up is a miracle in my view. The spirituality I experienced over the years evolved and has been a big influence in my life. Yes, I may have abandoned the structured religious life, the ministry I thought I was heading for, but it all worked out. I made the right decisions, even through times of uncertainty and confusion.

So, do I feel my life was directed by some “power,” something beyond any real comprehension? People use the word God for this power and that is fine with me. I’m just not of the fundamentalist or evangelical persuasion as I was earlier in my life. Even one of my recent blogs was about how I love Jesus. I just don’t go along with all the “baggage” that statement often assumes. I feel the inner Christ and the Buddha in my life. And when I meet agnostics and atheists on my journey, I understand them, where they’re coming from. Been there, done that on my journey, but I kept evolving. Eventually I came back to much of what I glimpsed earlier in my life. A spiritual dimension now free of structured “beliefs.”

So, the story of our lives. We do choose our paths. We say yes to some things, no to others. And there are consequences to our choices. I am at peace with my choices and I hope you can say the same.

Wally

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The 90% Factor [Post #92]

I’m realizing something at this stage of life. Living a long life gives one the opportunity to see things in the “big picture,” to have a different perspective on life than was possible earlier because we were all caught up in the hustle and bustle of life, making a living. This is a time in life to reflect and think on the meaning of life and all that goes on, day-to-day.

One realization that I have come to is that so much of life is B.S. So much… I’m thinking maybe up to ninety percent of life is really just B.S. (baloney). But we have to put up with it in order to get through it all and have the life we are meant to have, the good life that we want. And I do not mean to be negative, necessarily. I absolutely believe in being positive about life. It is truly a blessing, full of goodness if we look for it, see it, live it.

But when you look at things in life you can see so much that is stupid, baloney, manipulative and controlling by others. What got me thinking about all of this was the number of telemarketing calls I get every day. Yes, I did get on the “do not call list” years ago, but did that make a difference? No, that didn’t stop them. Then I started thinking about all the other things in life. I saw all the fraudulent emails I get daily. And the fraudulent activities on the internet. And having your identity stolen and all of that kind of stuff. I’ve learned that once you get on a list, watch out! Or give some money to a charity and every charity on the face of this earth is bombarding you with requests daily.

I just wish I was aware earlier in life of this fact. Yes, life would still have been ninety percent baloney, but I think I could have handled life much better, had a more detached perspective, a more Zen and stoic approach to everything. Perhaps I would have disregarded the unimportant and damaging situations and events that daily life entailed.

At this stage of life, I just don’t care about so much of what life seems to consist of. I only want at this point the ten percent of the positive, the good, the wonderful of life. I do believe we can conclude our life adventure with an upbeat, joyous, contented feeling of our life story. There are good activities, good people doing good things in this world. I’m interested in finding out about these people and the good that is happening around the globe. I know it exists. The news outlets may not report it. Our society and culture may deny there’s any good in the world these days, but I know better. I search out the books and articles of the good occurring in our day, in our world.

So, yes, there’s a pessimistic and an optimistic theme in this blog. Ninety percent of life may be crap, as I call it. But the ten percent remaining of life. I want to live in that realm. I need to carefully choose what I think, what I listen to, what I react to, or rather how I react. If I just “drift” along with our culture, with the extremists, the wacko conspiracists, the cultists and rigid religious authoritarians, I’m sunk. I’m depressed, I’m hopeless.

So, just after I wrote this, being curious if anyone else thought that life is ninety percent B.S., I got quite a surprise. Here I thought I was being so original in my thinking, so creative. Well, it turns out there is a law covering just this topic I’m discussing. It’s called “Sturgeon’s Law, which states that “ninety percent of everything is crap.” It was coined by Theodore Sturgeon, a science fiction author in 1957.

And I thought I was so original in coming up with this idea. Theodore Sturgeon came up with this law in 1957!

And Rudyard Kipling’s “The Light That Failed” (1890) used the adage “four fifths of everybody’s work must be bad. But the remnant is worth the trouble for its own sake.” Also, in 2013, philosopher Daniel Dennett championed Sturgeon’s law as one of his seven tools for critical thinking. “90% of everything is crap. That is true, whether you are talking about physics, chemistry, evolutionary psychology, sociology, medicine – you name it- rock music, country western. 90% of everything is crap.”

Well, I say that sounds a bit extreme, but I agree in general terms with where he’s coming from. A lot is crap! Perhaps you agree, perhaps you don’t. But that’s how I see it. I have to work hard to stay in the ten percent positive part of life. Hard work. Just drifting along won’t work for me. Didn’t work earlier in my life, won’t work now. The difference is that now I am aware. Bring on the GOOD, God (universe, or however you see the ultimate of existence)! The cultists, conspiracists, doomsayers, MAGA’s, stay away from me. Even you telemarketers and obnoxious salespeople, Stay away. I want to live out my life in an upbeat, positive way. No civil war, no apocalypse, No buying and stocking up on guns and ammunition as some friends and family have suggested. Have some faith, yes, the faith you claim to have and live!

Wally

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Life Changers [Post #91]

If you’ve read my ninety posts, you have read about a few of the big “life changers” of my life. Reflecting on these incidents I have come to reflect and do some research on one of the big life changers, the Vietnam War. As I study and think about this, I realize this was a big event in my life. In fact, that whole period of the 1960’s and early 1970’s molded me in my thinking for the rest of my life up to this point. So, backing up a bit before that period, let me refresh you on those events that really made my life become what it is, beginning before that period.

My first big “life changer” was my first airplane ride around age six. I made an instant decision right after takeoff on that Delta Airlines DC3 in the 1950’s that I was going to be a pilot someday. Absolutely certain about that. And a couple of decades later, I did.

Then, in high school, when I was denied the choice to take a class with my classmates, English Literature, I was pissed. I was called in to see my counselor and was told that I was not intelligent enough to take a “college preparatory” class like that. My grades were not good enough (they were average) and it would damage me to take such an “advanced” course.” (Ironically, my counselor’s name was Miss Hope.) She gave me no hope of accomplishing much in life. Higher education was definitely not an option for someone like me. Just get a menial job after high school and be happy.

At that point, I made a decision that no one was going to talk to me like that ever again and I would do whatever I set my mind to do in life. I did go on to college and graduate school, so “thank you” Miss Hope. You inspired me to disregard your advice and move forward with my life.

So, during my college years, I faced my biggest life changer of all. I had to face being drafted and being a participant in the Vietnam War. I had lost a few college credits transferring from my local community college to a college in Seattle, Washington. My draft board did not like the fact I was behind a bit in my college education and that triggered them trying to draft me.

That really hit me hard as I was doing well with my life and my college education and now I had to face this dilemma. I had to think this situation over. I did take my draft physical, and I had to face what I thought about this war going on in the region far, far away from home. It was a very chaotic time with all that was happening. The war was peaking and what did we know about it? I began much study and reflection on the whole situation. I questioned a lot at this time. This questioning caused a lot of criticism from many different directions. This was also the era of the modern civil rights movement and our president (LBJ) trying to handle the civil rights movement and his war on poverty and the Vietnam War. Those two areas were what he was interested in, not directing this war. Not a fun time.

Well, I had taken some stands on some of the issues of the day, and I paid for my questioning by being call nasty things by my family. I had to endure being called a “nigger lover, a communist, unamerican, unpatriotic,” etc., etc. Oh, well, people react how they react, but I was just questioning all of these issues. I guess questioning was not allowed. Many years later, in my airline career when I was talking with my supervisor about things, the Vietnam War came up (he was a Marine in the war), I think he sensed I had questions about the war or perhaps antiwar sentiments. He told me that if I ever expressed thoughts or feelings about the war that were not absolutely positive, he would make my work life miserable. Wow, I still can’t question anything decades later. Also, during the war years, the government was watching me as they sent me letters saying they were aware that I had received communication from Hanoi. What that actually was was a confirmation that I had received a QSL card (a confirmation card for radio enthusiasts) confirming that I had indeed listened to their broadcast, which was just a hobby I had at the time. I was curious about the world.

So, as I see it, this was probably the biggest “life changer” for me. I learned a lot about “group think,” about going with the crowd, don’t question things, just behave, listen to and obey authorities. That changed my life. I think deeply now. I don’t just follow the leader, especially when I see that the “leader” is often a fool and a controller and manipulator. I have to buck the crowd and pay the price for thinking independently. But that was a good lesson to learn way back in my youth. It retains my sanity, especially in this insane (at times) world. Thinking deeply and my spiritual life are my salvation now.

I have found this course very helpful in understanding the Vietnam situation, which began way back in the 1940’s.

So, I am continually working on my lifetime learning through many college and university courses I have on DVD. When the course on the Vietnam War came out recently, I was glad to get it. I wanted to know more about that war that changed so many things. The war that killed and injured some friends of mine. And I am learning a lot. At the time it was happening there was so much confusion and uncertainty and, well, evil. I wanted to know more, and this course has filled in the blanks for me. What a mess that war was. That whole period still bothers and affects me in so many ways.

I recently purchased this DVD.

Anyone who had any antiwar sentiments had to face very harsh criticisms. I notice if I mention a film or tv show that an antiwar celebrity is in, such as Jane Fonda, many people immediately go ballistic.

So, that event and that time period was one of the biggest “life changers” for me. It determined how I would act and think and believe for all of my adult life. A hard time to get through, but a time with lots of lessons for me to this day.

Wally

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Enlightenment Can Be a Bitch! [Post # 90]

Okay, there are several ways to live. How we choose to live can determine our life story. Some of us live very miserable lives. Some live okay lives. We get by with perhaps some good experiences along the way. Some of us live pretty good lives. Lives with the good and the unpleasant, but overall good lives. Some have had major transformations or “enlightenments ” in their lives. Look at the lives of the saints. Some have had horrible lives that were transformed into miraculous new lives. Fascinating stories if you have ever read the lives of some of the great saints of history.

My own life has been quite a journey. Some early periods were very dark, but I survived and came out of the darkness. I see it now as one of the miraculous lives, like some of the saints I have read about. So, how does this happen, as some people never endure long enough in life to come out at the other end of it all? So sad. Some people totally give up. Some do endure and experience an enlightenment.

Now, enlightenment, there’s a subject I could write a book about (and many people have). But, of course, this is just a short essay on a very deep and complex subject, so I will just give some of my thoughts. As the title of this blog says, enlightenment can be a bitch. But, as I see it, the alternative is much worse. Why do I say this? Well, first a few thoughts on enlightenment.

Enlightenment is not so much a “Christian” thing. It seems to be more of an ” eastern religious” thing. The Christian church seems to use the term “illuminated” rather than enlightenment. Makes no difference to me. It involves a change of perspective on life. Sometimes a major change. It often takes a lot of work on ourselves. Work, struggle, pain, anger, resistance, etc. It can be a bitch, I say.

Isn’t it easier to just live? Go with the flow, the flow of society, of culture, of the masses. Do whatever gives pleasure, use things, people, not give a “*&#%^ about anything, really. That’s the easy to live but not very satisfying on any deep level.

Yet, some people seem to have a deeper yearning. They launch themselves on a spiritual or religious quest. They are looking for something “more.” I guess that was where I was as my life progressed. I went to seminary after college and that initiated my interest in the more spiritual, theological side of life. I couldn’t just be content with living, I guess. Yeah, there’s a lot of stuff out there in the world, just give in. Growing up in the 1960’s and 1970’s it was just “sex, drugs and rock and roll” for a lot of us. Well, I may have “tasted” of that lifestyle but did not go deeply into it. Ironically, my introduction to pot smoking occurred in seminary among some seminary friends at an evangelical Christian seminary.

Anyway, at some point in my early life I realized that just going with the flow of society could be a dead end or dangerous in many respects. I was glad to have my year in seminary as that sparked my interest in theology and spirituality. So, my life was a life of work and fun, satisfying my interest in aviation (piloting) and travel, seeing the world. But always struggling, in a sense to figure it all out (life, the big questions of existence, etc.). My studies were broad in the religious, philosophical and religious areas. I could not be narrow, rigid and authoritarian in my views. My few years of atheism did not give me answers, either, so the spiritual journey resumed and the frustration of dealing with figuring out the mystery of life. I was just one of those who could not drop out and live mindlessly.

So, yes. Life was great, but it was also a struggle. Lots of life situations that we all have. Disappointments, loss, suffering, pain, death of loved ones, thoughts of what we all will face at the end of it all. It took a long struggle for me to begin accepting all of life. A gathering of all the spiritual teaching of the various philosophies and religious paths was a hard journey for me to make. Especially since there is no one answer to be found. I discovered that we must live with the mystery of it all. So, yes, I say enlightenment is a bitch. Maybe that’s not the case for you. Perhaps you have found “the” answer, a very narrow, defined theology/philosophy. Well, good for you. It just doesn’t work that way for me. For me, it’s all God (whatever God is). Life is all One. A mysterious experience.

I agree. This is how I see life. My motto, “keep moving forward!” No matter how long it takes to find your way. The Buddha took over six years to become fully enlightened. Hang in there, don’ give up.

As I close this essay, I’m thinking about my childhood and my parents. Yes, I had problems with them. But I also realize that they had great potential as they were good people. Looking at the situation now I only wish they had some degree of “enlightenment.” A more spiritual dimension I would say. My childhood could have been so much better (can’t most of us say that?). More peaceful, loving, and all of that. Oh, well, so much for hindsight. It was what it was. But now I know that enlightenment makes a big difference in how we live. Yes, I say it’s a bitch, but it is also salvation, as I see it.

Wally

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New Year…New Beginnings? Or…. [ Post #89 ]

Well, it’s that time of the year. The end of one year and the beginning of a new one. An interesting time for me. I watch every year how people respond to the “out with the old” and “in with the new.” As I said, most interesting.

I observe many, if not most people, say “Thank God, good riddance!” A new year, it’s gonna be better! Wishes for everyone of a great new year of wondrous things, etc., etc. Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m all for having a great year, and a better one than last year if, for you, the previous year was an unhappy one with bad situations and misery. But my perspective is a little different than the usual one of out with the bad and in with the good.

I have been involved with a couple of churches that have a “burning bowl” service at New Year’s where they have the congregants write out what they want to “release” from their lives and put the papers in a bowl and burn them up, thus “releasing them.” That’s sort of the same thing in a spiritual process. I’m not criticizing that ritual. I’m just saying that I see, now, other perspectives regarding this matter. Recently I attended an “elder wisdom” group, and one participant expressed her view that she does not banish the unpleasant experiences from her life or memory but contemplates the lessons to be learned from the unpleasant situations that have been faced. That’s sort of what I’m talking about. I’m more in favor of facing our “shadow” experiences and handling them. not just sweeping them under the rug or burning them in a bowl ritual. And, of course, I know many will disagree with that perspective. But you know what, as I get older, I do begin to see things differently. I thought one way earlier in life, but now I see some things very differently than I did before.

Perhaps this perspective comes from the desire that on my deathbed or as I take my last breath, I have a clean life, a clear conscience with no regrets. I’ve seen too many people die with many disappointments, regrets and much hatred in their life as they pass. Sometimes, the things we have burned in that bowl are still lingering around.

So, a new year comes. Guess what? In the coming year you will probably experience some good times, some very good times. And also, there will probably be some bad experiences, also. Doesn’t that seem to happen every year? Year after year. A new year does not necessarily mean all will be good from now on. That’s not how life works. Things happen and from our judgments and opinions, those are classified as good and bad things. But there is another perspective that things happen, and we just have to deal with them as best we can. The hope that this new year is going to be just “perfect” is not real. It’s an illusion, always has been. I’m saying, for me, this thinking that this past year is yuck, horrible and this new year is going to be superb is unrealistic. Just the way I see it.

It seems that all religions are concerned with suffering. A big theme for religions. For good reason, we all suffer at times in our lives. Just the way life is. Life is change, always about change. We have to face it to live an authentic life, as I see it. I do not think the new year is going to be much different than any other year. Good and bad will happen, viewing it from the physical, material perspective, as opposed to the spiritual perspective. That’s just my view.

So, yes, I do have my rituals when the new year comes. I do not really do “New Year’s resolutions” exactly. Many people do but they don’t seem to last very long, do they? I’ve heard statistics that something like 75% of those resolutions are already broken in the first few weeks of the new year. I instead set goals for the new year. And I usually achieve most of my goals by year’s end. I am pleased with that. I don’t expect a “perfect” year. I don’t live with that illusion. I see life as a “day-to-day” experience and handle each day as it comes.

So, yes, welcome to the new year. May it be a good one for you. May we all evolve and grow and prosper. I’m all for that. Every day is a new day, every year is a new year. Enjoy the blessings as they come and deal with what you have to deal with. That’s life.

Wally

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What Are We? / What Am I? [ Post #88 ]

Maybe I spend too much time thinking about things. Maybe I go too deep in thought, contemplation and searching for answers to the mystery of life. In a blog a year or two ago I mentioned I was going to explore philosophy as that was one subject in college that I just did the minimum of study in, due to my other interests at the time. So, what has come of that study and research? Since I occasionally have people ask me what I believe in, what my religion and my philosophy are, I thought it was time to sit down and explain where I am at this point in my life (and perhaps, where I’ve been).

So, to put it in a nutshell, as they say, I would say that today, I am a Zen-Stoic Christian Spiritualist. Yes, I’m a ZSCS. That’s the best I can come up with at this point. So let me explain what I mean by all of this. I’ll say a little about each part of my self-identity, but I must say, up front, I am no scholar, no academic, no expert on any of this. I’m just me trying to figure out what I am in the whole scheme of things.

A good course on modern-day Stoicism and an excellent book on modern-day Zen

First off, I see myself at least in a basic way a Zen Buddhist in how I live. Now, there are books and books on this subject, and like all philosophies and religions, there are many, many branches. but I’m just interested in the basics. Zen is basically a meditation technique connected with the Buddhist philosophy. It is meditation. It is about being in the silence and looking at life. Seeing life as it is, right now, in your (my) face. Whatever is going on in one’s life, what is right in your face, as I said. Suspending judgment, opinions, anger, etc. as best as you can. Just being with what is. Just being there. Looking at what is. As people say, “it is what it is!” That may sound awful, but, in reality, that is the truth. If something awful has happened, it has happened. It can’t be undone by denial, by saying it did not happen. Our human reaction is usually denial and thus, creating all sorts of psychological problems.

Like I said, this is a very simple explanation of these parts of my self-identity. So, also, stoicism I find very similar to Zen. Many years ago, I came to the conclusion I was basically a stoic after reading about stoicism. Stoicism gets misinterpreted these days, I think, as being a philosophy of cold, detached, non-feeling, non-caring people. That is not accurate at all. Stoicism is very concerned with living an ethical, virtuous life. It, like Zen, asks what is true, right now, in this moment, what is staring you in the face. Without judgment, opinions, just what is. (Not very easy to do for most of us most of the time). I would say, for most of my life, this was an impossible state to put myself in. I was always reacting to everything happening to me, often in extreme, inappropriate ways. I did not handle situations calmly, with a feeling that things would work out. My “triggers” were always being activated.

A book I have not read yet, but sounds excellent with excellent reviews

Now, regarding the “Christian” part of my identity. I have in previous blogs mentioned I do not like the term Christian so much these days. In today’s religious and political climate that word just has so many bad associations attached to it. And really, what is Christianity? Jesus was not a Christian; he was a Jew. His religion was Judaism. So, for me, a better descriptive term would be “Jesus follower.” I’m a Jesus follower. And, in my recent blog I explained that I love Jesus. So, yes, I love Jesus and follow his teachings. But our culture is basically Christian, so that term is the one used to describe Jesus’ followers. As a theologian I know says, “I’m culturally Christian and spiritually unlimited.” That works for me.

So, having very briefly covered the Zen, Stoic and Christian (Jesus follower) parts of my self-identity we come to the last part, spiritualist. To me, this only means that I realize and feel that there is more to life than the material, physical, seen world. I’m not into ouija boards, dramatic seances, etc. Not into witchcraft and all of that. But I know there seems to be more than the visible world in this life, this existence we experience. I’ve had some encounters with the unseen or Spirit world. Even science says openly that we only see about 5% or so of what exists in our world. Probably 95% of existence is invisible. I find it amazing for science to say that. Everything we see is not all of existence, in other words. Amazing, I say.

So, I’m (at this point in my life) a Zen-Stoic Christian (or “Jesus follower’) Spiritualist. Works for me. I think the hardest things in life are learning that there is only change. Nothing is permanent, as the Buddha taught. If we can handle that and live with that somehow, we can cope with life in an enlightened way. Life is hard. Life is constant change. Life is painful at times. And life can be good. We can’t control it all. It must be lived moment-by-moment. Be in the moment and have a good one, as much as you can.

This is just a brief overview of where I am now. I have not gotten into beliefs in any detail. In fact, I’m not big on “beliefs.” In fact, Christianity was the first religion to come along with belief and doctrines being a big important part of the religion. “Have the right beliefs” is the main thrust of evangelical and fundamentalist, conservative Christians and churches. Not for me. I wrote a previous blog on how I love Jesus, but I did not discuss any beliefs I had about him. Maybe a future blog will deal more with beliefs we have, but for me, just living the right life, the virtuous, ethical, moral life is what’s important. Zen, Stoicism, Christianity (following Jesus) and spirituality are part of my life now, not doctrines, creeds and dogma, etc. And so it is.

Wally

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I Love Jesus! [ Post # 87]

Yeah, just what the hell does THAT mean? Some of the most hateful people claim that they ”love Jesus!” And the hate groups say that, also. But guess what… I’ll be right up front and say that, yes, “I love Jesus.” I’ve done my theological work. I’ve studied the gurus, sages, holy and enlightened ones. I hold in high regard the many spiritual mystics and leaders I’ve studied. But I find Jesus unique among them all. I don’t just feel a rapport with him, I’d say I love him.

I love the various scriptures of the major religions I’ve studied. Especially the Hindu scriptures. loving Jesus doesn’t preclude my being deeply moved by what other religions proclaim in their writings and traditions. I love truth wherever it’s found. And regardless of what the evangelicals and religious fundamentalists say, truth is not found only in the Bible in an inerrant manner. Just not so.

Belief is belief, truth is truth. Of course, the philosophers can carry on and on about this subject, but you know beliefs do not make truth. I think it is better to say that we have belief. We have faith. We may have hope. But… truth? Who has truth? Take any two people and they will see truth differently. Or what they consider truth.

So, I declare that I love Jesus. Do I understand all his teaching? No. And obviously, most others do not. Those who are in the hate groups, they do not live Jesus’ teaching of love and compassion and knowing God and living in the kingdom of God here on this earth. They hate, they hurt and kill. They desire and hope for and work towards a Christian dictatorship, an authoritarian state government, etc. That’s not what Jesus taught. That’s not what I see Jesus is about.

Jesus taught some hard stuff. The Buddha taught the truest thing about life is the impermanence of everything in life. That change is the only truth, really. Even Islam has some good teachings if you really look into their scripture. And the Hindu scriptures teach a lot about how to live the good life. Like I said, I accept truth wherever I find it. And of all the teachers, gurus, preachers, I choose to love Jesus. I highly regard and respect the many spiritual teachers, but it is Jesus I love.

Wally