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I Love Jesus! [ Post # 87]

Yeah, just what the hell does THAT mean? Some of the most hateful people claim that they ”love Jesus!” And the hate groups say that, also. But guess what… I’ll be right up front and say that, yes, “I love Jesus.” I’ve done my theological work. I’ve studied the gurus, sages, holy and enlightened ones. I hold in high regard the many spiritual mystics and leaders I’ve studied. But I find Jesus unique among them all. I don’t just feel a rapport with him, I’d say I love him.

I love the various scriptures of the major religions I’ve studied. Especially the Hindu scriptures. loving Jesus doesn’t preclude my being deeply moved by what other religions proclaim in their writings and traditions. I love truth wherever it’s found. And regardless of what the evangelicals and religious fundamentalists say, truth is not found only in the Bible in an inerrant manner. Just not so.

Belief is belief, truth is truth. Of course, the philosophers can carry on and on about this subject, but you know beliefs do not make truth. I think it is better to say that we have belief. We have faith. We may have hope. But… truth? Who has truth? Take any two people and they will see truth differently. Or what they consider truth.

So, I declare that I love Jesus. Do I understand all his teaching? No. And obviously, most others do not. Those who are in the hate groups, they do not live Jesus’ teaching of love and compassion and knowing God and living in the kingdom of God here on this earth. They hate, they hurt and kill. They desire and hope for and work towards a Christian dictatorship, an authoritarian state government, etc. That’s not what Jesus taught. That’s not what I see Jesus is about.

Jesus taught some hard stuff. The Buddha taught the truest thing about life is the impermanence of everything in life. That change is the only truth, really. Even Islam has some good teachings if you really look into their scripture. And the Hindu scriptures teach a lot about how to live the good life. Like I said, I accept truth wherever I find it. And of all the teachers, gurus, preachers, I choose to love Jesus. I highly regard and respect the many spiritual teachers, but it is Jesus I love.

Wally

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Magnolia Bluff [ Post #86 ]

Have you had some special, favorite places to retreat to for contemplative times, times to look at life, where you are, where you’re going? In my college years, I had three places that come to mind. Places I would go to to ”think.” Places where I contemplated my future, whatever that may be. In my blog post number four (September 18, 2018) I mentioned my periodic drives from my college campus to my favorite spot to park and retreat from the business of college life. It was Magnolia Bluff in Seattle, Washington. That was my spot to retreat to often during my four years in college to chill and “think things over.” There were a couple of other places I would enjoy also. The ship canal between Lake Union and Puget Sound that was one block away from the campus and where I had a job while in school, at a restaurant on Lake Union with a great view of the lake during sunset and the evening hours.

Thinking back to those times at Magnolia Bluff, I wish I could go back to those days through a time machine and visit with myself as I would have some very interesting conversations. You see, I would spend time there, probably a half hour to an hour and I would daydream about where my life was going after I finished school. It turned out, I had not a clue what was next in my life which was before me, perhaps many decades of “something.” Work, a career more education? Not a clue for most of those four years.

The magnificent view from Magnolia Bluff of Puget Sound, Seattle

I came to college (a major feat for me as my family strongly discouraged my higher education) thinking I would possibly be a teacher, an elementary school teacher. Many said that would be a good career as you get so much time off for vacations. Well, during my first yearI worked at that for a while. Did some student teaching type of activities. It didn’t take long before I decided “nope,” not for me. So, there would be three more years of school before I would be thrust out into the world.

I had no idea what my life after school would be. I changed my major from sociology to history, only because I had enough history classes at the end of my schooling to do that and a sociology major required doing a big research project. Not because I had any reason for majoring in history. I had no idea what I was going to do. I guess I just thought I’d get into some work and get married and have a family like everyone was supposed to do.

Just a beautiful spot to “chill,” contemplate life.

Finally, in my last year, I decided to avoid having to find a job and do the usual things by deciding to continue my education with graduate school. I had an interest in possible church work as a minister (I was attending a Christian college and that was an interest of mine). So, I applied to theological seminary and was accepted. Off to Chicago I went, thinking that was the direction for me.

So, a lot seemed to finally come together after my years of driving up to Magnolia Bluff and contemplating my life’s future. It was a slow process. If I could go back and have those conversations with myself that I fantasized about, I would tell myself, “Don’t worry, your life is going to work out. No, you can’t see it now, but it will all work out.” There will be some rough times, but you’ll get through them and achieve all your dreams.

My dreams were to become a pilot and to see the world. After seminary I did get an airline job. I got to see the world. I did get my pilot licenses, private pilot and then commercial pilot licenses. I got my flight instructor’s certificates and did some flight instructing. I did all that I dreamed of doing, but as I sat at Magnolia Bluff those many years ago, I never knew how it would work out so perfectly.

So, thinking about all of this, I’m thinking, have I had any other experiences like those many hours at the bluff contemplating life? Well, probably not quite so intense or focused, but yes, I do find places to retreat to from time to time.

In seminary I would drive to nearby Lake Michigan to chill and retreat. When I lived in Santa Monica on the beach, I would spend a lot of time on the beach (yeah, and now the skin cancers seem to be the price I paid for that carelessness). And for the past twenty years I would retreat to the local mountains, renting cabins, often for weeks at a time every year. Now I get to the mountains for several days each year. And at home, I have a room designated as my “sanctuary.” So, I guess I carried on the practice of contemplation and having a sacred space in which to do my contemplation, reading, meditation and prayer. As one of my recent blogs discussed, I now am thinking, “what’s next?” So, the contemplation goes on. I am looking forward to some new stuff. Just don’t know what it is! Guess that’s the fun of life. Just keep going on, moving forward. And it helps to have great love in your heart and life. That’s the real secret.

Wally

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“Well Done, My Good and Faithful Servant” [ Post #85]

Several years ago, my pastor mentioned in a class he was teaching, the phrase from the Bible (from one of Jesus’ parables) that when he died, he would hope he would hear the words (from God), “Well done, my good and faithful servant.” That, he said, would complete his life on this earth in a happy manner. I’ve thought about him saying that recently and, yes, it gets me thinking a lot about life and the point of it all and the conclusion of it all. (By the way, he has since passed on, and I sincerely hope he had the experience he was looking forward to, hearing whose words when he made his transition from this life to whatever is next.)

Thinking about life and all its mystery and uncertainty, I find myself thinking along similar lines as my minister mentioned. At the conclusion of all of this experience called our life, what would we like as we breathe our last breath? Yes, I would like to hear those words. Words telling me that I lived a good life (overall), I did my job, my duty, my purpose and did it well. Yes, that would be nice. Something I can hope for, at least. Validation is nice, isn’t it? We often don’t get much of that in life it seems, for most of us, anyway.

I’ve lived a long life, thank goodness. Thank God, if you will. Sure, I’ve messed up, had some bad times, made some bad choices, perhaps. Haven’t we all? But, overall, it’s been great. I had dreams in my youth. I worked hard at realizing them and I was very fortunate to achieve all my aspirations. If that were not the case, at this point in my life I would be a disappointed and discouraged person, like so many people I have known. But I am very pleased with my life having done what I set out to do, regardless of others trying to interfere in my journey and limit me, discourage me and put me down in obvious and subtle ways. I overcame whatever popped up in my life trying to throw me off course. I stayed the course as they say. I overcame bad experiences, bad people I got involved with in my ignorance and inexperience of life. Getting a little spiritual in this regard, I would say I was guided and protected by the greater forces of life (which I’ll call God). Something guided and protected me.

So, what about you? Happy with your life and how it has turned out? Or less than happy? There’s no right or wrong answer to this question. It’s just an evaluation of the many decades of life you have lived. How do you think you will feel on that last day? Well, besides being resistant to letting go and feeling awful about your departure, how would you evaluate your life?

I’m happy that I feel complete with my life. I’m satisfied with how it has all played out. No regrets, no real disappointments. No anger issues, no unresolved conflicts with people. A good place to be as I see it.

So, maybe after contemplating all of this, I would say the same thing my late minister said. When I pass on (to whatever), if I were to hear a voice in that great void, I would also like it to be :

Wally

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Religion / Science / Life / And Beyond [ Post #84 ]

So, in one short essay, I’ll cover all of life. Yeah, sure. Well, perhaps give a quick overview of things in my life from the perspective of where I’m at right now, anyway. If you have read many of my previous blog posts, you can probably comprehend most of what I’m going to say here. But, just to update you, here goes.

Religion, now there’s a big subject. I’ve talked a lot about it here and there. I’ve spent a good portion of my life involved in it and studying it. I went to theological seminary. I have studied it in depth since seminary. It is a fascinating subject to me. Fascinating especially when I go deep into my study of it, studying what the scholars have to say about it. I’m not interested in the superficial, fluffy stuff one can often experience in a religious institution such as a church. As my professor in seminary once told us, “You don’t ever want to tell your congregation what you learn in seminary and biblical scholarship, as that will destroy their faith!” I understood that to mean, just teach and preach the standard, church- approved stuff. Let the people feel good about life and God, etc. Don’t bother them with the problems and conflicts and contradictions of religion.

Well, I have two strong feelings about religion. One is, for most people, it is good to have a good, well thought-out religion, or spiritual path. If it works for you, fine. If it brings more love into your life, good. Live it! Live your religion. But keep an open mind. If you find out it gives or promotes prejudice and hate, reconsider your “faith.” Something is not right, as I see it.

Okay, my other thought about religion. There is an awful history of religions and the evil ways they have been used. No question about this, just study history. The most awful history of how religion has been used to control and kill millions throughout the years. It’s sickening and evil.

So, religion can be awful. But check them out and if you find a good one, fine. So, is this perspective contradictory? Yes, I admit it. Just like so much of life, it is contradictory.

Okay, on to science. Here’s a subject that many think is the opposite of religion. Talk about contradictions! Many religious fundamentalists are not too keen on science. God created human life and all existence six thousand years ago in the Garden of Eden, they say. Not billions of years ago like most scientists say. And this is just one example of how some religionists view science. I won’t belabor the point; you get the idea.

I happen to be enjoying a deeper study of science right now with my college and university DVD courses which I have mentioned in previous blogs. I had some basic science in general education, but I admit it was not my favorite subject, or perhaps I just found it harder to understand than other subjects. I am now really enjoying it, even if I still find some subjects difficult to really understand. I have a course on cosmology that is so far beyond my comprehension I understand so little of what the excellent professor is teaching. Oh, well, I must be picking up some knowledge, if very little. I’ll redo the course later, I’m sure.

Another interesting thing about science. It changes with the times and new knowledge is discovered. Pluto was a planet when I was young and now it’s not. Science is very interesting, I’m finding. It causes me to look at things in life very differently than previously. It helps to understand how and why things happen. I find mystery in what created all the laws of science, just as the early discoverers and theologians did. Why are things the way they are? Is life chaos or is life orderly, etc., etc. And what is behind it all?

Well, as for the last two topics of this blog, life and beyond life. You’ve probably picked up from my previous blogs that I am basically a positive type of person’ or at least I look for the positive and try to live in the positive aspect of human life on this planet. True, I haven’t always been this way. My childhood was one of some very dark periods, but I survived and thrived. I worked my way through a lot of difficult times, emotionally and psychologically. I achieved my dreams and had great experiences and loves. And now my life incorporates some aspects of religion and a spiritual path. And, I might add, a lot of mystery. A lot of mystery. I don’t really know much about life in so many ways. I try to understand what I can and realize we can’t comprehend it all. We can’t comprehend most of it (life), as I see it. Why life? Why the universe? Why any existence at all?

Okay, so now on to the “and beyond” part to conclude this essay. If I see this life as basically a mystery, I certainly see the “beyond this life” as a complete mystery. Oh, I know, religion has lots of answers in this realm. And people hold strong beliefs about the “hereafter.” But to me, it’s a mystery. In the past I was very logical and materialistic when it came to this stuff. Life cannot be understood and certainly death can’t be either. But this is one area where I have had to revise my thoughts and beliefs. For a long time, especially when I was in my “atheistic” period, death was final. Existence was over, period. I remember one day my now spouse said, “well, sorry I won’t see you on the “other side.” Hmmmm.

So, I have had some weird and strange experiences in the past several years. I have been convinced (going against my logical thinking) that there is “something else,” or an unseen, invisible side to life. No, I don’t understand it. But I cannot dismiss some psychic type experiences I’ve had. And my research on NDE’s (Near Death Experiences) and similar type experiences convince me that there’s more to life than just this earthly life. But, once again, I don’t understand. I don’t understand the mystery. It’s all such a mystery. That’s where I am. And I believe, but believe what? That the mystery will be revealed as we travel on, in this life and then the other experience when it comes.

So, perhaps I’ve really said nothing in this blog. All of life is a mystery. I don’t understand much of anything. Like I’ve said before, all I know is that life can be good. We can have a good life. We can dream our dreams and realize them. I have. And we can love. We can avoid hate, we really can. And if we love, then, we have found the purpose of life. To me, it’s really that simple. And I will go on in life loving and learning and when the time comes and it is all over, well, then, perhaps some of the mystery will be revealed. That’s how I see it.

Wally

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What’s Left? [ Post #83 ]

A long life is nice. You get a chance to do things you want to do, things you have dreamed about as a kid. If things have worked out, you’ve lived your good life. Hopefully, many have had a successful life of achievement of dreams and desires fulfilled. Hopefully, you have had good relationships and loves. For many, that includes a good family and good family memories. Not for everybody, of course, but for many. And, when you have done those things you dreamed about in your younger years, you have perhaps retired (yes, some do not retire, really, they keep on going because they want to). So, if you have made it this far and your life has been good, and you are in a happy state and perhaps spending some time being reflexive and contemplative, you may be thinking, “what is left?”

That’s sort of where I am right now in my life. I ask myself (and God or the whatever) so, “what is next?” Is it over (this life of mine)? Is there more coming up, new things to do, new adventures? Or just relax and enjoy the culmination of a good life? There are many different paths that could be taken from this point I’m at. A few years ago, I started blogging; that was a new path. Are there other activities I am going to get involved in? How much time is remaining?

I think of my city councilman who recently came home for lunch, I believe, and told his wife he was just going to rest on the couch for a bit. Well, when she tried to awaken him, she couldn’t. He was gone. In his sixties and a very active and good councilman from most reports I have read. Over in the blink of an eye. A very good and productive life. Not a clue that was his last day. That gets me thinking, of course. What is left, what is next? Is there more, really, or not?

I’ve taken those online surveys about how long you are going to live, etc. Interesting stuff. The last one I took really got my attention as it gave my last year of life to be the year 2023. Hmmm…never had a response that close before. That really got me thinking, “what’s left?”

So, the time ahead is limited, but how limited? Most of my friends and a lot of my family are gone. Most of my co-workers, my age and younger, gone. I’ve been blessed with a long life. I actually have two feelings regarding this subject. One is that I have more things to do. I need to keep my energy and interests up and positive and keep moving ahead. That’s good. But at times I feel the other side of the matter. I get tired and I wonder if there is really a lot left for me. Of course, I’m pulling for that first feeling. But so were most of my friends that are gone. We just think life will go on forever. But we know better, don’t we?.

I do keep busy. I am not bored. I am not stagnating or losing any interest in life. In fact, I have decided to add the addiction of lifetime learning and continuing education to my life and that ensures that I always have things to do. I’m enjoying my newly acquired library of college and university DVD courses on a variety of subjects, some of which are new to me and some of which I have always had a strong interest in.

The Covid situation did a lot to change life as I see it. A lot of staying home and little social contact. At this point I’m wondering if I will ever resume the social life previous to the pandemic. We’ll see. I’m reluctant to do a lot of things I was doing before. I feel a bit like a hermit these days.

So, what I’m saying is that I don’t know how much is left in my life. I guess that is always the way it is. Just hope for the best. For more time to do new things and keep moving on (as long as we can). I’ve just never thought about all of this this much until my online predictions gave me such a limited time left. Nothing has changed really. The end of it all always faces us. We like to deny it, but we can’t, really.

So, “what’s left?” The big question. Perhaps the big motivator. We just have to go on in faith that we will do what is ours to do until, well, there’s no more “stuff” (living) to do. Have a great rest of your life I say! I plan to.

Wally

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The Good is Hidden [ Post # 82 ]

So, the popular feeling out there in our world is that the world is turned upside down, the end of the world, or at least of this country or our democracy is near. We need to urgently save our democracy, perhaps have a civil war, etc., etc., etc. We need to turn this country into a theocracy and autocracy at least to begin the “salvation” process.

Hmmm, what’s going on? Is everything bad, negative, hopeless? It seems that a lot of people would say so. Negativity, negativity, negativity. Get ready, the end is near. Better arm yourselves to the hilt. I’ve actually been told this from friends and family. What the hell? Get a grip, people. You think this is the worst period of history? I say, study history. Really study it. I can’t imagine living in periods that I read about in history. There have been horrible times throughout all of history. Most of us live good lives, are pretty secure in the basics of life. We can do what we want and do not live under great fear every moment.

Now, of course this is not a perfect world. There is a lot of sh*t going on. There are a lot of people hurting. It is so easy to get sucked into negative thinking. I am subject to all of this, just like so many others. I really have to fight the pull of negativity. I’ve touched on this in some past posts. It’s a real struggle at times. Yet, I’ve got to have hope. I’ve got to have faith. At least for me, my sanity. My ability to carry on, go forward, have a purpose in living. Yes, at times a real tough struggle.

I work at keeping my sanity. On keeping a joyful attitude. I have certain practices that I am totally committed to. I have to go deeper than just superficial encouragements. I work at being “up,” positive, above the fray of our society, culture. I seek out good books, articles, stories, the things we usually don’t find in the media. Like they say, “happiness, goodness does not make the news,” hence, people don’t know about the good going on in our world. And I propose that there is a lot of good in our world. We just are not aware of the good. It lies “hidden” from the masses and the media. Even the good media.

I’ve written about the dark times of my life. Those were times I got ambushed by the bad in my life and the world. I did finally rescue myself from those situations and times, but today I still pursue the fight to find the good. I know it is there. I even keep a notebook now of “goodness,” of good people doing good things, those things we’ll probably never hear about by watching the news. (I also keep a notebook of bad people as I become aware of them and their deeds.) I need to know the two different kinds of people and what they are up to.

Okay, my one caveat. Being positive is great but be aware of the bad out there.

So, that’s my method of trying to keep sane in an insane world. No need to leave this world prematurely (suicide) or go out and kill a lot of people. I’ve got my own methods to keep me going and moving forward. I’m staying on the path, and it is a wonderful life.

A current book on this subject. It’s a bit controversial as being too positive according to some reviewers. But some interesting, good points are made.

Wally

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Suicide [ Post # 81 ]

What the hell? A post on suicide, hardly an “uplifting” post in any sense of the word. Well, I acknowledge this is a rather “taboo” subject in our culture. Something we usually avoid talking or thinking about at all. Yes, it happens, and some people have to deal with it for the rest of their lives.

Let me explain how this topic came to mind. I was recently reading about the author Virginia Woolf. Considered one of the most important modernist 20th-century authors and a pioneer in the use of stream of consciousness as a narrative device. She suffered mental illness throughout her life and eventually drowned herself in a river. That started me thinking of the subject of suicide and the many people including many celebrities that have taken that path to end their lives of torment. And recently I have had a couple of friends who may have ended their lives in suicide. Something we usually don’t think about but sometimes it just is in our face, and we have to deal with it.

Going back to my early life, the subject does bring up some memories and thoughts I had at very low periods in my early life. The thought of committing suicide did cross my mind a couple of times but, obviously, I did not carry through with the idea. In that period of depression, I thought, “well that would just end life for me, I’d never get to live out my life.” So, I considered homicide instead and came very close to acting on that impulse. We’re talking the 1950’s when such things were not normal. Today if a kid gets upset and has access to a gun it’s not that uncommon to go out and kill a bunch of people.

Thankfully, my family did not possess guns back then, so we all lucked out. I know a couple who would not have lived once I got ahold of a gun. I did devise other plans that did not involve guns, but, again, thankfully, I thought things through very carefully when I was in this depressed period. I came very close to carrying out my plans. Very close. I finally realized at the last moment that I’d be on the run for the rest of my life and if I got caught, I’d spend my life in prison.

But suicide? I thought about it, but I realized I wanted to have a life. But I know that feeling I had back then that suicide could be the solution to my problems. And I guess that is what often goes through the minds of those who do carry through with their dark urges. It is just hard, sometimes to understand how celebrities who seem to have it all, fame, fortune, etc. decide to give up after having it made (as the public see it).

I lived through an attempted suicide that was very close to me. My mother attempted suicide when I was very young. I remember that day very well. I was very confused as to what was happening. Still, to this day, it is not talked about in my family. It was not really talked about at the time, either. It was just “hush, hush, keep quiet.” It’s a taboo subject.

So, that’s how we usually handle the subject. It’s unpleasant and we don’t really talk about unpleasant things in this life. Sad, I think. There’s so much to learn when we talk about real life. And having it all does not seem to really matter. The most “successful” people fall to this dark side sometimes. I’m glad I basically came to the same conclusion Winston Churchill came to when he said, “As long as there’s life, there’s hope.”

So, for those who have fallen for the darkness and ended their lives, I am sad. Having been there, or very close to that place, I know how hopeless it seems. I’ve lived a long life and have come a long way from where I was long ago.

So, is this blog uplifting? Perhaps not. For me, though, it helps for me to look at this subject and the dark times I experienced long ago and see how far I’ve come. I wish people today would stop, think things through and if necessary, get help. Instead, it seems they just get angry, depressed, hopeless and reactive and go kill, do mass shootings, which often include suicide. There is a way out of this. I know.

Wally

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Updates: Death Cleaning and Lifetime Learning

Today’s blog will be an update and comments on two projects which I wrote about recently, “Swedish Death Cleaning,” and “Lifetime Leaning.” I started both projects a while back and they are my current obsessions or activities that I’m really deeply involved in. This is not a bad thing. In fact, I’m in one sense really enjoying these activities, or, well, at least glad I’m finally doing them and have the self-discipline to push through and see some results. In another sense, they are driving me crazy and to the edge of my sanity.

First off, let me say my death cleaning project is well, horrendous. Those of you who have had to clean up the mess of someone after they have died know what I’m referring to. Going through someone’s life accumulation of junk and other clutter and important papers is, well, not pleasant and pushes almost every button emotionally and psychologically. I can’t work at that project more than an hour or so without nearly losing my mind. So much stuff that has just piled up in a drawer or a corner of a room or wherever. So much stuff. So many memories (not all good ones, by the way).

During my cleaning project I find interesting things I didn’t know I had (hidden among all my junk). My old membership card in the Screen Children’s Guild and my brother’s Screen Actors Guild membership card.

Anyway, after reading a book on Swedish Death Cleaning a while back, I realized it was time to get my stuff in order and clear out a lot of junk. It’s going to take hundreds of hours more to get where I want to get, but I’m steadily working at it. Thank God my spouse is very supportive, or I know I’d never get through this without losing my mind. And it’s not easy to think of the end of life as I’m doing all of this, and that is what is on my mind as I proceed in doing this almost daily activity. We don’t like to ponder this subject much, do we? But we’ve got to, as I see it.

So, let me turn to another subject that I wrote about a while back, lifetime learning. I used to sell educational and motivational cassette tapes for about twenty years as a second job besides my airline job. I bought tapes from several companies and sold them in different stores as my own business. I guess I had an interest in education and motivation and it was an enjoyable job being a distributor of the products.

Some of my current, recent study in my lifetime learning project.

When I closed down that business a while back, I had quite a collection of the tapes leftover and I just stored them away in my garage for years. Well, as I stated in my blog many months ago, I came across those stored tapes and thought, what will I do with these? Just throw them away or perhaps listen to them? Many of the tapes I had not listened to, especially the more academic ones on philosophy and religion and psychology, etc. Well, I started to listen to them and decided I would like to transfer them to CDs and start a library of them for my own “continuing education,’ or lifetime learning as they call it now.

I did convert the best ones to CDs and started an in-depth study of the subjects I was interested in. As I was doing that tape to CD conversion I came across a CD and a DVD I had that I purchased from an educational company years ago. I got a catalog from that company one day urging me to come back and try out another course of theirs. I somehow resisted the urge to toss out that catalog and decided to give that company another chance to interest my curiosity in subjects of my interest. Well, I ordered a course of college / university lectures, and I was hooked. I have since purchased many, many additional courses in my fields of interest. Yep, they got me addicted to lifetime learning.

So, with the pandemic keeping us pretty much isolated and at home for many months, I have occupied much of my time with my two current projects. My death cleaning and my continuing education. Really had the time to devote to the projects and they did consume my time and energy. I’m clearing out my life substantially of unnecessary stuff and I’m putting into my life some good, intellectually and academically stimulating education and learning. It is a good feeling. I guess you could see it as, “out with the old and in with the new.”

So, is my lifetime learning/continuing education a challenge for me also? Ah, yes. I do not claim to be an intellectual or an academician. In fact, far from that. I’m just an average person, intellectually, as I see it. I have favorite subjects which I really enjoy and do understand to some extent. Then there are subjects I just do not seem to comprehend much. But that’s okay, really. The science courses I really don’t understand much at all. Way beyond my grasp. Oh, well, I do them anyway and perhaps later will make some sense of them. But the subjects I really have an interest in I enjoy immensely.

I am enjoying the history, philosophy, religion, psychology cultural courses. I’ve done a lot of study recently on evil and finding that subject is very relevant to today’s world, especially the political world. Studying Hitler’s Empire, I find very revealing on how people fall into a cult-like authoritarian political mind set. Evil has always been around as history has shown. A lot to be learned by studying it.

So, if we pick our addictions, I’m pretty satisfied with mine. A cleaned up, simplified, organized life, and an open mind to learning more about our world. I don’t need a recovery or twelve-step program for my current addictions. I’m glad about that.

Wally

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Winner or Loser? [Post # 79]

So, which are you? Do you think like this? Is this what life is all about? Look at our culture, our world, history, psychology and religion and philosophy. I know, I know, this is how it goes in life. You are either a winner or a loser. Blah-blah-blah.

So easy to fall into this way of thinking if you listen to our world, our society and culture. So, did you make it in this life? If your field of employment was in acting and performing, did you become a movie star? If you were an attorney, in the practice of law and the justice system, did you make it to the Supreme Court? If in politics, the presidency or perhaps a governor or senator? If you’re a real winner, shouldn’t you have made it to the top in your field? Take a self-improvement course or get into a new age type of self-improvement cult and you’ll be told you can have it all, be anything you want, etc., etc.

Okay, there is some truth to this very optimistic and positive thinking way of life. Yes, indeed, some of us do make it “to the top,” but then there are the rest of us. How do we feel about our lives? Within ourselves, how do we feel about all of this, making it or not making it, being a real winner or a loser?

Our culture is built upon the whole competition theme. Everywhere. It seems everything is a competition. We have to beat others to be a success. Of course, in sports this is necessary as that’s what it is all about, competition and winning. I get that. But what I’m saying is that’s great in the world of sports but perhaps it is not always so good in other areas of life.

Got to do a little work in the Hollywood industry. This was a scene from a TV movie in the 1980’s. Does this make me a “winner? No, just a fun experience I had.

How many people have ended their lives by suicide because they felt they were a loser? They didn’t meet some standard they believed was a real measure of a person’s worth. They felt they were a failure. So sad. Such wrong thinking.

So, what about us, regular people, not trying to climb to the top of society? I feel we still are affected by this pressure to win, beat others, come out on top, put others down, etc. Like I said, there’s some merit and purpose to “competition” in life, but I think it is way overdone and can cause a lot of damage and ill will.

As I see it, we should only be concerned with our own personal path in this brief life. My path is my path. My path is not your path. I don’t need to meet some arbitrary standard society tells me is the way to go, the way to be a “success.”

So, this may not be a popular way of seeing things in our world. And that may be a problem that many people have. They therefore feel a bit miserable in life. That’s sad. I say be who you are, do what you want in life. I have and I am doing my life my way. I have done the things I have dreamed of doing. I have a great feeling of accomplishment and happiness and joy by following my path in the life given to me.

People don’t have to understand your life. You are the one who needs to understand your life. I believe you can be something like a janitor your whole life and have a good life if that is what you love and that is what gives you purpose and satisfaction and fulfillment. Not a popular way of thinking for most people, but I have known such people.

I must say that it helps to have a long life. When you have a long life, you have an opportunity to see how all the parts of life fit together. The puzzle finally makes sense if you “keep on the path.” When I look at the lives of friends who have not had the blessing of a long life, some left this world not having done what they wanted to do. They had unrealized dreams and suddenly had to depart this life.

So, I am thankful for all of my life. Especially thankful for a long life in order to understand it all. Not thrilled to have it all end but thrilled to have fulfilled my dreams and to have loved and been loved. This is what I wish for all. If this is your life, you are a “winner” as I see it. The societal standards of winning and losing are not a part of how I view life.

Wally

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Faith / A Test of Faith [ Post #78 ]

Faith, now, there’s a word to ponder. What is faith? It can mean many different things to different people. I don’t think it is necessarily a religious term. Can an atheist have faith? Of course. It is not just a religious term. As I see it, we all have faith in our daily lives and activities.

If you board an airplane, you have faith in the laws of aerodynamics, that that heavier-than-air contraption is going to fly and get you safely to wherever you’re going. We have to have faith to get up and get through every day of our lives, don’t we?

Now, concerning another aspect of this subject of faith, there are times where we must have hope, a faith that things will turn out good for us, that things may go our way. Perhaps we should call this “hope combined with faith.” It is often called a “test of faith.” Don’t we all have those times in life when our faith is tested? For some people (several I know personally), very dramatic and serious tests of faith occur in their lives. I’m thinking of those who have had very serious injuries or illnesses in their lives, such as a diagnosis of terminal cancer, etc. The experience and the survival and recovery of such events is beyond words. If we are spared that experience, we are lucky and blessed.

In the past year and a half, I had a test of faith of sorts. Nothing like the above example. Nothing life-threatening. More of a material, financial testing that played with my mind and drove me a bit crazy. All I had to go on was a faith that all would work out in my favor. Otherwise, my life was going to be a mess, a total change of everything for me.

To keep it simple, let me just say that, out-of-the-blue, I got hit with a $19,331.14 tax bill. Like, due immediately and it was going to be an annual bill. Payment required immediately or penalties and other consequences were in store for me. Umm, time to call my lawyer! Pronto!

So, not serious like a terminal illness diagnosis, but a serious matter dropped into my lap. Fortunately, my lawyer assured me this would eventually be resolved in my favor, but we did have some problems. Problems brought on by this Wuhan Virus Pandemic. He said I may not be able to get through to talk with anyone for some time and it was going to take a long time to get this resolved. There were things I had to do, papers to be submitted, etc., etc. So, I of course did everything I could do. And I tried to contact the tax people, but of course with the virus situation going on, they were not answering their phones. I went through hell trying to get ahold of someone, and eventually I did. I was given phone numbers of tax investigators that could work with me. Contact was established but the investigator said no information was available on my situation, not a thing. No verification anything was being done in their computer system, just wait and call back later I was told. Yeah, okay.

Eight months. Eight months I kept trying to find out something. Nothing. I had to pay the bill, which meant messing up my finances and my retirement accounts. And I had nothing to go on except my lawyer telling me that it would eventually work out in my favor. Talk about a “test of faith!” Not a word for eight months. I did meet, finally, with the instigator and submitted all the paperwork again. Still no word on any progress. Then, one day, in the mail, a letter from the tax office. My heart about stopped. It was a thin envelope, definitely not a check enclosed, just a slip of paper, which I imagined said, “sorry, your claim denied, pay your tax bill.”

Well, I opened it and read it and about fainted. It said the tax assessor’s office had reversed their decision and I would receive a full refund of all I had paid. Issue resolved! I was, well, speechless. I had endured my “test of faith.” I had prayed and meditated every day for eight months and had no indication whatsoever that anything was going to be resolved. I had nothing to go on except hope that my lawyer was correct and knew what he was talking about. Life could resume. I would not be living in the streets in a tent or cardboard box. Life could resume as before.

Well, that’s how it looked that day. It ended up taking a while (a month and a half or so) before I had my money back in my hands. Then, it truly was over.

This was something I really could not talk about with anyone; it was so upsetting. My spouse knew what I was going through but that was it. It ate at me for eight months. I had nothing to go on but faith. I learned my lesson. Hang in there. Do my spiritual work. Don’t go dark. Don’t go negative. There’s nothing to go on, no encouragement, but hang in there!

So, that was my big test of faith. It about did me in. The blue skies have returned. We can move on now.

Wally