There is a phrase that I have been thinking about recently after reading something. I don’t recall what I was reading, but that phrase hit me, and it started me thinking. I was thinking all of the sudden about my, shall I call it, difficult childhood and early life. Yeah, I had some difficulties in my childhood at home, living with my parents and my brother (my sister had married when I was very young and had left the household). I was very depressed at times. Very unhappy, very confused. I had horrible thoughts and horrible visions of what I just might do, given the chance. Thank God we did not have any guns at our house. It was a different world and people weren’t so gun-crazy like they are today.
Anyway, it was a very dark time for me. Well, long story short, as they say, here I am many, many decades later and my life has worked out just fine. As you know if you’ve read my previous blogs, I achieved my dreams. I have found the love of my life. I have found the good life. I wish I was younger so that I had more life ahead of me now that I’m in a good place. (Yes, I know, maybe I do have a lot of good times ahead of me, but I have done the math and know that exceeding normal life expectancy is pretty rare and I have watched many, many friends and relatives pass on.) But the point of this essay is that I have finally looked at my life a lot (I guess that’s what we do if we live a long life). And then it hit me. Really hit me. My parents were “good enough.”
Yes, “good enough!” I don’t think I ever thought about that in such a way. You know, so many people that have had a rough childhood just think the worst, the darkest thoughts about their family and parents. But now, looking back from my current perspective, I realize that they were good enough. They really were. They did teach me and exemplified a pretty decent life. Taught me basic values, civility, etiquette, etc. And I survived, didn’t I? Here I am. So, there is something to be said about being good enough. Oh, they had their problems. I don’t deny that. Some very serious problems at times. But they were not abusive like the stories we hear about in families these days.
So, the term, good enough. That is almost a nasty term in our society today. Today we live in a very competitive world. We are taught to achieve excellence. To settle for nothing less. Go for the win. Winner take all. Kill the competition. Don’t be “just good enough.” Good enough is for losers, etc., etc. I think you get it.
Now, I am certainly not denigrating excellence or going for a win or being the best you can be. I am certainly for all of that. But what I’m saying is that there are places in life where it is good, even great to sometimes just be good enough.
Do you have those places in your life where “good enough” was just fine? We always wish for the best, but life is what it is. Sure, go for the best. Go for excellence. But also, be willing to accept there are times and areas in life where good enough is adequate, such as in my difficult childhood period. Wishing for something different than what was really gets you nowhere and can be damaging to your psyche, as I see it.
I have a friend who is an artist, and a good one. One day I asked her if she had a dream of having her own gallery and she responded, “no, no way, I’m happy just doing what I’m doing.” I asked two lawyer friends if they felt they failed in their careers by not getting on the supreme court. Same response, no. For myself, I had a childhood dream of being an airline pilot. Well, I was a commercial pilot and worked for a company at a local airport in that capacity, but never became an airline pilot. Was I a failure? No way. timing and things did not work out for me to have that result in my career. And that’s okay.
When my high school counselor told me that there was no way I was going to go to college because I was just a “C” student, I would have preferred that she told me something like, “hey, you’re good enough to go to college if you just worked hard at preparing for that path.”
Oh, well, you get my point. there are situations in life where good enough is good enough. Don’t beat yourself up over situations like my childhood perception. Have a good life. Be happy. Be thankful that your life has been “good enough.”
Wally
Good enough is a very important phrase. Thank you. Happy week.