Okay, for those of us who have lived a while and are getting into our later stages of life, the thought crossed my mind of what we have missed in life experiences, whether by choice or the circumstances of life. For me, the one big thing I have missed is the experience of having a family of my own, in the old classic, culturally approved manner. You know, a heterosexual marriage with children and the experiences of parenthood. I did not go down that path, and that was of my own choosing. I am not regretting that choice at all, just acknowledging that that is a life experience I did not and will not have in this life.
It would not have worked, I know. I am sure of that. I was meant to live this life I’m living now and somehow, I knew this fact, (if not consciously) for most of my life. Yes, for the first portion of my life, until my early twenties, I just assumed I’d be “normal,” get married and do the family and parent thing. Never thought of any alternative. That was destiny for everybody I thought, and I was taught that all my life. Then, when I left graduate school and had to go into the workplace, I started thinking about what I was going to do with my life. I had avoided thinking like that for some time as I was too obsessed with just getting through school. In graduate school (theological seminary), I assumed I’d graduate and start serving as a minister in a church and get married and produce a happy family. Yeah, right.
In seminary, a fellow student confronted my one day and said he suspected that I was gay. I guess the fact I was not dating or talking about women in conversations, he caught on to something. Of course, I was mad and denied any such accusations. But that confrontation did get me thinking.
I had not even thought about not doing the “normal” thing of marriage and parenthood. But now it was time to consider what my life was to be. I got my job in aviation and began my work life, but now I had to think about my personal and relationship life. It hit me that traditional marriage and parenthood was not for me. I just knew that on some level. So, I delved into my work and my other interests and put aside any serious thoughts about relationships. And that was fine. I enjoyed life, truly. I would survive, and hopefully, thrive.
Well, I did eventually get into a couple of relationships and now am very happy with the love of my life. I feel that I chose the right path for me. I am so glad I did not try to pursue the path that society said I should choose. But, like I said, I will never know what it is like to be a parent. A good thing, I’m sure. but a life experience I will miss that most people get to experience. And no legacy to leave. No line of succession, so to speak. Something missed, but for me, that’s really okay.
So, thinking along those lines, what else have I missed in this life? I have missed certain experiences that I doubt I will experience now. I have not skied, either snow skiing or water skiing. I have not skydived. I have not experienced being a soldier in a war. (Well, I would not have gone down that path with my strong antiwar beliefs.) I never became a good athlete. Yeah, I did play some sports, but never excelled in anything. I never learned to play chess. I loved playing golf as a kid (my parents were in a country club and I liked playing golf). But my enjoyment of golf was destroyed for me when my brother-in-law gave me a talk one day about how if I was ever going to be somebody in this world (this society), I had to play golf. It was mandatory in order to be a successful man in the business world. Well, that attitude just turned me off, even though I loved the sport.
Now, at this age, I really miss not having gotten to know my family better, especially my parents. I would like to know where they came from, what they went through. Why they were the way they were. I missed some serious, deep conversations with them. Fortunately, my father was a writer, and he did write an autobiography of sorts which was found after his death. Interesting, but I’d love to know a lot more.
I’ve known some friends that were in wars (WWII, Vietnam, etc.), but usually, they won’t talk about those experiences. I would really like to have deep conversations with them, but that’s not possible. Maybe that’s why I generally feel life is so much BS and we never really discuss things of great importance. So much of life is lived on such a superficial level.
So, we live life and so much of it is superficial, as I see it. We miss so much. I’m glad I missed a lot of the bad stuff of life. I did not make big mistakes, take serious wrong turns and acquire self-destructive habits and addictions. Glad about that, but I would like to have experienced a deeper experience than is normal in our short lifetime in this superficial society. Oh, well, that’s how it is.
At this point, all I can do is commit to being more honest, more real, more open to those who are willing to be open with me as we live out this portion of our lives. I just don’t have time to waste on the shallow, the superficial, the BS, the hate and bitterness of life. Life has been hard at times, but good and wonderful. It’s taken a lot of work to keep my sanity, I feel, but it is worth it. So, let’s carry on and do our best to live out our lives in peace, happiness and joy. Are you happy with your life? How do you feel about what you have missed out on in your life?
Wally