Category: Just My Thoughts on Things

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Paths Not Taken [ Post # 24 ]

Ok, Yes, in a previous blog I said I do not waste my time and energy with thinking “what if… if only I had… my life could have been so different, better, etc.” But in this post I am taking a different approach to that thought of “what if?” Don’t we all think at times how we could have taken a different path than the one we took in our life, gone in a different direction, made a different choice? I’m not talking about a serious, regretful thinking of this subject, but more of a lighthearted, curious, fun imagining of how our life would have been if we chose a different path than the one we chose.

My life has turned out great, I would say perfect, so I have no regrets, just a curiosity of how it could have been if things had been just a little different. The pictures you see in this post are a few from my childhood and my college graduation. In my childhood I was a child model and I was in advertisements in the local newspapers (the Los Angeles Times, etc.) and I was on the cover of a photography magazine and in magazine advertisements. You see, my family was into this sort of thing. My siblings and my mother were in the movie business (my brother and sister are listed in the IMDb website for the movie work they did a long time ago). So we had an “in” with the Hollywood business to some degree, but for some reason we eventually got away from that work. I wonder how far I could have gone with what I was doing with my modeling work? Which is interesting now, considering how many friends I have that are “in the business,” as they say. I guess I did not have the interest or drive that my friends had in their youth. My actor friends can’t even consider not acting, it is such a part of them. I never had that kind of ambition for that type of work, I guess.

I mentioned in previous blogs what an important thing it was in my life to go to college, since many people told me to not even try as I was not that smart, etc. Well, I persisted and had a great time with my college experience. Which makes me think, what if I had pursued an academic career, had become a scholar, professor, etc.? I think it did cross my mind, even when I went on to graduate school (theological seminary). I think if I had another life to live and had to do something different than I did this time around, I might want to do that. If you ever watched the early episodes of the tv show “Madame Secretary,” I was really interested in the husband of the Secretary of State and his role as a professor of comparative religions. Yes, I think that would be a career I would want in a second life.

In my childhood and youth I wanted to be an airline pilot. Now I’m glad that did not happen as I had wished. I did become a commercial pilot and flight instructor at a local airport and that was great, but now I realize I would not want to have been just an airline pilot for all of my career. I’ve known some friends that did have that job and gave it up after a while to do other things when their interests changed. So, another time I chose the correct path for me.

There were dark ties in my life when I considered doing some very bad things. I seriously came close to messing up my life. But through some long, deep thinking, I decided against taking actions I was considering. Another ‘”turning point” where I took the right path for my life.

So, here I am now, having lived a great portion of my life. I am extremely satisfied with the choices I made, the path I did take and glad I did not take the other paths that were facing me and tempting me. I feel my life has been guided down the correct path for me. I feel it as s Divine guidance. Call it what you may, but I know I could have messed up really bad at times and I was “saved” from early destruction in my life.

I have talked a little bit about this subject with a few friends. I was really surprised what I learned by talking about this stuff. One friend, who owned her own business, said she would have liked to be an investigator for the CDC (Center for Disease Control), investigating diseases in the world. Wow, that came out of left field. My spouse said he always had a desire to be a radio personality. Wow, never expected that. Another friend said he regrets he did not give more interest and attention to some early relationship possibilities that came his way in his teens when he was discovering he was gay. He took the path of running away, basically, wondering what possibilities he may have passed up.

So, yes, it can be fun to think of the paths not chosen, possibly alternate and also good lives. It can also be redemptive and a relief, also, to realize we chose the path we chose and we avoided some wrong paths.

Wally

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Doing Your Thing [ Post #21]

One part of my life “doing my thing.”

I like to look at things and life in simple terms. Yes, I know it is all very complicated, but the way I look at life, it is basically very simple. My view is that we come, we do our thing, and we leave. There’s no way around that, that’s just the way it is. It’s the “do your thing” part of my view that is so difficult, so complicated, so “messy” for most of us. But, still the basic process is that we are born, we do our life, and then we die.

So, what is our thing that we do, what do we do with our life? Some people do a lot with their life, they accomplish tremendous things and leave a mark on this world and perhaps history. Some seem to not do much, some may even spend most of their lives as homeless, discarded and forgotten people. Most of us fall somewhere in between. I find it curious why some people accomplish to much and some don’t. What makes people so different? Why the motivation, the drive in some people? Why are some people so genuinely happy and some so miserable most, if not all, of their lives? Okay, that is a big subject, a dilemma that can consume a lifetime of therapy, a subject matter that fills hundreds of books. Of course in a brief essay like this blog post, I can only give you a few of my personal thoughts and experiences regarding these matters.

I can look at my life and think, “gee, I didn’t become a great, famous person; I did not become a top surgeon or find a cure for cancer or invent a wonderful product or make my mark on the world.” So, does that mean I am a nobody or disappointment to the world, etc. etc. What is life all about, anyway? Of course, I can’t answer that question.

What I can say is that my life has been about trying to find what life is really all about in the deepest sense. It has been about my finding my way through this maze, this haze, about not letting others determine what my life should be. To not be manipulated and controlled or coerced. To be my own self, to have my own dreams and goals, to live from love, not hate.

Now, I did accomplish my dreams. I may not have accomplished the dreams others may have had for me. My family, it seems to me, had a dream of me just living a mediocre life, getting a job, sticking with it for life, and then die. (Wow, how exciting!) I rejected that limited vision and did “my” thing (which I now see as “God’s” thing for me). Doing “my” thing ( God’s thing) has made my life absolutely wonderful and perfect. I feel that it takes a lot of work to really be yourself. Everyone wants to mold you, bend you this way and that way, make you conform.

So, what about the paths not taken? Well, they were not taken, so that’s sort of the end of the subject. I know, a lot of people play the miserable game of “what if,” “if only I had done…,” “If I had it to do over…,” etc. etc. But, life goes the way it goes, as I see it. If you have faith, if you have a connection to something higher than your self and your world, as I see it, you are in the flow. The flow of Spirit, your higher self, God, your Christ Consciousness, your Buddha self, or whatever you may call it. You may not have a name that is famous is this world, but you have “done your thing.” And then, when you go, you leave this place and can feel good about yourself and not feel regretful or miserable.

I believe these are the choices we all have. We come, we do our thing, we leave. How do we handle it all? I feel I have done a good job so far, and I have not been alone on this journey. It’s not all been just me. As Jesus said, “it is the father who lives in me that does the work.” I know there’s something to that statement. I must just listen, listen to my life and let it tell me who I am and what is my thing to do.

Wally

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Phrases I’m Not Fond of [Post #19]

They say the words we use are important in our lives as far as determining how we think and live. I think there’s truth in that statement. Thinking this over brought to mind several phrases I really don’t much care for, in fact I think they can really be bad for us in how they affect our day-to-day lives. I’m not really talking about the vulgar or cuss words we use from time to time (or that some people overuse a lot), I’m referring to the often everyday, casual phrases we spew out of our mouths without really thinking what we are saying.

Let’s start with some of my least favorite phrases. There are three very similar phrases that I think are not the best way to express the thought that something may not need to be done right now, today. “There’s always tomorrow”; “You have all the time in the world”; “There’s always next time” ; Opportunity will always come knocking again!”

Well, if you’ve ever had a loved one die suddenly ( and I’ve had several) you know these statements are not always accurate or true. There is not always tomorrow, or another opportunity, or all the time in the world. The day will come when it is all over. The only time we really ever have is now. Always has been that way, always will be that way. There is only now. When people say “there’s always tomorrow,” I’m thinking, well, yes, if I don’t die tonight!

How about, “don’t get your hopes up!” Wow, that’s a real killer of hope, anticipation and enthusiasm; a punch in the gut. People say that so nonchalantly and sometimes they mean well, but I think that is not the right phrase to use. I think it is good to get your hopes up, but also, be realistic about things and be open to the results being different than originally planned. Remember, as they say. “God’s ways are not our ways.” I do believe that!

And there’s the “I’d rather die than…” (fill in the blanks). I don’t think that’s a good way to state a dislike. I don’t like putting that thought into my mind and consciousness. Now, I am more tolerant of casual phrases we use like, “you kill me!”, or “that just kills me.” Somehow those expressions don’t seem as dangerous to my mind as the others. “I would just die if…”, well, maybe I would consider that one borderline, not the best but commonly used. There must be a better way to express that sentiment, I think.

Often when we have a loss of a loved one (a death), we hear all sorts of things that may not be the best things to say. The grief experts usually say that it is best to say nothing or very little to a grieving person than to just blurt out stupid and hurtful things which are often done in that situation. What is often heard are things like “I know exactly what you are going through”, “It’s not that bad”, “they’re in a better place”, you’ll get over this”, “time heals all wounds”, etc. Just not really good things to say, as I see it. Time alone does not heal wounds. Time and a lot of work on grieving and the healing process can alleviate the initial trauma, but many people would testify that it’s not really a healing so much as getting through the process and living with a new life we must adjust to.

It is sometimes not appropriate to tell people to not get angry. To tell them not to feel that way (however they feel). We have to allow people to have their feelings and reactions. Who are we to tell people how to feel? Now of course there are dangerous situations where we may have to assert ourselves, but those are very rare, I feel. Someone planning a mass murder should be stopped, of course. Maybe I’m just more sensitive to the words and phrases we carelessly throw around because of my history. I worked in customer service in the airline industry and often had confrontations and unpleasant situations. My first companion and I had a tumultuous relationship and harsh words and actions were the norm for us.

So, maybe as you see it, it’s no big deal the way we talk to each other. To me it is! It’s very important how we express things in our interactions with each other. In my early life I was often very depressed and I believe that was often because of how I thought, my thinking process and the words I used. So, maybe this position of mine is just the result of living a long life and having lots of experiences. I just know that I try to use the best expressions and carefully watch what I say as much as I can. Of course I’m not perfect. I’m just a work in progress, aren’t we all!

Wally