If you are a human being, I’m sure you have had the experience of some people not liking you. Usually we can sort of figure out why there is no chemistry between us and another person, but there are also some times when we have no idea why we are not liked. I remember an episode in the sitcom of The Golden Girls on TV when the character of Rose was being driven crazy by someone at work who did not seem to like her. Eventually, after trying everything to get him to like her, she asked him what his problem with her was and he finally blurted out, “Rose, I just don’t like you!” Some of us have had similar situations in life.
So, this business of not being liked. How does that affect you? Can you brush it off as nothing, really, or does it eat at you, like it did for Rose? I think we all get hurt by rejection, no matter what we tell ourselves or others. I’m finding that at this stage of life, retirement or the later stage of life, I am not as concerned with not being liked as I was earlier in my life. That is probably because I now choose my friends more carefully and I eliminate those who seem to be a problem for me. Earlier, in my working days, I did not have much control of who was in my environment, such as my coworkers and my managers and bosses. I had to function in a system, not completely under my control.
Looking back over my life, I can see where some people did not care for me, especially, and I can usually understand why that was so. As they say, the chemistry was not good or we did not care for the same things or saw things differently or could not stand each other’s habits or actions. That’s just the way it was.
On the other hand, one thing that really puzzled and bothered me was when someone seemed to automatically, at first sight and meeting, to just not like me or even hate me, with no logical reason, as far as I could tell. With no experience or history with me, this person did not seem to like me and I was stunned. I just could feel their energy. That’s how I would put it. I’m sure that this is not an uncommon experience. If fact , I asked a couple of friends and they confirmed that they have had similar experiences.
Fortunately I can say that this has not happened much in my life. Yet, once I started thinking on this topic, I realized there were occasions in each stage of my life where I experienced this. Of course I experienced hurt when this happened. I was probably only bullied twice or so that I remember and the other times were not that type of situation. I even feel some hurt resurfacing as I think about this. I am fortunate that these rare situations did not affect me as far as altering my life or my basic outlook or perspective on life and people.
We have all seen the tragic results when situations like bullying have psychologically damaged people and they act out in mass murder situations, situations far too common in this day and age. So it is imperative that that we handle these occurrences of rejection and not being liked by everyone in our world in a healthy manner. That we be psychologically sound and balanced and able to handle rejection and the hurt it often inflicts. We are going to run into this situation from time to time during our time on this earth, as I see it.
Getting back to the general topic of not everybody liking us, it seems that just participating in life and in society will cause us to face this dilemma time and again. In my life, the 1960’s were a tough time and tempers and hatred flared over many issues. There was the civil rights movement, the Vietnam War, Federal agents shooting and killing college students protesting, etc. It was nearly impossible to not take stands on these issues, and once you did, you were loved or hated by others, family and friends. That’s the way it was.
Well, so what’s this got to do with living the good life, the general overall theme of my blogs? I feel we do have to honestly face the issues before us and make some decisions, sometimes some difficult decisions of where we stand. We can be very outspoken or be more quiet and reserved, but we must face the issues in our world, especially in our personal world. Take your stand and let the chips fall where they may, I would say. Yes, some people may be upset. Close friends or family, and that sometimes really hurts, I know. But I say, don’t go for being liked. Go for being honest and authentic and loving and compassionate and fair, as much as you can. Some people don’t like me… so what! I’ll survive.
Wally
Good post. I love you.
Thanks Sue, love you, too.