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100 Blog Posts… And The Point Is…? [ Post #101 ]

So, I have reached a milestone of sorts. Written one hundred blog posts, one hundred essays about my life, thoughts, and other various things. One hundred? I could never imagine writing that much in the beginning. Just figured I had a few things to write about, a few things to explore and experiment with, expressing myself on the internet. Well, five years later, here we are. Is there more to “explore?” More to reveal? More to investigate?

So, when I decided to take the leap and do my public writing, I really didn’t know where I was going with all of this. A little scary. A little overwhelming. Well, such is life, isn’t it? A new venture, a new direction to explore. Maybe I’ll enjoy it, maybe I’ll fail, and make a fool of myself, I thought. Could have gone either way, but I’m pretty satisfied that I took the plunge. Isn’t that what life is all about, stepping out and taking risks?

I originally thought about writing a book, an autobiography. The trouble was, I just was overwhelmed by the prospect and couldn’t get very far. I realized I could more easily just write some short essays about this or that. Yeah, I could handle that. So, investigating how to set up a website and get into the blogging game, I just went forward with the idea. A spiritual counselor and practitioner I was seeing at the time encouraged me when I told him of my possible project of starting a blog.

So, five years and 100 essays later. I think there’s more to write about. I’ve learned a lot from what I’ve done thus far. I see it as good therapy for me. A lot cheaper that doing psychotherapy. And it’s fun. I’m learning a lot about myself. I’ve brought to the surface many things and life experiences that were in the deep recesses of my life and mind.

I’ve seen how all my adventures have formed me to be who I am now. My writing has brought about some changes in my life. For example, my post on the sabbath really changed how I spend my Sundays. I’m very strict on how I spend my “day of rest” now. Not as strict as some Jews are in their observing the sabbath, but close. I’ve learned how strongly I am now in being “anti war,” after reflecting on my days in the 1960’s and 70’s and facing the Vietnam War years. I’ve articulated how strongly I feel about my spiritual journey regarding my being a follower of Jesus and appreciating many other religions and their teachings. So many things have become clearer to me as I reflect on my thoughts, actions, and intentions now at this point on my journey. My essay on how I see life as ninety percent crap and ten percent good may seem very negative, but I don’t see it that way. That perspective helps me live a better life by living in the ten percent good and recognizing and staying disentangled from the ninety percent negative and bad. I wish I had known this and practiced this way of living earlier (but I didn’t).

So, onward and upward, as they say. There’s so much more to investigate. So much more to learn. I’m enjoying my continuing education through my college and university courses I’m participating in on DVD and streaming. I don’t have time to be bored. Bored with life? Are you Kidding me? No way! And the more I learn, the more I think, and the more I think and examine my life and life in general, the more I write and express my thoughts and experiences.

So, one hundred blog posts. And the point is? The point is, I haven’t even scratched the surface, as they say. It is therapy, it is releasing my pent-up thoughts and feelings. I’ve got more to write, so I will.

Wally

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Moods: A Fascination of Mine [ Post #95 ]

There’s one thing that has fascinated me for a long, long time. The moods we all experience from day-to-day, and for some people, the (what seem to be) more or less permanent moods they seem to live in. Don’t we all know people who just always, or mostly, seem to be in a bad mood? And, inversely, some perpetually perky, happy, Pollyanna-type of people? And probably most of us are in between these two types, having various moods from time to time. I don’t know why, but this subject just fascinates me. Maybe because I’ve run the gamut in moods during my life and now feel a bit removed from being run by the world’s impact on determining my own personal mood. Not talking perfection here, just having a buffer from being run by moods emanating from this (what I often see as a crappy) world.

I’ve written about my early years being rather negative and dark and pessimistic (and, yes, with good times and moods periodically breaking up my dark times). Thank goodness I never totally surrendered to the bad times. That’s where bad activities occur, such as drug use, other addictions, hateful actions (today’s trend of just going out and shooting people) or even suicide occur. I was tempted to some of those actions but something (I’ll call it God) kept me going on an even keel, not venturing down those paths.

So, moods. Where do they come from? Why do we have such a variety of moods. Do they just happen or do we play a part, perhaps a significant part in the moods we are in? Doing some research on this topic tends to confirm my own theories on this subject from the scientific and psychological perspective.

Now, I’m not talking about the deeper topics of mental illness and emotional disorders and all that. I’m talking about our more superficial-type daily moods. Our wake up out of sleep mood, our before and after our morning cup of coffee moods. Or our wake up in the middle-of-night dark mood. Yes, I’ve experienced all of these, and thank goodness, I’ve learned to have better control over my moods.

I’ve discovered that moods can trigger so much in our lives. I didn’t realize that before. I just assumed they happened and there was not much we can do about them. Now I see that we do have control over our moods and our moods can trigger our emotions without our awareness. My first partner was always in a bad mood, it seemed, unless he was high on pot. Being stoned, he was always in a “mellow” mood. But not stoned, watch out. It took me so long to see that whole process.

So, moods. I find that I have to work at keeping myself in a good mood through daily life. It seems there’s always something to come along and knock us down, potentially putting us in a bad mood. When my doctor recently asked me if I suffered from depression or any mood disorders (Medicare asks and encourages doctors to ask this question every year), I responded, “well, not really; disgusted at times perhaps, have you watched the news lately, doctor?” He laughed and got my point.

I’m always checking on my moods and my spouse’s mood now that I know how important our moods are. There’s always stuff going on and often it can be crappy stuff, but still, I believe that we can determine our moods and that makes all the difference in how we live day to day and moment to moment. I do wish that I had this awareness earlier in my life of the affect of moods on our emotions and phycological well-being.

So, this is a fascinating field of interest for me. I feel sad for those that always seem to be in a negative, pessimistic mood. I do hope people seek help if they are stuck in dark moods. Life can be better, life can be good. But, it takes work, sometimes hard work to experience the good life available to us all.

So, I say, find something you enjoy doing. Do it. Be aware, be mindful of how things affect you, how others may be influencing you and your moods and emotions. If you experience real trouble in all of this, seek some help. You have been given this one life for now. Make the best of it. Seek the light, the good, the bliss! And, I would add, without the artificial and potentially dangerous substances that disrupt so many lives these days. Perhaps explore the metaphysical, spiritual life that many have discovered to help them navigate through it all.

As usual, I could write a book on this subject. But this short essay is enough for now. The point is that I just seek the best life now, and that means paying close attention to my daily moods. I’ve wasted too much of my life energy in the past being in bad moods for some stupid reasons. I just seek the best life now, no matter what is happening. No matter how the news media twists and filters the news to just give us the bad stuff and ignoring all the good that is also occurring in life. I work on staying on the good, the right path. Yes, it is hard work. But I must do it. I must choose to be in a good mood. That is sometimes the hard that I choose.

Wally

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NDE’S ? Not Really, But Weird [Post # 94]

So, a while back, I was reading about the actress Marilu Henner and read about a fascinating phenomenon. She says she has total recall memory. She can remember specific details of virtually every day of her life since she was a child. She can remember virtually every day of her life? Wow, that blew my mind. Got me doing some research on that topic. The condition is called hyperthymesia. Yes, it’s a real phenomenon, also known as highly superior autobiographical memory (HSAM). And, yes, it’s a rare condition. Only about 61 people in the world have been diagnosed with this condition as of 2021. Doesn’t that blow your mind?

So, I began thinking. I certainly don’t have total recall of the many memories of my life. I am not one of those 61 people in the world. But I thought about what deep memories do I have from my long life. There are lots of memories in my mind, of course. But what came to mind in consideration of this subject were four long-term memories which were deeply burned into my memory. Memories I know I will have as long as I live. Memories that are so vivid it is as if they happened today.

The very first one burned into my memory is when I was about six years old and going under the anesthesia for my tonsillectomy surgery. When the anesthesiologist put the mask over my face and told me to count backwards from 100, I went into a very strange place. As the ether was taking affect, I was in a completely dark, strange place. I mean blacker that anything I’ve ever experienced. A black “void” I would call it. I felt I was going somewhere. I felt God was close to me and taking me through this experience. I felt a strange completeness with God, life, the universe. At first I was scared, of course, but I quickly submitted to the experience and let go into the void. And I felt okay with it all. I felt a trust of wherever I was going, with whatever was happening. It was a strange feeling of weird comfort. And of course, the next thing I remember was being back in my hospital bed recovering from my surgery. And I never told anyone about that brief experience with the ether mask putting me under.

Another vivid experience and memory from my childhood or very early years (I’m not sure of my age then) was a vision or dream or whatever of my brother, my father and me walking along a path with Jesus, talking about things, about life. I really don’t think it was a dream, I believe it was a vision, and it was so real, as if it just happened a few seconds ago. A very clear, crystal-clear vision of us walking and talking about things. And Ii was amazed, thinking how did we get here and why are we doing this and how did we come together? And why, since my brother and father were not “religious” types at all. Strange.

Okay. In my adult life I had a strange experience all about death and the process of dying. I was under the influence of pot, I admit, but it was a very vivid experience, a very real experience. I can’t compare it with anything else I’ve experienced in my life. It was about the process of dying. I really can’t put it into words, but I was on my deathbed and going through the process of letting go and just being with the whole process and realizing this is what it’s like, and that this is going to happen someday. That there’s no way around this experience, it’s really going to happen like this. A total “letting go.” A similar experience to my tonsillectomy experience but even more detailed and real and certain. Like I said, I can’t really put it into words.

And then, several years ago I had a dream that was unlike any others I have had. Yes, I’ve of course had many, many strange dreams in my life, but this one was different and was burned into my mind and consciousness unlike any others.

I was in a space capsule in deep space. I was all alone. It was eerily quiet, and it was completely dark, a darkness and silence I cannot put into words, just like my tonsillectomy experience, once again. I was all alone. With the universe, with all life, with God. Words cannot convey the feeling of being in a space capsule in deep space. But I will never erase that memory from my mind. Very profound.

So, what are these experiences? Why have I had these four very bizarre experiences, all seemed to be concerned with the purpose of life, with the experience of being with the ultimate experience, God, if you will? I cannot explain them in any way except to somehow compare them to some experiences I have read about regarding Near Death Experiences (NDEs). They are mysteries I just have to live with, not knowing the meanings at all, really. I’m sure others have had similar odd experiences. My spouse had an experience of being in a bright yellow tunnel coming out from anesthesia after surgery years ago. He said it was the brightest yellow light he’s ever seen. And he does not have these type of experiences, he rarely remembers dreams at all. I have forgotten many other memories, but these will stay with me forever. As I have said, they are burned into my mind. I take the good meanings from these experiences instead of something else such as dread or fear. It is all good and I try to learn the lessons given from the “wherever.”

Wally

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Ministry Abandoned and Other Paths Not Taken [Post #93]

So, we live our lives. We have lots of choices to make on our “journey.” Many, many choices. Many twists and turns for some of us. Not knowing what we want or where we’re going, sometimes for a short period as we move through life. For some, a long time of not knowing where they want to go, as far as a career, a work life, or perhaps even a “calling.” Some of us end up making good choices (eventually), others make some bad choices along the way and end up not having a good life. And, yes, that is sad.

So, my story, my life, ended up going well in the long run but it had its moments of real confusion and uncertainty, shall we say. Early in life I figured I would graduate from high school and probably just get a menial job. That seems to be what my family, especially my father imagined. Just get a job, marry and have a family and live the average mediocre life, like everyone else. I didn’t really think about it all that much. But after high school I became interested in the possibility of getting some more education. I had a religious insight or experience in my teen years and I just sensed that I would benefit from additional education after high school. I did go to college and as my college years ended, I thought about possibly entering the ministry in the evangelical church I was involved in during that time.

I went on to theological seminary after college and enjoyed that first year of seminary. I found religious study fascinating and also confrontational. The more I studied, the deeper I pursued theological and religious studies, the more I saw that religion was really a system developed a long time ago by people wanting to set down a belief system and have some control over people. The questions were many about how the Christian religion developed and I realized that what is often “preached” at us is, well, not accurate or true or even good. But, this all fascinated me tremendously. I was a bit overwhelmed, I guess you could say, by all of this, so I decided I needed a break from these academic studies for a bit.

I advised the dean of my seminary that I would not be returning for my second year of my Masters of Divinity program, that I needed a break. His response to me was that he knew I would return as this was my “calling,” my mission you could say. That gave me a good feeling in a sense.

I left Chicago and returned to Los Angeles and eventually got started in my airline career, as I always had a strong interest in aviation and flying. I eventually went through a period of great doubt of all things religious and became a self-described atheist. I did not return to seminary, but I did continue to pursue my deep interest in things religious and spiritual and my philosophical pondering. Those interests never left me. To this day I study deeply in these areas in my lifetime learning process I guess you could say.

So, I never did enter the ministry officially. I have done some preaching and guest speaker engagements in churches over the years. I enjoyed that but never wanted a career doing that. So that career path was abandoned a long time ago.

Another path I did not go down was the all-American dream of getting married and having a family. For a long time, I just assumed that would be my life, where I was headed. But I never felt right about that path. It was what was expected of me, but I just knew it was not right for me. And I’m glad I didn’t go that route. It would have been a disaster, I’m sure. Something just told me “no,” don’t do that. Again, I made the right decision with my life.

That may have been the right decision for me, but there are consequences of that decision. I now have no “family,” meaning children. I am missing out on the experience of being a father and having kids to have family experiences with. That’s just the way it is, and, as I say, it would not have worked out if I had gone that route, I’m sure. The right choice, but consequences from that decision.

Other paths I did not take, thank God, were destructive paths I saw others take. Addictions, drugs, uncontrolled sexual experiences and destructive romantic relationships. Crime and unlawful actions. I basically stuck to the moral and ethical path in my life, but I was not perfect by any means. But I feel the choices I made did save me from self-destruction. I never thought I’d live as long as I have, so my life has been a miracle as I see it. I realize this fact every day. Every day I wake up is a miracle in my view. The spirituality I experienced over the years evolved and has been a big influence in my life. Yes, I may have abandoned the structured religious life, the ministry I thought I was heading for, but it all worked out. I made the right decisions, even through times of uncertainty and confusion.

So, do I feel my life was directed by some “power,” something beyond any real comprehension? People use the word God for this power and that is fine with me. I’m just not of the fundamentalist or evangelical persuasion as I was earlier in my life. Even one of my recent blogs was about how I love Jesus. I just don’t go along with all the “baggage” that statement often assumes. I feel the inner Christ and the Buddha in my life. And when I meet agnostics and atheists on my journey, I understand them, where they’re coming from. Been there, done that on my journey, but I kept evolving. Eventually I came back to much of what I glimpsed earlier in my life. A spiritual dimension now free of structured “beliefs.”

So, the story of our lives. We do choose our paths. We say yes to some things, no to others. And there are consequences to our choices. I am at peace with my choices and I hope you can say the same.

Wally

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Life Changers [Post #91]

If you’ve read my ninety posts, you have read about a few of the big “life changers” of my life. Reflecting on these incidents I have come to reflect and do some research on one of the big life changers, the Vietnam War. As I study and think about this, I realize this was a big event in my life. In fact, that whole period of the 1960’s and early 1970’s molded me in my thinking for the rest of my life up to this point. So, backing up a bit before that period, let me refresh you on those events that really made my life become what it is, beginning before that period.

My first big “life changer” was my first airplane ride around age six. I made an instant decision right after takeoff on that Delta Airlines DC3 in the 1950’s that I was going to be a pilot someday. Absolutely certain about that. And a couple of decades later, I did.

Then, in high school, when I was denied the choice to take a class with my classmates, English Literature, I was pissed. I was called in to see my counselor and was told that I was not intelligent enough to take a “college preparatory” class like that. My grades were not good enough (they were average) and it would damage me to take such an “advanced” course.” (Ironically, my counselor’s name was Miss Hope.) She gave me no hope of accomplishing much in life. Higher education was definitely not an option for someone like me. Just get a menial job after high school and be happy.

At that point, I made a decision that no one was going to talk to me like that ever again and I would do whatever I set my mind to do in life. I did go on to college and graduate school, so “thank you” Miss Hope. You inspired me to disregard your advice and move forward with my life.

So, during my college years, I faced my biggest life changer of all. I had to face being drafted and being a participant in the Vietnam War. I had lost a few college credits transferring from my local community college to a college in Seattle, Washington. My draft board did not like the fact I was behind a bit in my college education and that triggered them trying to draft me.

That really hit me hard as I was doing well with my life and my college education and now I had to face this dilemma. I had to think this situation over. I did take my draft physical, and I had to face what I thought about this war going on in the region far, far away from home. It was a very chaotic time with all that was happening. The war was peaking and what did we know about it? I began much study and reflection on the whole situation. I questioned a lot at this time. This questioning caused a lot of criticism from many different directions. This was also the era of the modern civil rights movement and our president (LBJ) trying to handle the civil rights movement and his war on poverty and the Vietnam War. Those two areas were what he was interested in, not directing this war. Not a fun time.

Well, I had taken some stands on some of the issues of the day, and I paid for my questioning by being call nasty things by my family. I had to endure being called a “nigger lover, a communist, unamerican, unpatriotic,” etc., etc. Oh, well, people react how they react, but I was just questioning all of these issues. I guess questioning was not allowed. Many years later, in my airline career when I was talking with my supervisor about things, the Vietnam War came up (he was a Marine in the war), I think he sensed I had questions about the war or perhaps antiwar sentiments. He told me that if I ever expressed thoughts or feelings about the war that were not absolutely positive, he would make my work life miserable. Wow, I still can’t question anything decades later. Also, during the war years, the government was watching me as they sent me letters saying they were aware that I had received communication from Hanoi. What that actually was was a confirmation that I had received a QSL card (a confirmation card for radio enthusiasts) confirming that I had indeed listened to their broadcast, which was just a hobby I had at the time. I was curious about the world.

So, as I see it, this was probably the biggest “life changer” for me. I learned a lot about “group think,” about going with the crowd, don’t question things, just behave, listen to and obey authorities. That changed my life. I think deeply now. I don’t just follow the leader, especially when I see that the “leader” is often a fool and a controller and manipulator. I have to buck the crowd and pay the price for thinking independently. But that was a good lesson to learn way back in my youth. It retains my sanity, especially in this insane (at times) world. Thinking deeply and my spiritual life are my salvation now.

I have found this course very helpful in understanding the Vietnam situation, which began way back in the 1940’s.

So, I am continually working on my lifetime learning through many college and university courses I have on DVD. When the course on the Vietnam War came out recently, I was glad to get it. I wanted to know more about that war that changed so many things. The war that killed and injured some friends of mine. And I am learning a lot. At the time it was happening there was so much confusion and uncertainty and, well, evil. I wanted to know more, and this course has filled in the blanks for me. What a mess that war was. That whole period still bothers and affects me in so many ways.

I recently purchased this DVD.

Anyone who had any antiwar sentiments had to face very harsh criticisms. I notice if I mention a film or tv show that an antiwar celebrity is in, such as Jane Fonda, many people immediately go ballistic.

So, that event and that time period was one of the biggest “life changers” for me. It determined how I would act and think and believe for all of my adult life. A hard time to get through, but a time with lots of lessons for me to this day.

Wally

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Enlightenment Can Be a Bitch! [Post # 90]

Okay, there are several ways to live. How we choose to live can determine our life story. Some of us live very miserable lives. Some live okay lives. We get by with perhaps some good experiences along the way. Some of us live pretty good lives. Lives with the good and the unpleasant, but overall good lives. Some have had major transformations or “enlightenments ” in their lives. Look at the lives of the saints. Some have had horrible lives that were transformed into miraculous new lives. Fascinating stories if you have ever read the lives of some of the great saints of history.

My own life has been quite a journey. Some early periods were very dark, but I survived and came out of the darkness. I see it now as one of the miraculous lives, like some of the saints I have read about. So, how does this happen, as some people never endure long enough in life to come out at the other end of it all? So sad. Some people totally give up. Some do endure and experience an enlightenment.

Now, enlightenment, there’s a subject I could write a book about (and many people have). But, of course, this is just a short essay on a very deep and complex subject, so I will just give some of my thoughts. As the title of this blog says, enlightenment can be a bitch. But, as I see it, the alternative is much worse. Why do I say this? Well, first a few thoughts on enlightenment.

Enlightenment is not so much a “Christian” thing. It seems to be more of an ” eastern religious” thing. The Christian church seems to use the term “illuminated” rather than enlightenment. Makes no difference to me. It involves a change of perspective on life. Sometimes a major change. It often takes a lot of work on ourselves. Work, struggle, pain, anger, resistance, etc. It can be a bitch, I say.

Isn’t it easier to just live? Go with the flow, the flow of society, of culture, of the masses. Do whatever gives pleasure, use things, people, not give a “*&#%^ about anything, really. That’s the easy to live but not very satisfying on any deep level.

Yet, some people seem to have a deeper yearning. They launch themselves on a spiritual or religious quest. They are looking for something “more.” I guess that was where I was as my life progressed. I went to seminary after college and that initiated my interest in the more spiritual, theological side of life. I couldn’t just be content with living, I guess. Yeah, there’s a lot of stuff out there in the world, just give in. Growing up in the 1960’s and 1970’s it was just “sex, drugs and rock and roll” for a lot of us. Well, I may have “tasted” of that lifestyle but did not go deeply into it. Ironically, my introduction to pot smoking occurred in seminary among some seminary friends at an evangelical Christian seminary.

Anyway, at some point in my early life I realized that just going with the flow of society could be a dead end or dangerous in many respects. I was glad to have my year in seminary as that sparked my interest in theology and spirituality. So, my life was a life of work and fun, satisfying my interest in aviation (piloting) and travel, seeing the world. But always struggling, in a sense to figure it all out (life, the big questions of existence, etc.). My studies were broad in the religious, philosophical and religious areas. I could not be narrow, rigid and authoritarian in my views. My few years of atheism did not give me answers, either, so the spiritual journey resumed and the frustration of dealing with figuring out the mystery of life. I was just one of those who could not drop out and live mindlessly.

So, yes. Life was great, but it was also a struggle. Lots of life situations that we all have. Disappointments, loss, suffering, pain, death of loved ones, thoughts of what we all will face at the end of it all. It took a long struggle for me to begin accepting all of life. A gathering of all the spiritual teaching of the various philosophies and religious paths was a hard journey for me to make. Especially since there is no one answer to be found. I discovered that we must live with the mystery of it all. So, yes, I say enlightenment is a bitch. Maybe that’s not the case for you. Perhaps you have found “the” answer, a very narrow, defined theology/philosophy. Well, good for you. It just doesn’t work that way for me. For me, it’s all God (whatever God is). Life is all One. A mysterious experience.

I agree. This is how I see life. My motto, “keep moving forward!” No matter how long it takes to find your way. The Buddha took over six years to become fully enlightened. Hang in there, don’ give up.

As I close this essay, I’m thinking about my childhood and my parents. Yes, I had problems with them. But I also realize that they had great potential as they were good people. Looking at the situation now I only wish they had some degree of “enlightenment.” A more spiritual dimension I would say. My childhood could have been so much better (can’t most of us say that?). More peaceful, loving, and all of that. Oh, well, so much for hindsight. It was what it was. But now I know that enlightenment makes a big difference in how we live. Yes, I say it’s a bitch, but it is also salvation, as I see it.

Wally

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I / We Choose ( Part 2 ) [ Post #77 ]

So, I decided to add a little to my last blog on “Choosing” in life situations. Looking back, I see how the choices we made in our lives created our lives. At critical points our choices altered our lives, what we call “turning points.” And, if you have read my blogs, you have seen some of my turning points and the results from those choices.

So, in a sense, recapping my many blogs, I see these points as critical times in my life choices. The first choice I think I made was a choice to keep going on with my life. During the dark times, during the depression I experienced in my early life, I chose to go forward. I was tempted to look at giving up. I was tempted to look at a way out. Suicide and homicide were thoughts that I considered very seriously. I mean, very seriously. But I had enough sense to talk myself out of any such drastic action. So, my first life choice was one of tremendous consequence. The wrong turn there would have changed things beyond what I want to even think about.

Then, in my childhood, during my first airplane flight, I decided I was going to be a pilot. My father told me, “No way, you are not going to be a pilot.” Well, that helped me decide that one thing I was going to do in my life was to learn to fly, be a pilot. I was not going to be stopped.

When my high school counselor told me I was not “college material” and could not take a certain high school class because I was too dumb, well, that set me on the path to get a higher education even though that thought had not crossed my mind previously. That decision changed my life greatly. My father was adamant about me not going to college and instead, just getting and settling into a job, no matter what my interests and ambitions were (my interest by that time was strongly in the field of aviation and travel, seeing the world).

I did get a job of interest in aviation. I got a job with an airline. My first free trip with my airline was a trip around the world (literally) at age twenty-five. Not bad for realizing my dream. Good choices for me, ignoring advice from others.

So, the point is that I made my choices somehow accessing a wisdom within me and that has made my life what it is, an amazing adventure. Wrong turns were avoided for the most part. We all make blunders and wrong choices from time to time, but those, fortunately, were inconsequential for me in the long run.

Now, I will say I am very glad I did not make the choices that from time to time were tempting me. I decided not to get into the “drug culture” of the 1960’s and 1970’s. That could have messed me up as I saw some friends travel down that route. Many bad choices were avoided, thank God.

So, my point is that, as I see it, our choices do determine our life for the most part. Yes, things happen. Yes, we do have the choice to play and be the victim. Once we go down that road, though, it’s basically over. Any real chance of living the “good life.” A sad way to go, but many do, don’t they?

Wally

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End of the World? … NOT! [ Post # 61 ]

I’ve noticed through the years that people, especially “Christians,” seem to be obsessed with the “end of the world,” meaning the apocalypse, the second coming or return of Christ as portrayed in the New Testament book of Revelation. I’ve noticed a renewed, fired up interest in the topic during the recent period of our previous president. I saw people really get excited about the end of the world coming very soon. Let me back up a bit to my time in college. Another time I experienced everyone around me of an evangelical, fundamentalist Christian persuasion getting all worked up about the end coming. People were really excited about this stuff. At the time, a very unusual book was on the best-seller list, Hal Lindsay’s “The Late, Great Planet Earth.” Hal Lindsay explained how the world was ending soon (he said the 1980’s would be the time, as did Billy Graham, by the way). He explained about how all the signs of the coming end times were playing out then, in the 1970’s. Oh, yes, he had it all worked out and everyone was excited (just like I experienced during the past four years of our previous president).

Well, I was in college and I decided to take a religion class ( I was attending a conservative Christian college). I took a class on the Book of Revelation. The professor was not known to be an exciting professor but it so happened he made a big impression on my life which I never expected. We were going to study the controversial book of the New Testament and I remember him saying that there were different views of the book, and scholars were seeing the writings very differently than the general Christian population, very different than Hal Lindsay’s interpretation.

My college professor that taught me to see the book of Revelation from a more scholarly perspective than the evangelical, fundamentalist Christian view and interpretation. Here we are fishing in Alaska while attending a wedding of mutual friends.

Well, I studied the book and took in the scholar’s views on the apocalypse that was written long ago, like two thousand years ago. It was very interesting and enlightening to study the writings with that different perspective. I eventually wrote my term paper on the scholarly view that the Book of Revelation was just a vision of a man long ago and was written about the times it was written in, about events happening at the time in the Roman empire. Not a vision of a future “end of the world.” I did get an “A” on my term paper and now I wish I had saved that paper to read it today. I must admit, I was quite proud of my academic work in that class.

So, this recent renewal of interest in this subject has got me studying the subject again. It amazes me how people just follow and take in whatever their church leaders tell them about theological issues. How current events are interpreted to mean that the end is coming and then having an unbalanced leader doing and saying crazy things. To them, this is exciting “proof” the Christ is coming again, very soon!

This is the book to read to get a good overview of this subject.

Ok, my suggestion would be to read the book “A History of the End of the World.” That covers the subject very well and I certainly cannot cover this in a brief essay. The Book of Revelation has had a profound affect on the world since it was written. It almost did not make it into the Christian canon. It was always a controversial book. So much of world history is connected to that book and its horrific visions, etc. Okay, that cannot be undone, but going forward, if we view the book in a more realistic way, that it is not God’s plan set in stone and is going to happen, then we can live a more normal life. I wrote a previous blog on seeing things “one way,” and one way only. And thinking only one way, that is not a good idea, in my view, as I explained in that essay.

Yes, I take the more scholarly view on biblical and theological and religious issues now. When I went to theological seminary, I thought I was going there to prepare for the Christian ministry, but God, (as I see it now) had a different idea. It was a time for me to get a good theological education. Time to study deeply in a more scholarly fashion theological issues and religious and church history. It is now very useful, this theological knowledge. I am not under the spell of a charismatic evangelical or fundamentalist or cult leader. I can think freely and look at truth. I can live in a more sane world, even if many others are under the spell of religious leaders who are way off base, as I see it.

A couple of books giving a better perspective on religion from my bookshelf.

As I always preach, “don’t just accept what you are told, look at the facts, look at things with an open mind. Use your reasoning brain. Use logic. Think. Think deeply.

More from my bookshelf.

So, back to the subject at hand. Yes, the world is going to end. Science knows it is going to end. In many billions of years the sun will run out of energy and will die out. That will be the end of the earth. That I can believe. Science backs that up. And I do believe that we can destroy the earth ourselves if we are not careful. We have the means now with our weapons. If we get a crazy person to use those weapons, yep, it could be all over very quickly. Or, if we continue misusing and abusing the environment, we could end this earthly existence in a slower manner. But the vision of Revelation, just a bad vision that a man of long ago had and wrote about, is just that, a horrific vision. It can be a part of your religion, but that’s your choice. It’s not part of mine.

Wally

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Retirement – Aging – Passages [ Post # 49 ]

If you live long enough, manage your life fairly well (including your finances), and have the desire, you get to move on to a life of retirement dreams and hopes. When I was in the middle of my working life, the life expectancy of someone retiring was around three years. Not a great thing to look forward to, working hard your whole life and then just having three years free from work to enjoy retirement life and then death. Fortunately, today the prospects are much better. Life in the retirement phase is now much longer for most people. I am glad for that improvement.

I took retirement in my fifties, earlier than the norm for most people. I was burned out and was ready to be free from the usual working life. I was thrilled to retire. I had a fun career and enjoyed many benefits of working in the airline industry, but the last few years were a turnaround to where the job was no fun anymore and a great stress for me. So, time for retirement, freedom from going to work every day. Time to work on things I want to work on, and do whatever comes my way and interests me.

I was ready for retirement. I realize others are not ready for retirement or not prepared for being free of the working life. Some have made no preparation for the transition or even thought much about this big change in life. No matter how ready or not ready we are, it is a period of adjustment. I would say, for me, it took probably a year to feel really comfortable in the new environment. Several friends I know did volunteer work to help make the transition. I can understand that, but for me, that was not my path. I really loved not having to work every day. A few years after retiring, I did take on one post-retirement job, just for fun. It was a very unique type of job, one where I got to set my own hours and work days, only working when I wanted to. I was a “mystery shopper” for Safeway stores. I would go grocery shopping and write up reports of my shopping experience, noting employees that were doing their jobs in a commendable manner and those that were not functioning at their best in their “customer service” capacity. I also had to cause employees to go out of their way to handle certain situations, see if they would help me, etc. I got to experience this experience from the other perspective when I was an airline employee and we had encounters with “secret passengers” that would fly around the country and write up reports on the employees they encountered and rated how well they did their jobs. So now I have had experiences on both sides of this issue.

So, being retired and being done with the work-a-day world, that was my choice (except for the brief job with Safeway). Now what? Well, I have a very curious mind and always seem to have projects to work on . I do not sit around and get bored. Fortunately, I have a great home environment and marriage, so no stress, really in my personal life (unlike earlier periods in my life). We were now free to travel as much as we wanted and enjoy my airline travel benefits. We acquired a good timeshare system which had many timeshare locations that we loved visiting. Life was good! Life is good! Due to the current virus situation, we have had to modify our travels to do car trips instead of air trips and train trips. We, of course, are hoping that some kind of a normal life returns during our lifetime.

Speaking of our lifetime, that’s a subject that seems to surface a lot for me during these retirement years. This period of time being the last third of life, there’s a real awareness that the end is coming. A lot of time may be remaining, or maybe not. Who knows? The way I look at this situation is I figure that I may have twenty minutes remaining to my life, or perhaps twenty years. Who knows? Twenty minutes or twenty years. Hmmm, heavy thoughts to consider.

My cemetery hikes and contemplations

So, I work at keeping my body in decent shape by walking and hiking almost daily. One of the places I often do my hikes is the graveyard nearby that is nice and hilly. I get some exercise and I get to reflect on the deep issues of life and death. I mentioned in an earlier blog that in college I would climb the hill near my college and walk through the cemetery and contemplate life and what my life was going to be after I finished my education. So, cemetery contemplations is not a new practice for me. It’s just been a long time since I have done those practices. And my graveyard contemplations now are not about what my life is going to be, but now what my final period of my life is going to be about and reflections on what my life has been so far. The joys and adventures and loves I have had, and what it all means. Life is so short when you think about it, but that’s the way it is, isn’t it?

So, before you know it, you have aged. You have gone through the different phases or passages of life. You have survived a lot. Hopefully, you have achieved a lot and lived a lot and loved a lot. Or, maybe life has been a little less successful. Or even miserable and unhappy, perhaps. That can be sad, very sad. I think about these things in my graveyard wanderings these days. Look at all these graves, all these people who were alive for however long they had on this earth and did whatever they did. What kind of lives did they live? A million thoughts flood my mind as I study the gravestones. Who were these people? What would they tell me if they could? They were so alive, but now, they’re gone.

I have come to realize now that so much of life has been malarky. So much energy was wasted in life on such unimportant things. All the struggles and worrying and fighting and wasted life. For what? What is really important in life? I wish that I had more focus and intension and clarity in my earlier years. But, you know what? Life works out the way it works out. We learn our lessons, eventually. It just often takes a lot of time and energy that we could have avoided wasting.

So, I find that retirement is a time to try and do new things. Not a time to give up. Not a time to be bored. Not a time to be lonely. It is time to do those things you have put off during your working years. It is time to reflect of your life and appreciate the journey you’ve been on. Hopefully you appreciate your journey. It would be sad if you don’t. We all have our own paths and I’m very grateful for my path. It has been good. I have been given a long life. Many of my friends cannot say that as I have outlived so many of my friends. It has been a good life. I have been given time to reflect and appreciate it all.

Wally

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And When Your Heart Stops Beating, Its All Over, Baby! [Post # 32]

I’ve written a couple of blogs regarding death and survivor’s guilt, so I don’t want to rehash those subjects. I want to look at some other aspects of the end-of-life topic. As we age and watch our friends and loved ones leave us one by one, it makes us look at what life is, really. I’ve stated earlier that death has stared me in the face my whole life. I’ve never been able to deny it like some people have.

So, yes, when your heart stops, it all over. Period. Everything you’ve done all those years, it’s gone, over. You may have been a great person, accomplished a lot, had a terrific impact on the world, but your heart stopping ends it all, instantly. You were there one second, completely gone the next. That really is impossible to handle when you go through that experience, if you’ve ever been with someone as they “passed away.” I remember when we had to put our cat down and I held her in my arms as the vet administered the deadly injection. She’s purring affectionately one second and the next one, gone. It makes you think, “what is life” What is non-life? Here one second, gone the next. All that lifetime, all those events over all those years, all that work, all those loves and relationships, gone, over.

Now, of course, I’m talking about this physical, material, earthly perspective from the standpoint of us living when we experience someone transitioning instantaneously from this life to death. I’m not talking about the possible continuation of existence in the spirit realm. That’s another blog. In fact, I covered that topic in an earlier blog. I’m talking about what a fragile thing life is. We think it’s so solid, so certain, so impossible to suddenly be gone. But it’s not really.

I remember in college my friend assured me that he was never going to die as he was going to be “raptured,” when Christ returned, according to some popular Christian theologies He was absolutely sure he would just float up into the sky to heaven. Hmmm, I thought, that’s how he is going to deny death. Okay, that’s his choice to believe in that. Not my theology, though.

I believe that by contemplating our demise deeply, it can actually help us live a better life. I think some great lessons can be learned. So what can be learned by looking at this subject that many would say is a morbid topic to probe and contemplate? Here are my thoughts on looking at the unpleasant end of our existence.

Life and death are a package deal. If we are alive, we know there is an end to it all. We see it all the time, sometimes motivating us, sometimes scaring us, sometimes depressing us and causing serious mental problems. On the flip side of the coin, there is wisdom that death can teach us.

We can take the position of welcoming everything in our life. Not that we have to like everything. We don’t have to like it, but if we are brave we can be open to all that happens, to all that we encounter. We can be with the present situation, we can be a manifestation of love and compassion, even through those times of great suffering. Sh*t happens. It’s always going to happen from time to time. We need to travel light as much as we can because the world can be very heavy.

I don’t mean to get preachy, but we can learn the skill of letting our burdens go. We can learn the sometimes very hard lesson of forgiving. We can learn to love deeply, no matter what. Yes, life is heavy at times.

I read the analogy recently that regarding life and death, we are all on the edge of the canyon (that deep, dark canyon of death), we just don’t know how close to the edge we are at any moment, at what moment we are going to fall in.

So far, I have not seen a book titled “”Dying for Dummies,” so it looks like we all have to deal with this subject as best as we can, however that may be. I know there are very unpleasant and tragic ways of dealing with this, but I know there are better, healthier, mentally stabilizing and more peaceful ways of dealing with all of this. And, yes, it is horrible to think of this all ending and not being able to control this end of the spectrum, usually.

We all deal with this as we do The best way I can handle this at this later stage of life is to make the commitment every morning to “live like this is my last day!” One day it will be. Where exactly is the edge of the canyon?

POSTSCRIPT

Those killed in the recent helicopter crash after this post was written.

I wrote this post a couple of weeks ago. I let my posts sit for a bit to be sure I feel like publishing them and seeing if they need any revisions, etc. The Kobe Bryant helicopter crash occurred after this post was written and I thought, wow, this illustrates so much of what I was writing about. Life is so fragile. We are gone in an instant. We are doing our life, just going along and wham, it’s over. Life can be very sad when we experience these situations.

Kobe with his wife and two daughters at the White House

R.I.P.

Wally