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Okay, I truly understand some people really, really love retirement and others do not want any part of the “retirement” stage of life. Yes, some people love working, doing what they love (the “I’ve never worked a day in my life” people). Got it. I really believe those people are serious and living their best life. Good for them. Enjoy, I say.

I, on the other hand… well… I feel like I was made for retirement. I, at least, was smart enough to realize I had to work, work hard, and for a long time and endure whatever I had to to make it to my “paradise” called retirement. And you know what, I endured a long work life and eventually the day came when I declared “I am retiring.” Hallelujah!

I wrote earlier that during college I used to take breaks and drive out to Magnolia Bluff in Seattle and just watch the Puget Sound area and ferries crossing the sound and wonder what my life was going to be about. Deep thoughts, contemplation about my future life. A good time to reflect on life.

Well, my life did turn out to be very good. A year of graduate school in theological seminary in Chicago, then a return home to California to some temporary jobs, then a beginning of my long airline career. An achievement of obtaining my commercial pilot license and flight instructor certificate. Travel around the world. Lots of good times. A little taste of the wild side of life, but very restrained as I had a strong desire to live a good, long life and not self- destruct. I saw too many people “lose it” and die early deaths. Not for me, I told myself.

So, a good work life. Great times ( with, of course, the times of crisis and problems, but overall good times). I was very pleased and happy over how it all turned out. I worked long and hard and hit the retirement stage. Life was good.

So, retirement. I had arrived. It was time to start my new life. I was ready. And off I went into this new life. Time to do the things I wanted to do. Great travel benefits to enjoy having retired from the airline industry (i.e. free travel for myself and spouse). Did a lot, saw a lot, experienced a lot. Loved a lot. A great life.

So, I have learned a lot in this stage of life. My perspectives and beliefs about this life have changed with the freedom of not having to work, not “having” to do a lot of things. I wish I had the knowledge I have now, way back when I was young, but, well, that’s not how life works. As they say, “too soon old, too late smart.” Wow, how true that is. But let me tell you what I have learned.

I have learned that I don’t give a %#$&*@ about so much that I used to care about. I now only care about the important things of life. The really important things. I only care about love, living with love in my life, not hate, anger, resentment. Not allowing hate, negativity, control, manipulation and put-downs to enter my personal environment.

I have learned that most of life is sh*t. That may sound negative, but I say that’s really the way it is, as I see it. So much of life, just crap. Most of life is crap in that you don’t know much when you are young, and you are subject to older people and their bitterness and their many psychological maladjustments, etc. And, to get through life, you have to “play the game,” the game of life. You had better be like this, you better do that, you should “blah blah blah, etc. You are influenced by whoever you are around, and we often are not around good, sound, well-grounded people. That has been my experience.

Of course there are good people out there. I hope you found some in your life here on this planet. Of course I did. Very helpful, compassionate, loving people. But. as I see it, they are few and far between. That’s been my experience. And fortunately, I found enough to make an impact for good on my life.

We have to do so much “kissing up” to people to be “successful.” Kissing butts, playing the game that has been set up. Yes, some may be very independent and strong and extremely successful. Thank God for those people. I was one of those from time to time. I somehow managed to walk the middle road and played enough of the game to get where I needed to be. I feel that “something” helped me along. For me, there’s always been that something, just as there is now in my life.

I consider that something “The Something.” Call it Spirit, the Higher Self, God if you will. There is definitely a something, as I see it. Jesus seemed to know about this something, calling it his father, God. He talked about living in the realm of this something, calling it the Kingdom of God. Okay, I won’t argue with that conception of the invisible realm that seems to surround us if we are open to it. I find that seeing things this way works for me. It really does work for me. Especially at this later stage of life. I mean, this is it. How much of life is left, really. We’ve lived a long life (if we’re lucky/fortunate), and now we contemplate it all (well, some of us anyway). What’s it all about, Alphie? Truly, what is it all about. (We have religions to give you answers to that question if you go that way. Or, perhaps you develop your own religion rather than strictly agree to and join one of the thousands of religions and belief systems in this world. Whatever. Do what you must to make sense of this mystery called life. Be open. Be open to truth, to the mystery. I am and the only way I can be at peace with it all is to live in love. Just live love. F**k the rest, I say. Have a good rest of your life. That’s where I’m at. I played the game. I survived the crap. I’ve had an ideal life, as I see it. Enjoy the bliss, I say! Amen.

Wally

There’s one thing that has fascinated me for a long, long time. The moods we all experience from day-to-day, and for some people, the (what seem to be) more or less permanent moods they seem to live in. Don’t we all know people who just always, or mostly, seem to be in a bad mood? And, inversely, some perpetually perky, happy, Pollyanna-type of people? And probably most of us are in between these two types, having various moods from time to time. I don’t know why, but this subject just fascinates me. Maybe because I’ve run the gamut in moods during my life and now feel a bit removed from being run by the world’s impact on determining my own personal mood. Not talking perfection here, just having a buffer from being run by moods emanating from this (what I often see as a crappy) world.

I’ve written about my early years being rather negative and dark and pessimistic (and, yes, with good times and moods periodically breaking up my dark times). Thank goodness I never totally surrendered to the bad times. That’s where bad activities occur, such as drug use, other addictions, hateful actions (today’s trend of just going out and shooting people) or even suicide occur. I was tempted to some of those actions but something (I’ll call it God) kept me going on an even keel, not venturing down those paths.

So, moods. Where do they come from? Why do we have such a variety of moods. Do they just happen or do we play a part, perhaps a significant part in the moods we are in? Doing some research on this topic tends to confirm my own theories on this subject from the scientific and psychological perspective.

Now, I’m not talking about the deeper topics of mental illness and emotional disorders and all that. I’m talking about our more superficial-type daily moods. Our wake up out of sleep mood, our before and after our morning cup of coffee moods. Or our wake up in the middle-of-night dark mood. Yes, I’ve experienced all of these, and thank goodness, I’ve learned to have better control over my moods.

I’ve discovered that moods can trigger so much in our lives. I didn’t realize that before. I just assumed they happened and there was not much we can do about them. Now I see that we do have control over our moods and our moods can trigger our emotions without our awareness. My first partner was always in a bad mood, it seemed, unless he was high on pot. Being stoned, he was always in a “mellow” mood. But not stoned, watch out. It took me so long to see that whole process.

So, moods. I find that I have to work at keeping myself in a good mood through daily life. It seems there’s always something to come along and knock us down, potentially putting us in a bad mood. When my doctor recently asked me if I suffered from depression or any mood disorders (Medicare asks and encourages doctors to ask this question every year), I responded, “well, not really; disgusted at times perhaps, have you watched the news lately, doctor?” He laughed and got my point.

I’m always checking on my moods and my spouse’s mood now that I know how important our moods are. There’s always stuff going on and often it can be crappy stuff, but still, I believe that we can determine our moods and that makes all the difference in how we live day to day and moment to moment. I do wish that I had this awareness earlier in my life of the affect of moods on our emotions and phycological well-being.

So, this is a fascinating field of interest for me. I feel sad for those that always seem to be in a negative, pessimistic mood. I do hope people seek help if they are stuck in dark moods. Life can be better, life can be good. But, it takes work, sometimes hard work to experience the good life available to us all.

So, I say, find something you enjoy doing. Do it. Be aware, be mindful of how things affect you, how others may be influencing you and your moods and emotions. If you experience real trouble in all of this, seek some help. You have been given this one life for now. Make the best of it. Seek the light, the good, the bliss! And, I would add, without the artificial and potentially dangerous substances that disrupt so many lives these days. Perhaps explore the metaphysical, spiritual life that many have discovered to help them navigate through it all.

As usual, I could write a book on this subject. But this short essay is enough for now. The point is that I just seek the best life now, and that means paying close attention to my daily moods. I’ve wasted too much of my life energy in the past being in bad moods for some stupid reasons. I just seek the best life now, no matter what is happening. No matter how the news media twists and filters the news to just give us the bad stuff and ignoring all the good that is also occurring in life. I work on staying on the good, the right path. Yes, it is hard work. But I must do it. I must choose to be in a good mood. That is sometimes the hard that I choose.

Wally

So, we live our lives. We have lots of choices to make on our “journey.” Many, many choices. Many twists and turns for some of us. Not knowing what we want or where we’re going, sometimes for a short period as we move through life. For some, a long time of not knowing where they want to go, as far as a career, a work life, or perhaps even a “calling.” Some of us end up making good choices (eventually), others make some bad choices along the way and end up not having a good life. And, yes, that is sad.

So, my story, my life, ended up going well in the long run but it had its moments of real confusion and uncertainty, shall we say. Early in life I figured I would graduate from high school and probably just get a menial job. That seems to be what my family, especially my father imagined. Just get a job, marry and have a family and live the average mediocre life, like everyone else. I didn’t really think about it all that much. But after high school I became interested in the possibility of getting some more education. I had a religious insight or experience in my teen years and I just sensed that I would benefit from additional education after high school. I did go to college and as my college years ended, I thought about possibly entering the ministry in the evangelical church I was involved in during that time.

I went on to theological seminary after college and enjoyed that first year of seminary. I found religious study fascinating and also confrontational. The more I studied, the deeper I pursued theological and religious studies, the more I saw that religion was really a system developed a long time ago by people wanting to set down a belief system and have some control over people. The questions were many about how the Christian religion developed and I realized that what is often “preached” at us is, well, not accurate or true or even good. But, this all fascinated me tremendously. I was a bit overwhelmed, I guess you could say, by all of this, so I decided I needed a break from these academic studies for a bit.

I advised the dean of my seminary that I would not be returning for my second year of my Masters of Divinity program, that I needed a break. His response to me was that he knew I would return as this was my “calling,” my mission you could say. That gave me a good feeling in a sense.

I left Chicago and returned to Los Angeles and eventually got started in my airline career, as I always had a strong interest in aviation and flying. I eventually went through a period of great doubt of all things religious and became a self-described atheist. I did not return to seminary, but I did continue to pursue my deep interest in things religious and spiritual and my philosophical pondering. Those interests never left me. To this day I study deeply in these areas in my lifetime learning process I guess you could say.

So, I never did enter the ministry officially. I have done some preaching and guest speaker engagements in churches over the years. I enjoyed that but never wanted a career doing that. So that career path was abandoned a long time ago.

Another path I did not go down was the all-American dream of getting married and having a family. For a long time, I just assumed that would be my life, where I was headed. But I never felt right about that path. It was what was expected of me, but I just knew it was not right for me. And I’m glad I didn’t go that route. It would have been a disaster, I’m sure. Something just told me “no,” don’t do that. Again, I made the right decision with my life.

That may have been the right decision for me, but there are consequences of that decision. I now have no “family,” meaning children. I am missing out on the experience of being a father and having kids to have family experiences with. That’s just the way it is, and, as I say, it would not have worked out if I had gone that route, I’m sure. The right choice, but consequences from that decision.

Other paths I did not take, thank God, were destructive paths I saw others take. Addictions, drugs, uncontrolled sexual experiences and destructive romantic relationships. Crime and unlawful actions. I basically stuck to the moral and ethical path in my life, but I was not perfect by any means. But I feel the choices I made did save me from self-destruction. I never thought I’d live as long as I have, so my life has been a miracle as I see it. I realize this fact every day. Every day I wake up is a miracle in my view. The spirituality I experienced over the years evolved and has been a big influence in my life. Yes, I may have abandoned the structured religious life, the ministry I thought I was heading for, but it all worked out. I made the right decisions, even through times of uncertainty and confusion.

So, do I feel my life was directed by some “power,” something beyond any real comprehension? People use the word God for this power and that is fine with me. I’m just not of the fundamentalist or evangelical persuasion as I was earlier in my life. Even one of my recent blogs was about how I love Jesus. I just don’t go along with all the “baggage” that statement often assumes. I feel the inner Christ and the Buddha in my life. And when I meet agnostics and atheists on my journey, I understand them, where they’re coming from. Been there, done that on my journey, but I kept evolving. Eventually I came back to much of what I glimpsed earlier in my life. A spiritual dimension now free of structured “beliefs.”

So, the story of our lives. We do choose our paths. We say yes to some things, no to others. And there are consequences to our choices. I am at peace with my choices and I hope you can say the same.

Wally

Okay, there are several ways to live. How we choose to live can determine our life story. Some of us live very miserable lives. Some live okay lives. We get by with perhaps some good experiences along the way. Some of us live pretty good lives. Lives with the good and the unpleasant, but overall good lives. Some have had major transformations or “enlightenments ” in their lives. Look at the lives of the saints. Some have had horrible lives that were transformed into miraculous new lives. Fascinating stories if you have ever read the lives of some of the great saints of history.

My own life has been quite a journey. Some early periods were very dark, but I survived and came out of the darkness. I see it now as one of the miraculous lives, like some of the saints I have read about. So, how does this happen, as some people never endure long enough in life to come out at the other end of it all? So sad. Some people totally give up. Some do endure and experience an enlightenment.

Now, enlightenment, there’s a subject I could write a book about (and many people have). But, of course, this is just a short essay on a very deep and complex subject, so I will just give some of my thoughts. As the title of this blog says, enlightenment can be a bitch. But, as I see it, the alternative is much worse. Why do I say this? Well, first a few thoughts on enlightenment.

Enlightenment is not so much a “Christian” thing. It seems to be more of an ” eastern religious” thing. The Christian church seems to use the term “illuminated” rather than enlightenment. Makes no difference to me. It involves a change of perspective on life. Sometimes a major change. It often takes a lot of work on ourselves. Work, struggle, pain, anger, resistance, etc. It can be a bitch, I say.

Isn’t it easier to just live? Go with the flow, the flow of society, of culture, of the masses. Do whatever gives pleasure, use things, people, not give a “*&#%^ about anything, really. That’s the easy to live but not very satisfying on any deep level.

Yet, some people seem to have a deeper yearning. They launch themselves on a spiritual or religious quest. They are looking for something “more.” I guess that was where I was as my life progressed. I went to seminary after college and that initiated my interest in the more spiritual, theological side of life. I couldn’t just be content with living, I guess. Yeah, there’s a lot of stuff out there in the world, just give in. Growing up in the 1960’s and 1970’s it was just “sex, drugs and rock and roll” for a lot of us. Well, I may have “tasted” of that lifestyle but did not go deeply into it. Ironically, my introduction to pot smoking occurred in seminary among some seminary friends at an evangelical Christian seminary.

Anyway, at some point in my early life I realized that just going with the flow of society could be a dead end or dangerous in many respects. I was glad to have my year in seminary as that sparked my interest in theology and spirituality. So, my life was a life of work and fun, satisfying my interest in aviation (piloting) and travel, seeing the world. But always struggling, in a sense to figure it all out (life, the big questions of existence, etc.). My studies were broad in the religious, philosophical and religious areas. I could not be narrow, rigid and authoritarian in my views. My few years of atheism did not give me answers, either, so the spiritual journey resumed and the frustration of dealing with figuring out the mystery of life. I was just one of those who could not drop out and live mindlessly.

So, yes. Life was great, but it was also a struggle. Lots of life situations that we all have. Disappointments, loss, suffering, pain, death of loved ones, thoughts of what we all will face at the end of it all. It took a long struggle for me to begin accepting all of life. A gathering of all the spiritual teaching of the various philosophies and religious paths was a hard journey for me to make. Especially since there is no one answer to be found. I discovered that we must live with the mystery of it all. So, yes, I say enlightenment is a bitch. Maybe that’s not the case for you. Perhaps you have found “the” answer, a very narrow, defined theology/philosophy. Well, good for you. It just doesn’t work that way for me. For me, it’s all God (whatever God is). Life is all One. A mysterious experience.

As I close this essay, I’m thinking about my childhood and my parents. Yes, I had problems with them. But I also realize that they had great potential as they were good people. Looking at the situation now I only wish they had some degree of “enlightenment.” A more spiritual dimension I would say. My childhood could have been so much better (can’t most of us say that?). More peaceful, loving, and all of that. Oh, well, so much for hindsight. It was what it was. But now I know that enlightenment makes a big difference in how we live. Yes, I say it’s a bitch, but it is also salvation, as I see it.

Wally

So, I decided to add a little to my last blog on “Choosing” in life situations. Looking back, I see how the choices we made in our lives created our lives. At critical points our choices altered our lives, what we call “turning points.” And, if you have read my blogs, you have seen some of my turning points and the results from those choices.

So, in a sense, recapping my many blogs, I see these points as critical times in my life choices. The first choice I think I made was a choice to keep going on with my life. During the dark times, during the depression I experienced in my early life, I chose to go forward. I was tempted to look at giving up. I was tempted to look at a way out. Suicide and homicide were thoughts that I considered very seriously. I mean, very seriously. But I had enough sense to talk myself out of any such drastic action. So, my first life choice was one of tremendous consequence. The wrong turn there would have changed things beyond what I want to even think about.

Then, in my childhood, during my first airplane flight, I decided I was going to be a pilot. My father told me, “No way, you are not going to be a pilot.” Well, that helped me decide that one thing I was going to do in my life was to learn to fly, be a pilot. I was not going to be stopped.

When my high school counselor told me I was not “college material” and could not take a certain high school class because I was too dumb, well, that set me on the path to get a higher education even though that thought had not crossed my mind previously. That decision changed my life greatly. My father was adamant about me not going to college and instead, just getting and settling into a job, no matter what my interests and ambitions were (my interest by that time was strongly in the field of aviation and travel, seeing the world).

I did get a job of interest in aviation. I got a job with an airline. My first free trip with my airline was a trip around the world (literally) at age twenty-five. Not bad for realizing my dream. Good choices for me, ignoring advice from others.

So, the point is that I made my choices somehow accessing a wisdom within me and that has made my life what it is, an amazing adventure. Wrong turns were avoided for the most part. We all make blunders and wrong choices from time to time, but those, fortunately, were inconsequential for me in the long run.

Now, I will say I am very glad I did not make the choices that from time to time were tempting me. I decided not to get into the “drug culture” of the 1960’s and 1970’s. That could have messed me up as I saw some friends travel down that route. Many bad choices were avoided, thank God.

So, my point is that, as I see it, our choices do determine our life for the most part. Yes, things happen. Yes, we do have the choice to play and be the victim. Once we go down that road, though, it’s basically over. Any real chance of living the “good life.” A sad way to go, but many do, don’t they?

Wally

I’ve noticed through the years that people, especially “Christians,” seem to be obsessed with the “end of the world,” meaning the apocalypse, the second coming or return of Christ as portrayed in the New Testament book of Revelation. I’ve noticed a renewed, fired up interest in the topic during the recent period of our previous president. I saw people really get excited about the end of the world coming very soon. Let me back up a bit to my time in college. Another time I experienced everyone around me of an evangelical, fundamentalist Christian persuasion getting all worked up about the end coming. People were really excited about this stuff. At the time, a very unusual book was on the best-seller list, Hal Lindsay’s “The Late, Great Planet Earth.” Hal Lindsay explained how the world was ending soon (he said the 1980’s would be the time, as did Billy Graham, by the way). He explained about how all the signs of the coming end times were playing out then, in the 1970’s. Oh, yes, he had it all worked out and everyone was excited (just like I experienced during the past four years of our previous president).

Well, I was in college and I decided to take a religion class ( I was attending a conservative Christian college). I took a class on the Book of Revelation. The professor was not known to be an exciting professor but it so happened he made a big impression on my life which I never expected. We were going to study the controversial book of the New Testament and I remember him saying that there were different views of the book, and scholars were seeing the writings very differently than the general Christian population, very different than Hal Lindsay’s interpretation.

Well, I studied the book and took in the scholar’s views on the apocalypse that was written long ago, like two thousand years ago. It was very interesting and enlightening to study the writings with that different perspective. I eventually wrote my term paper on the scholarly view that the Book of Revelation was just a vision of a man long ago and was written about the times it was written in, about events happening at the time in the Roman empire. Not a vision of a future “end of the world.” I did get an “A” on my term paper and now I wish I had saved that paper to read it today. I must admit, I was quite proud of my academic work in that class.

So, this recent renewal of interest in this subject has got me studying the subject again. It amazes me how people just follow and take in whatever their church leaders tell them about theological issues. How current events are interpreted to mean that the end is coming and then having an unbalanced leader doing and saying crazy things. To them, this is exciting “proof” the Christ is coming again, very soon!

Ok, my suggestion would be to read the book “A History of the End of the World.” That covers the subject very well and I certainly cannot cover this in a brief essay. The Book of Revelation has had a profound affect on the world since it was written. It almost did not make it into the Christian canon. It was always a controversial book. So much of world history is connected to that book and its horrific visions, etc. Okay, that cannot be undone, but going forward, if we view the book in a more realistic way, that it is not God’s plan set in stone and is going to happen, then we can live a more normal life. I wrote a previous blog on seeing things “one way,” and one way only. And thinking only one way, that is not a good idea, in my view, as I explained in that essay.

Yes, I take the more scholarly view on biblical and theological and religious issues now. When I went to theological seminary, I thought I was going there to prepare for the Christian ministry, but God, (as I see it now) had a different idea. It was a time for me to get a good theological education. Time to study deeply in a more scholarly fashion theological issues and religious and church history. It is now very useful, this theological knowledge. I am not under the spell of a charismatic evangelical or fundamentalist or cult leader. I can think freely and look at truth. I can live in a more sane world, even if many others are under the spell of religious leaders who are way off base, as I see it.

As I always preach, “don’t just accept what you are told, look at the facts, look at things with an open mind. Use your reasoning brain. Use logic. Think. Think deeply.

So, back to the subject at hand. Yes, the world is going to end. Science knows it is going to end. In many billions of years the sun will run out of energy and will die out. That will be the end of the earth. That I can believe. Science backs that up. And I do believe that we can destroy the earth ourselves if we are not careful. We have the means now with our weapons. If we get a crazy person to use those weapons, yep, it could be all over very quickly. Or, if we continue misusing and abusing the environment, we could end this earthly existence in a slower manner. But the vision of Revelation, just a bad vision that a man of long ago had and wrote about, is just that, a horrific vision. It can be a part of your religion, but that’s your choice. It’s not part of mine.

Wally