Category: Life Stories

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What’s Left? [ Post #83 ]

A long life is nice. You get a chance to do things you want to do, things you have dreamed about as a kid. If things have worked out, you’ve lived your good life. Hopefully, many have had a successful life of achievement of dreams and desires fulfilled. Hopefully, you have had good relationships and loves. For many, that includes a good family and good family memories. Not for everybody, of course, but for many. And, when you have done those things you dreamed about in your younger years, you have perhaps retired (yes, some do not retire, really, they keep on going because they want to). So, if you have made it this far and your life has been good, and you are in a happy state and perhaps spending some time being reflexive and contemplative, you may be thinking, “what is left?”

That’s sort of where I am right now in my life. I ask myself (and God or the whatever) so, “what is next?” Is it over (this life of mine)? Is there more coming up, new things to do, new adventures? Or just relax and enjoy the culmination of a good life? There are many different paths that could be taken from this point I’m at. A few years ago, I started blogging; that was a new path. Are there other activities I am going to get involved in? How much time is remaining?

I think of my city councilman who recently came home for lunch, I believe, and told his wife he was just going to rest on the couch for a bit. Well, when she tried to awaken him, she couldn’t. He was gone. In his sixties and a very active and good councilman from most reports I have read. Over in the blink of an eye. A very good and productive life. Not a clue that was his last day. That gets me thinking, of course. What is left, what is next? Is there more, really, or not?

I’ve taken those online surveys about how long you are going to live, etc. Interesting stuff. The last one I took really got my attention as it gave my last year of life to be the year 2023. Hmmm…never had a response that close before. That really got me thinking, “what’s left?”

So, the time ahead is limited, but how limited? Most of my friends and a lot of my family are gone. Most of my co-workers, my age and younger, gone. I’ve been blessed with a long life. I actually have two feelings regarding this subject. One is that I have more things to do. I need to keep my energy and interests up and positive and keep moving ahead. That’s good. But at times I feel the other side of the matter. I get tired and I wonder if there is really a lot left for me. Of course, I’m pulling for that first feeling. But so were most of my friends that are gone. We just think life will go on forever. But we know better, don’t we?.

I do keep busy. I am not bored. I am not stagnating or losing any interest in life. In fact, I have decided to add the addiction of lifetime learning and continuing education to my life and that ensures that I always have things to do. I’m enjoying my newly acquired library of college and university DVD courses on a variety of subjects, some of which are new to me and some of which I have always had a strong interest in.

The Covid situation did a lot to change life as I see it. A lot of staying home and little social contact. At this point I’m wondering if I will ever resume the social life previous to the pandemic. We’ll see. I’m reluctant to do a lot of things I was doing before. I feel a bit like a hermit these days.

So, what I’m saying is that I don’t know how much is left in my life. I guess that is always the way it is. Just hope for the best. For more time to do new things and keep moving on (as long as we can). I’ve just never thought about all of this this much until my online predictions gave me such a limited time left. Nothing has changed really. The end of it all always faces us. We like to deny it, but we can’t, really.

So, “what’s left?” The big question. Perhaps the big motivator. We just have to go on in faith that we will do what is ours to do until, well, there’s no more “stuff” (living) to do. Have a great rest of your life I say! I plan to.

Wally

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The Good is Hidden [ Post # 82 ]

So, the popular feeling out there in our world is that the world is turned upside down, the end of the world, or at least of this country or our democracy is near. We need to urgently save our democracy, perhaps have a civil war, etc., etc., etc. We need to turn this country into a theocracy and autocracy at least to begin the “salvation” process.

Hmmm, what’s going on? Is everything bad, negative, hopeless? It seems that a lot of people would say so. Negativity, negativity, negativity. Get ready, the end is near. Better arm yourselves to the hilt. I’ve actually been told this from friends and family. What the hell? Get a grip, people. You think this is the worst period of history? I say, study history. Really study it. I can’t imagine living in periods that I read about in history. There have been horrible times throughout all of history. Most of us live good lives, are pretty secure in the basics of life. We can do what we want and do not live under great fear every moment.

Now, of course this is not a perfect world. There is a lot of sh*t going on. There are a lot of people hurting. It is so easy to get sucked into negative thinking. I am subject to all of this, just like so many others. I really have to fight the pull of negativity. I’ve touched on this in some past posts. It’s a real struggle at times. Yet, I’ve got to have hope. I’ve got to have faith. At least for me, my sanity. My ability to carry on, go forward, have a purpose in living. Yes, at times a real tough struggle.

I work at keeping my sanity. On keeping a joyful attitude. I have certain practices that I am totally committed to. I have to go deeper than just superficial encouragements. I work at being “up,” positive, above the fray of our society, culture. I seek out good books, articles, stories, the things we usually don’t find in the media. Like they say, “happiness, goodness does not make the news,” hence, people don’t know about the good going on in our world. And I propose that there is a lot of good in our world. We just are not aware of the good. It lies “hidden” from the masses and the media. Even the good media.

I’ve written about the dark times of my life. Those were times I got ambushed by the bad in my life and the world. I did finally rescue myself from those situations and times, but today I still pursue the fight to find the good. I know it is there. I even keep a notebook now of “goodness,” of good people doing good things, those things we’ll probably never hear about by watching the news. (I also keep a notebook of bad people as I become aware of them and their deeds.) I need to know the two different kinds of people and what they are up to.

Okay, my one caveat. Being positive is great but be aware of the bad out there.

So, that’s my method of trying to keep sane in an insane world. No need to leave this world prematurely (suicide) or go out and kill a lot of people. I’ve got my own methods to keep me going and moving forward. I’m staying on the path, and it is a wonderful life.

A current book on this subject. It’s a bit controversial as being too positive according to some reviewers. But some interesting, good points are made.

Wally

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Suicide [ Post # 81 ]

What the hell? A post on suicide, hardly an “uplifting” post in any sense of the word. Well, I acknowledge this is a rather “taboo” subject in our culture. Something we usually avoid talking or thinking about at all. Yes, it happens, and some people have to deal with it for the rest of their lives.

Let me explain how this topic came to mind. I was recently reading about the author Virginia Woolf. Considered one of the most important modernist 20th-century authors and a pioneer in the use of stream of consciousness as a narrative device. She suffered mental illness throughout her life and eventually drowned herself in a river. That started me thinking of the subject of suicide and the many people including many celebrities that have taken that path to end their lives of torment. And recently I have had a couple of friends who may have ended their lives in suicide. Something we usually don’t think about but sometimes it just is in our face, and we have to deal with it.

Going back to my early life, the subject does bring up some memories and thoughts I had at very low periods in my early life. The thought of committing suicide did cross my mind a couple of times but, obviously, I did not carry through with the idea. In that period of depression, I thought, “well that would just end life for me, I’d never get to live out my life.” So, I considered homicide instead and came very close to acting on that impulse. We’re talking the 1950’s when such things were not normal. Today if a kid gets upset and has access to a gun it’s not that uncommon to go out and kill a bunch of people.

Thankfully, my family did not possess guns back then, so we all lucked out. I know a couple who would not have lived once I got ahold of a gun. I did devise other plans that did not involve guns, but, again, thankfully, I thought things through very carefully when I was in this depressed period. I came very close to carrying out my plans. Very close. I finally realized at the last moment that I’d be on the run for the rest of my life and if I got caught, I’d spend my life in prison.

But suicide? I thought about it, but I realized I wanted to have a life. But I know that feeling I had back then that suicide could be the solution to my problems. And I guess that is what often goes through the minds of those who do carry through with their dark urges. It is just hard, sometimes to understand how celebrities who seem to have it all, fame, fortune, etc. decide to give up after having it made (as the public see it).

I lived through an attempted suicide that was very close to me. My mother attempted suicide when I was very young. I remember that day very well. I was very confused as to what was happening. Still, to this day, it is not talked about in my family. It was not really talked about at the time, either. It was just “hush, hush, keep quiet.” It’s a taboo subject.

So, that’s how we usually handle the subject. It’s unpleasant and we don’t really talk about unpleasant things in this life. Sad, I think. There’s so much to learn when we talk about real life. And having it all does not seem to really matter. The most “successful” people fall to this dark side sometimes. I’m glad I basically came to the same conclusion Winston Churchill came to when he said, “As long as there’s life, there’s hope.”

So, for those who have fallen for the darkness and ended their lives, I am sad. Having been there, or very close to that place, I know how hopeless it seems. I’ve lived a long life and have come a long way from where I was long ago.

So, is this blog uplifting? Perhaps not. For me, though, it helps for me to look at this subject and the dark times I experienced long ago and see how far I’ve come. I wish people today would stop, think things through and if necessary, get help. Instead, it seems they just get angry, depressed, hopeless and reactive and go kill, do mass shootings, which often include suicide. There is a way out of this. I know.

Wally

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Updates: Death Cleaning and Lifetime Learning

Today’s blog will be an update and comments on two projects which I wrote about recently, “Swedish Death Cleaning,” and “Lifetime Leaning.” I started both projects a while back and they are my current obsessions or activities that I’m really deeply involved in. This is not a bad thing. In fact, I’m in one sense really enjoying these activities, or, well, at least glad I’m finally doing them and have the self-discipline to push through and see some results. In another sense, they are driving me crazy and to the edge of my sanity.

First off, let me say my death cleaning project is well, horrendous. Those of you who have had to clean up the mess of someone after they have died know what I’m referring to. Going through someone’s life accumulation of junk and other clutter and important papers is, well, not pleasant and pushes almost every button emotionally and psychologically. I can’t work at that project more than an hour or so without nearly losing my mind. So much stuff that has just piled up in a drawer or a corner of a room or wherever. So much stuff. So many memories (not all good ones, by the way).

During my cleaning project I find interesting things I didn’t know I had (hidden among all my junk). My old membership card in the Screen Children’s Guild and my brother’s Screen Actors Guild membership card.

Anyway, after reading a book on Swedish Death Cleaning a while back, I realized it was time to get my stuff in order and clear out a lot of junk. It’s going to take hundreds of hours more to get where I want to get, but I’m steadily working at it. Thank God my spouse is very supportive, or I know I’d never get through this without losing my mind. And it’s not easy to think of the end of life as I’m doing all of this, and that is what is on my mind as I proceed in doing this almost daily activity. We don’t like to ponder this subject much, do we? But we’ve got to, as I see it.

So, let me turn to another subject that I wrote about a while back, lifetime learning. I used to sell educational and motivational cassette tapes for about twenty years as a second job besides my airline job. I bought tapes from several companies and sold them in different stores as my own business. I guess I had an interest in education and motivation and it was an enjoyable job being a distributor of the products.

Some of my current, recent study in my lifetime learning project.

When I closed down that business a while back, I had quite a collection of the tapes leftover and I just stored them away in my garage for years. Well, as I stated in my blog many months ago, I came across those stored tapes and thought, what will I do with these? Just throw them away or perhaps listen to them? Many of the tapes I had not listened to, especially the more academic ones on philosophy and religion and psychology, etc. Well, I started to listen to them and decided I would like to transfer them to CDs and start a library of them for my own “continuing education,’ or lifetime learning as they call it now.

I did convert the best ones to CDs and started an in-depth study of the subjects I was interested in. As I was doing that tape to CD conversion I came across a CD and a DVD I had that I purchased from an educational company years ago. I got a catalog from that company one day urging me to come back and try out another course of theirs. I somehow resisted the urge to toss out that catalog and decided to give that company another chance to interest my curiosity in subjects of my interest. Well, I ordered a course of college / university lectures, and I was hooked. I have since purchased many, many additional courses in my fields of interest. Yep, they got me addicted to lifetime learning.

So, with the pandemic keeping us pretty much isolated and at home for many months, I have occupied much of my time with my two current projects. My death cleaning and my continuing education. Really had the time to devote to the projects and they did consume my time and energy. I’m clearing out my life substantially of unnecessary stuff and I’m putting into my life some good, intellectually and academically stimulating education and learning. It is a good feeling. I guess you could see it as, “out with the old and in with the new.”

So, is my lifetime learning/continuing education a challenge for me also? Ah, yes. I do not claim to be an intellectual or an academician. In fact, far from that. I’m just an average person, intellectually, as I see it. I have favorite subjects which I really enjoy and do understand to some extent. Then there are subjects I just do not seem to comprehend much. But that’s okay, really. The science courses I really don’t understand much at all. Way beyond my grasp. Oh, well, I do them anyway and perhaps later will make some sense of them. But the subjects I really have an interest in I enjoy immensely.

I am enjoying the history, philosophy, religion, psychology cultural courses. I’ve done a lot of study recently on evil and finding that subject is very relevant to today’s world, especially the political world. Studying Hitler’s Empire, I find very revealing on how people fall into a cult-like authoritarian political mind set. Evil has always been around as history has shown. A lot to be learned by studying it.

So, if we pick our addictions, I’m pretty satisfied with mine. A cleaned up, simplified, organized life, and an open mind to learning more about our world. I don’t need a recovery or twelve-step program for my current addictions. I’m glad about that.

Wally

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Faith / A Test of Faith [ Post #78 ]

Faith, now, there’s a word to ponder. What is faith? It can mean many different things to different people. I don’t think it is necessarily a religious term. Can an atheist have faith? Of course. It is not just a religious term. As I see it, we all have faith in our daily lives and activities.

If you board an airplane, you have faith in the laws of aerodynamics, that that heavier-than-air contraption is going to fly and get you safely to wherever you’re going. We have to have faith to get up and get through every day of our lives, don’t we?

Now, concerning another aspect of this subject of faith, there are times where we must have hope, a faith that things will turn out good for us, that things may go our way. Perhaps we should call this “hope combined with faith.” It is often called a “test of faith.” Don’t we all have those times in life when our faith is tested? For some people (several I know personally), very dramatic and serious tests of faith occur in their lives. I’m thinking of those who have had very serious injuries or illnesses in their lives, such as a diagnosis of terminal cancer, etc. The experience and the survival and recovery of such events is beyond words. If we are spared that experience, we are lucky and blessed.

In the past year and a half, I had a test of faith of sorts. Nothing like the above example. Nothing life-threatening. More of a material, financial testing that played with my mind and drove me a bit crazy. All I had to go on was a faith that all would work out in my favor. Otherwise, my life was going to be a mess, a total change of everything for me.

To keep it simple, let me just say that, out-of-the-blue, I got hit with a $19,331.14 tax bill. Like, due immediately and it was going to be an annual bill. Payment required immediately or penalties and other consequences were in store for me. Umm, time to call my lawyer! Pronto!

So, not serious like a terminal illness diagnosis, but a serious matter dropped into my lap. Fortunately, my lawyer assured me this would eventually be resolved in my favor, but we did have some problems. Problems brought on by this Wuhan Virus Pandemic. He said I may not be able to get through to talk with anyone for some time and it was going to take a long time to get this resolved. There were things I had to do, papers to be submitted, etc., etc. So, I of course did everything I could do. And I tried to contact the tax people, but of course with the virus situation going on, they were not answering their phones. I went through hell trying to get ahold of someone, and eventually I did. I was given phone numbers of tax investigators that could work with me. Contact was established but the investigator said no information was available on my situation, not a thing. No verification anything was being done in their computer system, just wait and call back later I was told. Yeah, okay.

Eight months. Eight months I kept trying to find out something. Nothing. I had to pay the bill, which meant messing up my finances and my retirement accounts. And I had nothing to go on except my lawyer telling me that it would eventually work out in my favor. Talk about a “test of faith!” Not a word for eight months. I did meet, finally, with the instigator and submitted all the paperwork again. Still no word on any progress. Then, one day, in the mail, a letter from the tax office. My heart about stopped. It was a thin envelope, definitely not a check enclosed, just a slip of paper, which I imagined said, “sorry, your claim denied, pay your tax bill.”

Well, I opened it and read it and about fainted. It said the tax assessor’s office had reversed their decision and I would receive a full refund of all I had paid. Issue resolved! I was, well, speechless. I had endured my “test of faith.” I had prayed and meditated every day for eight months and had no indication whatsoever that anything was going to be resolved. I had nothing to go on except hope that my lawyer was correct and knew what he was talking about. Life could resume. I would not be living in the streets in a tent or cardboard box. Life could resume as before.

Well, that’s how it looked that day. It ended up taking a while (a month and a half or so) before I had my money back in my hands. Then, it truly was over.

This was something I really could not talk about with anyone; it was so upsetting. My spouse knew what I was going through but that was it. It ate at me for eight months. I had nothing to go on but faith. I learned my lesson. Hang in there. Do my spiritual work. Don’t go dark. Don’t go negative. There’s nothing to go on, no encouragement, but hang in there!

So, that was my big test of faith. It about did me in. The blue skies have returned. We can move on now.

Wally

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I / We Choose [Post #76]

Okay, my view of life is that it’s hard. Yes, it’s hard. I would think most people would see what I’m saying and agree. Some may not. If you just view life as easy-peasey I say great… carry on, enjoy it all. But I think most of us know better. Most of us have struggled at times, been hurt and damaged at times. Been put down, treated badly, misunderstood, and on and on. We call those periods “dark times.” Visited by many of us at various times on this path. Hopefully those times were brief and temporary and if needed, we sought and got help and assistance from good friends and perhaps professionals. And we then carried on, with new knowledge learned from those lessons. I put myself in this category. Been put down, hurt, and learned my lessons and moved on to better living. Found a spiritual component in life and found and experienced love on the journey.

I think the greatest lesson learned is that for most of life, it unfolds and plays out before us because of what we choose. A hard lesson to learn. And a caveat is needed here. I am not one of those that preaches or teaches that all that happens is our choice. I know some so called spiritual and religious people say such things, but I adamantly do not. I see evil in the world. I know people can be cruel. I know horrible abuse happens that is not our fault. Disagree with me on this if you must, but that is my stand. There is a lot of karma out there in the world. Lots of consequences from people’s bad actions and choices.

But, except for the above situations, so much of our life is a result of our choice. I had to make some difficult choices at times and go against what people and society and culture told me to do. It was sometimes easy and sometimes very difficult. The point is that life turned out as it did because of the choices that were made. And, at this stage I can say it turned out to be a very good life. A very amazing life. The shadows were faced and conquered and transcended.

And, of course, we all know those people that made bad choices, some very bad choices and their lives ended up not being very good lives. Consequences, karma, whatever you want to call it. Choose bad, wrongly, and face what comes. A law of life, eventually. Yes, the Bible does at times teach that the bad people get a lot of good things and possessions, and the good people can get misery and experience bad things happening, but in the long run I think it eventually works out. Just my perspective.

So, choice. That’s the key to living a good life as I see it. I choose the good. I choose the true, the truth, the best. I choose love. At this point in life, I see love as “it”. The secret. The whole point of life. Everything else comes and goes. Yes, enjoy all the good of life. “Good, come to me,” I say. Yet, at the same time I know that the good is not “IT.” I cannot be fooled. I’ve been around too long. I’ve seen too much. I have paid attention. I’ve seen the deeper facts of life. I know too much, as I see it.

So, I say, do whatever works for you to live the best life. Practice right thinking. Do good things. Do philosophy, don’t just read it. Find a spiritual path if that’s in alignment with how you see things and want to live. Do a religion if that works, but don’t succumb to authoritarian leaders and institutions and doctrines and beliefs. Proceed with caution and deep thinking and study. There are many ways to live. Choose wisely.

I’ve chosen to accept and draw to me all the good of life. I’ve chosen love. Compassion, awareness, truth. Ain’t no turning back now, baby. Been there, done that… now I’m doing this. Amen.

Wally

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Where Are You on the Broadcasting Spectrum? [ Post #75 ]

A lesson in life that took me a long time to see and understand is that we are all broadcasting systems, just like the radio frequency spectrum in the ethers. In my childhood and youth, I was not aware of the energy out there in my environment, in my household, my neighborhood, my schoolyard, etc. Now, in my mature years I see it. I see how all my life I have been affected by the energies surrounding me in my personal, intimate environment. Now I see it. Well, as they say, “better late than never.” I just wish I had seen all of this earlier. Would have made life much easier, I’m sure.

A recent book covering this subject

Today, we have the phenomenon of Facebook and the rest of social media, and we can literally see that our friends and family and others are broadcasting their thoughts, feelings, opinions, loves and hatreds all the time on their postings, etc. We cannot escape it now.

Growing up, I was not aware of the energies and such that people around me were transmitting out to me all the time. Is it any wonder that many, if not most of us, grow up feeling less than good about ourselves? Not having the best self-concept of ourselves, not a great deal of, if any, self-love or self-acceptance? And some people are hurt or damaged for much of their lives. Spending the rest of their lives in recovery, so to speak.

But now we are adults, hopefully, and most of us are better adjusted to life and our social and familial environments. Yes, perhaps, but still, every day of our lives, we are “broadcasting.” We are broadcasting our “selves,” the selves that we think are our true selves. And what we broadcast daily can affect others around us. I know that I pick up people’s vibes pretty quickly and clearly when I’m out in the world socially. How about you?

So, just like the news media, we are broadcasting daily, 24/7 as they say. And just what are we broadcasting? Good news, bad news, dark, murky news? Absolute pessimism? Hope and optimism? Faith in life, the future, love? Think about that. I have. We are not perfect, of course, so there are always our “off days,” our down days, our times to retreat and recover our more healing energies. There are times I need to turn off the news. Turn off the annoying people in my life. It doesn’t matter if they are just acquaintances, friends, or even family. Enough of the crap. I need to live the good life, as this is the only life I have right now. Go elsewhere if you are just going to spew your emotional poison. I can deal with honest, even dark conversation, but it’s got to be real and have some boundaries if we are to accomplish some progress on this path, as I see it.

Another good book recently published

So, bringing this down to the personal level. How do I live my life? How should I live my life? What are the options in living my life and broadcasting my feelings and thoughts of things? We do have choices, you know. We choose how we will live our lives. We do not just default to whatever is there in our life. I’m not discounting real depression or grief or whatever. Of course that is all part of life. But I’m saying that most of us have a lot of choice in our daily living. Some people have made great changes in their lives in the emotional and psychological dimensions, myself included (ask anyone who has known me over a very long time).

So, today. Here we are. As I see it, we have to be very careful today of what influences we allow into our lives. The news media will bombard us with the negative aspects of life. Social media will expose to us our friends and family and others who have a lot of anger and hate to spew forth. And on and on it goes.

I have to be on guard all the time of what is entering my environment. I have to have some control over my personal life or others will step right in and promote their crap, their negativity. I am careful of how I respond to things around me, the talk I’m exposed to, the triggers people try to send my way. I now know that I am a broadcasting system and I am the person in charge of my broadcasts. I have been careless in the past but now I am very aware of how it all works. And, as I don’t have a lot of time left (not the decades and decades I used to have), I want to ensure that my life is the best possible, now that I have gotten myself this far. Love, happiness, joy, gratitude and bliss are what it is all about now. I hope many of you share a similar outlook on life at this point. It is the best life as I see it.

Wally

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Death of a Sibling / Forgiveness [ Post # 74 ]

September 23rd of this year, I had a unique experience. I lost a sibling. My brother died. I never had a sibling die before. I have lost my parents many years ago. But they were of a different generation than mine, of course. My brother’s death felt different, perhaps, because he was, in a sense, of my generation. Although eleven years older than I am, we grew up together. In the same household. Shared many common experiences. Oh, we were siblings, so of course we had our fun times together, and we also had our rough times and as most siblings do, we had differences and at times fought, sometimes very roughly. I can recall at least a couple of times I was sure he was going to drown me in our swimming pool. Ah, sibling rivalry. I know I’m not the only one to experience this. But, now he is dead and I look over our whole relationship of growing up in our family. My memories inspired me to write a memoir of my experiences with my brother which ended up being read at his celebration of life service, something I did not expect at all.

Love ya, brother!

So, losing a sibling. A unique experience. All the memories. I have one other sibling. So, of course in the back of my mind is the thought of who is next? Well, as they say, in so many years, we are all gone. The way life goes. So, thinking of my brother, how do I feel now as I think of him? There was the good, the fun, and the bad. All part of life in the family. Since my sister got married when I was young, most of my memories of family life are of me, my brother and our parents.

After my sister got married and left home, my brother and I were pretty close. We had to deal with our parents, so I guess you could say we bonded being the only two kids left at home. We got along most of the time. But, as time went on, our differences would surface. Oh, we did have our differences. Sometimes we would fight, physically. Other times we would fight verbally. We had great differences in perspectives on life and people. We had different interests, of course. He was into horticulture, big time. He loved plants. He was an expert in that field. He knew everything about plants and their technical names. Of any plants, he just knew everything as I saw it. He even went to college and studied in the field. He really did a good job of landscaping our yard. An obsession you could say. Doing his thing, as I saw it. I, on the other hand was becoming obsessed with aviation and a desire to become a pilot. We made a bet, in writing, that I would be an airline pilot by a certain age. And you know what… I still have that paper that we made the bet on. If fact, when I reached the age stated, I paid off my brother the ten dollars or whatever it was!

Me, my parents and my dear brother in the mountains a long time ago.

He went off to the army when I was in junior high school. He got drafted. I cried the next day a lot when I realized he was gone and I would have to put up with our parents alone. My companion was gone. I remember crying all the way on my walk to school. A hard time for me.

But, life goes on. He eventually completed his army commitment, came home and got married. I went on to college and at my completion of that commitment, my brother, sister and .my father came to Seattle to participate in my graduation ceremony. I was amazed that they came to the event. And after that, my brother stayed a few more days and the two of us took a road trip to Canada. It was a good time of bonding again after a long time. He especially loved visiting Butchart Gardens in British Columbia, Canada.

He also accompanied me on part of my road trip to Chicago a few months later when I started my studies at a theological seminary after college. He didn’t have enough days off work to make the whole trip, so he went as far as Denver and then flew home. I did enjoy our couple of days together on that trip, bonding again.

He started a family and had a large one. He had always talked of having a lot of kids, so he got his wish. As I see it, he had, overall, a good life. He loved his plants. He wanted a big family. He got both and seemed to enjoy it all. I see that, overall, as a good life. But, of course, there were the dark sides of his life, also, as with most of us, as I see it.

I already mentioned that we had our fights. We had very different feelings and opinions on several subjects. He was a very stubborn person. He had anger issues. He had a temper. He was a physically strong person and could be very rough with me at times. He had his prejudices, strong prejudices, like some of the rest of my family. I strongly disagreed with him on many things. He would put me down at times, very strongly. Yes, he could be nasty and rough. So, what do I think of all this now. He has passed on. How do I handle this?

Well, as with all of life, I have found the only way to live a good life is to have a lot of forgiveness as part of my way of living. To have no regrets, unresolved anger, hatred, etc. Just my way of living which I think is the best way to go. Studying the scriptures of many religions, studying Jesus and his teachings, forgiveness is of primary importance, as I see it. So, I apply this practice to my relationship with my late brother. I hold nothing against him. I recognize he was who he was. He lived his life his way. He had his anger issues and perhaps hatreds and prejudices. Now, if there is a continuing existence beyond this life, which I do believe in from experience rather than logic, he’s somewhere probably looking at all of this, also. I pray that he is settled and comfortable wherever and doing whatever he has to do to enjoy that dimension, perhaps with loved ones. I don’t know much of what’s beyond the veil. I just trust that all is well. Like I said, I feel he lived a good life. The life he wanted, really. Isn’t that the whole point of this existence?

Wally

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So… This Guy Called Jesus… [Post #73]

Yeah, this guy called “Jesus.” Since it’s the Christmas season, I thought I’d ruminate a bit about the “reason for the season.” So, actually his name probably was, as the scholars tell us, Yeshua ben Yosef. And he was probably born around 3 BC. And he is now known differently by many, many groups and I think, by all of us differently, in one way or another. And yes, I could write a book on this subject, but like my other blog posts, I must be brief in this essay and just make a few points that I find interesting on this topic.

Okay, I came to Jesus, so to speak, as a teenager. I grew up in a not particularly religious family. Like many families in the 1950’s, we went to church, as families were expected to give their children a “religious upbringing,” as I see it. But a religious family… really, I think not. When I was a teenager I “came to Jesus” you could say, when I watched Billy Graham on TV (our old Hoffman black and white set) in my bedroom one day. I figured I needed something religious or spiritual or something in my life as I was not happy at times in my childhood. Maybe adding God would improve my life, I thought. Anyway, that was my start on the religious, spiritual path that I’ve been on since.

Over the years and decades since then, I’ve had many experiences and many different perspectives of the “Christian” faith. I went to seminary after college and studied for the ministry. I studied theology and church history, etc. and a while after seminary I decided to give it all up and become an atheist. Just too many problems “believing.” But, of course I was dissatisfied with atheism, eventually, and returned to a search for a real faith I could embrace and live with.

So, this guy “Jesus.” Who was he? What was he? How did he end up being the head of a new religion? Well, that took a few hundred years to develop and it’s a fascinating story; one I’m still studying in depth now. I may have been a sort of a “Jesus freak” in my college days (the 1960’s… Vietnam War, etc.), and perhaps I am now, but in a very different way. Following Jesus is very important in my life but I do not care for the term “Christian” these days. It implies too much and the political world has corrupted the term, as I see it.

So, there is this spectrum of how we see Jesus, in my view. Many of my friends are evangelical type of Christians. They see the Christian faith as the only correct religion. Coming to Jesus and accepting him as your “personal savior” is the only way to know God. The only way to be “saved.” To go to heaven and avoid hell after this life is over. That’s the religion they accept as true. (Of course, “accept Jesus as your personal savior” is nowhere in the Bible.)

At the other end of the spectrum are those who have no real thought or concern of who this Jesus was or is. They could care less. And that leaves the whole spectrum between these two extremes. Where do you fit in this spectrum? Throughout history there were groups who thought Christ was God, fully God. And those who thought he was human, only human. And those who thought he was a combination of these two positions. And people killed each other over these positions.

I have at times asked my Jewish friends how they think of Jesus. They usually say something like “I see him as a prophet, a good person, in touch with God as a prophet.” I like that. And there are churches that see Jesus as the great example for us (how we can be, how we can live), not the great exception (a Divine God person that we can never be).

So, Jesus did not come to establish a new religion. He was a Jew. He had insights that upset people. He was a disrupter. He preached that the Kingdom of God was at hand. So, how do we handle this new teaching he seemed to bring to the ancient world? I guess the answer to that question is up to each of us. My perception of this whole dilemma has evolved over the years. Do you believe in animal sacrifice such as the Jews believed in and the pagans and later the Christians (Christ’s blood covers our sins)? Do you believe Jesus was God (totally God, one with the father)? Or Jesus was human, became Divine at his baptism and Divinity left him when he was on the cross, “father, why have you forsaken me?) Or Christ was at the creation story in Genesis (in the Gospel of John)? Or, this, or that. There are many, many beliefs. It is a fascinating subject to some of us theologians.

So, Christmas season is upon us. If Jesus is your Savior, if his blood washes away your sin, fine. If he is a prophet, a holy man, fine. If he is a very enlightened man, perhaps even someone you cannot really understand or put in a certain box, fine. However you see the Jesus story, enjoy the season, I say. Enjoy life. Enjoy God. Enjoy the miracle of it all while we are here. Thank you God, thank you Jesus, thank you all enlightened masters on the other side of the veil. Amen. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays.

Wally

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I Hate It! [ I Don’t Like It ] [ Post # 72 ]

Hate is a word I do not use much. I do not use it in referring to people. Oh, there are people I strongly dislike, people that I may see as full of evil and psychological sickness. But I refuse to use the word “hate.” Just my thing. My way of seeing things. But I will use that word to describe the state of things right now, the state of the world right now. I hate the way things are, I do not like it; I am pissed. I am living in a world I never imagined experiencing before.

In the past few years the hate has come out of the closet, so to speak, in our society, our politics, our daily living. It was not like this before. Yes, we have always had different views of life and politics, religion, etc. We’ve had Republican and Democratic presidents, conservatives and liberals and moderates and centrists in our political scene. We’ve had tough times and better times. But we have never had it like it is now. People are so worked up, so angry, so extreme. Thirty percent of our American society seem to want a dictatorship, regardless of what the popular vote may be. About the same percent, it seems, actually want a civil war in our streets. They are all excited about such a prospect. I hear it every day. What’s going on?

And, on top of all this, there’s this damn virus. I’m beginning to believe that it is not going to go away in my lifetime. We can’t even agree or work together in eliminating this thing from our world. All we do is fight each other and throw out these conspiracy theories, etc. And as for going about travel like we used to… it’s not happening anytime soon. No freedom to travel freely as in the past and fights breaking out onboard airliners among these factions of people. Yes, I hate this new world.

I’ve even heard the “super spiritual” people say oh, this is all good. This is God’s plan. God has created a perfect world, this is the best of all possible worlds. Huh… a bit wacky of a perspective I say. Ain’t buying that crock. We are doing this. Doing this to ourselves.

So, yes, I’m mad, I hate this, I am pissed. I do not like what I see humanity doing with all of this. As I explained in a previous blog, I have to seek out and find good news out there so that I don’t lose my mind watching all of this on the news every day.

I have a friend that had a t-shirt made that had the statement on it of “Blessing Happens.” He wore it to counter the popular t-shirts that had the statement “Sh*t Happens,” which I have seen almost everywhere. Wow, you’d think people would like that positive statement he had printed on his shirt, but, well, you guessed it. He got a lot of very negative feedback when out in public and eventually got rid of the shirt. Well, that’s a sad commentary on things, isn’t it?

Hmmmm….

So, I hate this. Yes, the world is very different than a few years ago. So much has changed. I’ve seen the nastiness in friends and family. I have been called vile names like never before. And as for the evangelical Christians… oh, don’t get me started!

Well, I’m just trying to survive this trying time. I have a stronger faith than I have ever had before (thank God). I am seeking and researching the good news that is out there in this world. I am limiting and watching my consumption of the daily news, knowing how it affects us. Just never thought it would be like this. How about you? Hang in there.

Wally