Category: Life Stories

Posted on

Life Changers [Post #91]

If you’ve read my ninety posts, you have read about a few of the big “life changers” of my life. Reflecting on these incidents I have come to reflect and do some research on one of the big life changers, the Vietnam War. As I study and think about this, I realize this was a big event in my life. In fact, that whole period of the 1960’s and early 1970’s molded me in my thinking for the rest of my life up to this point. So, backing up a bit before that period, let me refresh you on those events that really made my life become what it is, beginning before that period.

My first big “life changer” was my first airplane ride around age six. I made an instant decision right after takeoff on that Delta Airlines DC3 in the 1950’s that I was going to be a pilot someday. Absolutely certain about that. And a couple of decades later, I did.

Then, in high school, when I was denied the choice to take a class with my classmates, English Literature, I was pissed. I was called in to see my counselor and was told that I was not intelligent enough to take a “college preparatory” class like that. My grades were not good enough (they were average) and it would damage me to take such an “advanced” course.” (Ironically, my counselor’s name was Miss Hope.) She gave me no hope of accomplishing much in life. Higher education was definitely not an option for someone like me. Just get a menial job after high school and be happy.

At that point, I made a decision that no one was going to talk to me like that ever again and I would do whatever I set my mind to do in life. I did go on to college and graduate school, so “thank you” Miss Hope. You inspired me to disregard your advice and move forward with my life.

So, during my college years, I faced my biggest life changer of all. I had to face being drafted and being a participant in the Vietnam War. I had lost a few college credits transferring from my local community college to a college in Seattle, Washington. My draft board did not like the fact I was behind a bit in my college education and that triggered them trying to draft me.

That really hit me hard as I was doing well with my life and my college education and now I had to face this dilemma. I had to think this situation over. I did take my draft physical, and I had to face what I thought about this war going on in the region far, far away from home. It was a very chaotic time with all that was happening. The war was peaking and what did we know about it? I began much study and reflection on the whole situation. I questioned a lot at this time. This questioning caused a lot of criticism from many different directions. This was also the era of the modern civil rights movement and our president (LBJ) trying to handle the civil rights movement and his war on poverty and the Vietnam War. Those two areas were what he was interested in, not directing this war. Not a fun time.

Well, I had taken some stands on some of the issues of the day, and I paid for my questioning by being call nasty things by my family. I had to endure being called a “nigger lover, a communist, unamerican, unpatriotic,” etc., etc. Oh, well, people react how they react, but I was just questioning all of these issues. I guess questioning was not allowed. Many years later, in my airline career when I was talking with my supervisor about things, the Vietnam War came up (he was a Marine in the war), I think he sensed I had questions about the war or perhaps antiwar sentiments. He told me that if I ever expressed thoughts or feelings about the war that were not absolutely positive, he would make my work life miserable. Wow, I still can’t question anything decades later. Also, during the war years, the government was watching me as they sent me letters saying they were aware that I had received communication from Hanoi. What that actually was was a confirmation that I had received a QSL card (a confirmation card for radio enthusiasts) confirming that I had indeed listened to their broadcast, which was just a hobby I had at the time. I was curious about the world.

So, as I see it, this was probably the biggest “life changer” for me. I learned a lot about “group think,” about going with the crowd, don’t question things, just behave, listen to and obey authorities. That changed my life. I think deeply now. I don’t just follow the leader, especially when I see that the “leader” is often a fool and a controller and manipulator. I have to buck the crowd and pay the price for thinking independently. But that was a good lesson to learn way back in my youth. It retains my sanity, especially in this insane (at times) world. Thinking deeply and my spiritual life are my salvation now.

I have found this course very helpful in understanding the Vietnam situation, which began way back in the 1940’s.

So, I am continually working on my lifetime learning through many college and university courses I have on DVD. When the course on the Vietnam War came out recently, I was glad to get it. I wanted to know more about that war that changed so many things. The war that killed and injured some friends of mine. And I am learning a lot. At the time it was happening there was so much confusion and uncertainty and, well, evil. I wanted to know more, and this course has filled in the blanks for me. What a mess that war was. That whole period still bothers and affects me in so many ways.

I recently purchased this DVD.

Anyone who had any antiwar sentiments had to face very harsh criticisms. I notice if I mention a film or tv show that an antiwar celebrity is in, such as Jane Fonda, many people immediately go ballistic.

So, that event and that time period was one of the biggest “life changers” for me. It determined how I would act and think and believe for all of my adult life. A hard time to get through, but a time with lots of lessons for me to this day.

Wally

Posted on

Magnolia Bluff [ Post #86 ]

Have you had some special, favorite places to retreat to for contemplative times, times to look at life, where you are, where you’re going? In my college years, I had three places that come to mind. Places I would go to to ”think.” Places where I contemplated my future, whatever that may be. In my blog post number four (September 18, 2018) I mentioned my periodic drives from my college campus to my favorite spot to park and retreat from the business of college life. It was Magnolia Bluff in Seattle, Washington. That was my spot to retreat to often during my four years in college to chill and “think things over.” There were a couple of other places I would enjoy also. The ship canal between Lake Union and Puget Sound that was one block away from the campus and where I had a job while in school, at a restaurant on Lake Union with a great view of the lake during sunset and the evening hours.

Thinking back to those times at Magnolia Bluff, I wish I could go back to those days through a time machine and visit with myself as I would have some very interesting conversations. You see, I would spend time there, probably a half hour to an hour and I would daydream about where my life was going after I finished school. It turned out, I had not a clue what was next in my life which was before me, perhaps many decades of “something.” Work, a career more education? Not a clue for most of those four years.

The magnificent view from Magnolia Bluff of Puget Sound, Seattle

I came to college (a major feat for me as my family strongly discouraged my higher education) thinking I would possibly be a teacher, an elementary school teacher. Many said that would be a good career as you get so much time off for vacations. Well, during my first yearI worked at that for a while. Did some student teaching type of activities. It didn’t take long before I decided “nope,” not for me. So, there would be three more years of school before I would be thrust out into the world.

I had no idea what my life after school would be. I changed my major from sociology to history, only because I had enough history classes at the end of my schooling to do that and a sociology major required doing a big research project. Not because I had any reason for majoring in history. I had no idea what I was going to do. I guess I just thought I’d get into some work and get married and have a family like everyone was supposed to do.

Just a beautiful spot to “chill,” contemplate life.

Finally, in my last year, I decided to avoid having to find a job and do the usual things by deciding to continue my education with graduate school. I had an interest in possible church work as a minister (I was attending a Christian college and that was an interest of mine). So, I applied to theological seminary and was accepted. Off to Chicago I went, thinking that was the direction for me.

So, a lot seemed to finally come together after my years of driving up to Magnolia Bluff and contemplating my life’s future. It was a slow process. If I could go back and have those conversations with myself that I fantasized about, I would tell myself, “Don’t worry, your life is going to work out. No, you can’t see it now, but it will all work out.” There will be some rough times, but you’ll get through them and achieve all your dreams.

My dreams were to become a pilot and to see the world. After seminary I did get an airline job. I got to see the world. I did get my pilot licenses, private pilot and then commercial pilot licenses. I got my flight instructor’s certificates and did some flight instructing. I did all that I dreamed of doing, but as I sat at Magnolia Bluff those many years ago, I never knew how it would work out so perfectly.

So, thinking about all of this, I’m thinking, have I had any other experiences like those many hours at the bluff contemplating life? Well, probably not quite so intense or focused, but yes, I do find places to retreat to from time to time.

In seminary I would drive to nearby Lake Michigan to chill and retreat. When I lived in Santa Monica on the beach, I would spend a lot of time on the beach (yeah, and now the skin cancers seem to be the price I paid for that carelessness). And for the past twenty years I would retreat to the local mountains, renting cabins, often for weeks at a time every year. Now I get to the mountains for several days each year. And at home, I have a room designated as my “sanctuary.” So, I guess I carried on the practice of contemplation and having a sacred space in which to do my contemplation, reading, meditation and prayer. As one of my recent blogs discussed, I now am thinking, “what’s next?” So, the contemplation goes on. I am looking forward to some new stuff. Just don’t know what it is! Guess that’s the fun of life. Just keep going on, moving forward. And it helps to have great love in your heart and life. That’s the real secret.

Wally

Posted on

Religion / Science / Life / And Beyond [ Post #84 ]

So, in one short essay, I’ll cover all of life. Yeah, sure. Well, perhaps give a quick overview of things in my life from the perspective of where I’m at right now, anyway. If you have read many of my previous blog posts, you can probably comprehend most of what I’m going to say here. But, just to update you, here goes.

Religion, now there’s a big subject. I’ve talked a lot about it here and there. I’ve spent a good portion of my life involved in it and studying it. I went to theological seminary. I have studied it in depth since seminary. It is a fascinating subject to me. Fascinating especially when I go deep into my study of it, studying what the scholars have to say about it. I’m not interested in the superficial, fluffy stuff one can often experience in a religious institution such as a church. As my professor in seminary once told us, “You don’t ever want to tell your congregation what you learn in seminary and biblical scholarship, as that will destroy their faith!” I understood that to mean, just teach and preach the standard, church- approved stuff. Let the people feel good about life and God, etc. Don’t bother them with the problems and conflicts and contradictions of religion.

Well, I have two strong feelings about religion. One is, for most people, it is good to have a good, well thought-out religion, or spiritual path. If it works for you, fine. If it brings more love into your life, good. Live it! Live your religion. But keep an open mind. If you find out it gives or promotes prejudice and hate, reconsider your “faith.” Something is not right, as I see it.

Okay, my other thought about religion. There is an awful history of religions and the evil ways they have been used. No question about this, just study history. The most awful history of how religion has been used to control and kill millions throughout the years. It’s sickening and evil.

So, religion can be awful. But check them out and if you find a good one, fine. So, is this perspective contradictory? Yes, I admit it. Just like so much of life, it is contradictory.

Okay, on to science. Here’s a subject that many think is the opposite of religion. Talk about contradictions! Many religious fundamentalists are not too keen on science. God created human life and all existence six thousand years ago in the Garden of Eden, they say. Not billions of years ago like most scientists say. And this is just one example of how some religionists view science. I won’t belabor the point; you get the idea.

I happen to be enjoying a deeper study of science right now with my college and university DVD courses which I have mentioned in previous blogs. I had some basic science in general education, but I admit it was not my favorite subject, or perhaps I just found it harder to understand than other subjects. I am now really enjoying it, even if I still find some subjects difficult to really understand. I have a course on cosmology that is so far beyond my comprehension I understand so little of what the excellent professor is teaching. Oh, well, I must be picking up some knowledge, if very little. I’ll redo the course later, I’m sure.

Another interesting thing about science. It changes with the times and new knowledge is discovered. Pluto was a planet when I was young and now it’s not. Science is very interesting, I’m finding. It causes me to look at things in life very differently than previously. It helps to understand how and why things happen. I find mystery in what created all the laws of science, just as the early discoverers and theologians did. Why are things the way they are? Is life chaos or is life orderly, etc., etc. And what is behind it all?

Well, as for the last two topics of this blog, life and beyond life. You’ve probably picked up from my previous blogs that I am basically a positive type of person’ or at least I look for the positive and try to live in the positive aspect of human life on this planet. True, I haven’t always been this way. My childhood was one of some very dark periods, but I survived and thrived. I worked my way through a lot of difficult times, emotionally and psychologically. I achieved my dreams and had great experiences and loves. And now my life incorporates some aspects of religion and a spiritual path. And, I might add, a lot of mystery. A lot of mystery. I don’t really know much about life in so many ways. I try to understand what I can and realize we can’t comprehend it all. We can’t comprehend most of it (life), as I see it. Why life? Why the universe? Why any existence at all?

Okay, so now on to the “and beyond” part to conclude this essay. If I see this life as basically a mystery, I certainly see the “beyond this life” as a complete mystery. Oh, I know, religion has lots of answers in this realm. And people hold strong beliefs about the “hereafter.” But to me, it’s a mystery. In the past I was very logical and materialistic when it came to this stuff. Life cannot be understood and certainly death can’t be either. But this is one area where I have had to revise my thoughts and beliefs. For a long time, especially when I was in my “atheistic” period, death was final. Existence was over, period. I remember one day my now spouse said, “well, sorry I won’t see you on the “other side.” Hmmmm.

So, I have had some weird and strange experiences in the past several years. I have been convinced (going against my logical thinking) that there is “something else,” or an unseen, invisible side to life. No, I don’t understand it. But I cannot dismiss some psychic type experiences I’ve had. And my research on NDE’s (Near Death Experiences) and similar type experiences convince me that there’s more to life than just this earthly life. But, once again, I don’t understand. I don’t understand the mystery. It’s all such a mystery. That’s where I am. And I believe, but believe what? That the mystery will be revealed as we travel on, in this life and then the other experience when it comes.

So, perhaps I’ve really said nothing in this blog. All of life is a mystery. I don’t understand much of anything. Like I’ve said before, all I know is that life can be good. We can have a good life. We can dream our dreams and realize them. I have. And we can love. We can avoid hate, we really can. And if we love, then, we have found the purpose of life. To me, it’s really that simple. And I will go on in life loving and learning and when the time comes and it is all over, well, then, perhaps some of the mystery will be revealed. That’s how I see it.

Wally

Posted on

What’s Left? [ Post #83 ]

A long life is nice. You get a chance to do things you want to do, things you have dreamed about as a kid. If things have worked out, you’ve lived your good life. Hopefully, many have had a successful life of achievement of dreams and desires fulfilled. Hopefully, you have had good relationships and loves. For many, that includes a good family and good family memories. Not for everybody, of course, but for many. And, when you have done those things you dreamed about in your younger years, you have perhaps retired (yes, some do not retire, really, they keep on going because they want to). So, if you have made it this far and your life has been good, and you are in a happy state and perhaps spending some time being reflexive and contemplative, you may be thinking, “what is left?”

That’s sort of where I am right now in my life. I ask myself (and God or the whatever) so, “what is next?” Is it over (this life of mine)? Is there more coming up, new things to do, new adventures? Or just relax and enjoy the culmination of a good life? There are many different paths that could be taken from this point I’m at. A few years ago, I started blogging; that was a new path. Are there other activities I am going to get involved in? How much time is remaining?

I think of my city councilman who recently came home for lunch, I believe, and told his wife he was just going to rest on the couch for a bit. Well, when she tried to awaken him, she couldn’t. He was gone. In his sixties and a very active and good councilman from most reports I have read. Over in the blink of an eye. A very good and productive life. Not a clue that was his last day. That gets me thinking, of course. What is left, what is next? Is there more, really, or not?

I’ve taken those online surveys about how long you are going to live, etc. Interesting stuff. The last one I took really got my attention as it gave my last year of life to be the year 2023. Hmmm…never had a response that close before. That really got me thinking, “what’s left?”

So, the time ahead is limited, but how limited? Most of my friends and a lot of my family are gone. Most of my co-workers, my age and younger, gone. I’ve been blessed with a long life. I actually have two feelings regarding this subject. One is that I have more things to do. I need to keep my energy and interests up and positive and keep moving ahead. That’s good. But at times I feel the other side of the matter. I get tired and I wonder if there is really a lot left for me. Of course, I’m pulling for that first feeling. But so were most of my friends that are gone. We just think life will go on forever. But we know better, don’t we?.

I do keep busy. I am not bored. I am not stagnating or losing any interest in life. In fact, I have decided to add the addiction of lifetime learning and continuing education to my life and that ensures that I always have things to do. I’m enjoying my newly acquired library of college and university DVD courses on a variety of subjects, some of which are new to me and some of which I have always had a strong interest in.

The Covid situation did a lot to change life as I see it. A lot of staying home and little social contact. At this point I’m wondering if I will ever resume the social life previous to the pandemic. We’ll see. I’m reluctant to do a lot of things I was doing before. I feel a bit like a hermit these days.

So, what I’m saying is that I don’t know how much is left in my life. I guess that is always the way it is. Just hope for the best. For more time to do new things and keep moving on (as long as we can). I’ve just never thought about all of this this much until my online predictions gave me such a limited time left. Nothing has changed really. The end of it all always faces us. We like to deny it, but we can’t, really.

So, “what’s left?” The big question. Perhaps the big motivator. We just have to go on in faith that we will do what is ours to do until, well, there’s no more “stuff” (living) to do. Have a great rest of your life I say! I plan to.

Wally

Posted on

The Good is Hidden [ Post # 82 ]

So, the popular feeling out there in our world is that the world is turned upside down, the end of the world, or at least of this country or our democracy is near. We need to urgently save our democracy, perhaps have a civil war, etc., etc., etc. We need to turn this country into a theocracy and autocracy at least to begin the “salvation” process.

Hmmm, what’s going on? Is everything bad, negative, hopeless? It seems that a lot of people would say so. Negativity, negativity, negativity. Get ready, the end is near. Better arm yourselves to the hilt. I’ve actually been told this from friends and family. What the hell? Get a grip, people. You think this is the worst period of history? I say, study history. Really study it. I can’t imagine living in periods that I read about in history. There have been horrible times throughout all of history. Most of us live good lives, are pretty secure in the basics of life. We can do what we want and do not live under great fear every moment.

Now, of course this is not a perfect world. There is a lot of sh*t going on. There are a lot of people hurting. It is so easy to get sucked into negative thinking. I am subject to all of this, just like so many others. I really have to fight the pull of negativity. I’ve touched on this in some past posts. It’s a real struggle at times. Yet, I’ve got to have hope. I’ve got to have faith. At least for me, my sanity. My ability to carry on, go forward, have a purpose in living. Yes, at times a real tough struggle.

I work at keeping my sanity. On keeping a joyful attitude. I have certain practices that I am totally committed to. I have to go deeper than just superficial encouragements. I work at being “up,” positive, above the fray of our society, culture. I seek out good books, articles, stories, the things we usually don’t find in the media. Like they say, “happiness, goodness does not make the news,” hence, people don’t know about the good going on in our world. And I propose that there is a lot of good in our world. We just are not aware of the good. It lies “hidden” from the masses and the media. Even the good media.

I’ve written about the dark times of my life. Those were times I got ambushed by the bad in my life and the world. I did finally rescue myself from those situations and times, but today I still pursue the fight to find the good. I know it is there. I even keep a notebook now of “goodness,” of good people doing good things, those things we’ll probably never hear about by watching the news. (I also keep a notebook of bad people as I become aware of them and their deeds.) I need to know the two different kinds of people and what they are up to.

Okay, my one caveat. Being positive is great but be aware of the bad out there.

So, that’s my method of trying to keep sane in an insane world. No need to leave this world prematurely (suicide) or go out and kill a lot of people. I’ve got my own methods to keep me going and moving forward. I’m staying on the path, and it is a wonderful life.

A current book on this subject. It’s a bit controversial as being too positive according to some reviewers. But some interesting, good points are made.

Wally

Posted on

Suicide [ Post # 81 ]

What the hell? A post on suicide, hardly an “uplifting” post in any sense of the word. Well, I acknowledge this is a rather “taboo” subject in our culture. Something we usually avoid talking or thinking about at all. Yes, it happens, and some people have to deal with it for the rest of their lives.

Let me explain how this topic came to mind. I was recently reading about the author Virginia Woolf. Considered one of the most important modernist 20th-century authors and a pioneer in the use of stream of consciousness as a narrative device. She suffered mental illness throughout her life and eventually drowned herself in a river. That started me thinking of the subject of suicide and the many people including many celebrities that have taken that path to end their lives of torment. And recently I have had a couple of friends who may have ended their lives in suicide. Something we usually don’t think about but sometimes it just is in our face, and we have to deal with it.

Going back to my early life, the subject does bring up some memories and thoughts I had at very low periods in my early life. The thought of committing suicide did cross my mind a couple of times but, obviously, I did not carry through with the idea. In that period of depression, I thought, “well that would just end life for me, I’d never get to live out my life.” So, I considered homicide instead and came very close to acting on that impulse. We’re talking the 1950’s when such things were not normal. Today if a kid gets upset and has access to a gun it’s not that uncommon to go out and kill a bunch of people.

Thankfully, my family did not possess guns back then, so we all lucked out. I know a couple who would not have lived once I got ahold of a gun. I did devise other plans that did not involve guns, but, again, thankfully, I thought things through very carefully when I was in this depressed period. I came very close to carrying out my plans. Very close. I finally realized at the last moment that I’d be on the run for the rest of my life and if I got caught, I’d spend my life in prison.

But suicide? I thought about it, but I realized I wanted to have a life. But I know that feeling I had back then that suicide could be the solution to my problems. And I guess that is what often goes through the minds of those who do carry through with their dark urges. It is just hard, sometimes to understand how celebrities who seem to have it all, fame, fortune, etc. decide to give up after having it made (as the public see it).

I lived through an attempted suicide that was very close to me. My mother attempted suicide when I was very young. I remember that day very well. I was very confused as to what was happening. Still, to this day, it is not talked about in my family. It was not really talked about at the time, either. It was just “hush, hush, keep quiet.” It’s a taboo subject.

So, that’s how we usually handle the subject. It’s unpleasant and we don’t really talk about unpleasant things in this life. Sad, I think. There’s so much to learn when we talk about real life. And having it all does not seem to really matter. The most “successful” people fall to this dark side sometimes. I’m glad I basically came to the same conclusion Winston Churchill came to when he said, “As long as there’s life, there’s hope.”

So, for those who have fallen for the darkness and ended their lives, I am sad. Having been there, or very close to that place, I know how hopeless it seems. I’ve lived a long life and have come a long way from where I was long ago.

So, is this blog uplifting? Perhaps not. For me, though, it helps for me to look at this subject and the dark times I experienced long ago and see how far I’ve come. I wish people today would stop, think things through and if necessary, get help. Instead, it seems they just get angry, depressed, hopeless and reactive and go kill, do mass shootings, which often include suicide. There is a way out of this. I know.

Wally

Posted on

Updates: Death Cleaning and Lifetime Learning

Today’s blog will be an update and comments on two projects which I wrote about recently, “Swedish Death Cleaning,” and “Lifetime Leaning.” I started both projects a while back and they are my current obsessions or activities that I’m really deeply involved in. This is not a bad thing. In fact, I’m in one sense really enjoying these activities, or, well, at least glad I’m finally doing them and have the self-discipline to push through and see some results. In another sense, they are driving me crazy and to the edge of my sanity.

First off, let me say my death cleaning project is well, horrendous. Those of you who have had to clean up the mess of someone after they have died know what I’m referring to. Going through someone’s life accumulation of junk and other clutter and important papers is, well, not pleasant and pushes almost every button emotionally and psychologically. I can’t work at that project more than an hour or so without nearly losing my mind. So much stuff that has just piled up in a drawer or a corner of a room or wherever. So much stuff. So many memories (not all good ones, by the way).

During my cleaning project I find interesting things I didn’t know I had (hidden among all my junk). My old membership card in the Screen Children’s Guild and my brother’s Screen Actors Guild membership card.

Anyway, after reading a book on Swedish Death Cleaning a while back, I realized it was time to get my stuff in order and clear out a lot of junk. It’s going to take hundreds of hours more to get where I want to get, but I’m steadily working at it. Thank God my spouse is very supportive, or I know I’d never get through this without losing my mind. And it’s not easy to think of the end of life as I’m doing all of this, and that is what is on my mind as I proceed in doing this almost daily activity. We don’t like to ponder this subject much, do we? But we’ve got to, as I see it.

So, let me turn to another subject that I wrote about a while back, lifetime learning. I used to sell educational and motivational cassette tapes for about twenty years as a second job besides my airline job. I bought tapes from several companies and sold them in different stores as my own business. I guess I had an interest in education and motivation and it was an enjoyable job being a distributor of the products.

Some of my current, recent study in my lifetime learning project.

When I closed down that business a while back, I had quite a collection of the tapes leftover and I just stored them away in my garage for years. Well, as I stated in my blog many months ago, I came across those stored tapes and thought, what will I do with these? Just throw them away or perhaps listen to them? Many of the tapes I had not listened to, especially the more academic ones on philosophy and religion and psychology, etc. Well, I started to listen to them and decided I would like to transfer them to CDs and start a library of them for my own “continuing education,’ or lifetime learning as they call it now.

I did convert the best ones to CDs and started an in-depth study of the subjects I was interested in. As I was doing that tape to CD conversion I came across a CD and a DVD I had that I purchased from an educational company years ago. I got a catalog from that company one day urging me to come back and try out another course of theirs. I somehow resisted the urge to toss out that catalog and decided to give that company another chance to interest my curiosity in subjects of my interest. Well, I ordered a course of college / university lectures, and I was hooked. I have since purchased many, many additional courses in my fields of interest. Yep, they got me addicted to lifetime learning.

So, with the pandemic keeping us pretty much isolated and at home for many months, I have occupied much of my time with my two current projects. My death cleaning and my continuing education. Really had the time to devote to the projects and they did consume my time and energy. I’m clearing out my life substantially of unnecessary stuff and I’m putting into my life some good, intellectually and academically stimulating education and learning. It is a good feeling. I guess you could see it as, “out with the old and in with the new.”

So, is my lifetime learning/continuing education a challenge for me also? Ah, yes. I do not claim to be an intellectual or an academician. In fact, far from that. I’m just an average person, intellectually, as I see it. I have favorite subjects which I really enjoy and do understand to some extent. Then there are subjects I just do not seem to comprehend much. But that’s okay, really. The science courses I really don’t understand much at all. Way beyond my grasp. Oh, well, I do them anyway and perhaps later will make some sense of them. But the subjects I really have an interest in I enjoy immensely.

I am enjoying the history, philosophy, religion, psychology cultural courses. I’ve done a lot of study recently on evil and finding that subject is very relevant to today’s world, especially the political world. Studying Hitler’s Empire, I find very revealing on how people fall into a cult-like authoritarian political mind set. Evil has always been around as history has shown. A lot to be learned by studying it.

So, if we pick our addictions, I’m pretty satisfied with mine. A cleaned up, simplified, organized life, and an open mind to learning more about our world. I don’t need a recovery or twelve-step program for my current addictions. I’m glad about that.

Wally

Posted on

Faith / A Test of Faith [ Post #78 ]

Faith, now, there’s a word to ponder. What is faith? It can mean many different things to different people. I don’t think it is necessarily a religious term. Can an atheist have faith? Of course. It is not just a religious term. As I see it, we all have faith in our daily lives and activities.

If you board an airplane, you have faith in the laws of aerodynamics, that that heavier-than-air contraption is going to fly and get you safely to wherever you’re going. We have to have faith to get up and get through every day of our lives, don’t we?

Now, concerning another aspect of this subject of faith, there are times where we must have hope, a faith that things will turn out good for us, that things may go our way. Perhaps we should call this “hope combined with faith.” It is often called a “test of faith.” Don’t we all have those times in life when our faith is tested? For some people (several I know personally), very dramatic and serious tests of faith occur in their lives. I’m thinking of those who have had very serious injuries or illnesses in their lives, such as a diagnosis of terminal cancer, etc. The experience and the survival and recovery of such events is beyond words. If we are spared that experience, we are lucky and blessed.

In the past year and a half, I had a test of faith of sorts. Nothing like the above example. Nothing life-threatening. More of a material, financial testing that played with my mind and drove me a bit crazy. All I had to go on was a faith that all would work out in my favor. Otherwise, my life was going to be a mess, a total change of everything for me.

To keep it simple, let me just say that, out-of-the-blue, I got hit with a $19,331.14 tax bill. Like, due immediately and it was going to be an annual bill. Payment required immediately or penalties and other consequences were in store for me. Umm, time to call my lawyer! Pronto!

So, not serious like a terminal illness diagnosis, but a serious matter dropped into my lap. Fortunately, my lawyer assured me this would eventually be resolved in my favor, but we did have some problems. Problems brought on by this Wuhan Virus Pandemic. He said I may not be able to get through to talk with anyone for some time and it was going to take a long time to get this resolved. There were things I had to do, papers to be submitted, etc., etc. So, I of course did everything I could do. And I tried to contact the tax people, but of course with the virus situation going on, they were not answering their phones. I went through hell trying to get ahold of someone, and eventually I did. I was given phone numbers of tax investigators that could work with me. Contact was established but the investigator said no information was available on my situation, not a thing. No verification anything was being done in their computer system, just wait and call back later I was told. Yeah, okay.

Eight months. Eight months I kept trying to find out something. Nothing. I had to pay the bill, which meant messing up my finances and my retirement accounts. And I had nothing to go on except my lawyer telling me that it would eventually work out in my favor. Talk about a “test of faith!” Not a word for eight months. I did meet, finally, with the instigator and submitted all the paperwork again. Still no word on any progress. Then, one day, in the mail, a letter from the tax office. My heart about stopped. It was a thin envelope, definitely not a check enclosed, just a slip of paper, which I imagined said, “sorry, your claim denied, pay your tax bill.”

Well, I opened it and read it and about fainted. It said the tax assessor’s office had reversed their decision and I would receive a full refund of all I had paid. Issue resolved! I was, well, speechless. I had endured my “test of faith.” I had prayed and meditated every day for eight months and had no indication whatsoever that anything was going to be resolved. I had nothing to go on except hope that my lawyer was correct and knew what he was talking about. Life could resume. I would not be living in the streets in a tent or cardboard box. Life could resume as before.

Well, that’s how it looked that day. It ended up taking a while (a month and a half or so) before I had my money back in my hands. Then, it truly was over.

This was something I really could not talk about with anyone; it was so upsetting. My spouse knew what I was going through but that was it. It ate at me for eight months. I had nothing to go on but faith. I learned my lesson. Hang in there. Do my spiritual work. Don’t go dark. Don’t go negative. There’s nothing to go on, no encouragement, but hang in there!

So, that was my big test of faith. It about did me in. The blue skies have returned. We can move on now.

Wally

Posted on

I / We Choose [Post #76]

Okay, my view of life is that it’s hard. Yes, it’s hard. I would think most people would see what I’m saying and agree. Some may not. If you just view life as easy-peasey I say great… carry on, enjoy it all. But I think most of us know better. Most of us have struggled at times, been hurt and damaged at times. Been put down, treated badly, misunderstood, and on and on. We call those periods “dark times.” Visited by many of us at various times on this path. Hopefully those times were brief and temporary and if needed, we sought and got help and assistance from good friends and perhaps professionals. And we then carried on, with new knowledge learned from those lessons. I put myself in this category. Been put down, hurt, and learned my lessons and moved on to better living. Found a spiritual component in life and found and experienced love on the journey.

I think the greatest lesson learned is that for most of life, it unfolds and plays out before us because of what we choose. A hard lesson to learn. And a caveat is needed here. I am not one of those that preaches or teaches that all that happens is our choice. I know some so called spiritual and religious people say such things, but I adamantly do not. I see evil in the world. I know people can be cruel. I know horrible abuse happens that is not our fault. Disagree with me on this if you must, but that is my stand. There is a lot of karma out there in the world. Lots of consequences from people’s bad actions and choices.

But, except for the above situations, so much of our life is a result of our choice. I had to make some difficult choices at times and go against what people and society and culture told me to do. It was sometimes easy and sometimes very difficult. The point is that life turned out as it did because of the choices that were made. And, at this stage I can say it turned out to be a very good life. A very amazing life. The shadows were faced and conquered and transcended.

And, of course, we all know those people that made bad choices, some very bad choices and their lives ended up not being very good lives. Consequences, karma, whatever you want to call it. Choose bad, wrongly, and face what comes. A law of life, eventually. Yes, the Bible does at times teach that the bad people get a lot of good things and possessions, and the good people can get misery and experience bad things happening, but in the long run I think it eventually works out. Just my perspective.

So, choice. That’s the key to living a good life as I see it. I choose the good. I choose the true, the truth, the best. I choose love. At this point in life, I see love as “it”. The secret. The whole point of life. Everything else comes and goes. Yes, enjoy all the good of life. “Good, come to me,” I say. Yet, at the same time I know that the good is not “IT.” I cannot be fooled. I’ve been around too long. I’ve seen too much. I have paid attention. I’ve seen the deeper facts of life. I know too much, as I see it.

So, I say, do whatever works for you to live the best life. Practice right thinking. Do good things. Do philosophy, don’t just read it. Find a spiritual path if that’s in alignment with how you see things and want to live. Do a religion if that works, but don’t succumb to authoritarian leaders and institutions and doctrines and beliefs. Proceed with caution and deep thinking and study. There are many ways to live. Choose wisely.

I’ve chosen to accept and draw to me all the good of life. I’ve chosen love. Compassion, awareness, truth. Ain’t no turning back now, baby. Been there, done that… now I’m doing this. Amen.

Wally

Posted on

Where Are You on the Broadcasting Spectrum? [ Post #75 ]

A lesson in life that took me a long time to see and understand is that we are all broadcasting systems, just like the radio frequency spectrum in the ethers. In my childhood and youth, I was not aware of the energy out there in my environment, in my household, my neighborhood, my schoolyard, etc. Now, in my mature years I see it. I see how all my life I have been affected by the energies surrounding me in my personal, intimate environment. Now I see it. Well, as they say, “better late than never.” I just wish I had seen all of this earlier. Would have made life much easier, I’m sure.

A recent book covering this subject

Today, we have the phenomenon of Facebook and the rest of social media, and we can literally see that our friends and family and others are broadcasting their thoughts, feelings, opinions, loves and hatreds all the time on their postings, etc. We cannot escape it now.

Growing up, I was not aware of the energies and such that people around me were transmitting out to me all the time. Is it any wonder that many, if not most of us, grow up feeling less than good about ourselves? Not having the best self-concept of ourselves, not a great deal of, if any, self-love or self-acceptance? And some people are hurt or damaged for much of their lives. Spending the rest of their lives in recovery, so to speak.

But now we are adults, hopefully, and most of us are better adjusted to life and our social and familial environments. Yes, perhaps, but still, every day of our lives, we are “broadcasting.” We are broadcasting our “selves,” the selves that we think are our true selves. And what we broadcast daily can affect others around us. I know that I pick up people’s vibes pretty quickly and clearly when I’m out in the world socially. How about you?

So, just like the news media, we are broadcasting daily, 24/7 as they say. And just what are we broadcasting? Good news, bad news, dark, murky news? Absolute pessimism? Hope and optimism? Faith in life, the future, love? Think about that. I have. We are not perfect, of course, so there are always our “off days,” our down days, our times to retreat and recover our more healing energies. There are times I need to turn off the news. Turn off the annoying people in my life. It doesn’t matter if they are just acquaintances, friends, or even family. Enough of the crap. I need to live the good life, as this is the only life I have right now. Go elsewhere if you are just going to spew your emotional poison. I can deal with honest, even dark conversation, but it’s got to be real and have some boundaries if we are to accomplish some progress on this path, as I see it.

Another good book recently published

So, bringing this down to the personal level. How do I live my life? How should I live my life? What are the options in living my life and broadcasting my feelings and thoughts of things? We do have choices, you know. We choose how we will live our lives. We do not just default to whatever is there in our life. I’m not discounting real depression or grief or whatever. Of course that is all part of life. But I’m saying that most of us have a lot of choice in our daily living. Some people have made great changes in their lives in the emotional and psychological dimensions, myself included (ask anyone who has known me over a very long time).

So, today. Here we are. As I see it, we have to be very careful today of what influences we allow into our lives. The news media will bombard us with the negative aspects of life. Social media will expose to us our friends and family and others who have a lot of anger and hate to spew forth. And on and on it goes.

I have to be on guard all the time of what is entering my environment. I have to have some control over my personal life or others will step right in and promote their crap, their negativity. I am careful of how I respond to things around me, the talk I’m exposed to, the triggers people try to send my way. I now know that I am a broadcasting system and I am the person in charge of my broadcasts. I have been careless in the past but now I am very aware of how it all works. And, as I don’t have a lot of time left (not the decades and decades I used to have), I want to ensure that my life is the best possible, now that I have gotten myself this far. Love, happiness, joy, gratitude and bliss are what it is all about now. I hope many of you share a similar outlook on life at this point. It is the best life as I see it.

Wally