Category: Life Stories

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Your Story [ Post #100 ]

So, what’s your story? What is your life story? Don’t we all have one? A story that is unique for us. A story that nobody else on this earth has. A story that we have created, or a story that we think happened to us with which we had some or little control over. I am fascinated with people’s stories.

I am fascinated by how some people have very unremarkable beginnings and turn out to be amazing individuals who create unbelievable lives, invent incredible things and advance our civilization to new heights. Then there are those who just seem to gravitate to awful lives and do much evil with their time on this earth.

So, our story. What is our story? I think we all know of people who have a horrible or miserable story. A story they are sometimes absorbed in totally and cannot break out of their negativity. Some end up just living totally in their misery and often shorten their lives through their addictions or their decision to end it all through suicide. Sad, I say, but understandable in a sense. We need to have good perspective and good activity and relationships to live positively and productively and successfully. And, I would add, a faith of some sort. If we don’t have those things, well, I say, we are living a fragile and dangerous life. I have seen several friends live like that and often have a very unhappy ending to it all.

I feel my story has changed in the past couple of years or so. I feel I had a rough early life with my family and all that’s involved in growing up. I have written about some it in previous blogs posts. So, yes, I did have some rough times early in my family life. But now I feel different about it all. Yes, I was unhappy with several things early on. But I made it through those times and made my decisions to go in new directions. And now I see that I needed to go through all I went through to get where I am today. In other words, it all worked out in the end. I see all the pieces of the puzzle now fitting together, as it were. And that’s a good, liberating feeling.

So, our story. We have a lot to do with how we see our story. We can be imprisoned and stuck with our story for all our life. Or, if we work at it, we can break out of our self-imposed story and see everything in a new way. And I would say that’s what we need to do. Step outside our “story.” If a process is needed, such as therapy or deep spiritual work, I say go for it. We have a right to have a good life, to be in touch with the invisible, good forces, the Divine aspects of life. I believe we all have the possibility of getting in touch with the Good. But if we don’t do that, well, life can be bad, really bad and sad.

Like I said, everything, everything brought me to where I am today. I have found the love of my life (which for most of my life I did not think was possible). I have accomplished my life dreams of obtaining my pilot licenses and flight instructor certificates. I have literally traveled around the world. I have had great times with great friends. And the crap, well, just part of the whole process, the lessons to be learned.

All of this was recently brought to mind when I met up with two good friends from my college years of a half century ago. They had stories about me to tell and informed my husband about those crazy years living in the dorm at school. I didn’t quite remember everything but knew that was my story at that time.

Meeting up with old college buddies, dorm roommate and dormmate after a half century. Stories to tell!

So, my advice is to look at your story. See it as clearly as you can. And be open to seeing it differently, if necessary. Break out of your repetitious story to created a new, better context if necessary. This is your one life. Enjoy it! Touch your Divinity, your connection to the universe, all of life, existence, love.

Wally

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There Is No Path [Post # 99]

So, the theme of my blog is : “On the Path… It’s a Wonderful Life.” And here I’m saying that there is no path. Perhaps I should clarify that statement to say that there is no ONE path! We are led to believe that there is one path, the right path. Take that one path and our life will be great, wonderful, in fact; we are taught that early in life. For many, that path is a religious path. Just join and commit to the correct religion and you’re set for a good life and a good “after life” with God, in heaven.

Well, I don’t think so. Not quite that simple. I haven’t found anybody that is that committed to every aspect of whatever path they are taking through life if that path is a religious path, especially a rigid, very strict path of whatever religion or leader, with the exception of cults, perhaps. For most of us, we may basically accept a path laid out before us by others or a religion or philosophy. I think that there are many, who, like me, accept some of what others proclaim is “the way” to live a good life. But they do not accept everything. They take some truths from here and some from there. They, in the end, formulate their “own path.” And that is how I believe it should be.

I’ve known “good Catholics,” “good Mormons,” “good Baptists,” good jews,” etc. but they do not go along with everything their particular religion insists on their adherents agreeing to. In my own journey I had to change my thinking many times, and it still changes all the time. I began with joining an evangelical Christian denomination in my teens. That worked for a while but eventually caused me problems as life moved along. After theological seminary graduate school, I eventually considered myself an atheist due to my inability to accept beliefs I was told were the truth, the only “way.” But later on, I returned to some more “open” spiritual teachings and found my way back to a path that was “my path”, my way to experience the ineffable.

So, it seems we all have to find our own path, right? Yes, you may align with a particular religion or spiritual path, or you may not. I think it helps to basically align with something. To be a completely materialistic person, narcissistic or living off of artificial stimulants, whether possessions or sex or drugs or whatever just does not make a good life as I see it.

So, “find your own path” is my mantra. Center yourself somehow in something good. Don’t get “sucked in” to culture, society, the media, trends, miserable friends and other bad influences. Think about who your “teachers” are in your life. You are probably somebody’s disciple, if you think about it. You learned how to live from somebody in your life. Who was that teacher for you?

Think it over. Who were your teachers? Who influenced you? Who and what teaching did you follow? How did you avoid going down the “wrong” path (and I am hoping you did avoid doing that)? Are you living the true religion? Your religion? Traveling your path?

I went through a lot on my journey. I faced making the wrong turns many times. Turns in the road that could have destroyed me. Yes, scary. Yes, lucky. Well, lucky I say, but really I feel I was led and guided all along the way from my very early years. By what? By what people call “God?” My “higher self?” To me it is all mystery, but I have no problems, really, with the term God, Spirit, Life Force.

So, to wrap this essay up, I will give you my secrets to traveling “my” path. There are many things I could say, but the points that come to mind right now are: Always move forward, forgive, retreat and rest and refresh, contemplate, love, give thanks. Those practices are found in several religions. And if I am a disciple of any sages, I would put Jesus and Buddha and perhaps a couple others at the top of that list. May your path work for you. My advice, again, is “do not blindly accept a path presented to you without serious study and thought and consultation with your “higher self, true self or divine intuition.”

Wally

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Surviving My “Death Date” [ Post # 98 ]

Okay, this one is a bit weird, I admit. But it happened. I thought I’d write about this recent experience while it is fresh in my memory. It all started when….

Several months ago, I was just messing around on the internet. I “googled” (just for fun) “when am I going to die?” I had done this in the past and I got all sorts of interesting answers. I answered the questions on the website such as age, medical situations I have, etc. and when I completed that I hit “enter.” When the response came back quickly, I about fainted, I think.

The answer the website gave me was, “Your probable year of demise … 2023.” What?!!! Holy #^$*^#@! I was NOT expecting that! I had never experienced a date that close being the answer to that question. Like I said, I had done this exercise a few time before and I always got a date many years in the future. I couldn’t believe this website would give such a close date to this morbid question. This really shocked me. Yet, I, in jest (well, sort of) thought, well perhaps I should ask God what’s up with this, so I said, “Okay, God, and what is the date for this event?” “June 16th was the response I heard loud and clear, with even a vision of that date before me!

The response to my inquiry of “when will I die.”

Oh, great, I thought. Now I have my death date to deal with in the coming months. This experience was so stunning and certain. What did I get myself into, I asked? Well, there was nothing to do at that point and the date was months away, so maybe I can just forget all about it, was my thinking. Yeah, right, I was just going to forget about it. I don’t think so.

Well, as the date given to me came closer and closer, I did a lot of thinking. What if this was true and I was given the privilege of knowing when my end is coming? What to do? When asked by a few friends that knew about this premonition what chance I thought there was of this being an accurate “preview” of the end, I responded with “I give it a 50/50 chance of being a real thing, a true premonition. And that was where I was with all of this. I know strange things like this can happen. I recall reading in one of Deepak Chopra’s books (I think that’s where I read it) that we could know the date of our demise if we really want to and ask God to tell us.

Yes, I did try some other websites to see what other dates came up in answer to my question.

So, what to do? I felt strange with this dilemma before me, so I did some deep thinking. I realized, well, it’s possible this is the end of it all. I have had a long life. I have had a very satisfying life, what I considered a very “complete” life. I thought back and realized that I had accomplished all of my dreams. I had accomplished getting all of my pilot licenses, I worked in the aviation field, and I got to travel the world (literally; my first free airline trip I took was around the world in 1974). I got a good education. I made several good friendships and eventually found the love of my life (been together for thirty-four years and married for eight). If I were to die right now, I would be very satisfyied with my life and willing to let it go (got to do that someday). So, why not now? A weird place to be and a weird feeling to have about all of this morbid stuff.

So, as that day approached, I accepted the possibility that this was “it.” I thought, well I don’t have to make amends, I don’t have to forgive anyone, I don’t have to have drama about all of this. I will just accept this as it is, if this is the end. Thankfully I was not sick and suffering in pain or anything like that. I was feeling great and really happy with my life. In a good state of mind. A good way to go, as I saw it.

So, the day came. I lived through the day. I did wonder if I might just suddenly collapse and that would be it. I was very attentive the whole day. Everything was going well. I even joked with friends that maybe this would be the day I would take up a new sport, of skydiving.

I made it through the day just fine. When I went to bed I was hoping I would wake up the next morning (alive, on this earth) and I did! I was a happy man. So, what was this all about?

Spending some time reflecting on this weird experience, here’s what I have come up with. This experience seemed to me to be like a “dress rehearsal” for the real thing, the end of my life. I actually faced the unpleasant possibility that this was the time for it all to end. I was surprised that I actually felt okay with it all. Like I said, I wanted to live a lot more, but, you know, we usually don’t have control over that part of life. I realized that I had a good life. I had nothing to agonize about regarding my relationships. My relationships were good and honest and loving. Even with people I really didn’t like. I held no hatred, no grudges or resentments against them. I wished them well to go on with their lives, on their paths (which I may not understand), and live good lives as much as possible. I feel that is the Christ / Buddha / Vishnu, whatever, in me. Let them (those people I do not particularly like) be. Let me be.

I feel now that there is more to live. Perhaps some new stuff to do. To explore. To stay on the good path and see where we go. And, yes, that final last day will come at some point, but now I have a little more understanding and preparedness for it, I feel. Perhaps that was my lesson through all of this. Still praying for and hoping for a lot more life to experience but feeling good about all I have lived through. So, let’s “hang in there” and see what’s next, where we’re going to go on this journey called “life.”

Wally

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NDE’S ? Not Really, But Weird [Post # 94]

So, a while back, I was reading about the actress Marilu Henner and read about a fascinating phenomenon. She says she has total recall memory. She can remember specific details of virtually every day of her life since she was a child. She can remember virtually every day of her life? Wow, that blew my mind. Got me doing some research on that topic. The condition is called hyperthymesia. Yes, it’s a real phenomenon, also known as highly superior autobiographical memory (HSAM). And, yes, it’s a rare condition. Only about 61 people in the world have been diagnosed with this condition as of 2021. Doesn’t that blow your mind?

So, I began thinking. I certainly don’t have total recall of the many memories of my life. I am not one of those 61 people in the world. But I thought about what deep memories do I have from my long life. There are lots of memories in my mind, of course. But what came to mind in consideration of this subject were four long-term memories which were deeply burned into my memory. Memories I know I will have as long as I live. Memories that are so vivid it is as if they happened today.

The very first one burned into my memory is when I was about six years old and going under the anesthesia for my tonsillectomy surgery. When the anesthesiologist put the mask over my face and told me to count backwards from 100, I went into a very strange place. As the ether was taking affect, I was in a completely dark, strange place. I mean blacker that anything I’ve ever experienced. A black “void” I would call it. I felt I was going somewhere. I felt God was close to me and taking me through this experience. I felt a strange completeness with God, life, the universe. At first I was scared, of course, but I quickly submitted to the experience and let go into the void. And I felt okay with it all. I felt a trust of wherever I was going, with whatever was happening. It was a strange feeling of weird comfort. And of course, the next thing I remember was being back in my hospital bed recovering from my surgery. And I never told anyone about that brief experience with the ether mask putting me under.

Another vivid experience and memory from my childhood or very early years (I’m not sure of my age then) was a vision or dream or whatever of my brother, my father and me walking along a path with Jesus, talking about things, about life. I really don’t think it was a dream, I believe it was a vision, and it was so real, as if it just happened a few seconds ago. A very clear, crystal-clear vision of us walking and talking about things. And Ii was amazed, thinking how did we get here and why are we doing this and how did we come together? And why, since my brother and father were not “religious” types at all. Strange.

Okay. In my adult life I had a strange experience all about death and the process of dying. I was under the influence of pot, I admit, but it was a very vivid experience, a very real experience. I can’t compare it with anything else I’ve experienced in my life. It was about the process of dying. I really can’t put it into words, but I was on my deathbed and going through the process of letting go and just being with the whole process and realizing this is what it’s like, and that this is going to happen someday. That there’s no way around this experience, it’s really going to happen like this. A total “letting go.” A similar experience to my tonsillectomy experience but even more detailed and real and certain. Like I said, I can’t really put it into words.

And then, several years ago I had a dream that was unlike any others I have had. Yes, I’ve of course had many, many strange dreams in my life, but this one was different and was burned into my mind and consciousness unlike any others.

I was in a space capsule in deep space. I was all alone. It was eerily quiet, and it was completely dark, a darkness and silence I cannot put into words, just like my tonsillectomy experience, once again. I was all alone. With the universe, with all life, with God. Words cannot convey the feeling of being in a space capsule in deep space. But I will never erase that memory from my mind. Very profound.

So, what are these experiences? Why have I had these four very bizarre experiences, all seemed to be concerned with the purpose of life, with the experience of being with the ultimate experience, God, if you will? I cannot explain them in any way except to somehow compare them to some experiences I have read about regarding Near Death Experiences (NDEs). They are mysteries I just have to live with, not knowing the meanings at all, really. I’m sure others have had similar odd experiences. My spouse had an experience of being in a bright yellow tunnel coming out from anesthesia after surgery years ago. He said it was the brightest yellow light he’s ever seen. And he does not have these type of experiences, he rarely remembers dreams at all. I have forgotten many other memories, but these will stay with me forever. As I have said, they are burned into my mind. I take the good meanings from these experiences instead of something else such as dread or fear. It is all good and I try to learn the lessons given from the “wherever.”

Wally

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Life Changers [Post #91]

If you’ve read my ninety posts, you have read about a few of the big “life changers” of my life. Reflecting on these incidents I have come to reflect and do some research on one of the big life changers, the Vietnam War. As I study and think about this, I realize this was a big event in my life. In fact, that whole period of the 1960’s and early 1970’s molded me in my thinking for the rest of my life up to this point. So, backing up a bit before that period, let me refresh you on those events that really made my life become what it is, beginning before that period.

My first big “life changer” was my first airplane ride around age six. I made an instant decision right after takeoff on that Delta Airlines DC3 in the 1950’s that I was going to be a pilot someday. Absolutely certain about that. And a couple of decades later, I did.

Then, in high school, when I was denied the choice to take a class with my classmates, English Literature, I was pissed. I was called in to see my counselor and was told that I was not intelligent enough to take a “college preparatory” class like that. My grades were not good enough (they were average) and it would damage me to take such an “advanced” course.” (Ironically, my counselor’s name was Miss Hope.) She gave me no hope of accomplishing much in life. Higher education was definitely not an option for someone like me. Just get a menial job after high school and be happy.

At that point, I made a decision that no one was going to talk to me like that ever again and I would do whatever I set my mind to do in life. I did go on to college and graduate school, so “thank you” Miss Hope. You inspired me to disregard your advice and move forward with my life.

So, during my college years, I faced my biggest life changer of all. I had to face being drafted and being a participant in the Vietnam War. I had lost a few college credits transferring from my local community college to a college in Seattle, Washington. My draft board did not like the fact I was behind a bit in my college education and that triggered them trying to draft me.

That really hit me hard as I was doing well with my life and my college education and now I had to face this dilemma. I had to think this situation over. I did take my draft physical, and I had to face what I thought about this war going on in the region far, far away from home. It was a very chaotic time with all that was happening. The war was peaking and what did we know about it? I began much study and reflection on the whole situation. I questioned a lot at this time. This questioning caused a lot of criticism from many different directions. This was also the era of the modern civil rights movement and our president (LBJ) trying to handle the civil rights movement and his war on poverty and the Vietnam War. Those two areas were what he was interested in, not directing this war. Not a fun time.

Well, I had taken some stands on some of the issues of the day, and I paid for my questioning by being call nasty things by my family. I had to endure being called a “nigger lover, a communist, unamerican, unpatriotic,” etc., etc. Oh, well, people react how they react, but I was just questioning all of these issues. I guess questioning was not allowed. Many years later, in my airline career when I was talking with my supervisor about things, the Vietnam War came up (he was a Marine in the war), I think he sensed I had questions about the war or perhaps antiwar sentiments. He told me that if I ever expressed thoughts or feelings about the war that were not absolutely positive, he would make my work life miserable. Wow, I still can’t question anything decades later. Also, during the war years, the government was watching me as they sent me letters saying they were aware that I had received communication from Hanoi. What that actually was was a confirmation that I had received a QSL card (a confirmation card for radio enthusiasts) confirming that I had indeed listened to their broadcast, which was just a hobby I had at the time. I was curious about the world.

So, as I see it, this was probably the biggest “life changer” for me. I learned a lot about “group think,” about going with the crowd, don’t question things, just behave, listen to and obey authorities. That changed my life. I think deeply now. I don’t just follow the leader, especially when I see that the “leader” is often a fool and a controller and manipulator. I have to buck the crowd and pay the price for thinking independently. But that was a good lesson to learn way back in my youth. It retains my sanity, especially in this insane (at times) world. Thinking deeply and my spiritual life are my salvation now.

I have found this course very helpful in understanding the Vietnam situation, which began way back in the 1940’s.

So, I am continually working on my lifetime learning through many college and university courses I have on DVD. When the course on the Vietnam War came out recently, I was glad to get it. I wanted to know more about that war that changed so many things. The war that killed and injured some friends of mine. And I am learning a lot. At the time it was happening there was so much confusion and uncertainty and, well, evil. I wanted to know more, and this course has filled in the blanks for me. What a mess that war was. That whole period still bothers and affects me in so many ways.

I recently purchased this DVD.

Anyone who had any antiwar sentiments had to face very harsh criticisms. I notice if I mention a film or tv show that an antiwar celebrity is in, such as Jane Fonda, many people immediately go ballistic.

So, that event and that time period was one of the biggest “life changers” for me. It determined how I would act and think and believe for all of my adult life. A hard time to get through, but a time with lots of lessons for me to this day.

Wally

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Magnolia Bluff [ Post #86 ]

Have you had some special, favorite places to retreat to for contemplative times, times to look at life, where you are, where you’re going? In my college years, I had three places that come to mind. Places I would go to to ”think.” Places where I contemplated my future, whatever that may be. In my blog post number four (September 18, 2018) I mentioned my periodic drives from my college campus to my favorite spot to park and retreat from the business of college life. It was Magnolia Bluff in Seattle, Washington. That was my spot to retreat to often during my four years in college to chill and “think things over.” There were a couple of other places I would enjoy also. The ship canal between Lake Union and Puget Sound that was one block away from the campus and where I had a job while in school, at a restaurant on Lake Union with a great view of the lake during sunset and the evening hours.

Thinking back to those times at Magnolia Bluff, I wish I could go back to those days through a time machine and visit with myself as I would have some very interesting conversations. You see, I would spend time there, probably a half hour to an hour and I would daydream about where my life was going after I finished school. It turned out, I had not a clue what was next in my life which was before me, perhaps many decades of “something.” Work, a career more education? Not a clue for most of those four years.

The magnificent view from Magnolia Bluff of Puget Sound, Seattle

I came to college (a major feat for me as my family strongly discouraged my higher education) thinking I would possibly be a teacher, an elementary school teacher. Many said that would be a good career as you get so much time off for vacations. Well, during my first yearI worked at that for a while. Did some student teaching type of activities. It didn’t take long before I decided “nope,” not for me. So, there would be three more years of school before I would be thrust out into the world.

I had no idea what my life after school would be. I changed my major from sociology to history, only because I had enough history classes at the end of my schooling to do that and a sociology major required doing a big research project. Not because I had any reason for majoring in history. I had no idea what I was going to do. I guess I just thought I’d get into some work and get married and have a family like everyone was supposed to do.

Just a beautiful spot to “chill,” contemplate life.

Finally, in my last year, I decided to avoid having to find a job and do the usual things by deciding to continue my education with graduate school. I had an interest in possible church work as a minister (I was attending a Christian college and that was an interest of mine). So, I applied to theological seminary and was accepted. Off to Chicago I went, thinking that was the direction for me.

So, a lot seemed to finally come together after my years of driving up to Magnolia Bluff and contemplating my life’s future. It was a slow process. If I could go back and have those conversations with myself that I fantasized about, I would tell myself, “Don’t worry, your life is going to work out. No, you can’t see it now, but it will all work out.” There will be some rough times, but you’ll get through them and achieve all your dreams.

My dreams were to become a pilot and to see the world. After seminary I did get an airline job. I got to see the world. I did get my pilot licenses, private pilot and then commercial pilot licenses. I got my flight instructor’s certificates and did some flight instructing. I did all that I dreamed of doing, but as I sat at Magnolia Bluff those many years ago, I never knew how it would work out so perfectly.

So, thinking about all of this, I’m thinking, have I had any other experiences like those many hours at the bluff contemplating life? Well, probably not quite so intense or focused, but yes, I do find places to retreat to from time to time.

In seminary I would drive to nearby Lake Michigan to chill and retreat. When I lived in Santa Monica on the beach, I would spend a lot of time on the beach (yeah, and now the skin cancers seem to be the price I paid for that carelessness). And for the past twenty years I would retreat to the local mountains, renting cabins, often for weeks at a time every year. Now I get to the mountains for several days each year. And at home, I have a room designated as my “sanctuary.” So, I guess I carried on the practice of contemplation and having a sacred space in which to do my contemplation, reading, meditation and prayer. As one of my recent blogs discussed, I now am thinking, “what’s next?” So, the contemplation goes on. I am looking forward to some new stuff. Just don’t know what it is! Guess that’s the fun of life. Just keep going on, moving forward. And it helps to have great love in your heart and life. That’s the real secret.

Wally

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Religion / Science / Life / And Beyond [ Post #84 ]

So, in one short essay, I’ll cover all of life. Yeah, sure. Well, perhaps give a quick overview of things in my life from the perspective of where I’m at right now, anyway. If you have read many of my previous blog posts, you can probably comprehend most of what I’m going to say here. But, just to update you, here goes.

Religion, now there’s a big subject. I’ve talked a lot about it here and there. I’ve spent a good portion of my life involved in it and studying it. I went to theological seminary. I have studied it in depth since seminary. It is a fascinating subject to me. Fascinating especially when I go deep into my study of it, studying what the scholars have to say about it. I’m not interested in the superficial, fluffy stuff one can often experience in a religious institution such as a church. As my professor in seminary once told us, “You don’t ever want to tell your congregation what you learn in seminary and biblical scholarship, as that will destroy their faith!” I understood that to mean, just teach and preach the standard, church- approved stuff. Let the people feel good about life and God, etc. Don’t bother them with the problems and conflicts and contradictions of religion.

Well, I have two strong feelings about religion. One is, for most people, it is good to have a good, well thought-out religion, or spiritual path. If it works for you, fine. If it brings more love into your life, good. Live it! Live your religion. But keep an open mind. If you find out it gives or promotes prejudice and hate, reconsider your “faith.” Something is not right, as I see it.

Okay, my other thought about religion. There is an awful history of religions and the evil ways they have been used. No question about this, just study history. The most awful history of how religion has been used to control and kill millions throughout the years. It’s sickening and evil.

So, religion can be awful. But check them out and if you find a good one, fine. So, is this perspective contradictory? Yes, I admit it. Just like so much of life, it is contradictory.

Okay, on to science. Here’s a subject that many think is the opposite of religion. Talk about contradictions! Many religious fundamentalists are not too keen on science. God created human life and all existence six thousand years ago in the Garden of Eden, they say. Not billions of years ago like most scientists say. And this is just one example of how some religionists view science. I won’t belabor the point; you get the idea.

I happen to be enjoying a deeper study of science right now with my college and university DVD courses which I have mentioned in previous blogs. I had some basic science in general education, but I admit it was not my favorite subject, or perhaps I just found it harder to understand than other subjects. I am now really enjoying it, even if I still find some subjects difficult to really understand. I have a course on cosmology that is so far beyond my comprehension I understand so little of what the excellent professor is teaching. Oh, well, I must be picking up some knowledge, if very little. I’ll redo the course later, I’m sure.

Another interesting thing about science. It changes with the times and new knowledge is discovered. Pluto was a planet when I was young and now it’s not. Science is very interesting, I’m finding. It causes me to look at things in life very differently than previously. It helps to understand how and why things happen. I find mystery in what created all the laws of science, just as the early discoverers and theologians did. Why are things the way they are? Is life chaos or is life orderly, etc., etc. And what is behind it all?

Well, as for the last two topics of this blog, life and beyond life. You’ve probably picked up from my previous blogs that I am basically a positive type of person’ or at least I look for the positive and try to live in the positive aspect of human life on this planet. True, I haven’t always been this way. My childhood was one of some very dark periods, but I survived and thrived. I worked my way through a lot of difficult times, emotionally and psychologically. I achieved my dreams and had great experiences and loves. And now my life incorporates some aspects of religion and a spiritual path. And, I might add, a lot of mystery. A lot of mystery. I don’t really know much about life in so many ways. I try to understand what I can and realize we can’t comprehend it all. We can’t comprehend most of it (life), as I see it. Why life? Why the universe? Why any existence at all?

Okay, so now on to the “and beyond” part to conclude this essay. If I see this life as basically a mystery, I certainly see the “beyond this life” as a complete mystery. Oh, I know, religion has lots of answers in this realm. And people hold strong beliefs about the “hereafter.” But to me, it’s a mystery. In the past I was very logical and materialistic when it came to this stuff. Life cannot be understood and certainly death can’t be either. But this is one area where I have had to revise my thoughts and beliefs. For a long time, especially when I was in my “atheistic” period, death was final. Existence was over, period. I remember one day my now spouse said, “well, sorry I won’t see you on the “other side.” Hmmmm.

So, I have had some weird and strange experiences in the past several years. I have been convinced (going against my logical thinking) that there is “something else,” or an unseen, invisible side to life. No, I don’t understand it. But I cannot dismiss some psychic type experiences I’ve had. And my research on NDE’s (Near Death Experiences) and similar type experiences convince me that there’s more to life than just this earthly life. But, once again, I don’t understand. I don’t understand the mystery. It’s all such a mystery. That’s where I am. And I believe, but believe what? That the mystery will be revealed as we travel on, in this life and then the other experience when it comes.

So, perhaps I’ve really said nothing in this blog. All of life is a mystery. I don’t understand much of anything. Like I’ve said before, all I know is that life can be good. We can have a good life. We can dream our dreams and realize them. I have. And we can love. We can avoid hate, we really can. And if we love, then, we have found the purpose of life. To me, it’s really that simple. And I will go on in life loving and learning and when the time comes and it is all over, well, then, perhaps some of the mystery will be revealed. That’s how I see it.

Wally

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What’s Left? [ Post #83 ]

A long life is nice. You get a chance to do things you want to do, things you have dreamed about as a kid. If things have worked out, you’ve lived your good life. Hopefully, many have had a successful life of achievement of dreams and desires fulfilled. Hopefully, you have had good relationships and loves. For many, that includes a good family and good family memories. Not for everybody, of course, but for many. And, when you have done those things you dreamed about in your younger years, you have perhaps retired (yes, some do not retire, really, they keep on going because they want to). So, if you have made it this far and your life has been good, and you are in a happy state and perhaps spending some time being reflexive and contemplative, you may be thinking, “what is left?”

That’s sort of where I am right now in my life. I ask myself (and God or the whatever) so, “what is next?” Is it over (this life of mine)? Is there more coming up, new things to do, new adventures? Or just relax and enjoy the culmination of a good life? There are many different paths that could be taken from this point I’m at. A few years ago, I started blogging; that was a new path. Are there other activities I am going to get involved in? How much time is remaining?

I think of my city councilman who recently came home for lunch, I believe, and told his wife he was just going to rest on the couch for a bit. Well, when she tried to awaken him, she couldn’t. He was gone. In his sixties and a very active and good councilman from most reports I have read. Over in the blink of an eye. A very good and productive life. Not a clue that was his last day. That gets me thinking, of course. What is left, what is next? Is there more, really, or not?

I’ve taken those online surveys about how long you are going to live, etc. Interesting stuff. The last one I took really got my attention as it gave my last year of life to be the year 2023. Hmmm…never had a response that close before. That really got me thinking, “what’s left?”

So, the time ahead is limited, but how limited? Most of my friends and a lot of my family are gone. Most of my co-workers, my age and younger, gone. I’ve been blessed with a long life. I actually have two feelings regarding this subject. One is that I have more things to do. I need to keep my energy and interests up and positive and keep moving ahead. That’s good. But at times I feel the other side of the matter. I get tired and I wonder if there is really a lot left for me. Of course, I’m pulling for that first feeling. But so were most of my friends that are gone. We just think life will go on forever. But we know better, don’t we?.

I do keep busy. I am not bored. I am not stagnating or losing any interest in life. In fact, I have decided to add the addiction of lifetime learning and continuing education to my life and that ensures that I always have things to do. I’m enjoying my newly acquired library of college and university DVD courses on a variety of subjects, some of which are new to me and some of which I have always had a strong interest in.

The Covid situation did a lot to change life as I see it. A lot of staying home and little social contact. At this point I’m wondering if I will ever resume the social life previous to the pandemic. We’ll see. I’m reluctant to do a lot of things I was doing before. I feel a bit like a hermit these days.

So, what I’m saying is that I don’t know how much is left in my life. I guess that is always the way it is. Just hope for the best. For more time to do new things and keep moving on (as long as we can). I’ve just never thought about all of this this much until my online predictions gave me such a limited time left. Nothing has changed really. The end of it all always faces us. We like to deny it, but we can’t, really.

So, “what’s left?” The big question. Perhaps the big motivator. We just have to go on in faith that we will do what is ours to do until, well, there’s no more “stuff” (living) to do. Have a great rest of your life I say! I plan to.

Wally

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The Good is Hidden [ Post # 82 ]

So, the popular feeling out there in our world is that the world is turned upside down, the end of the world, or at least of this country or our democracy is near. We need to urgently save our democracy, perhaps have a civil war, etc., etc., etc. We need to turn this country into a theocracy and autocracy at least to begin the “salvation” process.

Hmmm, what’s going on? Is everything bad, negative, hopeless? It seems that a lot of people would say so. Negativity, negativity, negativity. Get ready, the end is near. Better arm yourselves to the hilt. I’ve actually been told this from friends and family. What the hell? Get a grip, people. You think this is the worst period of history? I say, study history. Really study it. I can’t imagine living in periods that I read about in history. There have been horrible times throughout all of history. Most of us live good lives, are pretty secure in the basics of life. We can do what we want and do not live under great fear every moment.

Now, of course this is not a perfect world. There is a lot of sh*t going on. There are a lot of people hurting. It is so easy to get sucked into negative thinking. I am subject to all of this, just like so many others. I really have to fight the pull of negativity. I’ve touched on this in some past posts. It’s a real struggle at times. Yet, I’ve got to have hope. I’ve got to have faith. At least for me, my sanity. My ability to carry on, go forward, have a purpose in living. Yes, at times a real tough struggle.

I work at keeping my sanity. On keeping a joyful attitude. I have certain practices that I am totally committed to. I have to go deeper than just superficial encouragements. I work at being “up,” positive, above the fray of our society, culture. I seek out good books, articles, stories, the things we usually don’t find in the media. Like they say, “happiness, goodness does not make the news,” hence, people don’t know about the good going on in our world. And I propose that there is a lot of good in our world. We just are not aware of the good. It lies “hidden” from the masses and the media. Even the good media.

I’ve written about the dark times of my life. Those were times I got ambushed by the bad in my life and the world. I did finally rescue myself from those situations and times, but today I still pursue the fight to find the good. I know it is there. I even keep a notebook now of “goodness,” of good people doing good things, those things we’ll probably never hear about by watching the news. (I also keep a notebook of bad people as I become aware of them and their deeds.) I need to know the two different kinds of people and what they are up to.

Okay, my one caveat. Being positive is great but be aware of the bad out there.

So, that’s my method of trying to keep sane in an insane world. No need to leave this world prematurely (suicide) or go out and kill a lot of people. I’ve got my own methods to keep me going and moving forward. I’m staying on the path, and it is a wonderful life.

A current book on this subject. It’s a bit controversial as being too positive according to some reviewers. But some interesting, good points are made.

Wally

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Suicide [ Post # 81 ]

What the hell? A post on suicide, hardly an “uplifting” post in any sense of the word. Well, I acknowledge this is a rather “taboo” subject in our culture. Something we usually avoid talking or thinking about at all. Yes, it happens, and some people have to deal with it for the rest of their lives.

Let me explain how this topic came to mind. I was recently reading about the author Virginia Woolf. Considered one of the most important modernist 20th-century authors and a pioneer in the use of stream of consciousness as a narrative device. She suffered mental illness throughout her life and eventually drowned herself in a river. That started me thinking of the subject of suicide and the many people including many celebrities that have taken that path to end their lives of torment. And recently I have had a couple of friends who may have ended their lives in suicide. Something we usually don’t think about but sometimes it just is in our face, and we have to deal with it.

Going back to my early life, the subject does bring up some memories and thoughts I had at very low periods in my early life. The thought of committing suicide did cross my mind a couple of times but, obviously, I did not carry through with the idea. In that period of depression, I thought, “well that would just end life for me, I’d never get to live out my life.” So, I considered homicide instead and came very close to acting on that impulse. We’re talking the 1950’s when such things were not normal. Today if a kid gets upset and has access to a gun it’s not that uncommon to go out and kill a bunch of people.

Thankfully, my family did not possess guns back then, so we all lucked out. I know a couple who would not have lived once I got ahold of a gun. I did devise other plans that did not involve guns, but, again, thankfully, I thought things through very carefully when I was in this depressed period. I came very close to carrying out my plans. Very close. I finally realized at the last moment that I’d be on the run for the rest of my life and if I got caught, I’d spend my life in prison.

But suicide? I thought about it, but I realized I wanted to have a life. But I know that feeling I had back then that suicide could be the solution to my problems. And I guess that is what often goes through the minds of those who do carry through with their dark urges. It is just hard, sometimes to understand how celebrities who seem to have it all, fame, fortune, etc. decide to give up after having it made (as the public see it).

I lived through an attempted suicide that was very close to me. My mother attempted suicide when I was very young. I remember that day very well. I was very confused as to what was happening. Still, to this day, it is not talked about in my family. It was not really talked about at the time, either. It was just “hush, hush, keep quiet.” It’s a taboo subject.

So, that’s how we usually handle the subject. It’s unpleasant and we don’t really talk about unpleasant things in this life. Sad, I think. There’s so much to learn when we talk about real life. And having it all does not seem to really matter. The most “successful” people fall to this dark side sometimes. I’m glad I basically came to the same conclusion Winston Churchill came to when he said, “As long as there’s life, there’s hope.”

So, for those who have fallen for the darkness and ended their lives, I am sad. Having been there, or very close to that place, I know how hopeless it seems. I’ve lived a long life and have come a long way from where I was long ago.

So, is this blog uplifting? Perhaps not. For me, though, it helps for me to look at this subject and the dark times I experienced long ago and see how far I’ve come. I wish people today would stop, think things through and if necessary, get help. Instead, it seems they just get angry, depressed, hopeless and reactive and go kill, do mass shootings, which often include suicide. There is a way out of this. I know.

Wally