Category: Just My Thoughts on Things

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Thought I knew; Glad I’m Not High-Class, Elite! [ Post # 70 ]

So, this blog comes about because of my “death cleaning;” referencing my previous blog. I do have a full library of books, probably not going to throw out many, but sorting through my stuff, I realized some books have been sitting around for years and have not been read. So, the dilemma, do I keep them (unread), or read them, or throw them out. Well, after some consideration, I added several books to my “unread, but let’s read them pile.” So, here goes my reaction after finally picking up these books and reading them. Really enjoying this and glad I decided to read and keep these books. Glad I didn’t throw them out after years of gathering dust on my bookshelf.

Three books sitting around unread for years

First off… I thought why do I have the two books on “Don’t know Much About… History, and Don’t Know Much About the Bible? I majored in history in college and I went on to seminary after college, so surely I couldn’t get much out of those two books. Wrong! Wow. The book on history really covered a lot, and a lot of stuff I don’t remember studying and that I think is very important to know, especially in this very confusing and crazy, opinionated world of ours. You know, a lot of stuff gets overlooked or hidden or just ignored in our history. It was an “eye-opener,” as they say. I recommend the book, even for “smart people,” ha, ha.

Same goes for the book on Biblical knowledge. There’s just so much we never really learned or don’t remember learning. Another “eye-opener.” Yep, I’ll keep these two books in my library for future reference when needed. Good books! As for the book on Mythology, well that’s next on my list to read as I really am ignorant in that area, just don’t know much on that subject, just the few things picked up here and there in my education. Maybe I do know more than I think, we’ll see.

More unread books in my library

Now, the books on etiquette and manners. Well, why do I have three books on that subject? That surprises me. I’m hardly what I consider “upper class” or “elite.” (Okay, I can hear your snickering over that acknowledgement… and I agree). I guess at some point I ran across these books and thought, “maybe I should read up on this area just to be knowledgeable in this area, in case I have to function in some high-class function, or maybe just to have basic manners. Not sure how I accumulated three books on this subject. So, I may not be “cultured” yet, but I at least have references if I need them. Reading them, which I’m doing now, made me think… I’m glad I was born into a middleclass family. I don’t think I would like to be in an elite or high-class family and society or be a member of the Royal Family. It would be a bit overwhelming, I think. Guess that was not my lot in life!

So, there are some of my adventures in doing my “Swedish death cleaning.” (blog #69). Interesting stuff, I think. I’m sure there’s more to come. What is next to be uncovered?

Wally

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Surprise! That’s Life! [ Post # 68 ]

Okay, I’m older. I’ve lived a while on this earth. I’ve lived in this, at times, well, always, come to think of it, crazy world. Yes, crazy, insane world, but also a great world, a paradise at times and in some ways. Contradictory viewpoints and analysis, you say? Well, yes.

And that’s the point of this post. Yes, there are optimists (extreme optimists), and there are pessimists (some extreme, also). Guess you could place me in the middle somewhere. Well, actually I’m an optimist, but a conditional optimist. I don’t deny the bad of this world. Looking to my teachers, mentors of life, Jesus and the Buddha and others, I see that they basically took the middle ground, also. Saw the bad, saw the good and the potential good in life and the world.

My major in college was history, so I studied history and I can say, there always were bad times and bad things going on in the world. Some horrible things, in all ages. You think today is bad? Study history; ain’t nothing new. Just in your face now, daily, with instant news broadcasts and social media and people all wound-up in cults and conspiracy theories and rigid belief systems. Anger, hate, hostility, insanity, etc.

Just yesterday I was in line for my booster vaccination and someone just walked right up in front of me and went to the check-in window and said he had a later appointment but wanted an earlier one due to he had to get to a funeral. Yeah, right. I looked at the people behind me in line and we all had similar expressions, like “what the hell?” The man didn’t even look at us, well, a quick glance , so he knew what he was doing. I thought, in the old days, I’d confront him, but I’ve seen too many nasty encounters these days in stores, so I decided to just let it go and see what happens. He ended getting his shot ahead of mine, then he lingered around the store. Didn’t look like he has is a rush to get to a funeral. An interesting observation. I could just tell he was probably one of those pushy, nasty people that we see a lot of these days. Like I said, an interesting observation of current human behavior in public.

So, on to my point of this blog. In my older years, I’ve come to some conclusions about life after decades of living and observing life. I’ve come to the conclusion that all of life is a “surprise.” ALL of life is a surprise! We don’t really know, from moment to moment, what is about to happen in our life. Oh, we think we do. We think every day will be the same. Same ole, same ole they say. And for much of the time that may be so. That’s how we get through our days. Habits and routines are counted on to provide meaning and purpose in life. Got it, that’s how we think of life. But really? I don’t think so.

You know, in the Bible is says that good things happen to good people, and bad things happen to bad people. Oh, yeah, and it also says good things happen to bad people and bad things happen go good people. The books of Proverbs and Job cover a lot of this territory as my deep study of theology and the scriptures reveals to me. Interesting. So good and bad happens to all of us.

Every moment is SURPRISE! This incident, in my face right now, is now what’s happening. You get a phone call that a friend or family member has suddenly died. Your routine casual car trip suddenly becomes an accident and you are badly injured or worse. Or, you win the lottery and are financially set for life. Or, whatever. We never know (for sure) what the next moment will bring. Life is surprise, moment by moment, day by day. No way around this fact. Oh, you say, “I’ve got religion, I’ve got faith, I’ve got hope!” And I would agree. I would absolutely agree and say the same exact words. I have great faith. It sustains me, absolutely. But what I’m saying is that even with all the faith and hope and and positivity, life is a moment-to- moment experience of “surprise.”

So, from the moment we are born, life REALLY is surprise. Surprise moment after surprise moment. Some infants live only moments, others go on to live over a hundred years. And for those that survive the birth process and childhood, every day, every moment is “surprise,” a new moment in the unknown realm of “what’s next?” And the human response to all of the surprises we experience, especially the bad or unhappy surprises is, usually, if we are honest, “why?, how? Where are you, God?, can there even be a God?”

And that’s the way it is. That’s my observation, my take on it all. We never know exactly what’s coming. Gosh, wish we did. We live like we did. We can’t prepare for everything that could occur. Impossible. What we can prepare for is that every moment of our lives is part of an unfolding of our destiny. A destiny we often do not understand (“why, God?”).

I find it helps to have faith. To have connection, both to people (our community) and to the unseen side of life. To the life force, the Presence, the Divine, God, Higher self. We can’t control it all (life). We play our part. We do our best (hopefully). To those of a religious bent, we do God’s will. Whichever category we fit into, we live our lives, but every moment is a “surprise!” We have to live with that fact, that knowledge.

Wally

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I’m Not Normal, and That’s Okay [ Post #67 ]

(There has been a gap between my last blog and this one due to my brother’s passing. Losing someone close in the family disrupts life, so I have put aside completing this blog for a bit but now have resumed writing. Perhaps in a future blog I will reflect on my sibling and all that is involved in sibling relationships. We’ll see.)

Are you normal? I’m sure a lot of people think they are. And that’s good. But I know some people that don’t think they are “normal” and I would include myself in that group of people. I’ve always felt like an “outsider,” I guess. In earlier blogs I described what my childhood and growing up was like. Some struggles and rough and dark times. That’s probably very normal in the whole scheme of things. I have had some “dark times” beyond the usual childhood experiences, times I will not discuss at this time. But beyond all of that, I’ve never felt that I “fit in.”

I was advised there are certain ways to live and certain things to do to be a normal, all-American young man. Of course I tried to adhere to the advice given. I accepted what my elders told me at that young age. Some things worked out, some did not. Some made sense, of course, and some did not, in my mind. I feel that my father had great dreams of me being a great athlete. I did get the message and I really did try to fulfill his wishes. I played Little League baseball for a short while but I was not that great. I was never that good at other sports, either. But I tried. I did like activities like archery and I really got into golf in my youth. My parents belonged to a local country club and I did a lot of golfing for a while. I enjoyed it. But then, one day a relative told me that it was very important to be a good golfer in life, especially in the life of a young man, That was imperative if one was going to be a successful person in life. At that point, I began to lose my interest in golf as it was explained to me that it was a status thing, something any business person must do and be skillful at. I guess, for me, that was a turnoff. Killed my interest.

In a lot of other things, I never really “fit in.” I see myself now as being a “sampler” of life. I “sampled” this and that. I dabbled in this and that. I, of course, had the All-American dream of being a family man with a perfect family , with all the trappings. In my twenties I realized that was not to be, that was not me. Great for others, but not my “thing.” So, then I had to decide what was I going to be? After much thinking and confusion and tasting of this and that in life, I realized I could still have an amazing life, a fulfilling life, a life of relationships and love and complete happiness. There was nothing, really, to prevent that from being my life experience. So, onward I went and did find a good life. Sure, I may have never “fit in” to the program that was laid out for me, but I survived and actually thrived.

I was a pilot and none of my friends were pilots or had the deep interest in aviation that I had. But that did not stop me from pursuing my dreams in that field. Even when I was very active in that field, I never felt very close to those pilots I did become friends with. I did not share the whole “macho” culture they all seemed to relish.

I was involved in the church a lot, but, also there I also feel I did not really “fit in.” I went to seminary, I studied a lot of church history and theology but could not really feel a part of the whole church culture. I feel that I was probably too much of an independent thinker to just go along with the crowd in religious thinking. I found a lot of messy church situations to be the norm rather than the exception. So, even though I became an occasional preacher of sorts, again, I never felt that I really fit in.

So, now I’m retired, in that later stage of life where some of us do a lot of “life review” contemplation. I see that perhaps I was not “normal.” I did not do the things my society and culture “programmed” me for. I did not fit the dreams my parents may have had for me, well, especially my father. Too bad. I lived my life as it unfolded and I feel I did a good job of living the life that I wanted. The life that I feel was laid out as mine to live.

Some of us do great things in life. Some of us become very successful and famous. Others live a more quiet life, unknown to the rest of the world. What really matters? How do we feel when we come to that last breath that we take on this earthly plane? I think the best way to conclude life is to be happy. Feel satisfied. Feel fulfilled. Having loved totally. To be one with all of life, and if you have any faith, belief, spiritual perception, to be totally with God.

Wally

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Tough Decisions We Sometimes Must Make [ Post # 66 ]

Thinking about my life, I’ve come to look at three sort-of major decisions I was forced to make in order for my life to have some integrity and meaning and direction so I could go on and live the “good life,” as I see it. I will take three major decisions I had to face in chronological order. I have touched briefly on these three decisions in previous blogs but will expand my thoughts on them here, get them out of my mind and down on paper, as it were.

I’ve written about my decision to leave my home environment at an early age (high school graduation). I had experienced an unpleasant home environment for some time and realized it was just too toxic to hang around any longer. For my survival I needed to leave and get out on my own, not knowing for sure what that meant, really. I only knew I was not going to go down the path that was laid out for me by my father, especially. His dream for me was, just get a boring job, work all your life, then die. Really inspiring! Not for me.

I left home, lived a couple of other places and then decided to go to college, against my father’s wishes (“a waste of time and money”). Opened a whole new life for me. I was free to determine my own life. I eventually started my career in the airline industry and enjoyed my love of aviation. I became a commercial pilot and flight instructor besides having my ground job.

There have always been antiwar movements. Very controversial.

While in college, another major decision had to be made. I had been enjoying college life when my draft board contacted me to tell me that they saw that I had lost some college credits when I transferred from a junior college to my four-year college (Yes, in the days of the military draft and the Vietnam War). I was going to lose my college deferment and be drafted. I wrote my draft board explaining my situation, but they didn’t care. (By the way, my college roommate saw my letter and was very impressed with my writing. I think that was the first time anyone complimented my writing abilities. He was sure that letter would get my deferment back, but it didn’t.)

One person’s opinion, shared by many.

So, it looked like I was about to be drafted and most likely be sent to Vietnam. A situation I never considered facing before. The government was going to take me out of college, train me to kill people ( people that the government decided I should kill). Wait a minute, I am going to be a trained killer? Wait a minute. No, no, no. (And people are upset/crazy today that government says wear a mask, hmmm.) It was time for me to decide what I thought about of this “war stuff.” No way was I in favor of the war. But what was I to do? What choices did I have? Declare myself as a “conscientious objector?” Flee to Canada (be a “draft dodger?”) Go to jail? Decide I was a pacifist? Something had to be decided. The next step came, having to take the draft physical. So the day came. I did not have bone spurs, but I did have knowledge of how to get my heart racing to dangerous levels which might help me fail my physical. Also, on the paperwork for the physical there was a question asking if I was a homosexual. Hmmm, I guess that would work, except at that time in my life I did not consider myself in that category at all. So, I did the physical and I did flunk it because my heartbeat was too fast for their standards. Problem averted. Draft deferment achieved.

But, I had to confront what my feelings were about the government, the military, war, killing, and following orders going against everything I believed, because the government said so. I must admit, I still struggle with this whole philosophical matter of war, killing, the military, etc. The whole concept of a “just war.” Not an easy subject in this world which has always been a warring world full of evil people. Having been a history major in college, I know how this world is and always has been. Not a pretty picture in many ways.

I wish I could talk with those who have had to handle these questions, but they won’t talk, I have discovered. War veterans come home and are silent on these things. Many have been severely damaged in one way or another. I had a friend who was a bombardier in WWII, a Christian missionary. How did he feel dropping bombs and killing lots of people? And then being on the mission field bringing salvation to people?

This is a very complex subject and I have no answers. I have lots of questions. It’s a dangerous subject to approach, usually because people’s feeling are so strong. I remember a supervisor at work once told me when we approached the subject of Vietnam that if he ever discovered I was against the war, my job would be hell, he’d see to that (he was an ex-Marine who served in the war.

I remember a conversation I had with my brother-in-law when I was nine. He ended up being a very conservative, right-wing person politically, But he was under the threat of being drafted and was absolutely opposed to being in the military. He had just had one kid and was hoping to get my sister pregnant with a second child because that would give him a deferment from the draft. He was a bit panicked as he hated the thought of being in the military. He had done ROTC training in college and hated the military regimen. Would love to have conversations about all of this, and his strong political and patriotic views.

I have had friends and family that have served in wars. I get it. They did what they believed they had to do. I really do get that. I’m just saying, when I had to face what I had to face, I would not kill on command just because the government says I have to. Today, people are going crazy about being told to wear masks. I had to face being trained and commanded to kill. I think there is a bit difference in these dilemmas

There are different types of relationships in this world.

So, the third big decision I had to make in my life, besides leaving my family to go off on my own and allowing myself to be drafted to fight in a war was how was I to live out my life? The track to follow was to be a good, normal family man. Marry, have a good family and live the typical family life of the American dream. At some point, after graduate school and beginning my airline career, I realized I was not going to live out that dream. I only knew it was not for me. Not knowing how I was going to live out my life, I knew it was not as a typical family man. I just had to “go with life” and see how it would turn out. It was a long road to find out who I was and how I was to live, but it did all work out. To quote my simple personal religion one more time, “Love; and trust God.”

Wally

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Surrender [ Post # 65 ]

Ahh, yes, another of those words that we often take as a bad, negative word in this world. To surrender is to be a loser, to give up, to admit defeat. Whether in a war, in a relationship or whatever, we usually mean something bad, losing, giving up as there’s no other choice, etc. But, in my later years I’m looking at that term in a different light. After living a long time, going through a lot of turmoil, chaos, confusion, uncertainty, etc., I have a revised view of what surrender can mean. I mean, after all, we are all going to have to eventually surrender our lives to the “whatever” that awaits us at the end of life. Well, perhaps some of us surrender at that point but others fight, often put up a valiant fight to the very end. Guess that’s our choice to make at that juncture.

So, surrender… looking back on my life, I wish I had had a better understanding of that word. In my early life I was a fighter. I rejected any thought of “surrendering.” I fought, even if the fighting was an internal struggle and conflict. I fought people trying to put me down, suppress me, control me, direct my life how they thought it should go (family and parents mostly and some teachers). And that was good, of course, as I went on to be myself as best I could under the circumstances at the time. I did not crumble, give in to the negative forces active in my early years. I fought for what I believed in, what I wanted to do and the direction I wanted to take in my life. A lot of fighting. Fortunately I was young and energetic. I succeeded in creating the life I wanted.

Probably my mantra in my early life even if I did not articulate it this way. Thinking this way probably saved me during that rough time in my life.

Looking back at that time now, I just wish I had had some sense of the good aspects of surrendering. By that I mean, yes, it was good that I fought for my best interests, but I could have felt so much better if I had surrendered to the fact that life was going to work out if I just trusted in life, that there is good in life and that good is mine to claim and live. I guess you could say a trust in God (or whatever good force there is in life). A “knowing” that all was going to be well, even while putting up the “good fight” against the negative forces.

Now in my later years I don’t have the energy and interest or time to waste in fighting everything in life. Fortunately my early years of fighting so many things and influences did pay off and I created the good life that was meant for me. I am grateful for that now. I ” fought the good fight,” to use a biblical quote. I now have a much greater appreciation for the concept of “surrendering.” I am living now a more surrendered life. Having engaged in a deep study of religion and philosophy recently, I realize that the philosophy that best fits who I am seems to be stoicism. Yes, that seems to fit best. I see that life must be faced, as it really is. Life is as it is. We may not always like that, but so it is. And the best, highest life is the ethical life. Doing right, living right. Making the best life with what we have. Living opposite to these ways, as I see it, creates a miserable life. A lot of people do live the miserable life, but it’s not for me. I’ve been there during brief times in my growing up and it was not good.

So, I am not advocating fatalism, a giving in to fate or destiny and resignation to what looks to be inevitable. Being powerless, believing defeatism, no, not at all. So let me say what I mean by having a healthy sense of surrender in life as I see it.

We can make good use of the practice of surrender in life. I’m doing a lot more of it than I ever did before now. Let me list some of the ways I see surrender now and have experienced surrender at this point in life.

My mantra now. My life today. The only way for me to live now at this stage in my life.

For me personally, I have had to surrender to the fact that some people may not, do not like me. I may not understand why, but that doesn’t really matter. And, I may have medical situations I wish I did not have, but I have them currently. I, at times, must suffer loss. Friends and family die. People leave my life, sometimes I understand, sometimes I don’t. Politics today is a “hot-button” issue. I’m very upset by what I see, how people I know are acting and believing. I can’t do much about that, they are the way they are. In my marriage, I don’t have the energy to fight. I surrender to the relationship, which, fortunately is a very good one (perfect in my humble opinion). So, let me give my thoughts on surrendering as I’ve come to understand the term and concept.

Fighting everything in life is draining and unpleasant and is a miserable way to live. You can’t control everything. For control freaks, that’s not good news. It works better to pause, step back, take your hands off the wheel at times to renew yourself. Recognize that obstacles can be detours leading you in a new, better direction. Surrender to that when that happens. If you are a spiritual person, pray and meditate and spend time in the silence with your higher self. Trust that things will work out, surrender to that truth. All will work out; trust it will all be okay. In other words, have faith.

Yes, surrender… a new way of living. Doesn’t mean accepting evil in any way, but surrendering to a “higher power.” God or Spirit is that higher power for many.

So, yes, my life has improved since I’ve surrendered to the idea of surrendering. Maybe it wasn’t so necessary in my earlier life, but it sure is now. Perhaps this is the great lesson for this period of life. Like I said, there is a big experience of the final surrendering coming up, like it or not.

So, I believe surrender can help us open up more to life, to embrace life fully, to be with the Divine Goodness (God) if one believes in that.

Wally

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Addictions [ Post #63 ]

One of the blessings I am very grateful for is the blessing of not being an addict. Well, not an addict in any bad sense of the word. By that I mean having any “bad,” or destructive addictions. I think you know what I mean. If you’ve lived for a while on this earth, you have seen and known people with terrible and damaging addictions. Perhaps you have some yourself or have had at some point in your life.

I will be honest and admit that there is an addictive gene in my own family. Several family members have had problems with addictions. It is very sad to witness and live through the addictive/destructive experiences they encounter continually in their lives. I experienced this in childhood and later with my first partner/relationship. And of course, several friends have had addiction problems, often never spoken of but there to be seen by all who have any awareness.

It is hard for a non-addict to comprehend, I think, what it is like to have this force, this destructive, negative energy driving one’s life to constant turmoil and problems. Sure, there are periods when things seem normal, but they are not, not for long, anyway.

Of course I’m no medical or psychological professional, so what I’m talking about is from a layman’s point of view. Just my observations and opinions, as in my other blogs on various subjects. I would never claim to be a professional in any field, except, perhaps, being an expert in my own life on this earth.

A book I read many years ago that gave me a different perspective on addictions in our lives.

So, we all know the negative power addictions have on people. But, wait. I’m talking about what we call “negative” addictions. When we talk about addiction, that’s what we are usually talking about, right? Many years ago I happened to pick up and read a book by William Glasser, M.D. called “Positive Addiction” which opened up my mind to a new way of viewing this subject. Yes, we are all familiar with the many negative addictions out there in the world, but do we ever consider that there may be positive addictions that and not destructive. They may even be helpful, healthy and inspiring. Hmmm, that got me thinking. Are there such things as “positive addictions?”

So, what is meant by positive addictions? Well, things like exercise, eating healthy, volunteering, being passionate about the work you do, being giving and helpful to others. Good, healthy relationships (not so much co-dependent relationships), etc. You can come up with many such positive addictions, I’m sure. The runner’s high, meditation, spiritual practices, creating art, music, acting, addiction to “excellence” (being careful of becoming addicted to “perfectionism.” Being passionate about your work can be good, being a workaholic can cross the line to a negative addiction. Being passionate and addicted to a spiritual life is expressed in several psalms in the Bible. And the Poet Rumi, “It is a burning of the heart I want; it is this burning I want more than anything….”

So I have come to the conclusion that there are both positive and negative addictions. I recently wrote a blog on my interest in, okay, my “addiction” to life-long learning, life-long education. I feel okay with that addiction. It pushes me forward towards continual growth, and that is good, in my book.

Just a little aside on this topic. A year and a half ago I decided to eliminate alcohol from my life. My body was not tolerating alcohol consumption very well. It did for many (pleasurable) years, but it reached a point that a drink would just put me to sleep or drain me for the rest of the day. I did a little research and discovered that, medically, there was a point in many peoples lives where alcohol did not work well with the body, exactly what I was experiencing. Well, the bottom line is one day I just quit. And that was that. Again, I say I am very grateful that I am not an addict (alcoholic) as it was no problem to stop. It just does not work for me anymore. It is like my father who gave up smoking one day after sixty some years of smoking daily. Just quit. No therapy, no hypnosis like some require to kick the habit.

So, the point of all of this is that I’m lucky to have missed the family gene that seems to have affected several others. Maybe I have an addiction to life-time learning, but that is okay. I prefer that one over the others I see in this world.

Wally

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Wrong Turns? I Don’t Think So! [Post # 58]

So, being in the last decade(s) of life, I do a bit of reflecting over a life of many decades, many adventures, many challenges, battles, dark times, joyous times, loves and disappointments. Recently the thought came to me… have I made any wrong turns on this journey? Surely, I’m thinking, everybody has made “wrong turns.” Made some big mistakes, journeyed down the wrong paths, etc. Got to be a universal experience. Got me thinking deeply. Thinking, thinking, thinking.

I’m here to tell you, I finally decided that, no, I do not at all feel that I have made any wrong turns in my life! Wow, that almost feels weird to say, like that can’t be true. Everybody regrets making the “wrong turns” in life, I’m thinking. But it is not true for me, I feel in the depths of my soul. As you have read in previous blogs, I certainly have had difficult times in my life, dark periods, real internal, emotional struggles. But you know what? I stayed on the path I now feel was laid out before me. Since I have a thing called faith, I would say a path God laid out for me, or the universe or whatever if that is easier for you to swallow.

I would not have wanted my life to go in a different direction. No, really. It may have been a long road, but I am now in a good place and I have had good experiences and realized my dreams and loves. What can beat that? In my book, nothing! Oh, yeah, I could daydream of having accomplished some great tasks and changing the world and becoming famous. That may be a great daydream, but that was not to be my life. That’s just not my path in this life. A great path for others I would agree. If that’s your path, your journey, great. I’m all for good people doing good things and making a difference in the world. Totally behind you.

Do you get envious of other people that seem to have a life of miraculous accomplishments and success? Thank goodness I do not waste any energy on that one. I am all for good people that make a real difference in this crazy world. But, you know what? I had to live my life, do my things. Find my own path, do those things I dreamed of, be happy with my life. And, I have no regrets! I did not make wrong turns. I certainly messed up at times, made mistakes, had bad thoughts, etc., but that’s a lot different than traveling down the wrong road. No major mistakes were made (thank goodness!).

I have friends that have accomplished great things. Artists, teachers, lawyers, politicians, doctors. I love that they did their “thing.” I am sorry for those who feel that they did take the wrong turns, lost or never found their purpose in this life. That is sad. I would say that that did not have to be. But what do I know, really. Maybe that was their “path” to travel in this lifetime. And those I know who have committed suicide by intention or by neglect. How sad, how painful. Thinking of all of this does reinforce my stand that my life has involved making no wrong turns. Something guided me. Something encouraged me. Something inspired me. Even when I did not feel it at all, something was there, in my soul, in my inner being. I never shut that something, that voice, out. That’s why my blog’s theme is “On the Path,” “It’s a Wonderful Life!”

So, I wonder, were there times I could have made the “wrong turns?” Well, thinking along those lines, I could have pursued my finishing theological seminary and become a minister/pastor in a church. Had a nice normal family with children and all. No, that would not have been good. Not in my life. Or what if I had been successful in becoming an airline pilot ( I came very close but something told me this was not the right thing for me.) So, my stand is that I have not made wrong turns.

Yep, me on the right. At elementary school. Early in life. Before I made any real decisions regarding my life, whether right turns or wrong turns. A time of innocence. All of life lay ahead of me. Turns out it was a good life that was awaiting me.

So, that’s my philosophy, I guess. I made no wrong turns. I can’t speak for anyone else. Are there really wrong turns in life or is there just the way our life goes because of our intensions and choices. Something to ponder. I do have compassion for those who have a messed up life. Yes, there’s a lot of sh*t in this world. I believe we are co-creators in life. Co-creators with whatever you call it. Fate, the Universe, God. I am very grateful for my life and all the right turns I made.

Wally

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What’s Love Got To Do With It? (Love and Surrender) [Post # 57]

Love. There’s a word that’s used a lot. Thrown around a lot. Casually and very seriously. “I love this!, I Love that! Love’s what makes the world go round,” etc., etc., etc. Yeah, we use the word love a lot, don’t we? Everyone desires love in their life. They say it gives life meaning. Even with the psychologically unbalanced, with the hardened criminals, all the misfits in life, the psychological experts would agree. The lack of love in their lives is part of their problem. It seems that love is required to have a real, meaningful and satisfying life.

Having gone through a lot in life, I would have to agree that one thing that is required to fully live, is love. In fact, at this stage of life, I would go so far as to say it is really everything. That may sound extreme, may sound very “new age.” But after living a long life, I would stick with my statement that love is everything. After studying a lot about religions, about philosophy, about life, psychology and evil or the dark side of life, it seems the only thing that really matters is, “have we loved? Really loved? Has our life been about love?

I am of the belief that love is Divine. True love is beyond us. It is from another realm. It is not part of the ego. It is, well, like, “magical.” The apostle Paul wrote the famous chapter on love in the New Testament which I think sums it up very well. Says it all, I think.

At this point in life, I am totally committed to living a life of love. I’ve lived other types of life. I’ve lived a life of turmoil. I’ve lived a life of confusion, bitterness, hate, resentment, revenge. Like most people, I’ve “acted out” at times in life. I’ve reacted to manipulations and abuse in so many ways. I feel “I’ve done it all.” From here on out, just give me love or forget it. No more crap. If you are not going to relate to me in a loving way, well, be on your way. Have a good life. Just stay out of mine. I do not accept the unloving stuff in my environment any more. Period. This past four-year period of the political situation this country has been in has had its affect on me. I’ve seen so much unloving action and expression that it has changed me. I cannot respect people I have previously had respect for. Some were close people. Does not matter. When I see the hate, the false accusations and slander, I’m done. Now the biblical passage of Jesus telling his disciples to “shake the dust off of your feet and leave the unaccepting people and move on” makes sense, takes on a whole new meaning for me.

So, I will only live in love from here on out. Decision made. But what does that entail? That question brings me to the second part of my essay. I strongly believe that to love with true, real love, one must go through a process of surrender. Yes, I know that word has bad connotations in this world and society. Surrender. Usually means, to people, to give up, give in, lose, be a loser, etc., etc. And some of that is true. But I think we need to re-define the word.

If you are truly going to love, I say some surrender is necessary. One must surrender some (I’m saying some, not all) of the ego. Some of our strongly held beliefs, feelings and opinions. If you love, you are going to be changed to some degree. An internal change and to some degree, an external change. Required, I say.

When I decided to live a life of love, I had to give up some things. When I got married, I had to surrender to the new arrangement, the new type of relationship. I even had a pastor tell me, oh, that’s dangerous. Hmmm, I thought. Wonder how his life is if he really thinks that way. I hope he was kidding, but it didn’t sound like it.

So, living a life of love and surrender. In a way that does sound like it is a way of life fraught with danger. Being a doormat, being controlled and manipulated and all that. Well, I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about being strong, assertive, solid, forceful in living in love and surrender. Not weak, cowering and subject to the jerks of this world. It’s a matter of saying, “no, I will not accept that!,” Do not talk to me like that or treat me like that. We’re done here.

Yeah, these last few years have really had an impact on my life. Forced me to face what I will accept in my life now. What energies I will accept in my immediate environment. No more sh*t now. I’ve seen and experienced too much now.

Wally

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Life Long Learning [ Post # 56 ]

Currently I am involved in a personal project, an in-depth study of philosophy. I just happened to stumble onto this project recently, and I am absolutely enthralled with the study I’m doing. Let me backtrack briefly and tell you how I got here into this unexpected place. I have a collection of some good, intelligent educational cassette tapes left over from years ago when I had my own business of selling and distributing educational and motivational tapes. I gave up the business when cassettes became outdated and CDs became the new technology. The old tapes got stored away and as I was recently decluttering my office area I came across these tapes and realized a lot of them I never actually listened to. The time came to decide, “throw then out, or listen to them and see if they are of any interest to me at this stage of my life.”

Some of the tapes I’ve converted to CDs and am currently studying. Each CD case contains four CDs..

I made the decision to listen to them, at least those that possibly interested me. I converted the tapes to CDs and began listening. For some reason I never put much effort into studying philosophy in school. I learned enough to get through college, but the bare minimum. I studied religion a lot but neglected philosophy (even though they are very interconnected and complementary in one getting a “complete” education, as I see it.

But, this blog post is not going to be about philosophy. Perhaps in a future post I will cover that subject. This post is about a life long habit I have just been thinking about recently, the habit or practice of being a “life-long learner.” At this stage of my life, I realize that habit or practice has been a great motivator and has kept me going, intellectually, and been my salvation, in a sense.

As child, somehow I got into a children’s book club that was a series of “All About” books. All about astronomy, mathematics, geography, etc. I would get a new book every month or so and I would devour it. Loved it. I loved learning new things. In a previous blog I mentioned how I was being steered to not go on to further education after high school. In fact, my thinking when I was young was, “I can’t wait to just be done with high school so I can just go get a job and live my life.” But when my high school counselor refused to let me take English literature class in high school and told me I was not “college material,” that set my mind in a new direction. I did not accept that label and eventually did get into a college and graduate school after that. I did not settle for what people thought of me, how they judged me or tried to limit me.

So, I spent my years getting my “higher education.” I loved that time. I loved college and then theological seminary (see my earlier blogs). I had my mind opened. I saw a big world out there. I traveled the world with my airline job. I developed a side business selling educational tapes for a few companies like Simon and Schuster, etc. I did listen and study the various subjects those tapes covered. (I even sold Trump tapes on how to become rich, etc., but never liked him much way back then).

When I decided it was time to realize my dream of being a pilot (a dream since about age six), I thought, well, nobody is going to help me, motivate me, guide me, so I just better get started and do some studying and pass my written exam for my private pilot license. I did just that. Found some good books, found a study guide, and on my own sat down and did some intense study. All self motivated. I went and passed my written test and then found a flight school to begin my flight training. After that, I got my commercial pilot’s license, my flight instructor’s certificate, my instrument flight instructor’s certificate and my advanced ground instructor’s certificate and did some flight instructing and commercial flying.

So, there are many instances like this where I just persisted in pushing myself in pursuit of more knowledge, or pursuing my quest of “lifelong learning.” I got my amateur radio (ham) radio license a long time ago, I used to log all my reading of books. It was an amazing list every year. In college I took a course in piano playing (I had taken lessons as a kid). I would force myself to take guest speaking gigs when offered, preaching sermons when the opportunity arose. So, even though I, like most people, experienced and fought procrastination from time to time, I always eventually pushed myself forward and learned new stuff. I’ve heard it said that our “in box” will never be empty, even at our death. I certainly believe that is true. I will never complete all the tasks I have set for myself.

So, what are the alternatives to being a lifelong learner? Well, I suppose one can just be a “drifter,” One can just drift along in life. Eat, drink and be merry, as they say. Yes, that can be a good life. Others can be more melancholy throughout their life. Living a more sad type of life. I see that as sad, but a way of life that many seem to choose or as they would see it, they are stuck with. At the opposite extreme of being a lifelong learner as I see it would be the lost individual. The person with no enjoyment in living, perhaps a gang member or a committed criminal who just has no purpose, meaning or any real motivation in life. Now, I’m not talking about a person going through a period of depression, perhaps a long and deep depression. I’m referring to a way of life. A lifelong choice.

So, lifelong learning. I see it as my salvation. I had dark periods in my early life but I propelled myself out of those prisons. Reading my previous blogs will show you that. It has been a struggle at times to make my life meaningful, give it purpose. I am now glad for those experiences. I learned my lessons and they have served me well.

A book from my library. It got me in touch with this whole subject of lifelong learning.


So, now I’m deeply involved in studying philosophers and philosophy. An area I have previously avoided in my life. It is amazing how it is opening up my eyes and thoughts to new ways of seeing things. Not that there is one philosophy, or one religion, one philosopher or guru or one way to believe (my blog, “Only One Way” goes into that way of thinking). I am on a new path in my learning adventure. I will probably purchase more university courses (CDs and DVDs) from a company I deal with. The learning will never end while I still have a breath within me. Then it’s on to learning new things, “somewhere else.”

Wally

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Emergency Blog: Dealing with an Unhinged Person; Insanity [Post # 53]

I had been working on two upcoming blog posts when I had an experience that caused me to put those two projects aside and consider this post as more necessary at this particular time due to current events. I delayed working on this blog until I was sure I wanted to write this post in a public forum. I feel it is time to discuss this particular childhood experience as I relate it to what is happening right now, this very week in our world, our country.

I awoke two nights ago with a very strong memory and thought on my mind. The subject was how we personally handle a mental problem, an unstable person, an insane person. Yes, I know insanity is a “legal” term but you know what I mean, a person who we say has become “unhinged.”

I had an experience when I was probably six years old or so. An experience most people would never talk about, you know, one of those “family secrets” that we take to our graves, as thy say. I wrote out this brief essay and gave it to a few very close friends. I said, just yesterday, “this is not going to be a blog but I just want to tell you something.” Well, just twenty-four hours later, after reading my essay several times, I had a change of mind and decided I needed to say this since I have an experience that I relate to what is happening in our country right now. Embarrassed? Ashamed? No. Embarrassing your family, no. I don’t see it that way. If anyone is, that’s their problem, not mine. So following is the short essay I gave to a few very close friends:

Ok, time to say what all that’s going on is doing to me. Yeah, bringing up memories that I see parallel the current world situation.

I lived with someone who, as I see it, had three psychotic breaks as they are called (my view, I’m not a trained medical person). There were three incidents I am aware of when my mother “became unhinged.”

I was involved and present in one of those events. It is burned into my memory. It’s one of those “family secrets” that never gets talked about, never dealt with, just “forgotten,” hopefully, so life can go on. Yeah, don’t face it, don’t deal with it.

So, the one incident I was a witness to and a participant in was when I was very young, probably around six years of age or so. My mother “went crazy.” I don’t know the why or the what, I just remember my family subdued and tied my mother with rope to a chair in our dining room. My father commanded us to go through the house and collect all knives and scissors that may be lying around anywhere. We did, and secured them so they were4 out of her reach.

Someone, probably my father, called the police while we kept her tied up. Eventually the police arrived and took her away. She ended up in a psychiatric hospital/sanitarium in Glendale, not far from our house. She was there for some time and received shock treatment, which was quite a cruel experience in those days. One day we got a call that she had escaped from the facility through a window and was loose in town. Somehow, as I recall, she made it the few miles to our house in Eagle Rock. That’s my memory.

So, how does this relate to current events for me? Well, I see our president in a bad mental state. As I see it, he is “unhinged” right now. He is crazy and out of control. He has a lot of power, he has the nuclear codes, the military at his command, etc. Similar to my mother having access to knives and sharp objects, etc. lying around the house. Yes, a crazy person in a crazy state of mind and the number one priority in that emergency situation is to subdue the person and protect ourselves, whatever it takes. Yes, even with a person one loves very deeply, one’s own mother. Protection is number one!

There. That’s my story. That’s the experience I had as a young kid. Trauma, yes. A memory forever burned in one’s memory, yes. This memory was deeply hidden in my unconscious mind but surfaced in the middle of the night due to our situation of us (this country) having a president that is unhinged, in my opinion. Yes, you people of his base have all types of excuses of why this is not so bad a thing or how this was “set up” by the Antifa people, etc. etc. Well, I say this is a dangerous situation. An unhinged person with such great power needs to be reigned in and brought under control. Period. Whatever it takes. I had to do it with a family member. A loved one. We do what we have to do for the safety of all.

My mother had two other major incidents similar to this. My purpose in discussing this should be obvious. So this memory is now out there and you know why I think dangerous people must be subdued and controlled, no matter who the person is or what the situation is.

Wally