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When People Don’t Like Us [ Blog #31 ]

If you are a human being, I’m sure you have had the experience of some people not liking you. Usually we can sort of figure out why there is no chemistry between us and another person, but there are also some times when we have no idea why we are not liked. I remember an episode in the sitcom of The Golden Girls on TV when the character of Rose was being driven crazy by someone at work who did not seem to like her. Eventually, after trying everything to get him to like her, she asked him what his problem with her was and he finally blurted out, “Rose, I just don’t like you!” Some of us have had similar situations in life.

So, this business of not being liked. How does that affect you? Can you brush it off as nothing, really, or does it eat at you, like it did for Rose? I think we all get hurt by rejection, no matter what we tell ourselves or others. I’m finding that at this stage of life, retirement or the later stage of life, I am not as concerned with not being liked as I was earlier in my life. That is probably because I now choose my friends more carefully and I eliminate those who seem to be a problem for me. Earlier, in my working days, I did not have much control of who was in my environment, such as my coworkers and my managers and bosses. I had to function in a system, not completely under my control.

Looking back over my life, I can see where some people did not care for me, especially, and I can usually understand why that was so. As they say, the chemistry was not good or we did not care for the same things or saw things differently or could not stand each other’s habits or actions. That’s just the way it was.

On the other hand, one thing that really puzzled and bothered me was when someone seemed to automatically, at first sight and meeting, to just not like me or even hate me, with no logical reason, as far as I could tell. With no experience or history with me, this person did not seem to like me and I was stunned. I just could feel their energy. That’s how I would put it. I’m sure that this is not an uncommon experience. If fact , I asked a couple of friends and they confirmed that they have had similar experiences.

Fortunately I can say that this has not happened much in my life. Yet, once I started thinking on this topic, I realized there were occasions in each stage of my life where I experienced this. Of course I experienced hurt when this happened. I was probably only bullied twice or so that I remember and the other times were not that type of situation. I even feel some hurt resurfacing as I think about this. I am fortunate that these rare situations did not affect me as far as altering my life or my basic outlook or perspective on life and people.

We have all seen the tragic results when situations like bullying have psychologically damaged people and they act out in mass murder situations, situations far too common in this day and age. So it is imperative that that we handle these occurrences of rejection and not being liked by everyone in our world in a healthy manner. That we be psychologically sound and balanced and able to handle rejection and the hurt it often inflicts. We are going to run into this situation from time to time during our time on this earth, as I see it.

Getting back to the general topic of not everybody liking us, it seems that just participating in life and in society will cause us to face this dilemma time and again. In my life, the 1960’s were a tough time and tempers and hatred flared over many issues. There was the civil rights movement, the Vietnam War, Federal agents shooting and killing college students protesting, etc. It was nearly impossible to not take stands on these issues, and once you did, you were loved or hated by others, family and friends. That’s the way it was.

Well, so what’s this got to do with living the good life, the general overall theme of my blogs? I feel we do have to honestly face the issues before us and make some decisions, sometimes some difficult decisions of where we stand. We can be very outspoken or be more quiet and reserved, but we must face the issues in our world, especially in our personal world. Take your stand and let the chips fall where they may, I would say. Yes, some people may be upset. Close friends or family, and that sometimes really hurts, I know. But I say, don’t go for being liked. Go for being honest and authentic and loving and compassionate and fair, as much as you can. Some people don’t like me… so what! I’ll survive.

Wally

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Love the Bible! [ Post #30 ]

Hmmm you may be thinking, now he’s become a “Bible thumper.” a “holy roller,” one of them “fundamentalists,” or “evangelicals,” etc. Well, I can assure you I am none of those. Perhaps I should have titled this blog “I love the Bible, BUT….” That would be more accurate, perhaps. So let me explain. I love the Bible, I read and study the Bible a lot. Also, the scriptures from other religions, not just the Hebrew and Christian scriptures. So, maybe, in a sense this blog should be subtitled , “My weirdness, part 2,” in conjunction with my blog regarding my weirdness by being a pilot and obsessed with aviation details ( blog # 28).

A little background may help to explain what I’m talking about regarding my love of the Bible. I was forced to attend church and Sunday school as a child. Then my family ceased attending church. This was when the civil rights movement was going on in the 1960’s in this country. My family did not like churches getting involved in the issue as my family was not in favor of “civil rights.” I didn’t agree with them on this, but I did like the fact that mandatory church attendance was now a thing of the past. Freedom at last from church, I thought.

So, church-free life went on for a few years. My childhood and early teen years were not the greatest for me. I experienced a lot of emotional and psychological turmoil and pain living at home and couldn’t wait to leave home after high school graduation. It was really bad at times and one day I had a “come to Jesus” experience. I needed something to help me survive what I was experiencing and a religious conversion experience helped stabilize me emotionally. It was my salvation, in a sense.

I eventually got involved in a church that my high school friends attended and did a lot of activities with my “church gang.” It was a fun time. I found an escape from my family problems and the depression I had been living with for a long time. After high school I decided to go to a Christian college in Seattle ( there’s a story there for another blog sometime). That decision got me away from home and family and I was looking forward to a college education with a religious perspective. This had to be a good plan, I thought, and as it turns out, it was. I loved my college years. I learned a lot, made some great friends and loved traveling between Los Angeles and Seattle in my VW bug when I came home for summer vacations. It was a fantastic time. And along with this, I got a pretty good religious education, from a Christian perspective, of course, but it was broader than that. My mind was opening up to religion and philosophy and the deep issues of existence.

After college I decided to continue my religious education by going to a theological seminary and working on my Masters of Divinity degree. I did not finish my studies there but really enjoyed the time I spent there studying theology.

Professor Walter Helsel, my college professor for my class in “Revelation” at college. He opened my mind to a more scholarly perspective on a book of the bible many fundamentalists and evangelicals get carried away with in preaching about the “last days.” Here we are fishing in an Eskimo village in Alaska.

So, through it all, I got a good grounding in religious and philosophical studies. I developed a keen interest in what life is all about, about the great mystery of life. After all the study, though, you learn that no matter how much schooling you have or how many degrees you earn, you come to realize, if you are honest with yourself, it’s all a gigantic mystery. Nobody has the answers. Nobody! It’s all speculation!

So, what’s the result of all my studies and life experience? I have developed an intense interest in looking at this mystery called “life'” “existence,” and death. What the hell is all of this? Why are we here? What’s the point? So, I love studying it all and yet at the same time I know there really is no answer to find. We must just live “in the mystery!”

That’s why I love the bible, as well as other religious scriptures and writings. It’s interesting to see how people have handled this great mystery of life through thousands of years. The bible is full of wonderful stories, wonderful teachings, wonderful truths, if you see it that way. Oh, yes, and it is full of some raunchy, awfully violent tales. It also contains some bad advice ( stoning your children, stoning adulterers to death, etc.) It’s human history in the raw and human fantasy and fiction. The biblical scholars are always dissecting the writings and finding new and often fascinating information. In another lifetime I would probably desire to be a biblical scholar, or at least a professor of comparative religions. Ain’t that weird! I guess I just abhor a superficial, shallow, materialistic life.

A few of my Bibles and other religious scriptures and study aids

So, yes, I am a bit obsessed with all of this. I have, at last count, about sixteen or more bibles in different translations. Protestant bibles, a Catholic bible, a Jehovah’s Witness bible, the Koran, the Bhagavad Gita, the lost gospels, the Book of Mormon… well, you get the idea, I’m a nut for the worlds scriptures. I have bible commentaries, handbooks, dictionaries, etc.

And more….

So, I love the Bible in a way a scholar would love and study it. It is fascinating. It is inspiring, it can give insight and so much more. My caution to people would be to not take it literally. Those who take it literally have real problems. It’s a collection of writings. See it for what it is. Read up on scholars who devote their lives to this study. It does contain truth. Don’t follow a fundamentalist preacher or televangelist who knocks biblical scholarship and is going to tell you what it all means.

Most people, I would say, do not read the Bible. Some do, but they take it literally and follow what their preacher tells them it says and means. That’s too bad, I say. A lot can be learned from the writings if approached in the right, rational, reasonable way. It’s too bad the secularist, agnostic person can’t often be open minded enough to enjoy it for what it is, for what it gives the serious reader. Much is missed in a lifetime spent avoiding the study of religious scriptures. So much of our culture and society has its roots and formation in religious writings. Even during the years I was a strong atheist I still read the Bible. I just read it with an atheist viewpoint, and I don’t see that as a bad thing. Study truth, I say, whatever that involves. I read recently regarding the bible that even a good book can contain bad things. I would agree. Look at all of it, ponder it, and as I always say, think.

Three general books about the Bible for a good overview for me

In closing. I would just say that two of my favorite books of the Bible are Ecclesiastes in the Hebrew scriptures (Old Testament) and James (New Testament). You know Ecclesiastes, “all is vanity; eat drink and be merry for tomorrow we die: to everything there is a season (“Turn, turn, turn,” the song by the Byrds, 1965). I love that book. And the book of James, “Faith without works is dead!” The book Martin Luther hated, did not want it in the Bible and tore it out of bibles because he hated it so much.

So there you have it, my weird love of the Bible as a theology student and a person of faith, but not fundamentalist, evangelical faith. A long twisted life path of “born again,” “atheist,” then a spiritual person of faith again.

Wally

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The Odd Jobs We Have in Life [ Post #29 ]

One thing that fascinates me is discovering what odd jobs or even temporary careers celebrities have had in their lives before they got their “big break” and became “somebody,” became famous. It’s really interesting trying to picture them doing whatever it is they did as they were struggling and trying to find their place in life.

That line of thought got me thinking about my own life and all the strange “odd jobs” I’ve had in my early life. At first I thought, “you know, I’ve only really had one job my whole life, my airline career,” then, upon deeper reflection, a lot of memories came back to me. I realized that I did, in fact, have a lot of odd jobs earlier in my life before I “found myself” and my life purpose (well, my working life purpose anyway). Yeah, I did do a lot of odd things early in life, and gee, I wonder if there were lessons to be learned in all those jobs I had. I spent a lot of time trying to figure life out and what I was going to do.

My first working experience was as a little kid being a model, which I covered in a previous blog. My parents got me into that work as my family was doing that kind of work and working in the movie industry back then. For some reason I really didn’t take to that work much, it was okay, I guess, and I am amazed looking at the photos from that period. I was cute and it was sort of fun. I think my lesson was, yes there is this world of modeling and acting if that’s what I want to do. It’s a busy and fascinating industry.

In my youth a neighborhood friend and I developed a lawn-mowing business. I also got a job delivering newspapers early in the morning twice a week the Eagle Rock Sentinel). Then during a couple of summers I worked on my sister’s and brother-in-law’s thoroughbred horse ranch. My overall impression was that work can be hard and not that much fun and somehow there’s got to be a better way to live and work.

Upon high school graduation my father got me a job immediately. I guess he feared I’d dilly-dally if I didn’t immediately get a job. Our neighbor across the street was a maintenance man for Van de Kamp’s bakery and restaurant in Glassel Park and knew of an opening in their drive-in restaurant, so I went and got my first job after graduation as a fry cook. I actually did okay and liked the work and had fun working with the people there. Never thought I’d be a cook before that, but it was fun.

When the drive-in closed I tried a couple of other restaurants but it was not the same. At Tiny Naylor’s restaurant ( through a connection my sister had with the owner) I lasted one day (I didn’t care for the job), then at McDonald’s in Glendale I lasted a week or so before quitting. Not fun at all. By now I’m thinking that I’d better find something interesting to do with my life or this type of misery will be my lot in life. I’m thinking, wow, a lot of people just put up with this to survive. Is this life? I’d better do some serious thinking about what I’m going to do with the rest of my life .

My list of odd jobs continued. I worked in a packing plant owned by a man in my church. Also at a mailing service run by church friends. In college I was a cashier and food checker in a nice restaurant on Lake Union in Seattle. One summer I was a door-to-door salesman selling vacuum cleaners (rather expensive Electrolux brand) and I actually sold a few! Even had a Mrs. Robinson like experience ( the movie “The Graduate”), but escaped just in time.

One of my favorite jobs was as a busboy at the Yosemite Lodge Cafeteria at Yosemite National Park in 1972. I also worked as a chaplain there in a ministry job that I signed up for while in seminary that year. It was a beautiful place to work for the summer.

In college I worked as a caretaker/night watchman at a mortuary and actually had an apartment in the mortuary. I assisted the undertakers when needed. And, yes, it was an eerie place to live. In seminary I worked at a cleaning service cleaning dental offices, cleaning floors, etc. I did not like that job at all.

So, all of these memories came back to me and it made me think about what were the lessons I learned from all these jobs I tried out in my youth. Some jobs were actually sort of fun, some not fun at all. I learned that I wanted to do something interesting with my life. These jobs gave me compassion for people who feel stuck in some of these jobs. Compassion for those who are living at poverty level and develop negative attitudes about life and work because of the unpleasant jobs they feel stuck in.

The main lesson I learned was go find an interesting line of work. Go for it. Do what you want to do. Make your life fun and interesting. Don’t be influenced by anybody who has negative vibes or advice. Never. Do your thing. If you are a spiritually inclined person you could say or realize that something bigger than you is directing your path daily and it will all work out. That’s the conclusion I eventually came to. It took a long time and a lot of experience, but life did work out spectacularly.

Wally

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Thinking vs. Following [ Post # 28 ]

It is said that things are really bad these days. It’s never been like this, the world and the political situation, etc. Well, having studied history as a history major in college, my opinion is that no matter what period of history you study, you can always find the worst thing happening somewhere in the world. There are always good things and bad things happening somewhere. I see the real problem in our world being that people choose to “follow” rather than “think.”

This came to mind recently when watching tv and a person was interviewed regarding the current political situation. She told the interviewer that she would back President Trump no matter what he ever did. No matter what, anything goes. I sat there thinking really, REALLY?! Wow. And believe me, I’m not really being political on this as I would be just as shocked if a political fan of a left wing politician were to say the same thing. It is hard for me to think people actually think and believe this way. I would say I have never followed any politician so radically. Or any other “authority” figure, such as a minister, teacher, leader, etc. I do not blindly follow anybody, and I don’t think any of us should if we are to be intelligent beings.

I am in favor of thinking rather than following. I know this is a society and culture of followers rather than serious, deep thinkers. We can see that everywhere. People follow celebrities, religious leaders, gurus, charismatic con artists and cult leaders. They follow cultural trends, religious teachings, childhood teachings, often without much thought of why they do. You may say, hey these are all good things. “Teach a child in the way he should go and he will not depart from it” the Good Book says. Well, okay, there is some truth there, but that does not negate our individual responsibility to seek truth, to think deeply and look at the facts and the ramifications of all our actions and beliefs and pronouncements. We must always think! Don’t just follow. We have to decide what we believe, what we see is truth, and decide how we will live.

Now, I do allow an exception, in a sense, for someone in the military. In the military you are trained to take orders and carry out those orders. You are trained to kill when ordered. That is a different situation, a subject for another essay, perhaps. But I would still say we must think and take the responsibility for our beliefs and actions, always.

I have read a spiritual writer recently who said to not take automatically as truth what someone says, no matter who they are. A Mother Teresa, the Dalai Lama, Thich Nhat Hanh, whoever. I agree. Someone is not necessarily right or speaking truth just because they are “spiritual.” Again, no matter what, think!

I learned to think for myself. I grew up in the 1960’s. A wild, tumultuous, chaotic time in this country’s history. I had to, was forced to, think things through . We were faced with new dramas every day. Emotions were crazy, that’s the only way I can put it. I was called a communist because I did not vote for Nixon in 1972. I was told years later by a supervisor at work that he had better never hear that my views of the Vietnam War were any different than his (he served in the war) or I was dead meat. He had no idea what my position was, as we never talked about it, he was just warning me that he accepted no opinions different that his.

Regarding following family beliefs, I was the “black sheep” of my family. I did not share many of my family’s beliefs and feelings about things. I was called a ni**er lover because I did not share the prejudices of my family. I chose to think for myself and not just follow the family beliefs. Again, thinking vs. following.

In thinking about all this, I realize that there are some terms in our culture and society that I do not really like much because of the “code” word they seem to be,as I see it. For example, I’ve never been fond of the term “team player.” My feeling is that what is meant is you will submit, follow blindly, give in to whoever has the authority in the group, not be an independent thinker. Or the term “a good American.” That was used a lot by my family. It usually is a code word for someone who thinks like a person who has very specific political beliefs and opinions that are very defined and narrow. Similarly, the word patriot I feel is often misused to mean something very narrow and specific in meaning.

So, my point is, so much of our world’s problems stem from the fact that so many people choose to just follow (often blindly) beliefs, authority figures, prejudices, society and family teachings rather than using their intellect and seriously study what their positions on life issues are. Less following and more thinking is demanded if this world is going to get any better.

Wally

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Being a Pilot – It’s in the Blood

Flying friends to Catalina Island

Okay, like many, well, at least some people, I’m weird in some ways, I admit that. I will share one weirdness I have that many who know me probably are not aware of. In previous blog posts I mentioned how I became enamored of aviation. and the desire to be a pilot. That occurred in my childhood when I took my first ride in an aircraft ( a Delta Airlines DC3 in the 1950’s) At that point in my life I fell in love with aviation and flight. I now realize that interest/love/obsession (?) is in my blood. It truly is in my blood. I don’t know how that happens. I’m just reporting a weirdness acquired at an early age.

If you’ve read earlier blogs, you know I followed through with my interest in aviation, becoming a commercial pilot, a flight instructor, ground instructor and working for an airline for thirty-three years. Those may be the facts of my working and personal life, but I want to talk about the internal life of being a pilot in my mind all the time. It does make me different from most people in so many ways. I feel a bit weird about all this.

My current circle of friends are not pilots. They may know my past and several have flown with me as I flew them around in my airplane when I had a part-ownership in a fling club with several airplanes. We shared many fun adventures in the sky a long time ago.

But even though I am not currently piloting now in my life, my mind is always in the heavens, up there in the deep blue sky. I am always aware when a plane or helicopter flies overhead. I always investigate what type of plane it is. I can often tell what airline it is if it’s low enough), and if it’s a helicopter, I know if it’s a police helicopter or a fire department or coast guard chopper. Also, I’m very familiar with the Children’s Hospital helicopter and several others. It’s just what I do. I cannot ignore any aircraft in my environment . Do friends I’m with turn their attention to what’s flying overhead? No, it’s usually just an annoying noise to them.

Wherever I am, I am always watching the sky and all cloud formations. You see, a large part of pilot training is the study of meteorology, weather. I am amazed at some of the cloud types and formations I spot and see what is happening in the atmosphere. It’s fascinating to me but of no interest or even boring to most other people.

Which brings me to another point in discussing my “weirdness.” When I fly on airlines, I’m the one person in ten million, I think, who wants to see outside the airplane. I study the clouds, I study the geography, I study the sea and the waves, I’m investigating everything, even the aircraft parts and what’s happening ( power changes, slight course corrections, etc.) I have had three situations where an engine blew and emergency procedures were activated. Okay, those situations did get a few other passengers interested in things! But it drives me crazy that almost everyone wants the window shades down as they have no interest in what’s outside. I’m just the opposite (i.e. “weird!”)

June 30, 1956 TWA 2 and United 718 collide over the Grand Canyon

When there is an air disaster, it gets my attention as a pilot. Given some facts, I can usually make a good guess at what happened. I know a full investigation is necessary before any real conclusions can be made, but I can usually make a good guess early on. I did say usually, but sometimes big surprises await the outcome of the investigation.

I know the significance some airplane crashes have had on aviation and upgrading safety procedures so we have a safer aviation environment today than we had years ago. I was only eight years old at the time of the midair collision over the Grand Canyon of the United Airlines and TWA planes, but I remember like it was yesterday. That crash in 1956 brought about big changes in aviation and air traffic control. The 1942 crash of TWA flight 3 into Potosi Mountain just west of Las Vegas killing Hollywood star Carole Lombard fascinates me and I’ve done a lot of research on it. I could go on and on, but you get the idea, I’m an aviation “nut.” Some people are movie fanatics, some music nuts, some are sports-crazed. We all have our strong, perhaps obsessive interests.

So, that briefly explains this one particular weirdness of mine. Oh, yes, I probably have others. Maybe I’ll cover other oddities of my life at another time.

Wally

Piloting was a good time in my life.


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Opportunities, Cycles, Phases and the Good Life [ Post # 27 ]

They say opportunities come and they go. That this or that is the opportunity of a lifetime. This is your opportunity, it will never come again. Or, perhaps, that’s okay, you’ll have another opportunity later sometime.

Cycles… all of life is a cycle. There’s conception, birth, life, and eventually, death. (Okay, spiritually oriented people will say there is more beyond death, but that’s for another essay, not this one.) All of life is a cycle. Even our sun is in a life cycle, scientists say eventually our sun will die out and earth will one day be gone. And, all cycles are composed of phases. All of life can be broken down into phases.

So, what does all of this have to do with the “Good Life?” Well, as I see it, just about everything. When I think about the good life, my thoughts often include thinking about the opportunities that come our way during our life and what we do with them. Do we even see them, become aware of them, or just ignore them or because of ignorance or fear just let them pass by? We do have “windows of opportunity” and we never know how long they will last, do we?

I’ve mentioned many opportunities that came along in my life in my previous blogs, so I won’t rehash all of those experiences here. Let me just say that I am glad I had the opportunities I had and I’m glad I usually took advantage of them for my own good and advancement on my life’s journey. Taking advantage of the opportunities changed my life several times.

I have also taken time to realize exactly what phase of life I was in as I journeyed on my path. In youth I worked on getting an education. During my working life phase, I worked hard and tried to manage things and finances so I could someday retire. Yes, it seemed like an impossible dream to get to retirement and enjoy life without reporting to a boss, corporation and the other unpleasantries of the working life phase. I survived and succeeded in that phase. It seemed impossible for a long time, but you know what, I made it!

So now I’m in the retirement phase of my life. The last third of life, if you divide a long life into thirds of thirty years each. I am enjoying the good life, no doubt about it. My hard work and perseverance has paid off. Life is good.

Many people live what they would consider a miserable life or at least an unhappy life. They continually complain about how “life treats them,” how they have made so many bad decisions, how people and life have treated them poorly, etc. etc. Yet, on the other hand, some people seem to have very little in life as far as possessions and wealth but are very happy people.

So, what’s the deal? Well, as I see it, all of life is made up of moments of decisions. Every day we make numerous decisions, day in and day out. We make decisions on what we will do, what we will think, what actions we will take, etc. Every day. And these decisions are cumulative. They determine the direction our life will take. We get to where we are by the many thoughts, actions, and decisions we make daily.

And then there are the big moments, the big decisions, the big opportunities that come along. What do we do then? Well, as I see it, if we make the best use of our daily moments, our daily opportunities, when the big momentous opportunities come, we are somewhat prepared for that time. We have been acting and thinking in ways that lead us to the right direction to take. We are on the path of the “good life.”

So, this is how I see my life at this point. At this phase of life, my “retirement” phase, I am enjoying, as they say, the “fruits of my labors.” I have made many good choices and decisions and the result is the life I’m living now. What about pain, suffering, grief, hurt, disappointment, loss, etc.? Have I avoided these? Of course not, those experiences are all part of life, for everyone. I am no exception. What I’m saying is that regardless of the apparent “bad times, dark times, confusing times,” I believe we can create our own good life, no matter what. It really is a result of the way we have handled the opportunities, the cycles of life, and the different phases of life. This is how I see it, this is what I believe. I’ve lived a good life, I’m living a good life. I have achieved my childhood dreams. I’ve known success in so many areas, I’ve found genuine love in my relationships. I am grateful.

Wally

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The Garden

It’s interesting that in religion and myths of the beginning of life on this planet, the “garden” is the starting point of civilization. I think most of us can relate to a love of a nice garden, a nice garden setting in which to relax, to sit in silence, to contemplate or visit with friends and family or just nature alone. The beauty of a nice garden is a transcendent experience.

I’ve always had a love of gardens, it’s part of my love of nature, beauty, mountains, lakes, oceans and spiritual encounters. I have enjoyed gardens from a young age. I remember being introduced to vegetable gardening in elementary school. My school had a nice garden and we got to work in it and grow crops. I noticed that these days the garden there is gone and has been paved over. I guess schools don’t do those types of activities any more. That’s sad.

At home as a kid, we had a large back yard and I got to plant my vegetable garden every year and I loved the experience of growing food we could eat. There was a long stretch of many years when I could not continue with my vegetable gardening, living in apartments and being too busy making a living, etc. I didn’t realize what I was missing until I had a yard again and my spouse-to-be asked if I liked to do vegetable gardening. That prompt got me back into the practice of growing food again.

Now that I’ve returned to my old childhood hobby of vegetable gardening I have started thinking about all the life lessons the garden gives us. It teaches us very subtly if we are aware and contemplate what our interaction with nature is all about. Leaving the big world out there and retreating to our secret garden is a spiritual retreat of sorts.

Our everyday world can be almost totally removed from the natural world, the world of nature, the world of God’s creation some would say. The world of God’s beauty and wonders. We allow big industry to produce our food, we never even have to think about where things come from, we just go to the store and buy whatever we want, whenever we want.

Now, I was thinking I was so original and creative in thinking about the lessons gardens teach us about life, but just for fun I googled “Lessons gardens teach us” and “the garden as a metaphor for life,” etc. and I was amazed how many blogs covered this topic in an excellent way. Better than I could, I thought. So maybe I’ll just state a few simple things I’ve learned along the way while tending my garden.

The things I have learned from having gardens are many. I have to first have a desire to grow a vegetable garden. No desire, no interest and nothing will happen. It is just a thought. Once I create the desire, then I have to do some planning. I have to think it all out, have a vision of what I want. I have to have some knowledge of the basics of gardening. I do my research for what I need to know. Relying totally on trial and error is not going to work out very well.

With a plan in mind, the seeds or plants must be purchased and the project is underway. I do the best I can in setting up the garden. The soil, the location and the space required are worked out . Once the project is underway, it takes continual attention if it is to be a successful garden. The watering needs must be taken care of daily or there will be problems. As time goes on, weeds will appear and at that time the decision must be made to rid the garden of weeds as they appear or if I decide to be lazy and not take care of them, they will take over and mess up my well laid plans for a successful harvest.

So, isn’t life a lot like this? Some people have no vision in life, they really have no plans, no desires, no commitments, no overall plan. They just drift through life and get caught up in this thing or that, this addiction or that bad habit. And when weeds appear in their life, they often just ignore them and they, the weeds, end up growing wild and taking things over. There is no maintenance in their life, no cleaning up, no weeding out what is not beneficial to a good life.

If the garden project is successful, a nice plentiful harvest is the wonderful (and tasty) reward. Life is good. We have learned how to produce success in life and enjoy it and share it with others. And, we can look forward to doing this again, repeating the success and possibly changing some of the crops, trying new things and seeing how it all goes from year to year.

As I’ve said, I’ve found several blogs on the internet covering this subject of how the garden is a metaphor for life, and they are very good. I’d recommend checking them out if you are interested. In this short essay I just wanted to give some of my ideas on the subject. I have learned a lot from my time over the years spent in the dirt growing my vegetables. It has been a great learning experience.

Wally

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Death – The Big Taboo [ Post # 25 ]

With my cousin John

Yes, in our culture and society, they say death is the big taboo. It is not to be talked about, thought about, or in any real way dealt with. I see that when the subject comes up in conversations. People want to move on and avoid the subject. I see that and somewhat understand that, but I don’t think that is good, in the long run, as it’s a subject we all have to deal with many times in life, and ultimately when we reach the end of our life, which in many cases, we never know when that will be.

For some reason, death has always been a part of my life, sometimes staring me right in the face. I remember talking with someone a while back and they said, “you know, I’ve never really had to deal with death because nobody I’ve know in any close way has ever died.” Wow, I thought, that’s hard to believe. You’ve never really experienced death up close at all and you are in middle age.

The picture in this blog post is my first encounter with death, at a very early age. It is a picture of me ( on the left) and my cousin John playing together in our yard the day before he died. His family had brought him down to Los Angeles from Oregon for heart surgery and they were staying with us. I don’t remember much except that the next day after this picture was taken, his mother and my mother (sisters) were crying and wailing all day long, non-stop. It was a miserable day. I really didn’t understand what had happened. Maybe they explained it to me that he had died, but I didn’t really comprehend what that meant.

I remember when friends I knew in high school were killed in a car crash in our neighborhood. It was a shock, of course. The next major death was my mother’s when I was twenty-five. The day before she died she expressed her wish to me privately that she wanted to be buried in her family’s plot in Florida and did not my father to carry through with his plans to have her cremated and scattered at sea by the Neptune Society. Now, my father was very stubborn and did not want to do anything different than what he was planning on doing. I stood up to him and demanded he allow her to be buried in her family plot. Fortunately, I had just started working for an airline the year before and they provided free transportation for her body and us to Florida. I had a very strong will to carry out her final wishes, no matter what it took.

Thirteen years later my father died. During this time I also had several friends die. I never remember a long stretch of time where there were no funerals or memorial services to go to. Death, it seemed, was always occurring in my life.

An interesting event occurred when I was in college. One summer, instead of returning to California from Seattle (where I was attending college) for the summer, I was offered an opportunity to stay in Seattle and spend the summer living in a mortuary as a caretaker of the facility at night and to help out during the day with assisting the morticians doing their work. I was given an apartment in the mortuary, so I had an up-close view of the business and the bodies, being alone at night and opening the building for night visitations and wakes, etc. Once again, death staring me in the face, literally. It was an interesting time and I took pictures just so I would remember the experience later in life. The one lesson I learned from that experience was that there was no way I wanted to spend every day for the rest of my working life dealing with the death business. It would be too much to handle on a daily basis. Death, day in and day out. I did have an aunt and uncle that were very successful in owning a funeral home, but I guess I missed out on inheriting that gene .

I wrote a blog earlier about the large number of friends I worked with that died in the past several years and how I was experiencing “survivor’s” guilt about surviving all of them, many my age. From 2015 to 2018 I was going to funerals or memorial services at least once a month, and that is no exaggeration. So many friends are gone, people I worked closely with and were my age. It’s a weird feeling. I’m amazed I’m still here. I never really expected to live much beyond age forty or so. It was just a feeling I had most of my early life, probably because of my childhood depression, etc.

So, while I have not had the technical, well known type of “near death experience,” or NDE as it’s called, I have had two experiences of death in my life that have stayed with me and are very vivid today as they were the day I experienced them. The first one was around age six or so when I had my tonsils removed in surgery. I remember being wheeled into the operating room and the ether mask being placed over my face. When that was done, I experienced the weirdest feeling. It was pitch black, blacker than black, in a way. The ether was applied and I was told by the doctors to count backwards from 100. I felt I was going back to God. I can’t really describe the experience in words, but it is as real today as I think about it as it was sixty-five years ago. My thought at the time was, so this is what dying is like.

My second experience of death was in the 1970’s. It was a drug-induced state, I admit. I did not really experiment with drugs much at all, but for a short time I did. This night I had a very realistic experience of dying. Again, it is impossible to put this experience into words, but I was facing my death, a real experience of death. I knew this is what dying was like. This was a taste of the final life event, a very realistic full awareness type of experience. I was confronting what I had to confront, letting go of everything in life. Like I said, impossible to put into words.

So, what I’m saying is that I have not had the pleasure of avoiding death thoughts or being able to avoid the topic of death like some people have. For some reason I was destined to have to confront this subject my whole life. It’s always been right there before me in one way or another.

I was reading recently about how some people avoid dealing with death and others seem to just jump right in and think about it, converse about it. There are those that are called “death investigators,” they really study the subject and have a kind of fascination with it. Maybe that’s what I am, maybe not. All I know is that it is a fascinating mystery, as is all of life. I recall that when I was in college and had some free time, I would go up the hill from my dormitory and walk through the cemetery next to the campus. I would stroll through the grave sites in deep thought about things. I know, saying this sounds weird, but that’s what I did.

When I talk about these things I sometimes encounter harsh reactions from people. I’ve been told to not go to any more funerals or memorial services, do not go visit people in hospitals or any ill people, especially terminally ill people. Wow, talk about being in denial. That advise just does not resonate with me. That’s not how I choose to handle this subject. In fact, I have recently visited a couple of morticians and mortuary counselors to discuss end of life issues and planning. I have been writing down our final plans (for me and my spouse) and wishes while we have clear minds. That’s how I am handling this stuff. It’s not easy or fun, but there’s no way to avoid this final big project or event that’s going to happen. We do have to deal with life as it is and live in the mystery of it all.

Wally

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Paths Not Taken [ Post # 24 ]

Ok, Yes, in a previous blog I said I do not waste my time and energy with thinking “what if… if only I had… my life could have been so different, better, etc.” But in this post I am taking a different approach to that thought of “what if?” Don’t we all think at times how we could have taken a different path than the one we took in our life, gone in a different direction, made a different choice? I’m not talking about a serious, regretful thinking of this subject, but more of a lighthearted, curious, fun imagining of how our life would have been if we chose a different path than the one we chose.

My life has turned out great, I would say perfect, so I have no regrets, just a curiosity of how it could have been if things had been just a little different. The pictures you see in this post are a few from my childhood and my college graduation. In my childhood I was a child model and I was in advertisements in the local newspapers (the Los Angeles Times, etc.) and I was on the cover of a photography magazine and in magazine advertisements. You see, my family was into this sort of thing. My siblings and my mother were in the movie business (my brother and sister are listed in the IMDb website for the movie work they did a long time ago). So we had an “in” with the Hollywood business to some degree, but for some reason we eventually got away from that work. I wonder how far I could have gone with what I was doing with my modeling work? Which is interesting now, considering how many friends I have that are “in the business,” as they say. I guess I did not have the interest or drive that my friends had in their youth. My actor friends can’t even consider not acting, it is such a part of them. I never had that kind of ambition for that type of work, I guess.

I mentioned in previous blogs what an important thing it was in my life to go to college, since many people told me to not even try as I was not that smart, etc. Well, I persisted and had a great time with my college experience. Which makes me think, what if I had pursued an academic career, had become a scholar, professor, etc.? I think it did cross my mind, even when I went on to graduate school (theological seminary). I think if I had another life to live and had to do something different than I did this time around, I might want to do that. If you ever watched the early episodes of the tv show “Madame Secretary,” I was really interested in the husband of the Secretary of State and his role as a professor of comparative religions. Yes, I think that would be a career I would want in a second life.

In my childhood and youth I wanted to be an airline pilot. Now I’m glad that did not happen as I had wished. I did become a commercial pilot and flight instructor at a local airport and that was great, but now I realize I would not want to have been just an airline pilot for all of my career. I’ve known some friends that did have that job and gave it up after a while to do other things when their interests changed. So, another time I chose the correct path for me.

There were dark ties in my life when I considered doing some very bad things. I seriously came close to messing up my life. But through some long, deep thinking, I decided against taking actions I was considering. Another ‘”turning point” where I took the right path for my life.

So, here I am now, having lived a great portion of my life. I am extremely satisfied with the choices I made, the path I did take and glad I did not take the other paths that were facing me and tempting me. I feel my life has been guided down the correct path for me. I feel it as s Divine guidance. Call it what you may, but I know I could have messed up really bad at times and I was “saved” from early destruction in my life.

I have talked a little bit about this subject with a few friends. I was really surprised what I learned by talking about this stuff. One friend, who owned her own business, said she would have liked to be an investigator for the CDC (Center for Disease Control), investigating diseases in the world. Wow, that came out of left field. My spouse said he always had a desire to be a radio personality. Wow, never expected that. Another friend said he regrets he did not give more interest and attention to some early relationship possibilities that came his way in his teens when he was discovering he was gay. He took the path of running away, basically, wondering what possibilities he may have passed up.

So, yes, it can be fun to think of the paths not chosen, possibly alternate and also good lives. It can also be redemptive and a relief, also, to realize we chose the path we chose and we avoided some wrong paths.

Wally

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Need My Sabbath

The Sabbath, what a concept. A day of rest. You know, God created the heavens and the earth then rested on the seventh day (Genesis in the Hebrew Bible). For most of my life I never thought much about the concept or the commandment (the fourth of the ten commandments) to honor and observe and keep holy the sabbath day.

I remember growing up in the 1950’s as a kid and Sunday was different in society and the business world. Much of business ground to a halt on Sunday, many stores and businesses were closed. It was just the way life was. We had “blue laws” which meant a lot of business closed for the day. My spouse says he remembers when J C Penny first opened on a Sunday, he was shocked and really stunned about the change.

I had one incident in my childhood related to this sabbath concept and practice. My childhood friend and I developed a lawn mowing business in our neighborhood. One family we mowed lawns for was a Seventh Day Adventist family, so they required that we not mow their lawn on Saturday and they let us know how important honoring the correct sabbath day was to them and their religion. For the first time I started to get interested in religion and theology as I thought about what they said and preached. I did some research and realized they did have a point. They really believed honoring the sabbath was a very important factor in living a holy and good life.

One other time the sabbath commandment really hit me, right out of the blue. I was in my twenties and walking along Santa Monica Boulevard in West Hollywood on a Saturday night (okay, yes, I was bar hopping in my “wild days”). It was a very heavily Jewish and gay area. I was approached by an orthodox Jewish man who acted very desperate to find someone to help him out. Being the kind person I am (yes, being kind and bar hopping were not a contradiction for me), I lent him my ear and he told me he was really in a conundrum. It was his sabbath and he needed to listen to his answering machine for some reason. He explained to me that he is prohibited from performing any work on the sabbath, so he asked if I would come up to his flat and play his answering machine for him. Sure, I responded. So I performed my service as a decent human being by helping someone stay true to their “sabbath.”

But, aside from that incident in my childhood and the incident on the street in West Hollywood, the serious thoughts about sabbath observance pretty much did not enter my mind much. Like I said, the blue laws were the norm back then and I didn’t think much about the sabbath or a day of rest. For most of my life I worked at my airline job on Saturdays and Sundays. The only airline employees who had weekends off had many years of seniority (decades) and days off and vacations were bid strictly on a seniority basis. Holidays and weekends were days of work in my lifestyle. Didn’t really give any thought to the sabbath commandment.

So, fast forward to today, this stage of life I’m in now, usually called “retirement.” (I’m much busier now than I ever was during my working days, but that’s another topic for another time). Now, every day’s agenda is totally up to me. I set my schedule, I create the life I want now. It took me a long time to get to this point.

So, now I am revisiting the concept of the sabbath practice and commandment. I have read some excellent books on the subject, very thought provoking. I’m not going to get into the technical aspects of what is the real sabbath as far as religions and scriptures are concerned. In my life, in my culture and society, I find I need my “day of rest,” and what works best for me is a Sunday day of rest, a real break from daily routine. No matter what the week has brought me in my life, I do need a break from daily routine and totally rest my body and soul.

Sunday is my favorite day of the week now. I really shift gears and totally take a break. I always put everything off that in any way resembles work if I can, and I usually can, unless there’s a real emergency ( remember, Jesus healed on the sabbath… got him in a lot of trouble with the religious authorities).

I usually go to church. A good church that teaches real life spiritual principles. That’s my thing. I believe even an atheist can enjoy a sabbath day, the practice will work for anybody. But for me, a little extra spiritual boost is nice, a nice addition to my daily spiritual practices.

So, that’s the way it works for me now. I have come full circle from taking a sabbath day for granted (the 1950’s and the “blue laws” in our society), to not thinking about a sabbath at all for decades and then coming to fully embrace the whole concept of a day of rest, practicing keeping the sabbath holy or the Lord’s Day as the Christians in their early history called their Sunday day of rest.

Wally