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World Has Changed; People So Rude and Loud and Scary [ Post #102 ]

Had a few incidents recently that have shown me how different we are now as a society that does not know how to behave in public. Very sad to see how things have changed recently. And with the next political election coming up, well, I’m concerned for this country and society. It seems now that the normal behavior is, “let it all out, no restrictions regarding public behavior.”

So I was in line at an office supply store waiting to pay for my purchase. All of the sudden the person being handled by the cashier turned around and starting speaking to all in line and elsewhere in the store. He started this rampage about what a good guy Mike Lindell, the “My Pillow” guy is. He went on and on. We were his captive audience. I was surprised someone didn’t tell him to just shut up and finish his transaction. But no, on and on he went. I had never experienced something like that in public before.

Then, recently I was in another store. I happened to be in the back of the store and all of the sudden I heard someone somewhere in the front of the store start screaming. He was screaming the most foul, awful things at someone. It was extremely loud and extremely awful, gross, and scary. It went on and on and I finally thought, this could be one of “those” incidents where something awful happens. I immediately thought, wow, if I hear a gunshot I had better have a plan. I immediately looked around and saw the the back of the store had an exit into the warehouse area and thought I’m heading there if there is a gunshot. I was prepared as it seemed very likely this was going to be a bad scene very rapidly.

Well, it turned out there was no gunshot and somehow the exchange ended. Whew! Scary. And, I say, once again, I’ve never been in a situation like this before. I can now imagine how people feel who are trapped in situations like this, where a mass shooting occurs.

So, what’s going on these days? It seems like anything goes. Mass shootings in the news almost daily. People screaming their political views to their public audiences. And even friends and family I have recently discovered can surprise me with their “nastiness.” I’m really surprised by what some have told me. I’ve been told some nasty things and I’ve been told to go buy some guns and lots of ammunition to prepare for the civil war “that is a coming.” Wow. This is not the world of years gone by. This is not the world I grew up in. There have always been nasty people but now I see them everywhere. I never had a fear of crowds before, but now I am aware of strange acting people everywhere. My awareness level is up these days.

It seems that many types of crimes are increasing at a rapid pace. Identity theft is everywhere. When I got my pilot licenses, our pilot numbers were our social security number. Not today. They changed that and assigned new numbers.

So, growing up, we had drills in school called “duck and cover,” where we got under our desks, preparing for earthquakes or atomic bombs. And air raid practice with air raid sirens blarring every month. But we did not have shooting drills, preparing what to do if a shooter got into a school.

Well, you get my point. This is a different world. Small town or big city. It’s different now. And now we are facing another election year. No more civility in the election process. Just lots of awful nastiness. Not looking forward to all of this.

Wally


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100 Blog Posts… And The Point Is…? [ Post #101 ]

So, I have reached a milestone of sorts. Written one hundred blog posts, one hundred essays about my life, thoughts, and other various things. One hundred? I could never imagine writing that much in the beginning. Just figured I had a few things to write about, a few things to explore and experiment with, expressing myself on the internet. Well, five years later, here we are. Is there more to “explore?” More to reveal? More to investigate?

So, when I decided to take the leap and do my public writing, I really didn’t know where I was going with all of this. A little scary. A little overwhelming. Well, such is life, isn’t it? A new venture, a new direction to explore. Maybe I’ll enjoy it, maybe I’ll fail, and make a fool of myself, I thought. Could have gone either way, but I’m pretty satisfied that I took the plunge. Isn’t that what life is all about, stepping out and taking risks?

I originally thought about writing a book, an autobiography. The trouble was, I just was overwhelmed by the prospect and couldn’t get very far. I realized I could more easily just write some short essays about this or that. Yeah, I could handle that. So, investigating how to set up a website and get into the blogging game, I just went forward with the idea. A spiritual counselor and practitioner I was seeing at the time encouraged me when I told him of my possible project of starting a blog.

So, five years and 100 essays later. I think there’s more to write about. I’ve learned a lot from what I’ve done thus far. I see it as good therapy for me. A lot cheaper that doing psychotherapy. And it’s fun. I’m learning a lot about myself. I’ve brought to the surface many things and life experiences that were in the deep recesses of my life and mind.

I’ve seen how all my adventures have formed me to be who I am now. My writing has brought about some changes in my life. For example, my post on the sabbath really changed how I spend my Sundays. I’m very strict on how I spend my “day of rest” now. Not as strict as some Jews are in their observing the sabbath, but close. I’ve learned how strongly I am now in being “anti war,” after reflecting on my days in the 1960’s and 70’s and facing the Vietnam War years. I’ve articulated how strongly I feel about my spiritual journey regarding my being a follower of Jesus and appreciating many other religions and their teachings. So many things have become clearer to me as I reflect on my thoughts, actions, and intentions now at this point on my journey. My essay on how I see life as ninety percent crap and ten percent good may seem very negative, but I don’t see it that way. That perspective helps me live a better life by living in the ten percent good and recognizing and staying disentangled from the ninety percent negative and bad. I wish I had known this and practiced this way of living earlier (but I didn’t).

So, onward and upward, as they say. There’s so much more to investigate. So much more to learn. I’m enjoying my continuing education through my college and university courses I’m participating in on DVD and streaming. I don’t have time to be bored. Bored with life? Are you Kidding me? No way! And the more I learn, the more I think, and the more I think and examine my life and life in general, the more I write and express my thoughts and experiences.

So, one hundred blog posts. And the point is? The point is, I haven’t even scratched the surface, as they say. It is therapy, it is releasing my pent-up thoughts and feelings. I’ve got more to write, so I will.

Wally

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Your Story [ Post #100 ]

So, what’s your story? What is your life story? Don’t we all have one? A story that is unique for us. A story that nobody else on this earth has. A story that we have created, or a story that we think happened to us with which we had some or little control over. I am fascinated with people’s stories.

I am fascinated by how some people have very unremarkable beginnings and turn out to be amazing individuals who create unbelievable lives, invent incredible things and advance our civilization to new heights. Then there are those who just seem to gravitate to awful lives and do much evil with their time on this earth.

So, our story. What is our story? I think we all know of people who have a horrible or miserable story. A story they are sometimes absorbed in totally and cannot break out of their negativity. Some end up just living totally in their misery and often shorten their lives through their addictions or their decision to end it all through suicide. Sad, I say, but understandable in a sense. We need to have good perspective and good activity and relationships to live positively and productively and successfully. And, I would add, a faith of some sort. If we don’t have those things, well, I say, we are living a fragile and dangerous life. I have seen several friends live like that and often have a very unhappy ending to it all.

I feel my story has changed in the past couple of years or so. I feel I had a rough early life with my family and all that’s involved in growing up. I have written about some it in previous blogs posts. So, yes, I did have some rough times early in my family life. But now I feel different about it all. Yes, I was unhappy with several things early on. But I made it through those times and made my decisions to go in new directions. And now I see that I needed to go through all I went through to get where I am today. In other words, it all worked out in the end. I see all the pieces of the puzzle now fitting together, as it were. And that’s a good, liberating feeling.

So, our story. We have a lot to do with how we see our story. We can be imprisoned and stuck with our story for all our life. Or, if we work at it, we can break out of our self-imposed story and see everything in a new way. And I would say that’s what we need to do. Step outside our “story.” If a process is needed, such as therapy or deep spiritual work, I say go for it. We have a right to have a good life, to be in touch with the invisible, good forces, the Divine aspects of life. I believe we all have the possibility of getting in touch with the Good. But if we don’t do that, well, life can be bad, really bad and sad.

Like I said, everything, everything brought me to where I am today. I have found the love of my life (which for most of my life I did not think was possible). I have accomplished my life dreams of obtaining my pilot licenses and flight instructor certificates. I have literally traveled around the world. I have had great times with great friends. And the crap, well, just part of the whole process, the lessons to be learned.

All of this was recently brought to mind when I met up with two good friends from my college years of a half century ago. They had stories about me to tell and informed my husband about those crazy years living in the dorm at school. I didn’t quite remember everything but knew that was my story at that time.

Meeting up with old college buddies, dorm roommate and dormmate after a half century. Stories to tell!

So, my advice is to look at your story. See it as clearly as you can. And be open to seeing it differently, if necessary. Break out of your repetitious story to created a new, better context if necessary. This is your one life. Enjoy it! Touch your Divinity, your connection to the universe, all of life, existence, love.

Wally

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There Is No Path [Post # 99]

So, the theme of my blog is : “On the Path… It’s a Wonderful Life.” And here I’m saying that there is no path. Perhaps I should clarify that statement to say that there is no ONE path! We are led to believe that there is one path, the right path. Take that one path and our life will be great, wonderful, in fact; we are taught that early in life. For many, that path is a religious path. Just join and commit to the correct religion and you’re set for a good life and a good “after life” with God, in heaven.

Well, I don’t think so. Not quite that simple. I haven’t found anybody that is that committed to every aspect of whatever path they are taking through life if that path is a religious path, especially a rigid, very strict path of whatever religion or leader, with the exception of cults, perhaps. For most of us, we may basically accept a path laid out before us by others or a religion or philosophy. I think that there are many, who, like me, accept some of what others proclaim is “the way” to live a good life. But they do not accept everything. They take some truths from here and some from there. They, in the end, formulate their “own path.” And that is how I believe it should be.

I’ve known “good Catholics,” “good Mormons,” “good Baptists,” good jews,” etc. but they do not go along with everything their particular religion insists on their adherents agreeing to. In my own journey I had to change my thinking many times, and it still changes all the time. I began with joining an evangelical Christian denomination in my teens. That worked for a while but eventually caused me problems as life moved along. After theological seminary graduate school, I eventually considered myself an atheist due to my inability to accept beliefs I was told were the truth, the only “way.” But later on, I returned to some more “open” spiritual teachings and found my way back to a path that was “my path”, my way to experience the ineffable.

So, it seems we all have to find our own path, right? Yes, you may align with a particular religion or spiritual path, or you may not. I think it helps to basically align with something. To be a completely materialistic person, narcissistic or living off of artificial stimulants, whether possessions or sex or drugs or whatever just does not make a good life as I see it.

So, “find your own path” is my mantra. Center yourself somehow in something good. Don’t get “sucked in” to culture, society, the media, trends, miserable friends and other bad influences. Think about who your “teachers” are in your life. You are probably somebody’s disciple, if you think about it. You learned how to live from somebody in your life. Who was that teacher for you?

Think it over. Who were your teachers? Who influenced you? Who and what teaching did you follow? How did you avoid going down the “wrong” path (and I am hoping you did avoid doing that)? Are you living the true religion? Your religion? Traveling your path?

I went through a lot on my journey. I faced making the wrong turns many times. Turns in the road that could have destroyed me. Yes, scary. Yes, lucky. Well, lucky I say, but really I feel I was led and guided all along the way from my very early years. By what? By what people call “God?” My “higher self?” To me it is all mystery, but I have no problems, really, with the term God, Spirit, Life Force.

So, to wrap this essay up, I will give you my secrets to traveling “my” path. There are many things I could say, but the points that come to mind right now are: Always move forward, forgive, retreat and rest and refresh, contemplate, love, give thanks. Those practices are found in several religions. And if I am a disciple of any sages, I would put Jesus and Buddha and perhaps a couple others at the top of that list. May your path work for you. My advice, again, is “do not blindly accept a path presented to you without serious study and thought and consultation with your “higher self, true self or divine intuition.”

Wally

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Surviving My “Death Date” [ Post # 98 ]

Okay, this one is a bit weird, I admit. But it happened. I thought I’d write about this recent experience while it is fresh in my memory. It all started when….

Several months ago, I was just messing around on the internet. I “googled” (just for fun) “when am I going to die?” I had done this in the past and I got all sorts of interesting answers. I answered the questions on the website such as age, medical situations I have, etc. and when I completed that I hit “enter.” When the response came back quickly, I about fainted, I think.

The answer the website gave me was, “Your probable year of demise … 2023.” What?!!! Holy #^$*^#@! I was NOT expecting that! I had never experienced a date that close being the answer to that question. Like I said, I had done this exercise a few time before and I always got a date many years in the future. I couldn’t believe this website would give such a close date to this morbid question. This really shocked me. Yet, I, in jest (well, sort of) thought, well perhaps I should ask God what’s up with this, so I said, “Okay, God, and what is the date for this event?” “June 16th was the response I heard loud and clear, with even a vision of that date before me!

The response to my inquiry of “when will I die.”

Oh, great, I thought. Now I have my death date to deal with in the coming months. This experience was so stunning and certain. What did I get myself into, I asked? Well, there was nothing to do at that point and the date was months away, so maybe I can just forget all about it, was my thinking. Yeah, right, I was just going to forget about it. I don’t think so.

Well, as the date given to me came closer and closer, I did a lot of thinking. What if this was true and I was given the privilege of knowing when my end is coming? What to do? When asked by a few friends that knew about this premonition what chance I thought there was of this being an accurate “preview” of the end, I responded with “I give it a 50/50 chance of being a real thing, a true premonition. And that was where I was with all of this. I know strange things like this can happen. I recall reading in one of Deepak Chopra’s books (I think that’s where I read it) that we could know the date of our demise if we really want to and ask God to tell us.

Yes, I did try some other websites to see what other dates came up in answer to my question.

So, what to do? I felt strange with this dilemma before me, so I did some deep thinking. I realized, well, it’s possible this is the end of it all. I have had a long life. I have had a very satisfying life, what I considered a very “complete” life. I thought back and realized that I had accomplished all of my dreams. I had accomplished getting all of my pilot licenses, I worked in the aviation field, and I got to travel the world (literally; my first free airline trip I took was around the world in 1974). I got a good education. I made several good friendships and eventually found the love of my life (been together for thirty-four years and married for eight). If I were to die right now, I would be very satisfyied with my life and willing to let it go (got to do that someday). So, why not now? A weird place to be and a weird feeling to have about all of this morbid stuff.

So, as that day approached, I accepted the possibility that this was “it.” I thought, well I don’t have to make amends, I don’t have to forgive anyone, I don’t have to have drama about all of this. I will just accept this as it is, if this is the end. Thankfully I was not sick and suffering in pain or anything like that. I was feeling great and really happy with my life. In a good state of mind. A good way to go, as I saw it.

So, the day came. I lived through the day. I did wonder if I might just suddenly collapse and that would be it. I was very attentive the whole day. Everything was going well. I even joked with friends that maybe this would be the day I would take up a new sport, of skydiving.

I made it through the day just fine. When I went to bed I was hoping I would wake up the next morning (alive, on this earth) and I did! I was a happy man. So, what was this all about?

Spending some time reflecting on this weird experience, here’s what I have come up with. This experience seemed to me to be like a “dress rehearsal” for the real thing, the end of my life. I actually faced the unpleasant possibility that this was the time for it all to end. I was surprised that I actually felt okay with it all. Like I said, I wanted to live a lot more, but, you know, we usually don’t have control over that part of life. I realized that I had a good life. I had nothing to agonize about regarding my relationships. My relationships were good and honest and loving. Even with people I really didn’t like. I held no hatred, no grudges or resentments against them. I wished them well to go on with their lives, on their paths (which I may not understand), and live good lives as much as possible. I feel that is the Christ / Buddha / Vishnu, whatever, in me. Let them (those people I do not particularly like) be. Let me be.

I feel now that there is more to live. Perhaps some new stuff to do. To explore. To stay on the good path and see where we go. And, yes, that final last day will come at some point, but now I have a little more understanding and preparedness for it, I feel. Perhaps that was my lesson through all of this. Still praying for and hoping for a lot more life to experience but feeling good about all I have lived through. So, let’s “hang in there” and see what’s next, where we’re going to go on this journey called “life.”

Wally

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Don’t Know Nutin ! [ Post # 97 ]

Living a long life, getting a good education; living a good, in fact great life, and then continuing my education (life-long learning), you’d think I would know a lot, wouldn’t you? Well, I’m here to tell you I’m at the point that I don’t think I know much at all. Don’t hardly know nutin I’d say (well, you certainly don’t know good English I hear you saying!)

The more I study, the more education I get, the more I realize we are all somehow surviving this thing called life however we can without really knowing much about it at all! Oh, yeah you say, we’re getting smarter and smarter. Well, maybe we’re getting more technologically advanced, but I see that as very different than getting smarter, more intelligent, obtaining wisdom, evolving our humanity, learning from history, taking the best from our religions and philosophies, etc.

Like I said, I’ve studied a lot. Listened to the “experts,” the professionals, professors, sages, teachers, gurus, etc., and I’m not impressed. Not impressed that THEY have the truth. Oh, yes, I’m impressed with their knowledge, no question about that. Impressed that they have studied so much in their field. But having a lot of knowledge, having a brilliant brain and intellect does not relate to having the truth about life and purpose and ethics and morality.

I say you have to think for yourself. Yes, take in all the knowledge and wisdom and learn all you can. Connect to your “higher self,” the invisible realm of the “whatever” (Spirit, God, eternal wisdom and truth). Be open. Be observant. Be detached, be removed from the entanglements of the insane parts of life. And, I’d say, realize no one, no group has total truth, no one has the answer, really.

So, once again, I’m writing an essay, not writing a book, so I’m just getting my point across. I don’t need to convince anyone of anything. Perhaps you think you know a lot. Perhaps you are a “know-it-all.” Or at least have strong and absolutely correct opinions on everything. Know some people like that? I sure do.

So, here’s how I see it. This life is a grand experiment. This country is a grand experiment. Religions are grand experiments, as are philosophies. History is not a fixed fact, nor is science. Historical perspectives and conclusions change over time. Science changes over time (google “Science Wars’). Don’t believe this? Then do a lot of studying. Go deep. See what you missed in your “basic education,” or your “church religion.” I say run away from those who speak absolute certainty about things. Those who claim they have found the “truth.”

I don’t know notin” much! And that no longer scares me or makes me uncomfortable. I do not fear the “mystery.” That’s life.

Yes, I admire those professors and teachers that have gotten all the education they have and the degrees they have earned. I am astounded how they pursued their education as far as they did. That’s great. And I am pleased when they actually open up and admit that they don’t know everything. They just know a lot of stuff they studied and are passing it on to others. But what do we really know? Ah, that’s the way I look at it. Life is an experiment, as I see it. I’m watching. I’m learning (I hope!). I have to just enjoy the journey.

And, from Wikipedia:

Wally

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Three Things We All Do / Will Do [ Post #96 ]

We all live such different lives. We all have different worlds we live in, both on a personal, individual level, and on a social, communal level. No matter how different we all are, I was thinking about three things we all do, and will do, whether we are aware of them or not. I really don’t think there are any exceptions to these if we have lived any substantial amount of time on this earth.

The first thing I believe we all do is find our own god (or God). “What”, you say? No, not everybody finds God. Some people never really think about God much at all, some spend a good portion of their lives “searching for God,” and some people are sure they have found God and live with a certainty that they know God and everything about God and living the spiritual life. And some are certain that there is no such thing as God or a spiritual, other realm (those described as “atheists” or agnostics).

I say, I think we all find our god (or God). Everyone. What is god to you? What drives you? What do you live for? What gives you meaning? What keeps you from just giving up, becoming overwhelmed by everything? Why live? I’m saying that if we stay here and continue living our lives, there’s something that we consider our “god.”

For some people with a lot of ambition and drive and perhaps insecurity, money is their god. Don’t we all see that? Some people are driven only by money. Getting rich, very rich. Proving that they are better than anyone else. Having more money than everyone else, that’s success. For others, there are other things that become their god. How about sex for the sex addicts? Relationships for the relationship addicts? Drugs and alcohol become gods for many. Of course for some religious people the God of their particular religion becomes their God. I’m saying we all find something that becomes our “god,” even if we don’t see it that way.

On a personal note, I must say that I’ve never been a shallow person. I’ve always been a deep person, even if I didn’t know that in my earlier life. I never got hooked on the superficialities of life, as I see it. I was never into accumulating a lot of possessions. Or trying to be or look better than anyone else. Money was never a god for me. Yes, money is very important in having a good life and functioning well through all of life’s phases, but I never considered it a god like some people do. So, what is my God?

I would say my God is the creative, life force that gave me life and has sustained my life this far. I would not say it is the God of the church, the temple, the synagogue, most religions. Well, yes in some sense, but religious systems have a well-defined, concocted definition of God that I see as limited and a speculative invention. My God is the universal force of the universe, whatever the hell that is. And it is very real to me. Coming from an evangelical Christian background in my teens, that is a major shift in my theology.

My walks in the cemetery help me reflect on the deeper aspects of life.

So, I’m saying we all find our God in this life, whether we realize that or admit to that or not. And my second thing we all do, as I see it, is we all have our own life story inside of us. Some of us openly tell others our story, perhaps in a book such as an autobiography. I haven’t written my autobiography, but I have written over ninety blog posts telling a lot of my life stories. A lot of my life story is in those ninety or so essays. And, or course, many people do not write out their stories, but they do have them inside of their heads, so to speak. Many keep them there all their life and die with them. Others, like myself, tell them in bits and pieces as we wander through life with our friends and companions.

And then there is the one thing we all will do as this life comes to a conclusion. When the time comes, we all must face the impermanence of life and let go of everything. Yes, let go of everything, totally, completely. That’s not being morbid, really, as I see it, that’s being realistic. We all have to do that. And it may take various forms.

Some of us will have time to ponder this end stage of life. We will face it for a certain period of time before we “let go.” Others may experience a quick or even instantaneous release of our life. Some may let go in their sleep. No matter how, I think we all play some part in the letting go and releasing of our grasping of life. That’s my thinking about this, but I guess we don’t know anything for sure until that time comes and we experience it.

So, how do I feel about all of this? Well, I feel good about my concept of God. Not that I understand much of any of it, even being the theologian that I am. And about our life story we carry around with us all through life. Well, I’ve worked on letting some of that story out through my writing and sharing with people. My good friends have a pretty decent and accurate sense of who I am, and I’m cool with that. And then, that final part, that letting go. Well, I’d prefer to live forever here on this earth plane, but that is not up to me. Nature has its laws, and all living things must die. So, I guess we just have to deal with that. I do work at being in a good place of peace, love and completeness with life, including forgiveness where necessary so I can leave this life feeling good about my life. And, if consciousness survives physical death, well, I’ll be somewhere with God or the creative force. Perhaps with the sages. That would be nice. Perhaps with Jesus, whom I love dearly. And if there is no consciousness after life ceases, well, case closed. Life is over and done with. And I hope that is not the case. Out of my hands, like so much of life.

Live the best life you can. That’s my advice. Be love. Be compassion. Be with the universal life force (God if you will). And let it go when it is over. Go in peace, go in joy, go in love. Be thankful for it all.

Wally

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Moods: A Fascination of Mine [ Post #95 ]

There’s one thing that has fascinated me for a long, long time. The moods we all experience from day-to-day, and for some people, the (what seem to be) more or less permanent moods they seem to live in. Don’t we all know people who just always, or mostly, seem to be in a bad mood? And, inversely, some perpetually perky, happy, Pollyanna-type of people? And probably most of us are in between these two types, having various moods from time to time. I don’t know why, but this subject just fascinates me. Maybe because I’ve run the gamut in moods during my life and now feel a bit removed from being run by the world’s impact on determining my own personal mood. Not talking perfection here, just having a buffer from being run by moods emanating from this (what I often see as a crappy) world.

I’ve written about my early years being rather negative and dark and pessimistic (and, yes, with good times and moods periodically breaking up my dark times). Thank goodness I never totally surrendered to the bad times. That’s where bad activities occur, such as drug use, other addictions, hateful actions (today’s trend of just going out and shooting people) or even suicide occur. I was tempted to some of those actions but something (I’ll call it God) kept me going on an even keel, not venturing down those paths.

So, moods. Where do they come from? Why do we have such a variety of moods. Do they just happen or do we play a part, perhaps a significant part in the moods we are in? Doing some research on this topic tends to confirm my own theories on this subject from the scientific and psychological perspective.

Now, I’m not talking about the deeper topics of mental illness and emotional disorders and all that. I’m talking about our more superficial-type daily moods. Our wake up out of sleep mood, our before and after our morning cup of coffee moods. Or our wake up in the middle-of-night dark mood. Yes, I’ve experienced all of these, and thank goodness, I’ve learned to have better control over my moods.

I’ve discovered that moods can trigger so much in our lives. I didn’t realize that before. I just assumed they happened and there was not much we can do about them. Now I see that we do have control over our moods and our moods can trigger our emotions without our awareness. My first partner was always in a bad mood, it seemed, unless he was high on pot. Being stoned, he was always in a “mellow” mood. But not stoned, watch out. It took me so long to see that whole process.

So, moods. I find that I have to work at keeping myself in a good mood through daily life. It seems there’s always something to come along and knock us down, potentially putting us in a bad mood. When my doctor recently asked me if I suffered from depression or any mood disorders (Medicare asks and encourages doctors to ask this question every year), I responded, “well, not really; disgusted at times perhaps, have you watched the news lately, doctor?” He laughed and got my point.

I’m always checking on my moods and my spouse’s mood now that I know how important our moods are. There’s always stuff going on and often it can be crappy stuff, but still, I believe that we can determine our moods and that makes all the difference in how we live day to day and moment to moment. I do wish that I had this awareness earlier in my life of the affect of moods on our emotions and phycological well-being.

So, this is a fascinating field of interest for me. I feel sad for those that always seem to be in a negative, pessimistic mood. I do hope people seek help if they are stuck in dark moods. Life can be better, life can be good. But, it takes work, sometimes hard work to experience the good life available to us all.

So, I say, find something you enjoy doing. Do it. Be aware, be mindful of how things affect you, how others may be influencing you and your moods and emotions. If you experience real trouble in all of this, seek some help. You have been given this one life for now. Make the best of it. Seek the light, the good, the bliss! And, I would add, without the artificial and potentially dangerous substances that disrupt so many lives these days. Perhaps explore the metaphysical, spiritual life that many have discovered to help them navigate through it all.

As usual, I could write a book on this subject. But this short essay is enough for now. The point is that I just seek the best life now, and that means paying close attention to my daily moods. I’ve wasted too much of my life energy in the past being in bad moods for some stupid reasons. I just seek the best life now, no matter what is happening. No matter how the news media twists and filters the news to just give us the bad stuff and ignoring all the good that is also occurring in life. I work on staying on the good, the right path. Yes, it is hard work. But I must do it. I must choose to be in a good mood. That is sometimes the hard that I choose.

Wally

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NDE’S ? Not Really, But Weird [Post # 94]

So, a while back, I was reading about the actress Marilu Henner and read about a fascinating phenomenon. She says she has total recall memory. She can remember specific details of virtually every day of her life since she was a child. She can remember virtually every day of her life? Wow, that blew my mind. Got me doing some research on that topic. The condition is called hyperthymesia. Yes, it’s a real phenomenon, also known as highly superior autobiographical memory (HSAM). And, yes, it’s a rare condition. Only about 61 people in the world have been diagnosed with this condition as of 2021. Doesn’t that blow your mind?

So, I began thinking. I certainly don’t have total recall of the many memories of my life. I am not one of those 61 people in the world. But I thought about what deep memories do I have from my long life. There are lots of memories in my mind, of course. But what came to mind in consideration of this subject were four long-term memories which were deeply burned into my memory. Memories I know I will have as long as I live. Memories that are so vivid it is as if they happened today.

The very first one burned into my memory is when I was about six years old and going under the anesthesia for my tonsillectomy surgery. When the anesthesiologist put the mask over my face and told me to count backwards from 100, I went into a very strange place. As the ether was taking affect, I was in a completely dark, strange place. I mean blacker that anything I’ve ever experienced. A black “void” I would call it. I felt I was going somewhere. I felt God was close to me and taking me through this experience. I felt a strange completeness with God, life, the universe. At first I was scared, of course, but I quickly submitted to the experience and let go into the void. And I felt okay with it all. I felt a trust of wherever I was going, with whatever was happening. It was a strange feeling of weird comfort. And of course, the next thing I remember was being back in my hospital bed recovering from my surgery. And I never told anyone about that brief experience with the ether mask putting me under.

Another vivid experience and memory from my childhood or very early years (I’m not sure of my age then) was a vision or dream or whatever of my brother, my father and me walking along a path with Jesus, talking about things, about life. I really don’t think it was a dream, I believe it was a vision, and it was so real, as if it just happened a few seconds ago. A very clear, crystal-clear vision of us walking and talking about things. And Ii was amazed, thinking how did we get here and why are we doing this and how did we come together? And why, since my brother and father were not “religious” types at all. Strange.

Okay. In my adult life I had a strange experience all about death and the process of dying. I was under the influence of pot, I admit, but it was a very vivid experience, a very real experience. I can’t compare it with anything else I’ve experienced in my life. It was about the process of dying. I really can’t put it into words, but I was on my deathbed and going through the process of letting go and just being with the whole process and realizing this is what it’s like, and that this is going to happen someday. That there’s no way around this experience, it’s really going to happen like this. A total “letting go.” A similar experience to my tonsillectomy experience but even more detailed and real and certain. Like I said, I can’t really put it into words.

And then, several years ago I had a dream that was unlike any others I have had. Yes, I’ve of course had many, many strange dreams in my life, but this one was different and was burned into my mind and consciousness unlike any others.

I was in a space capsule in deep space. I was all alone. It was eerily quiet, and it was completely dark, a darkness and silence I cannot put into words, just like my tonsillectomy experience, once again. I was all alone. With the universe, with all life, with God. Words cannot convey the feeling of being in a space capsule in deep space. But I will never erase that memory from my mind. Very profound.

So, what are these experiences? Why have I had these four very bizarre experiences, all seemed to be concerned with the purpose of life, with the experience of being with the ultimate experience, God, if you will? I cannot explain them in any way except to somehow compare them to some experiences I have read about regarding Near Death Experiences (NDEs). They are mysteries I just have to live with, not knowing the meanings at all, really. I’m sure others have had similar odd experiences. My spouse had an experience of being in a bright yellow tunnel coming out from anesthesia after surgery years ago. He said it was the brightest yellow light he’s ever seen. And he does not have these type of experiences, he rarely remembers dreams at all. I have forgotten many other memories, but these will stay with me forever. As I have said, they are burned into my mind. I take the good meanings from these experiences instead of something else such as dread or fear. It is all good and I try to learn the lessons given from the “wherever.”

Wally

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Ministry Abandoned and Other Paths Not Taken [Post #93]

So, we live our lives. We have lots of choices to make on our “journey.” Many, many choices. Many twists and turns for some of us. Not knowing what we want or where we’re going, sometimes for a short period as we move through life. For some, a long time of not knowing where they want to go, as far as a career, a work life, or perhaps even a “calling.” Some of us end up making good choices (eventually), others make some bad choices along the way and end up not having a good life. And, yes, that is sad.

So, my story, my life, ended up going well in the long run but it had its moments of real confusion and uncertainty, shall we say. Early in life I figured I would graduate from high school and probably just get a menial job. That seems to be what my family, especially my father imagined. Just get a job, marry and have a family and live the average mediocre life, like everyone else. I didn’t really think about it all that much. But after high school I became interested in the possibility of getting some more education. I had a religious insight or experience in my teen years and I just sensed that I would benefit from additional education after high school. I did go to college and as my college years ended, I thought about possibly entering the ministry in the evangelical church I was involved in during that time.

I went on to theological seminary after college and enjoyed that first year of seminary. I found religious study fascinating and also confrontational. The more I studied, the deeper I pursued theological and religious studies, the more I saw that religion was really a system developed a long time ago by people wanting to set down a belief system and have some control over people. The questions were many about how the Christian religion developed and I realized that what is often “preached” at us is, well, not accurate or true or even good. But, this all fascinated me tremendously. I was a bit overwhelmed, I guess you could say, by all of this, so I decided I needed a break from these academic studies for a bit.

I advised the dean of my seminary that I would not be returning for my second year of my Masters of Divinity program, that I needed a break. His response to me was that he knew I would return as this was my “calling,” my mission you could say. That gave me a good feeling in a sense.

I left Chicago and returned to Los Angeles and eventually got started in my airline career, as I always had a strong interest in aviation and flying. I eventually went through a period of great doubt of all things religious and became a self-described atheist. I did not return to seminary, but I did continue to pursue my deep interest in things religious and spiritual and my philosophical pondering. Those interests never left me. To this day I study deeply in these areas in my lifetime learning process I guess you could say.

So, I never did enter the ministry officially. I have done some preaching and guest speaker engagements in churches over the years. I enjoyed that but never wanted a career doing that. So that career path was abandoned a long time ago.

Another path I did not go down was the all-American dream of getting married and having a family. For a long time, I just assumed that would be my life, where I was headed. But I never felt right about that path. It was what was expected of me, but I just knew it was not right for me. And I’m glad I didn’t go that route. It would have been a disaster, I’m sure. Something just told me “no,” don’t do that. Again, I made the right decision with my life.

That may have been the right decision for me, but there are consequences of that decision. I now have no “family,” meaning children. I am missing out on the experience of being a father and having kids to have family experiences with. That’s just the way it is, and, as I say, it would not have worked out if I had gone that route, I’m sure. The right choice, but consequences from that decision.

Other paths I did not take, thank God, were destructive paths I saw others take. Addictions, drugs, uncontrolled sexual experiences and destructive romantic relationships. Crime and unlawful actions. I basically stuck to the moral and ethical path in my life, but I was not perfect by any means. But I feel the choices I made did save me from self-destruction. I never thought I’d live as long as I have, so my life has been a miracle as I see it. I realize this fact every day. Every day I wake up is a miracle in my view. The spirituality I experienced over the years evolved and has been a big influence in my life. Yes, I may have abandoned the structured religious life, the ministry I thought I was heading for, but it all worked out. I made the right decisions, even through times of uncertainty and confusion.

So, do I feel my life was directed by some “power,” something beyond any real comprehension? People use the word God for this power and that is fine with me. I’m just not of the fundamentalist or evangelical persuasion as I was earlier in my life. Even one of my recent blogs was about how I love Jesus. I just don’t go along with all the “baggage” that statement often assumes. I feel the inner Christ and the Buddha in my life. And when I meet agnostics and atheists on my journey, I understand them, where they’re coming from. Been there, done that on my journey, but I kept evolving. Eventually I came back to much of what I glimpsed earlier in my life. A spiritual dimension now free of structured “beliefs.”

So, the story of our lives. We do choose our paths. We say yes to some things, no to others. And there are consequences to our choices. I am at peace with my choices and I hope you can say the same.

Wally