Category: Religion / Spirituality

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Don’t Know Nutin ! [ Post # 97 ]

Living a long life, getting a good education; living a good, in fact great life, and then continuing my education (life-long learning), you’d think I would know a lot, wouldn’t you? Well, I’m here to tell you I’m at the point that I don’t think I know much at all. Don’t hardly know nutin I’d say (well, you certainly don’t know good English I hear you saying!)

The more I study, the more education I get, the more I realize we are all somehow surviving this thing called life however we can without really knowing much about it at all! Oh, yeah you say, we’re getting smarter and smarter. Well, maybe we’re getting more technologically advanced, but I see that as very different than getting smarter, more intelligent, obtaining wisdom, evolving our humanity, learning from history, taking the best from our religions and philosophies, etc.

Like I said, I’ve studied a lot. Listened to the “experts,” the professionals, professors, sages, teachers, gurus, etc., and I’m not impressed. Not impressed that THEY have the truth. Oh, yes, I’m impressed with their knowledge, no question about that. Impressed that they have studied so much in their field. But having a lot of knowledge, having a brilliant brain and intellect does not relate to having the truth about life and purpose and ethics and morality.

I say you have to think for yourself. Yes, take in all the knowledge and wisdom and learn all you can. Connect to your “higher self,” the invisible realm of the “whatever” (Spirit, God, eternal wisdom and truth). Be open. Be observant. Be detached, be removed from the entanglements of the insane parts of life. And, I’d say, realize no one, no group has total truth, no one has the answer, really.

So, once again, I’m writing an essay, not writing a book, so I’m just getting my point across. I don’t need to convince anyone of anything. Perhaps you think you know a lot. Perhaps you are a “know-it-all.” Or at least have strong and absolutely correct opinions on everything. Know some people like that? I sure do.

So, here’s how I see it. This life is a grand experiment. This country is a grand experiment. Religions are grand experiments, as are philosophies. History is not a fixed fact, nor is science. Historical perspectives and conclusions change over time. Science changes over time (google “Science Wars’). Don’t believe this? Then do a lot of studying. Go deep. See what you missed in your “basic education,” or your “church religion.” I say run away from those who speak absolute certainty about things. Those who claim they have found the “truth.”

I don’t know notin” much! And that no longer scares me or makes me uncomfortable. I do not fear the “mystery.” That’s life.

Yes, I admire those professors and teachers that have gotten all the education they have and the degrees they have earned. I am astounded how they pursued their education as far as they did. That’s great. And I am pleased when they actually open up and admit that they don’t know everything. They just know a lot of stuff they studied and are passing it on to others. But what do we really know? Ah, that’s the way I look at it. Life is an experiment, as I see it. I’m watching. I’m learning (I hope!). I have to just enjoy the journey.

And, from Wikipedia:

Wally

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Three Things We All Do / Will Do [ Post #96 ]

We all live such different lives. We all have different worlds we live in, both on a personal, individual level, and on a social, communal level. No matter how different we all are, I was thinking about three things we all do, and will do, whether we are aware of them or not. I really don’t think there are any exceptions to these if we have lived any substantial amount of time on this earth.

The first thing I believe we all do is find our own god (or God). “What”, you say? No, not everybody finds God. Some people never really think about God much at all, some spend a good portion of their lives “searching for God,” and some people are sure they have found God and live with a certainty that they know God and everything about God and living the spiritual life. And some are certain that there is no such thing as God or a spiritual, other realm (those described as “atheists” or agnostics).

I say, I think we all find our god (or God). Everyone. What is god to you? What drives you? What do you live for? What gives you meaning? What keeps you from just giving up, becoming overwhelmed by everything? Why live? I’m saying that if we stay here and continue living our lives, there’s something that we consider our “god.”

For some people with a lot of ambition and drive and perhaps insecurity, money is their god. Don’t we all see that? Some people are driven only by money. Getting rich, very rich. Proving that they are better than anyone else. Having more money than everyone else, that’s success. For others, there are other things that become their god. How about sex for the sex addicts? Relationships for the relationship addicts? Drugs and alcohol become gods for many. Of course for some religious people the God of their particular religion becomes their God. I’m saying we all find something that becomes our “god,” even if we don’t see it that way.

On a personal note, I must say that I’ve never been a shallow person. I’ve always been a deep person, even if I didn’t know that in my earlier life. I never got hooked on the superficialities of life, as I see it. I was never into accumulating a lot of possessions. Or trying to be or look better than anyone else. Money was never a god for me. Yes, money is very important in having a good life and functioning well through all of life’s phases, but I never considered it a god like some people do. So, what is my God?

I would say my God is the creative, life force that gave me life and has sustained my life this far. I would not say it is the God of the church, the temple, the synagogue, most religions. Well, yes in some sense, but religious systems have a well-defined, concocted definition of God that I see as limited and a speculative invention. My God is the universal force of the universe, whatever the hell that is. And it is very real to me. Coming from an evangelical Christian background in my teens, that is a major shift in my theology.

My walks in the cemetery help me reflect on the deeper aspects of life.

So, I’m saying we all find our God in this life, whether we realize that or admit to that or not. And my second thing we all do, as I see it, is we all have our own life story inside of us. Some of us openly tell others our story, perhaps in a book such as an autobiography. I haven’t written my autobiography, but I have written over ninety blog posts telling a lot of my life stories. A lot of my life story is in those ninety or so essays. And, or course, many people do not write out their stories, but they do have them inside of their heads, so to speak. Many keep them there all their life and die with them. Others, like myself, tell them in bits and pieces as we wander through life with our friends and companions.

And then there is the one thing we all will do as this life comes to a conclusion. When the time comes, we all must face the impermanence of life and let go of everything. Yes, let go of everything, totally, completely. That’s not being morbid, really, as I see it, that’s being realistic. We all have to do that. And it may take various forms.

Some of us will have time to ponder this end stage of life. We will face it for a certain period of time before we “let go.” Others may experience a quick or even instantaneous release of our life. Some may let go in their sleep. No matter how, I think we all play some part in the letting go and releasing of our grasping of life. That’s my thinking about this, but I guess we don’t know anything for sure until that time comes and we experience it.

So, how do I feel about all of this? Well, I feel good about my concept of God. Not that I understand much of any of it, even being the theologian that I am. And about our life story we carry around with us all through life. Well, I’ve worked on letting some of that story out through my writing and sharing with people. My good friends have a pretty decent and accurate sense of who I am, and I’m cool with that. And then, that final part, that letting go. Well, I’d prefer to live forever here on this earth plane, but that is not up to me. Nature has its laws, and all living things must die. So, I guess we just have to deal with that. I do work at being in a good place of peace, love and completeness with life, including forgiveness where necessary so I can leave this life feeling good about my life. And, if consciousness survives physical death, well, I’ll be somewhere with God or the creative force. Perhaps with the sages. That would be nice. Perhaps with Jesus, whom I love dearly. And if there is no consciousness after life ceases, well, case closed. Life is over and done with. And I hope that is not the case. Out of my hands, like so much of life.

Live the best life you can. That’s my advice. Be love. Be compassion. Be with the universal life force (God if you will). And let it go when it is over. Go in peace, go in joy, go in love. Be thankful for it all.

Wally

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NDE’S ? Not Really, But Weird [Post # 94]

So, a while back, I was reading about the actress Marilu Henner and read about a fascinating phenomenon. She says she has total recall memory. She can remember specific details of virtually every day of her life since she was a child. She can remember virtually every day of her life? Wow, that blew my mind. Got me doing some research on that topic. The condition is called hyperthymesia. Yes, it’s a real phenomenon, also known as highly superior autobiographical memory (HSAM). And, yes, it’s a rare condition. Only about 61 people in the world have been diagnosed with this condition as of 2021. Doesn’t that blow your mind?

So, I began thinking. I certainly don’t have total recall of the many memories of my life. I am not one of those 61 people in the world. But I thought about what deep memories do I have from my long life. There are lots of memories in my mind, of course. But what came to mind in consideration of this subject were four long-term memories which were deeply burned into my memory. Memories I know I will have as long as I live. Memories that are so vivid it is as if they happened today.

The very first one burned into my memory is when I was about six years old and going under the anesthesia for my tonsillectomy surgery. When the anesthesiologist put the mask over my face and told me to count backwards from 100, I went into a very strange place. As the ether was taking affect, I was in a completely dark, strange place. I mean blacker that anything I’ve ever experienced. A black “void” I would call it. I felt I was going somewhere. I felt God was close to me and taking me through this experience. I felt a strange completeness with God, life, the universe. At first I was scared, of course, but I quickly submitted to the experience and let go into the void. And I felt okay with it all. I felt a trust of wherever I was going, with whatever was happening. It was a strange feeling of weird comfort. And of course, the next thing I remember was being back in my hospital bed recovering from my surgery. And I never told anyone about that brief experience with the ether mask putting me under.

Another vivid experience and memory from my childhood or very early years (I’m not sure of my age then) was a vision or dream or whatever of my brother, my father and me walking along a path with Jesus, talking about things, about life. I really don’t think it was a dream, I believe it was a vision, and it was so real, as if it just happened a few seconds ago. A very clear, crystal-clear vision of us walking and talking about things. And Ii was amazed, thinking how did we get here and why are we doing this and how did we come together? And why, since my brother and father were not “religious” types at all. Strange.

Okay. In my adult life I had a strange experience all about death and the process of dying. I was under the influence of pot, I admit, but it was a very vivid experience, a very real experience. I can’t compare it with anything else I’ve experienced in my life. It was about the process of dying. I really can’t put it into words, but I was on my deathbed and going through the process of letting go and just being with the whole process and realizing this is what it’s like, and that this is going to happen someday. That there’s no way around this experience, it’s really going to happen like this. A total “letting go.” A similar experience to my tonsillectomy experience but even more detailed and real and certain. Like I said, I can’t really put it into words.

And then, several years ago I had a dream that was unlike any others I have had. Yes, I’ve of course had many, many strange dreams in my life, but this one was different and was burned into my mind and consciousness unlike any others.

I was in a space capsule in deep space. I was all alone. It was eerily quiet, and it was completely dark, a darkness and silence I cannot put into words, just like my tonsillectomy experience, once again. I was all alone. With the universe, with all life, with God. Words cannot convey the feeling of being in a space capsule in deep space. But I will never erase that memory from my mind. Very profound.

So, what are these experiences? Why have I had these four very bizarre experiences, all seemed to be concerned with the purpose of life, with the experience of being with the ultimate experience, God, if you will? I cannot explain them in any way except to somehow compare them to some experiences I have read about regarding Near Death Experiences (NDEs). They are mysteries I just have to live with, not knowing the meanings at all, really. I’m sure others have had similar odd experiences. My spouse had an experience of being in a bright yellow tunnel coming out from anesthesia after surgery years ago. He said it was the brightest yellow light he’s ever seen. And he does not have these type of experiences, he rarely remembers dreams at all. I have forgotten many other memories, but these will stay with me forever. As I have said, they are burned into my mind. I take the good meanings from these experiences instead of something else such as dread or fear. It is all good and I try to learn the lessons given from the “wherever.”

Wally

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What Are We? / What Am I? [ Post #88 ]

Maybe I spend too much time thinking about things. Maybe I go too deep in thought, contemplation and searching for answers to the mystery of life. In a blog a year or two ago I mentioned I was going to explore philosophy as that was one subject in college that I just did the minimum of study in, due to my other interests at the time. So, what has come of that study and research? Since I occasionally have people ask me what I believe in, what my religion and my philosophy are, I thought it was time to sit down and explain where I am at this point in my life (and perhaps, where I’ve been).

So, to put it in a nutshell, as they say, I would say that today, I am a Zen-Stoic Christian Spiritualist. Yes, I’m a ZSCS. That’s the best I can come up with at this point. So let me explain what I mean by all of this. I’ll say a little about each part of my self-identity, but I must say, up front, I am no scholar, no academic, no expert on any of this. I’m just me trying to figure out what I am in the whole scheme of things.

A good course on modern-day Stoicism and an excellent book on modern-day Zen

First off, I see myself at least in a basic way a Zen Buddhist in how I live. Now, there are books and books on this subject, and like all philosophies and religions, there are many, many branches. but I’m just interested in the basics. Zen is basically a meditation technique connected with the Buddhist philosophy. It is meditation. It is about being in the silence and looking at life. Seeing life as it is, right now, in your (my) face. Whatever is going on in one’s life, what is right in your face, as I said. Suspending judgment, opinions, anger, etc. as best as you can. Just being with what is. Just being there. Looking at what is. As people say, “it is what it is!” That may sound awful, but, in reality, that is the truth. If something awful has happened, it has happened. It can’t be undone by denial, by saying it did not happen. Our human reaction is usually denial and thus, creating all sorts of psychological problems.

Like I said, this is a very simple explanation of these parts of my self-identity. So, also, stoicism I find very similar to Zen. Many years ago, I came to the conclusion I was basically a stoic after reading about stoicism. Stoicism gets misinterpreted these days, I think, as being a philosophy of cold, detached, non-feeling, non-caring people. That is not accurate at all. Stoicism is very concerned with living an ethical, virtuous life. It, like Zen, asks what is true, right now, in this moment, what is staring you in the face. Without judgment, opinions, just what is. (Not very easy to do for most of us most of the time). I would say, for most of my life, this was an impossible state to put myself in. I was always reacting to everything happening to me, often in extreme, inappropriate ways. I did not handle situations calmly, with a feeling that things would work out. My “triggers” were always being activated.

A book I have not read yet, but sounds excellent with excellent reviews

Now, regarding the “Christian” part of my identity. I have in previous blogs mentioned I do not like the term Christian so much these days. In today’s religious and political climate that word just has so many bad associations attached to it. And really, what is Christianity? Jesus was not a Christian; he was a Jew. His religion was Judaism. So, for me, a better descriptive term would be “Jesus follower.” I’m a Jesus follower. And, in my recent blog I explained that I love Jesus. So, yes, I love Jesus and follow his teachings. But our culture is basically Christian, so that term is the one used to describe Jesus’ followers. As a theologian I know says, “I’m culturally Christian and spiritually unlimited.” That works for me.

So, having very briefly covered the Zen, Stoic and Christian (Jesus follower) parts of my self-identity we come to the last part, spiritualist. To me, this only means that I realize and feel that there is more to life than the material, physical, seen world. I’m not into ouija boards, dramatic seances, etc. Not into witchcraft and all of that. But I know there seems to be more than the visible world in this life, this existence we experience. I’ve had some encounters with the unseen or Spirit world. Even science says openly that we only see about 5% or so of what exists in our world. Probably 95% of existence is invisible. I find it amazing for science to say that. Everything we see is not all of existence, in other words. Amazing, I say.

So, I’m (at this point in my life) a Zen-Stoic Christian (or “Jesus follower’) Spiritualist. Works for me. I think the hardest things in life are learning that there is only change. Nothing is permanent, as the Buddha taught. If we can handle that and live with that somehow, we can cope with life in an enlightened way. Life is hard. Life is constant change. Life is painful at times. And life can be good. We can’t control it all. It must be lived moment-by-moment. Be in the moment and have a good one, as much as you can.

This is just a brief overview of where I am now. I have not gotten into beliefs in any detail. In fact, I’m not big on “beliefs.” In fact, Christianity was the first religion to come along with belief and doctrines being a big important part of the religion. “Have the right beliefs” is the main thrust of evangelical and fundamentalist, conservative Christians and churches. Not for me. I wrote a previous blog on how I love Jesus, but I did not discuss any beliefs I had about him. Maybe a future blog will deal more with beliefs we have, but for me, just living the right life, the virtuous, ethical, moral life is what’s important. Zen, Stoicism, Christianity (following Jesus) and spirituality are part of my life now, not doctrines, creeds and dogma, etc. And so it is.

Wally

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I Love Jesus! [ Post # 87]

Yeah, just what the hell does THAT mean? Some of the most hateful people claim that they ”love Jesus!” And the hate groups say that, also. But guess what… I’ll be right up front and say that, yes, “I love Jesus.” I’ve done my theological work. I’ve studied the gurus, sages, holy and enlightened ones. I hold in high regard the many spiritual mystics and leaders I’ve studied. But I find Jesus unique among them all. I don’t just feel a rapport with him, I’d say I love him.

I love the various scriptures of the major religions I’ve studied. Especially the Hindu scriptures. loving Jesus doesn’t preclude my being deeply moved by what other religions proclaim in their writings and traditions. I love truth wherever it’s found. And regardless of what the evangelicals and religious fundamentalists say, truth is not found only in the Bible in an inerrant manner. Just not so.

Belief is belief, truth is truth. Of course, the philosophers can carry on and on about this subject, but you know beliefs do not make truth. I think it is better to say that we have belief. We have faith. We may have hope. But… truth? Who has truth? Take any two people and they will see truth differently. Or what they consider truth.

So, I declare that I love Jesus. Do I understand all his teaching? No. And obviously, most others do not. Those who are in the hate groups, they do not live Jesus’ teaching of love and compassion and knowing God and living in the kingdom of God here on this earth. They hate, they hurt and kill. They desire and hope for and work towards a Christian dictatorship, an authoritarian state government, etc. That’s not what Jesus taught. That’s not what I see Jesus is about.

Jesus taught some hard stuff. The Buddha taught the truest thing about life is the impermanence of everything in life. That change is the only truth, really. Even Islam has some good teachings if you really look into their scripture. And the Hindu scriptures teach a lot about how to live the good life. Like I said, I accept truth wherever I find it. And of all the teachers, gurus, preachers, I choose to love Jesus. I highly regard and respect the many spiritual teachers, but it is Jesus I love.

Wally

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“Well Done, My Good and Faithful Servant” [ Post #85]

Several years ago, my pastor mentioned in a class he was teaching, the phrase from the Bible (from one of Jesus’ parables) that when he died, he would hope he would hear the words (from God), “Well done, my good and faithful servant.” That, he said, would complete his life on this earth in a happy manner. I’ve thought about him saying that recently and, yes, it gets me thinking a lot about life and the point of it all and the conclusion of it all. (By the way, he has since passed on, and I sincerely hope he had the experience he was looking forward to, hearing whose words when he made his transition from this life to whatever is next.)

Thinking about life and all its mystery and uncertainty, I find myself thinking along similar lines as my minister mentioned. At the conclusion of all of this experience called our life, what would we like as we breathe our last breath? Yes, I would like to hear those words. Words telling me that I lived a good life (overall), I did my job, my duty, my purpose and did it well. Yes, that would be nice. Something I can hope for, at least. Validation is nice, isn’t it? We often don’t get much of that in life it seems, for most of us, anyway.

I’ve lived a long life, thank goodness. Thank God, if you will. Sure, I’ve messed up, had some bad times, made some bad choices, perhaps. Haven’t we all? But, overall, it’s been great. I had dreams in my youth. I worked hard at realizing them and I was very fortunate to achieve all my aspirations. If that were not the case, at this point in my life I would be a disappointed and discouraged person, like so many people I have known. But I am very pleased with my life having done what I set out to do, regardless of others trying to interfere in my journey and limit me, discourage me and put me down in obvious and subtle ways. I overcame whatever popped up in my life trying to throw me off course. I stayed the course as they say. I overcame bad experiences, bad people I got involved with in my ignorance and inexperience of life. Getting a little spiritual in this regard, I would say I was guided and protected by the greater forces of life (which I’ll call God). Something guided and protected me.

So, what about you? Happy with your life and how it has turned out? Or less than happy? There’s no right or wrong answer to this question. It’s just an evaluation of the many decades of life you have lived. How do you think you will feel on that last day? Well, besides being resistant to letting go and feeling awful about your departure, how would you evaluate your life?

I’m happy that I feel complete with my life. I’m satisfied with how it has all played out. No regrets, no real disappointments. No anger issues, no unresolved conflicts with people. A good place to be as I see it.

So, maybe after contemplating all of this, I would say the same thing my late minister said. When I pass on (to whatever), if I were to hear a voice in that great void, I would also like it to be :

Wally

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Religion / Science / Life / And Beyond [ Post #84 ]

So, in one short essay, I’ll cover all of life. Yeah, sure. Well, perhaps give a quick overview of things in my life from the perspective of where I’m at right now, anyway. If you have read many of my previous blog posts, you can probably comprehend most of what I’m going to say here. But, just to update you, here goes.

Religion, now there’s a big subject. I’ve talked a lot about it here and there. I’ve spent a good portion of my life involved in it and studying it. I went to theological seminary. I have studied it in depth since seminary. It is a fascinating subject to me. Fascinating especially when I go deep into my study of it, studying what the scholars have to say about it. I’m not interested in the superficial, fluffy stuff one can often experience in a religious institution such as a church. As my professor in seminary once told us, “You don’t ever want to tell your congregation what you learn in seminary and biblical scholarship, as that will destroy their faith!” I understood that to mean, just teach and preach the standard, church- approved stuff. Let the people feel good about life and God, etc. Don’t bother them with the problems and conflicts and contradictions of religion.

Well, I have two strong feelings about religion. One is, for most people, it is good to have a good, well thought-out religion, or spiritual path. If it works for you, fine. If it brings more love into your life, good. Live it! Live your religion. But keep an open mind. If you find out it gives or promotes prejudice and hate, reconsider your “faith.” Something is not right, as I see it.

Okay, my other thought about religion. There is an awful history of religions and the evil ways they have been used. No question about this, just study history. The most awful history of how religion has been used to control and kill millions throughout the years. It’s sickening and evil.

So, religion can be awful. But check them out and if you find a good one, fine. So, is this perspective contradictory? Yes, I admit it. Just like so much of life, it is contradictory.

Okay, on to science. Here’s a subject that many think is the opposite of religion. Talk about contradictions! Many religious fundamentalists are not too keen on science. God created human life and all existence six thousand years ago in the Garden of Eden, they say. Not billions of years ago like most scientists say. And this is just one example of how some religionists view science. I won’t belabor the point; you get the idea.

I happen to be enjoying a deeper study of science right now with my college and university DVD courses which I have mentioned in previous blogs. I had some basic science in general education, but I admit it was not my favorite subject, or perhaps I just found it harder to understand than other subjects. I am now really enjoying it, even if I still find some subjects difficult to really understand. I have a course on cosmology that is so far beyond my comprehension I understand so little of what the excellent professor is teaching. Oh, well, I must be picking up some knowledge, if very little. I’ll redo the course later, I’m sure.

Another interesting thing about science. It changes with the times and new knowledge is discovered. Pluto was a planet when I was young and now it’s not. Science is very interesting, I’m finding. It causes me to look at things in life very differently than previously. It helps to understand how and why things happen. I find mystery in what created all the laws of science, just as the early discoverers and theologians did. Why are things the way they are? Is life chaos or is life orderly, etc., etc. And what is behind it all?

Well, as for the last two topics of this blog, life and beyond life. You’ve probably picked up from my previous blogs that I am basically a positive type of person’ or at least I look for the positive and try to live in the positive aspect of human life on this planet. True, I haven’t always been this way. My childhood was one of some very dark periods, but I survived and thrived. I worked my way through a lot of difficult times, emotionally and psychologically. I achieved my dreams and had great experiences and loves. And now my life incorporates some aspects of religion and a spiritual path. And, I might add, a lot of mystery. A lot of mystery. I don’t really know much about life in so many ways. I try to understand what I can and realize we can’t comprehend it all. We can’t comprehend most of it (life), as I see it. Why life? Why the universe? Why any existence at all?

Okay, so now on to the “and beyond” part to conclude this essay. If I see this life as basically a mystery, I certainly see the “beyond this life” as a complete mystery. Oh, I know, religion has lots of answers in this realm. And people hold strong beliefs about the “hereafter.” But to me, it’s a mystery. In the past I was very logical and materialistic when it came to this stuff. Life cannot be understood and certainly death can’t be either. But this is one area where I have had to revise my thoughts and beliefs. For a long time, especially when I was in my “atheistic” period, death was final. Existence was over, period. I remember one day my now spouse said, “well, sorry I won’t see you on the “other side.” Hmmmm.

So, I have had some weird and strange experiences in the past several years. I have been convinced (going against my logical thinking) that there is “something else,” or an unseen, invisible side to life. No, I don’t understand it. But I cannot dismiss some psychic type experiences I’ve had. And my research on NDE’s (Near Death Experiences) and similar type experiences convince me that there’s more to life than just this earthly life. But, once again, I don’t understand. I don’t understand the mystery. It’s all such a mystery. That’s where I am. And I believe, but believe what? That the mystery will be revealed as we travel on, in this life and then the other experience when it comes.

So, perhaps I’ve really said nothing in this blog. All of life is a mystery. I don’t understand much of anything. Like I’ve said before, all I know is that life can be good. We can have a good life. We can dream our dreams and realize them. I have. And we can love. We can avoid hate, we really can. And if we love, then, we have found the purpose of life. To me, it’s really that simple. And I will go on in life loving and learning and when the time comes and it is all over, well, then, perhaps some of the mystery will be revealed. That’s how I see it.

Wally

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What’s Left? [ Post #83 ]

A long life is nice. You get a chance to do things you want to do, things you have dreamed about as a kid. If things have worked out, you’ve lived your good life. Hopefully, many have had a successful life of achievement of dreams and desires fulfilled. Hopefully, you have had good relationships and loves. For many, that includes a good family and good family memories. Not for everybody, of course, but for many. And, when you have done those things you dreamed about in your younger years, you have perhaps retired (yes, some do not retire, really, they keep on going because they want to). So, if you have made it this far and your life has been good, and you are in a happy state and perhaps spending some time being reflexive and contemplative, you may be thinking, “what is left?”

That’s sort of where I am right now in my life. I ask myself (and God or the whatever) so, “what is next?” Is it over (this life of mine)? Is there more coming up, new things to do, new adventures? Or just relax and enjoy the culmination of a good life? There are many different paths that could be taken from this point I’m at. A few years ago, I started blogging; that was a new path. Are there other activities I am going to get involved in? How much time is remaining?

I think of my city councilman who recently came home for lunch, I believe, and told his wife he was just going to rest on the couch for a bit. Well, when she tried to awaken him, she couldn’t. He was gone. In his sixties and a very active and good councilman from most reports I have read. Over in the blink of an eye. A very good and productive life. Not a clue that was his last day. That gets me thinking, of course. What is left, what is next? Is there more, really, or not?

I’ve taken those online surveys about how long you are going to live, etc. Interesting stuff. The last one I took really got my attention as it gave my last year of life to be the year 2023. Hmmm…never had a response that close before. That really got me thinking, “what’s left?”

So, the time ahead is limited, but how limited? Most of my friends and a lot of my family are gone. Most of my co-workers, my age and younger, gone. I’ve been blessed with a long life. I actually have two feelings regarding this subject. One is that I have more things to do. I need to keep my energy and interests up and positive and keep moving ahead. That’s good. But at times I feel the other side of the matter. I get tired and I wonder if there is really a lot left for me. Of course, I’m pulling for that first feeling. But so were most of my friends that are gone. We just think life will go on forever. But we know better, don’t we?.

I do keep busy. I am not bored. I am not stagnating or losing any interest in life. In fact, I have decided to add the addiction of lifetime learning and continuing education to my life and that ensures that I always have things to do. I’m enjoying my newly acquired library of college and university DVD courses on a variety of subjects, some of which are new to me and some of which I have always had a strong interest in.

The Covid situation did a lot to change life as I see it. A lot of staying home and little social contact. At this point I’m wondering if I will ever resume the social life previous to the pandemic. We’ll see. I’m reluctant to do a lot of things I was doing before. I feel a bit like a hermit these days.

So, what I’m saying is that I don’t know how much is left in my life. I guess that is always the way it is. Just hope for the best. For more time to do new things and keep moving on (as long as we can). I’ve just never thought about all of this this much until my online predictions gave me such a limited time left. Nothing has changed really. The end of it all always faces us. We like to deny it, but we can’t, really.

So, “what’s left?” The big question. Perhaps the big motivator. We just have to go on in faith that we will do what is ours to do until, well, there’s no more “stuff” (living) to do. Have a great rest of your life I say! I plan to.

Wally

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Faith / A Test of Faith [ Post #78 ]

Faith, now, there’s a word to ponder. What is faith? It can mean many different things to different people. I don’t think it is necessarily a religious term. Can an atheist have faith? Of course. It is not just a religious term. As I see it, we all have faith in our daily lives and activities.

If you board an airplane, you have faith in the laws of aerodynamics, that that heavier-than-air contraption is going to fly and get you safely to wherever you’re going. We have to have faith to get up and get through every day of our lives, don’t we?

Now, concerning another aspect of this subject of faith, there are times where we must have hope, a faith that things will turn out good for us, that things may go our way. Perhaps we should call this “hope combined with faith.” It is often called a “test of faith.” Don’t we all have those times in life when our faith is tested? For some people (several I know personally), very dramatic and serious tests of faith occur in their lives. I’m thinking of those who have had very serious injuries or illnesses in their lives, such as a diagnosis of terminal cancer, etc. The experience and the survival and recovery of such events is beyond words. If we are spared that experience, we are lucky and blessed.

In the past year and a half, I had a test of faith of sorts. Nothing like the above example. Nothing life-threatening. More of a material, financial testing that played with my mind and drove me a bit crazy. All I had to go on was a faith that all would work out in my favor. Otherwise, my life was going to be a mess, a total change of everything for me.

To keep it simple, let me just say that, out-of-the-blue, I got hit with a $19,331.14 tax bill. Like, due immediately and it was going to be an annual bill. Payment required immediately or penalties and other consequences were in store for me. Umm, time to call my lawyer! Pronto!

So, not serious like a terminal illness diagnosis, but a serious matter dropped into my lap. Fortunately, my lawyer assured me this would eventually be resolved in my favor, but we did have some problems. Problems brought on by this Wuhan Virus Pandemic. He said I may not be able to get through to talk with anyone for some time and it was going to take a long time to get this resolved. There were things I had to do, papers to be submitted, etc., etc. So, I of course did everything I could do. And I tried to contact the tax people, but of course with the virus situation going on, they were not answering their phones. I went through hell trying to get ahold of someone, and eventually I did. I was given phone numbers of tax investigators that could work with me. Contact was established but the investigator said no information was available on my situation, not a thing. No verification anything was being done in their computer system, just wait and call back later I was told. Yeah, okay.

Eight months. Eight months I kept trying to find out something. Nothing. I had to pay the bill, which meant messing up my finances and my retirement accounts. And I had nothing to go on except my lawyer telling me that it would eventually work out in my favor. Talk about a “test of faith!” Not a word for eight months. I did meet, finally, with the instigator and submitted all the paperwork again. Still no word on any progress. Then, one day, in the mail, a letter from the tax office. My heart about stopped. It was a thin envelope, definitely not a check enclosed, just a slip of paper, which I imagined said, “sorry, your claim denied, pay your tax bill.”

Well, I opened it and read it and about fainted. It said the tax assessor’s office had reversed their decision and I would receive a full refund of all I had paid. Issue resolved! I was, well, speechless. I had endured my “test of faith.” I had prayed and meditated every day for eight months and had no indication whatsoever that anything was going to be resolved. I had nothing to go on except hope that my lawyer was correct and knew what he was talking about. Life could resume. I would not be living in the streets in a tent or cardboard box. Life could resume as before.

Well, that’s how it looked that day. It ended up taking a while (a month and a half or so) before I had my money back in my hands. Then, it truly was over.

This was something I really could not talk about with anyone; it was so upsetting. My spouse knew what I was going through but that was it. It ate at me for eight months. I had nothing to go on but faith. I learned my lesson. Hang in there. Do my spiritual work. Don’t go dark. Don’t go negative. There’s nothing to go on, no encouragement, but hang in there!

So, that was my big test of faith. It about did me in. The blue skies have returned. We can move on now.

Wally

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I / We Choose [Post #76]

Okay, my view of life is that it’s hard. Yes, it’s hard. I would think most people would see what I’m saying and agree. Some may not. If you just view life as easy-peasey I say great… carry on, enjoy it all. But I think most of us know better. Most of us have struggled at times, been hurt and damaged at times. Been put down, treated badly, misunderstood, and on and on. We call those periods “dark times.” Visited by many of us at various times on this path. Hopefully those times were brief and temporary and if needed, we sought and got help and assistance from good friends and perhaps professionals. And we then carried on, with new knowledge learned from those lessons. I put myself in this category. Been put down, hurt, and learned my lessons and moved on to better living. Found a spiritual component in life and found and experienced love on the journey.

I think the greatest lesson learned is that for most of life, it unfolds and plays out before us because of what we choose. A hard lesson to learn. And a caveat is needed here. I am not one of those that preaches or teaches that all that happens is our choice. I know some so called spiritual and religious people say such things, but I adamantly do not. I see evil in the world. I know people can be cruel. I know horrible abuse happens that is not our fault. Disagree with me on this if you must, but that is my stand. There is a lot of karma out there in the world. Lots of consequences from people’s bad actions and choices.

But, except for the above situations, so much of our life is a result of our choice. I had to make some difficult choices at times and go against what people and society and culture told me to do. It was sometimes easy and sometimes very difficult. The point is that life turned out as it did because of the choices that were made. And, at this stage I can say it turned out to be a very good life. A very amazing life. The shadows were faced and conquered and transcended.

And, of course, we all know those people that made bad choices, some very bad choices and their lives ended up not being very good lives. Consequences, karma, whatever you want to call it. Choose bad, wrongly, and face what comes. A law of life, eventually. Yes, the Bible does at times teach that the bad people get a lot of good things and possessions, and the good people can get misery and experience bad things happening, but in the long run I think it eventually works out. Just my perspective.

So, choice. That’s the key to living a good life as I see it. I choose the good. I choose the true, the truth, the best. I choose love. At this point in life, I see love as “it”. The secret. The whole point of life. Everything else comes and goes. Yes, enjoy all the good of life. “Good, come to me,” I say. Yet, at the same time I know that the good is not “IT.” I cannot be fooled. I’ve been around too long. I’ve seen too much. I have paid attention. I’ve seen the deeper facts of life. I know too much, as I see it.

So, I say, do whatever works for you to live the best life. Practice right thinking. Do good things. Do philosophy, don’t just read it. Find a spiritual path if that’s in alignment with how you see things and want to live. Do a religion if that works, but don’t succumb to authoritarian leaders and institutions and doctrines and beliefs. Proceed with caution and deep thinking and study. There are many ways to live. Choose wisely.

I’ve chosen to accept and draw to me all the good of life. I’ve chosen love. Compassion, awareness, truth. Ain’t no turning back now, baby. Been there, done that… now I’m doing this. Amen.

Wally