Category: Life Stories

A theme that has played a part in and been a motivator in my life, in fact it has been my salvation, is the thought, the belief, the certainty that there is something better than what I am seeing before me, my present experience. I grew up being very depressed as a child and in my youth. Friends may find it hard to believe now that I have grown out of that darkness in my early life, but it is true. The internal thought that was in the back of my mind that “there has to be something better than this experience and feeling” truly was my salvation. It literally saved my life.

Somehow I survived my dark early years. I guess I always had hope of something better. I don’t know how I had that knowledge but I did. I knew in my bones, in my soul that there was a better experience awaiting me if I could just make it through the rough times. Looking back, I see now that I developed some strategies and techniques that aided my survival.

My process for breaking free from my shadow of depression and despair was leaving unpleasant situations and moving on. Now, I know a lot of people make a whole lifestyle of leaving situations and people and moving and running away, but they usually just take themselves and their internal emotional and psychological problems with them, never experiencing any real, permanent healing of their wounds or demons. Somehow, in my life, I really made forward movement and experienced true healing of my shadow side.

I experienced my early family life as very toxic and I left home as soon as I graduated from high school. I eventually put myself in a new setting, a new life, by going to college. It was not that I felt that I needed college, but I needed a new life and that seemed to be one way to find it. I healed many of my wounds by doing that. After college and a year of seminary, I left the academic world, realizing that I needed a break. I seemed to know, once again, that there was something better awaiting me if I just followed my intuition. Not long after leaving seminary I landed my job in the airline industry and began pursuing my dreams of traveling and piloting airplanes.

When my first significant relationship turned out to be a disaster I left it and moved on. I did not let it destroy me, and once again I figured that there must be something better. I did not habitually keep making bad decisions and choices and losing behaviors in my life. I made changes and moved on. If I discovered I was surrounded by toxic acquaintances and friends, I dropped them and found better relationships, just as when I left my family when I became aware they were a bad influence on me in many ways.

So, I say all this to show how, in my life, I’ve been driven by the knowledge deep inside of me that no matter how bad things may seem, there is always something better. We can always choose new thoughts, new ways of being, of behaving and relating to the world, life and people, including ourselves. We do not have to be stuck with what we think is a permanent circumstance or situation.

But it’s more than just changing the externals in our lives, running away, hoping something comes along to “save” us. We have to do a lot of internal, psychological work in the process of healing ourselves. We need to be open to forces greater than our limited, conditioned selves. Something better is always available if we open ourselves to that possibility and do the work we need to do. We have to be open, proactive, willing, courageous and sure of the fact that “something better” is awaiting our discovery.

I call that belief, that certainty, “faith.” I have used those tools to beat depression and negativity. Everyone is different and I really feel for those who cannot seem to beat their demons, to drive them out of their lives, those that always seem to live under that shadow of darkness. I am thankful that I have found tools and techniques and spiritual truths that have worked for me and lifted me to new levels of living and new life!

Wally

A friend recently asked me about my thoughts on good and bad relationships. Hmmm, I thought… me? You’re asking me? Well, since I’m going to have to think this one over in my mind, maybe I’ll just write out my thoughts and see if it’s appropriate material for my blog. Me, giving my opinion and advice on relationships, wow, as if there isn’t already a plethora of relationship “experts” in this world. Well, that’s the fun thing about blog writing, no academic degrees required to just blabber on about something.

Something that just popped into my thoughts as I considered this topic was the fact that in college I took a “Marriage and Family” psychology class and got one of my few “A’s” in college. (Overall I was probably a B and C student.) I guess I had a real interest in the subject in order to work that hard to get the top grade.

So, my thoughts on this matter of relationships. Well, from my earlier blog posts, you can see that my family life in my early years was a mix of good and bad experiences and feelings, probably like most of us. I had friendships through the years but no real, close friendship or partnership until my late twenties. I had always figured that after college and graduate school I’d get married, have a family, and be like everybody else in the world (at least in the world I saw). Boy, was I out of touch with reality!

One day during my year in seminary, I was crossing the street from my apartment to the campus and a fellow seminarian stopped to talk with me. He mentioned that he suspected that I was a latent homosexual. I was stunned, speechless. What? What’s this about? Where’s this coming from? I guess he drew that conclusion because I was not dating and showed no interest in dating. I was not like everyone else. I was not talking about things others were talking about, like one seminarian friend who was telling us about how he seduced a nun, etc. You know the kind of talk, the talk of the good ole boys. Anyway, after that brief encounter on the street and being accused of being a latent homosexual, I started thinking about it all. Maybe I was not heading towards a conventional, traditional marriage and family after all.

After seminary and starting my airline career, I did find a partner, a companion, and we lived together for nine years (late 1970’s to late 1980’s). So, through that experience, I came to learn all about bad relationships. It was bad, really bad ( from my perspective, emotionally, but, yes it could have been much worse if it was physical abuse, etc.). A total narcissist, pot-smoking, manipulating and controlling phony. And I spent nine years in that horrible relationship. I learned a lot of lessons.

What did I learn? I learned to be aware, to be very attentive to the “vibes,” the “energy” that people have and project. I learned to be aware of harsh emotional treatment and put-downs, no matter if even very subtle and often brushed off as “oh well, no big deal.” I learned if a person is not kind and loving in a real way almost all the time and understanding and compassionate, watch out. If after lashing out they are always begging for forgiveness and then repeat the same behavior ( again and again), that’s a warning sign things are not right with this person. I learned what pathological liars are. Wow, what an eye opener.

By the time I was halfway through my airline career, we had broken up and I met my second partner. By this time I had wised up a lot and had decided to make a good relationship a reality in my life if at all possible. I guess I really did believe change was possible, that we don’t always keep choosing the same people over and over again. It took a lot of work and a lot of time, but the result was a stunning success and resulted in my eventual marriage . So, I did eventually get to experience marriage and a real, good intimate relationship, even though it was not the conventional type I had imagined in my earlier years. But you know what? Relationships are relationships, love is love, and living with someone is the same whether in a conventional, traditional manner or in an unconventional one, as our world sees it.

So, good versus bad relationships. I feel I could write a book about this topic but for this blog I’ll keep it brief. I already mentioned many of the clues and signs of a bad relationship. Bad relationships often involve two people just coming together without much thought about it all, without working on changing themselves into compatible, honest, loving people, as I see it. Left as they are, they are often selfish, self-centered, impulsive, compulsive, egotistical, reactive, whiny, victim acting and possibly addictive. I know I was some of those things. I had to change if I was to have a real working relationship.

As I see it, to have a good working relationship with longevity, it takes a lot of work. It does not “just happen.” You do not just hook up. It takes an objective look at life and all our quirks and faults and negative traits and thought patterns. We have to work on ourselves. Sometimes some very deep work to extricate our demons, our dark side that is often well hidden. This can be done by ourselves, but sometimes it may require professional help, whether a therapist, counselor, spiritual worker, mentor, coach or whatever. Whatever works, I say, go for it. Do what needs to be done.

I see lots of people who have been together for many years in what they consider is a “good, loving” relationship. I look at them, think about it, and think to myself, no, I don’t quite see it that way. They often fight a lot, nag continuously ( usually not even aware they are always nagging ). They are hurtful and unkind as I observe them. I just don’t get it. A better life is available if you will just do the work required. A much better, a much more evolved relationship is possible. I know as I’ve been on both sides of the coin. I learned from the miserable times and I will never go back!

Wally

Sorry to disappoint you, but no, this is not going to be a sleazy tell-all of my intimate love life. We’ll let that come out when I get into politics. No, what I’m thinking about here is the real loves we all have which form our lives and give us purpose and meaning on our journey on this earth. We all have different lives and the loves we develop are what motivate us and give us enthusiasm and energy and fulfillment. I’m always interested is what drives people to be who they are.

Exploring my loves, one of the earliest loves I developed in life was my love of the mountains. My family had a cabin in the local mountains and we would often spend weekends there. We would just chill out and enjoy the mountain air and go swimming and boating and even fishing in a nearby lake. My parents were in a club at the lake that always had activities going on. It was a great time! I absolutely loved the time there. Being in a family I was not always happy with, it was a transformation for us. We all got along together and just had a blissful experience. That was a love in my formative years that has stayed with me to this day. I still get up to the mountains when I can and anyone who has gone with us or visited us there knows how Terry and I love the time up there.

In a previous blog post (#3), I wrote about how I spontaneously developed my love of aviation when I took my first airplane trip with my parents around age five or six. That wasn’t just an interest, it was an instant love. I may not have realized my first dream at the time of becoming an airline pilot, but I did become a flight instructor and a commercial pilot working at a local airport as a side job to my airline job. I did accomplish my dreams and am thrilled I did push myself to get my pilot licenses. Otherwise today I would have deep regret that I never did that. Mission accomplished!

Along with my love of aviation I also developed a love of travel (there is a relationship there, you see). As a kid I did a couple of trips with my parents and that inspired an interest is seeing the big, big world out there someday. So, of course, when I got hired on with an international airline, that dream and love germinated in a big way. I traveled the world, literally (my fist airline pass was a trip around the world, blog #6). I traveled all the time. Again, I’m so glad I did as I am not as enthused in traveling that much these days with crowded airplanes and all the rest that has changed over the years. So, my love of travel got satisfied to the hilt.

In my youth, another interest that became a love was photography. Somehow, I just loved taking good pictures and I was so into it that I turned my bedroom closet into a (very cramped) darkroom. Yes, those were the days before digital photography. The only way to take pictures was to use film. I loved the whole process of pictures taking and developing the film at home. In fact, in high school I took photography class and got accolades from my teacher, he loved my picture taking ability and talent. I felt very good about all of that. A love fulfilled once again.

Turning a little more intellectual, now, I must admit another love, that of reading and being curious of my great big mysterious world. As a kid I somehow joined a book club for kids with books titled, “All About….” All About Nature, All About Science, All About the Cosmos, All About Photography, Aviation, Etc. You get the idea. Those books arriving every month or two sparked my curiosity about everything and that curiosity and love of reading has stayed with me. Another true love in my life.

Related to this love of reading and curiosity was my life-long love of religion and spirituality (even during those few years of my atheism (blog#7). Ever since my “born again, come to Jesus” experience as a teenager I have loved studying the world beyond this world, the religious and spiritual world. And yes, I know all about the horrible part of that “religious” world. I majored in history in college, so I know what has been done in the name of God and religion. But we all have a connection to life and the eternal that fascinates me. A mystery we’ll never comprehend, I’m sure. After all, I did go to seminary and studied deeper religion and theology. Once again, I’m glad I did all of this and I have no regrets about following my love to see where it led.

The last love I want to look at in this blog is my love of good relationships. I truly love deep, sincere, real relationships. I have friendships that have lasted over fifty years. I treasure those true relationships. I have no time or energy or interest in flaky relationships. God knows I’ve had a few in my lifetime, what a waste (although lessons have always been learned in those relationships also; I always believe there are lessons to be learned in all that happens in our lives).

So, my love of good relationships has culminated in my marriage now with the love of my life. It took everything that happened to get me here to this place of true happiness and bliss. Whether others understand my marriage or not is not my concern or business. It is the best part of this long life and the trials and struggles encountered along the way. My belief has proven true for me, at least, that in the end, it all works out!

Wally

Oh, family dynamics. Aren’t they interesting? We all have different relationships with our family members, don’t we? In this blog I am going to write about my relationship with my father, something I never thought I’d be writing about, but here I am doing just that.

I’ve mentioned my father a couple of times in previous blogs. About him trying to thwart my dream of being a pilot and my desire for a college education and him standing up for me when my high school counselor said I couldn’t take English Literature class because I was not “college material.” Well, upon deep reflection, I realize now that my father and I did have some things in common, even though I did not realize it in my childhood. We did not have a great relationship, maybe, but I did learn from him at times.

My father was a writer at heart. He was a journalist most of his life. He was a newspaper reporter and eventually a columnist. He even wrote his memoirs which I only discovered a few years ago. After moving his family from Michigan to California he was a Hollywood correspondent for the Lansing State Journal, writing a column for years as a movie reviewer and a reporter of the Hollywood and celebrity scene. I wish I had kept his columns as I’d love to read them now to remember how he wrote. Oh, well, bottom line, he was a writer.

He did not enjoy having to cover gory murder and crime scenes as a reporter, but other than that, he loved his work. He was always writing. So, now that I’ve started blogging (the modern day version of him writing his personal newspaper column), I realize somehow I have the same urge in me that he had to write about stuff ( life, observations, opinions, etc.). It didn’t hit me until now that we had that in common. I guess I did pick up his interest, desires and motivations and talents (?), well, don’t know about that.

Although he did send us kids to church and Sunday school in my early years, he was not what you would call a “religious” man. He liked church because the minister was a big football fan and talked sports a lot. As for the religious part of church, I don’t think he was much interested. Not a big believer in God, as I saw it. I guess you would call him an agnostic.

Eventually, when I became a more religious person in my teen years, he probably had problems with that. And then, when after college I went on to seminary to prepare for the ministry, well, that definitely confused him, I’m sure. He probably also had a problem with me since I did not grow up to be an athlete and a strong sports fan. It’s not that I didn’t try. I did play football as a kid in the neighborhood and played little league baseball for a short time. But I was never that good, and sports was a big thing for him. I did go to a lot of sporting events, high school football games every week, Angels games (he loved the Angels and hated the Dodgers and had frequent contact through his writing with Gene Autry, owner of the Angels). But I was never the fanatic sports fan I think he wanted me to be. When my nephews came along years later, he was thrilled as they all became fanatical sports fans.

He sensed I was different, I’m sure, but that’s the way it was. You can’t be all things to all people. But, somehow, I did pick up this writing thing. During my elementary school years, I started a neighborhood newspaper which my dad occasionally helped me with. I enjoyed that, even going out and getting local merchants to pay to advertise in it. I remember in college, I had to write a letter to my draft board when I lost my college deferment and needed them to reinstate it. My college roommate was very impressed with my writing skills at that time when he read my letter.

So, like father-son relationships, there were good things and some not so good things. He was never warm and close with me but he was helpful at times and never cruel or abusive (except perhaps verbally). He could cuss and swear and unfortunately that trait was picked up by me and I really struggle with that to this day.

I’m okay with all of this. This was life in my family. This was my relationship with my father. It could have been better and it could have been much worse. I survived and I went on to create and live my life. It has been a good life and I am grateful for all of it. In the long run, it’s all good. Good lessons were learned along the way.

Wally

Tolerant is an interesting word. It’s defined as “to put up with,” usually. Or, sometimes to be “open minded, liberal, broad-minded, to endure,” etc. It can sound good, like toleration is good, a good thing, a good trait to possess. Yes, that’s how I’ve viewed the meaning of the word over the years. But, you know, I’m beginning to not like the term so much anymore. The deeper I go in thinking about toleration, the more I begin to dislike the word.

My whole life I have been taught to just “tolerate” everything. Tolerate abusive people, even family and loved ones, bad teachers, bad work environments, bad co-workers, bad bosses, incompetent “experts” and “professionals,” etc. You get the idea. To live a good life, just tolerate almost everything. Get along and just put up with whatever. Sounds good? I’m not sure that’s the best strategy to live the good life.

I think that I have tolerated too much over the years. I’ve played the game. Yes, I’ve gotten some of the “goodies” as rewards for going along and playing the game. But I think it’s time to step up the game and move beyond toleration. There’s a higher level than toleration. I want to see people live and function on a higher, more evolved level than toleration. Do you want people to just tolerate you Or do you want people to like you and love you? And if they don’t like you, let that be. But to be tolerated? Not really what I want. I certainly don’t want to tolerate awful, nasty, mean, cruel people. I’m tired of tolerating people’s sh*t and sh*tty attitudes and behaviors. And in today’s highly charged political climate, especially. I will not engage with some people who are a bit out of control of their anger, in my view of things. Tolerate hate and hate talk, no way! I will set “my” boundaries; you set yours if you want.

This brings up a connection of sorts to another aspect of life for me. Ever since I was a child, some people always thought of me as shy, a shy person. My brother-in-law, especially, drilled into me his opinions of my shyness as well as his perceived shyness of my two siblings. I won’t argue with that. As he saw it, the three of us were shy in comparison with others. We were definitely more introverted and shy than most people. More on the introverted end of the scale than the extroverted side. My point is that being a bit shy and taught to just tolerate everything in life probably didn’t move me along on the fast track to good emotional and psychological health in my early years.

But decades have passed, we’ve grown and moved on and accomplished things in our lives. At this stage of life, however, being somewhat introverted and overly tolerant of way too much crap in life and the world is not a good thing for me personally. I now realize that I need, I must, be more definite and adamant about setting boundaries on what I will allow into my immediate personal environment, or what you might call my “energy field.” So, yes, maybe I am becoming more intolerant of things that I used to give a pass to. So be it! I see this intolerance as being a good thing. I’ve learned my lessons from the past regarding being shy, introverted and tolerant and too accepting of sh*t.

I’ve lived a long and very good life. I’ve make mistakes. I’ve lived with not the best people at times and for way too long. But hey, that’s how life goes, right? At least I’ve survived and grown and transcended the muck to find a new freedom in life by being true to myself, my truth, and my God.

So, toleration is not my favorite term or preferred way of life. Like me or love me or don’t like me, that’s up to you, but tolerate me… hmmmm.

Wally

I am a very lucky person in that I was able to realize my dream of traveling the world after finishing my education.  I had decided that that was what I wanted to do as I drove away from Chicago, leaving seminary in 1972.

In 1973 I started my airline career and after six months I took my first  trip as an airline employee and  literally went around the world.  We had an around-the-world flight at the time and I jumped on board for a three-week journey heading east, averaging three days at each stop along the way.

I went with a friend from work that I didn’t know well, so it was quite an adventure.  Our first stop was Portugal.  Our first night there I discovered that he did not care for foreign food.  I thought well, this will be interesting, traveling the world and trying to find American food everywhere we go.  Like, what’s the point of going around the world and not sampling each country’s cuisine?  Oh, well, on we went.  We visited Italy, Greece, Israel, India, Thailand, Taiwan, Okinawa, Guam and back to the U.S. through Hawaii.  All in three weeks.  For a twenty-five year old, that was quite an introduction to the world.  It’s one of those things you are glad you did when the opportunity presented itself.

I of course learned a lot regarding the different cultures and people that make up our world.  Learned some history.  Learned that traveling the world with someone you hardly know can be interesting.  Learned a little about sexual addiction as my friend found a hookup (female) in almost every port.  Yes, quite an education.

After that big trip I traveled a lot.  I would take a few extra days off every month or so and go to Europe for short stays.  I also traveled the U.S. a lot.  It was a lifestyle I really enjoyed in the early years of my career.

When Terry came into my life we kept up the pace of my travel bug.  Fortunately he loved traveling also.  We did trips to England, Scotland, Iceland, as well as much domestic travel.  It was nice to have a travel companion and we traveled well together.

I’m so glad I did all the traveling I did when I was younger as I would not want to travel like that now.  Times have changed so much.  Flying was not the hassle that it is now with crowded flights and cramped seating.  In the old days it was much more comfortable and I was often able to travel in first class.  Oh, well, I’m glad I took the opportunity when it was available  and I had lots of energy to go, go, go!

At this point in life I do not have the same interest or energy I had back then.  I’ve seen a lot, done a lot, and really have become a homebody in a sense.  We still like to travel but enjoy car trips and train trips more.  A five-hour plane trip is my limit these days.  Hawaii makes a nice break from routines twice a year and the beauty there is as good as I’ve found anywhere.  We also have our other favorite places to visit like Sedona, Branson, Charleston, Edisto Island (S.C.), Savanna and others.  We also try to see a new place every year.  But the pace has slowed.  Lots of places I haven’t seen, but that’s fine with me.  I’m glad I started early with this travel thing.  Life does change.  Life’s been good.  I can’t imagine what life would have been like if I had never done the traveling I did do.   I’ve lived my dream and I am living my dream, just the pace has changed.

Wally

I spent thirty-three years in the airline industry (1973-2007)  I don’t know many people that stay in one field, job, or a specific career for their entire working life.  I did because I did not want to change careers. I hated the anxiety of looking for a job and the job interviews and all that, and once I had the job I liked, or at least in the field I wanted to be in, that was it as I saw it.

It was a rough field to be in, as there were always strikes, layoffs, and pay cuts all the time. There was never any sense of real job security, at least not for very long. But the work was exciting enough for me to put up with the bad times and “hang in there.”

I had many different jobs with the airline. I started in the kitchen, went to the commissary department (loading food and supplies on the planes), then the ramp (baggage handler) and then airport agent, working at the ticket counter and the boarding gates.  I was laid off during the Gulf War (Operation Desert Storm) but took a new job in the city ticket offices.  Those were the days before etickets and people had to buy paper tickets to travel.

I enjoyed the new job in the city ticket offices.  My supervisor gave me the position of working “vacation relief” which meant I would go and fill in in offices where someone was on vacation.  Often it was out of state and it was a one-person office, meaning I worked all alone for a week or two.  I loved that.  When I was not filling in for a vacationing employee, my home office was the Beverly Hills ticker office at the Beverly Hilton Hotel, owned by Merv Griffin.  I got to talk to him a little bit when we were walking around on breaks.  Of course, in that ticket office we handled ticketing for many  celebrities.  It was normal to see movie stars, etc. almost every day.

When I was “on the road,” I got to be in places live Denver and Albuquerque and Phoenix. I loved that. Staying in hotels and seeing the area and getting to know new cities for a week or two at a time. Being my own boss with no one looking over my shoulder was wonderful. It was a great time.

I eventually stopped my piloting and sold my membership in my flying club and partial interest in our aircraft.  My flight instructing at Santa Monica Airport was very short-term, but my love of aviation and piloting never wavered. During that time I lived on the beach at Santa Monica (eleven years). That beach apartment was in a dream I had many years before I lived there.  I had a very strong and vivid dream of me living right on the beach in Santa Monica. I learned that we can create our own dream conditions in life.

Half way through my airline career my life made a big turn. I had lived with a friend for many years but it was not a good relationship and I eventually lived alone. My social life was getting pretty stagnant so I made a very bold move and decided to take up country western dancing.  Someone years earlier had told me I should look into country western dancing as a fun activity. 

I did some research and found where there were dance lessons being given in the area.  I just jumped right in and very quickly met someone who just “clicked” with me (and vice versa).  The chemistry was immediate and intense and finally, in 1990, I left my dream location at the beach and moved inland to the Hollywood area. Believe me, I did not see this change coming at all.

It was nice having an improved living arrangement and not living with someone who was not a good match for me.  Twenty-five years later we would get married, another thing I never imagined or saw coming in the early stages of the relationship.  Of course, we needed same-sex marriage to become legal, and it finally did.

When the terrorist attacks of  9/11 occurred, big changes came to the airline industry. American Airlines bought out TWA after our third bankruptcy and took on the TWA employees.  So many other airlines went out of business in those days and the employees lost everything.  Fortunately we kept our jobs but for TWA employees to keep their full-time status and their seniority (seniority is everything in the airline business), they had to go work at the St. Louis airport.

For me that was a “no-brainer” and I decided to move to St. Louis and work there.  Fortunately, Terry was my registered “domestic partner” then so he got free airline travel.  He came to stay with me in St. Louis every other week and every other weekend I would spend my days off at our L.A. home in Hollywood. Another time in my life when it all worked out just great.  That was a good time living in both places and being together a lot of the time. Terry loved the traveling to be with me in St. Louis.

Well, it was good times followed by bad times, in a sense.  In 2004 American Airlines “downsized” the airport hub in St. Louis and I took a position back in Los Angeles at the airport.  I lost all my seniority since I left St. Louis, and it was as if I was a new hire, I had no say in anything with no seniority.  No choice of shifts, no choice of days off, no choice of vacation weeks, etc.

I lasted for two years at LAX and then decided I could take no more.  My dream airline job had changed too drastically for me to keep doing it. I took my retirement at age 58.

My story improved very quickly when I retired.  Now, I am one of those who loves retirement.  I truly believe I was made for retirement. No more having to spend all my time and energy working for some company, and for some boss that often times is a real jerk ( I did have a few bosses that were good or okay, to be fair) Now my life and my time were mine!

So there you have a quick romp through the basics of my life. Yes, it was very basic and perhaps shallow autobiography, but more may be revealed in future blog postings.  At least now you have the outline of my life.  My whole life is perfect looking at it from my current perspective.  I see how things happened and why certain thing happened, even if they did not look like very good experiences at the time.  The bad times, the dark times, yes they exist, but they are just parts of the puzzle, the big picture!

So now you know the basic outline of my life and we can turn to other topics in my blog.  I hope you will stay tuned and see where we go.

Wally