Category: Life Stories

They say public speaking is the biggest fear that most people have, worse than the fear of death. I never really understood that, but, okay, maybe it is. I’ve never been terrified of it, but after my first experiences with it, maybe I should have been. In college I took a speech class, just for fun. Didn’t really think much about it, just jumped right in to see what it would be like. All went well until our first real challenge, impromptu speaking. We had to give a three-to-five minute talk about whatever the professor picked as our individual topic after we were standing in front of the class. So, there I am standing in front of the class as professor Hanson says, “talk about a comb.” Um, really, okay, um…. I have no memory of how I handled that one. I must have said something for the allotted time. A comb Really I remember standing there and I must have survived somehow.

The next time I got into a similar situation was when somehow I got persuaded to go to a Toastmasters meeting where people practice public speaking. Once again, I just jumped in and said to myself, “why not, maybe I’ll learn something.” Similar experience. For the newcomers, they had us stand up and talk about whatever topic the speaker gave us. The leader said, talk about jodhpurs.” Huh, I thought. What the hell. “You know, the English horse riding attire, she said. Huh, I thought. Once again I cannot recall how I stood there and talked about something I knew nothing about, but once again I survived.

So, I end up in seminary after college preparing for a possible ministry career. At least now I can choose the subjects of my talks and prepare them in advance. My first preaching experience was at a hospital chapel. At least I had a grasp of my subject but it was not encouraging that most of the audience had been wheeled into the chapel in their wheelchairs and slept through my sermon. That should have been the end of this public speaking project now that I look back at all of this, but I kept going.

Well, I did not complete my seminary education and get my Masters of Divinity degree or get ordained in the denomination I was studying in. I did do some public speaking and preaching engagements over the years since, though. As a guest speaker I did okay and got some good reviews. If I had pursued that line of work I’m sure I would have done well with more experience (“practice makes perfect”, they say).

But as fun as being a guest speaker was for me, it was a bit unsatisfying for me because it took so much work, the task lasted for maybe fifteen minutes or so and a few days later, nobody really remembers what I said. I found that rather limiting as far as any real impact in the whole scheme of things for me. I realized that the written word has a little more impact and permanence and I started thinking about writing. People had told me they were impressed with my writing when I wrote essays, etc. My college roommate was very impressed when I had to write my draft board to beg them to renew my draft exempt status because I lost it during my college education.

I had always enjoyed writing. In an earlier blog I wrote about how my father was a writer and I must have picked up that interest from him. As a kid I published a neighborhood newspaper and really enjoyed that experience. I tried writing short stories and fiction in school but didn’t do well with that. I was better at nonfiction .

So, fast forward to today. I had always thought of writing my memoirs, just as my dad had done a long time ago. I found that project too much for me and realized I’d never sit down and write a whole book, an autobiography. I made attempts, but found it all a bit overwhelming. Then I began to consider writing short essays or what was becoming popular in our technical/computer age as “blogging.” That made more sense to me, I could handle that. I can write short pieces regarding my life and thoughts, etc., whereas I’d probably never put my life into a book.

So, about a year and a half ago I explored what would be involved in writing a blog. The more I studied blogging the more interested and excited I got with the idea. I talked the idea over with my spiritual consultant that I see periodically and decided I was going to give it a go.

Exploring the internet, I discovered a site that laid out how to get a blogging website up and running and I went for it ( after the usual procrastination involved in trying something new like this and pushing myself out of my “comfort zone”). Hey, just like starting out in public speaking. Just decide to go for it!

When I sat down to set up my website it asked for a title I wanted for my blog. The strangest thing was that I didn’t have to even think about that one, a title just came to me automatically, instantaneously, “On the Path.” It just popped into my head. That’s what life is, I was thinking, we are all on the path of our lives, whatever that may be for us. Then it asked for a subtitle, or whatever term they used. Again, no hesitation, no real thought involved, a phrase just popped into my head, again, “It’s a Wonderful Life.” That’s my feeling at this stage of my life, it is a wonderful life! It’s a wonderful life being on my path.

So, it’s a year and a half after this “experiment” began and I’m quite satisfied. I’ve gotten good responses and reviews. People I’ve known since my very early years have said things like, “I’ve known you through all these years and experiences and seen you go through all these things, but it’s interesting to see how you viewed the events and situations and how you see them now.” And those more recent friends who don’t know much about me have the opportunity to read my posts and get caught -up-to-speed.

It’s an interesting process to get my thoughts together and organized and out of my head and into the written word. It’s also a bit of therapy for me to see these things now and how I express them. Before getting them down into the written word, sometimes these thoughts and memories are just a jumbled mess in my mind. It is like doing therapy on myself.

So, I tried public speaking. I tried preaching. I tried writing. All good experiences. Writing seems to be my preferred means of expression at this point on my path. We never know that the future will bring, maybe something new and different, but this is where I am today, writing my life and thoughts in blog posts, in a public forum. It truly is a wonderful life. Thanks for joining me on this journey.

Wally

One thing that fascinates me is discovering what odd jobs or even temporary careers celebrities have had in their lives before they got their “big break” and became “somebody,” became famous. It’s really interesting trying to picture them doing whatever it is they did as they were struggling and trying to find their place in life.

That line of thought got me thinking about my own life and all the strange “odd jobs” I’ve had in my early life. At first I thought, “you know, I’ve only really had one job my whole life, my airline career,” then, upon deeper reflection, a lot of memories came back to me. I realized that I did, in fact, have a lot of odd jobs earlier in my life before I “found myself” and my life purpose (well, my working life purpose anyway). Yeah, I did do a lot of odd things early in life, and gee, I wonder if there were lessons to be learned in all those jobs I had. I spent a lot of time trying to figure life out and what I was going to do.

My first working experience was as a little kid being a model, which I covered in a previous blog. My parents got me into that work as my family was doing that kind of work and working in the movie industry back then. For some reason I really didn’t take to that work much, it was okay, I guess, and I am amazed looking at the photos from that period. I was cute and it was sort of fun. I think my lesson was, yes there is this world of modeling and acting if that’s what I want to do. It’s a busy and fascinating industry.

In my youth a neighborhood friend and I developed a lawn-mowing business. I also got a job delivering newspapers early in the morning twice a week the Eagle Rock Sentinel). Then during a couple of summers I worked on my sister’s and brother-in-law’s thoroughbred horse ranch. My overall impression was that work can be hard and not that much fun and somehow there’s got to be a better way to live and work.

Upon high school graduation my father got me a job immediately. I guess he feared I’d dilly-dally if I didn’t immediately get a job. Our neighbor across the street was a maintenance man for Van de Kamp’s bakery and restaurant in Glassel Park and knew of an opening in their drive-in restaurant, so I went and got my first job after graduation as a fry cook. I actually did okay and liked the work and had fun working with the people there. Never thought I’d be a cook before that, but it was fun.

When the drive-in closed I tried a couple of other restaurants but it was not the same. At Tiny Naylor’s restaurant ( through a connection my sister had with the owner) I lasted one day (I didn’t care for the job), then at McDonald’s in Glendale I lasted a week or so before quitting. Not fun at all. By now I’m thinking that I’d better find something interesting to do with my life or this type of misery will be my lot in life. I’m thinking, wow, a lot of people just put up with this to survive. Is this life? I’d better do some serious thinking about what I’m going to do with the rest of my life .

My list of odd jobs continued. I worked in a packing plant owned by a man in my church. Also at a mailing service run by church friends. In college I was a cashier and food checker in a nice restaurant on Lake Union in Seattle. One summer I was a door-to-door salesman selling vacuum cleaners (rather expensive Electrolux brand) and I actually sold a few! Even had a Mrs. Robinson like experience ( the movie “The Graduate”), but escaped just in time.

One of my favorite jobs was as a busboy at the Yosemite Lodge Cafeteria at Yosemite National Park in 1972. I also worked as a chaplain there in a ministry job that I signed up for while in seminary that year. It was a beautiful place to work for the summer.

In college I worked as a caretaker/night watchman at a mortuary and actually had an apartment in the mortuary. I assisted the undertakers when needed. And, yes, it was an eerie place to live. In seminary I worked at a cleaning service cleaning dental offices, cleaning floors, etc. I did not like that job at all.

So, all of these memories came back to me and it made me think about what were the lessons I learned from all these jobs I tried out in my youth. Some jobs were actually sort of fun, some not fun at all. I learned that I wanted to do something interesting with my life. These jobs gave me compassion for people who feel stuck in some of these jobs. Compassion for those who are living at poverty level and develop negative attitudes about life and work because of the unpleasant jobs they feel stuck in.

The main lesson I learned was go find an interesting line of work. Go for it. Do what you want to do. Make your life fun and interesting. Don’t be influenced by anybody who has negative vibes or advice. Never. Do your thing. If you are a spiritually inclined person you could say or realize that something bigger than you is directing your path daily and it will all work out. That’s the conclusion I eventually came to. It took a long time and a lot of experience, but life did work out spectacularly.

Wally

Okay, like many, well, at least some people, I’m weird in some ways, I admit that. I will share one weirdness I have that many who know me probably are not aware of. In previous blog posts I mentioned how I became enamored of aviation. and the desire to be a pilot. That occurred in my childhood when I took my first ride in an aircraft ( a Delta Airlines DC3 in the 1950’s) At that point in my life I fell in love with aviation and flight. I now realize that interest/love/obsession (?) is in my blood. It truly is in my blood. I don’t know how that happens. I’m just reporting a weirdness acquired at an early age.

If you’ve read earlier blogs, you know I followed through with my interest in aviation, becoming a commercial pilot, a flight instructor, ground instructor and working for an airline for thirty-three years. Those may be the facts of my working and personal life, but I want to talk about the internal life of being a pilot in my mind all the time. It does make me different from most people in so many ways. I feel a bit weird about all this.

My current circle of friends are not pilots. They may know my past and several have flown with me as I flew them around in my airplane when I had a part-ownership in a fling club with several airplanes. We shared many fun adventures in the sky a long time ago.

But even though I am not currently piloting now in my life, my mind is always in the heavens, up there in the deep blue sky. I am always aware when a plane or helicopter flies overhead. I always investigate what type of plane it is. I can often tell what airline it is if it’s low enough), and if it’s a helicopter, I know if it’s a police helicopter or a fire department or coast guard chopper. Also, I’m very familiar with the Children’s Hospital helicopter and several others. It’s just what I do. I cannot ignore any aircraft in my environment . Do friends I’m with turn their attention to what’s flying overhead? No, it’s usually just an annoying noise to them.

Wherever I am, I am always watching the sky and all cloud formations. You see, a large part of pilot training is the study of meteorology, weather. I am amazed at some of the cloud types and formations I spot and see what is happening in the atmosphere. It’s fascinating to me but of no interest or even boring to most other people.

Which brings me to another point in discussing my “weirdness.” When I fly on airlines, I’m the one person in ten million, I think, who wants to see outside the airplane. I study the clouds, I study the geography, I study the sea and the waves, I’m investigating everything, even the aircraft parts and what’s happening ( power changes, slight course corrections, etc.) I have had three situations where an engine blew and emergency procedures were activated. Okay, those situations did get a few other passengers interested in things! But it drives me crazy that almost everyone wants the window shades down as they have no interest in what’s outside. I’m just the opposite (i.e. “weird!”)

When there is an air disaster, it gets my attention as a pilot. Given some facts, I can usually make a good guess at what happened. I know a full investigation is necessary before any real conclusions can be made, but I can usually make a good guess early on. I did say usually, but sometimes big surprises await the outcome of the investigation.

I know the significance some airplane crashes have had on aviation and upgrading safety procedures so we have a safer aviation environment today than we had years ago. I was only eight years old at the time of the midair collision over the Grand Canyon of the United Airlines and TWA planes, but I remember like it was yesterday. That crash in 1956 brought about big changes in aviation and air traffic control. The 1942 crash of TWA flight 3 into Potosi Mountain just west of Las Vegas killing Hollywood star Carole Lombard fascinates me and I’ve done a lot of research on it. I could go on and on, but you get the idea, I’m an aviation “nut.” Some people are movie fanatics, some music nuts, some are sports-crazed. We all have our strong, perhaps obsessive interests.

So, that briefly explains this one particular weirdness of mine. Oh, yes, I probably have others. Maybe I’ll cover other oddities of my life at another time.

Wally

A theme that has played a part in and been a motivator in my life, in fact it has been my salvation, is the thought, the belief, the certainty that there is something better than what I am seeing before me, my present experience. I grew up being very depressed as a child and in my youth. Friends may find it hard to believe now that I have grown out of that darkness in my early life, but it is true. The internal thought that was in the back of my mind that “there has to be something better than this experience and feeling” truly was my salvation. It literally saved my life.

Somehow I survived my dark early years. I guess I always had hope of something better. I don’t know how I had that knowledge but I did. I knew in my bones, in my soul that there was a better experience awaiting me if I could just make it through the rough times. Looking back, I see now that I developed some strategies and techniques that aided my survival.

My process for breaking free from my shadow of depression and despair was leaving unpleasant situations and moving on. Now, I know a lot of people make a whole lifestyle of leaving situations and people and moving and running away, but they usually just take themselves and their internal emotional and psychological problems with them, never experiencing any real, permanent healing of their wounds or demons. Somehow, in my life, I really made forward movement and experienced true healing of my shadow side.

I experienced my early family life as very toxic and I left home as soon as I graduated from high school. I eventually put myself in a new setting, a new life, by going to college. It was not that I felt that I needed college, but I needed a new life and that seemed to be one way to find it. I healed many of my wounds by doing that. After college and a year of seminary, I left the academic world, realizing that I needed a break. I seemed to know, once again, that there was something better awaiting me if I just followed my intuition. Not long after leaving seminary I landed my job in the airline industry and began pursuing my dreams of traveling and piloting airplanes.

When my first significant relationship turned out to be a disaster I left it and moved on. I did not let it destroy me, and once again I figured that there must be something better. I did not habitually keep making bad decisions and choices and losing behaviors in my life. I made changes and moved on. If I discovered I was surrounded by toxic acquaintances and friends, I dropped them and found better relationships, just as when I left my family when I became aware they were a bad influence on me in many ways.

So, I say all this to show how, in my life, I’ve been driven by the knowledge deep inside of me that no matter how bad things may seem, there is always something better. We can always choose new thoughts, new ways of being, of behaving and relating to the world, life and people, including ourselves. We do not have to be stuck with what we think is a permanent circumstance or situation.

But it’s more than just changing the externals in our lives, running away, hoping something comes along to “save” us. We have to do a lot of internal, psychological work in the process of healing ourselves. We need to be open to forces greater than our limited, conditioned selves. Something better is always available if we open ourselves to that possibility and do the work we need to do. We have to be open, proactive, willing, courageous and sure of the fact that “something better” is awaiting our discovery.

I call that belief, that certainty, “faith.” I have used those tools to beat depression and negativity. Everyone is different and I really feel for those who cannot seem to beat their demons, to drive them out of their lives, those that always seem to live under that shadow of darkness. I am thankful that I have found tools and techniques and spiritual truths that have worked for me and lifted me to new levels of living and new life!

Wally

A friend recently asked me about my thoughts on good and bad relationships. Hmmm, I thought… me? You’re asking me? Well, since I’m going to have to think this one over in my mind, maybe I’ll just write out my thoughts and see if it’s appropriate material for my blog. Me, giving my opinion and advice on relationships, wow, as if there isn’t already a plethora of relationship “experts” in this world. Well, that’s the fun thing about blog writing, no academic degrees required to just blabber on about something.

Something that just popped into my thoughts as I considered this topic was the fact that in college I took a “Marriage and Family” psychology class and got one of my few “A’s” in college. (Overall I was probably a B and C student.) I guess I had a real interest in the subject in order to work that hard to get the top grade.

So, my thoughts on this matter of relationships. Well, from my earlier blog posts, you can see that my family life in my early years was a mix of good and bad experiences and feelings, probably like most of us. I had friendships through the years but no real, close friendship or partnership until my late twenties. I had always figured that after college and graduate school I’d get married, have a family, and be like everybody else in the world (at least in the world I saw). Boy, was I out of touch with reality!

One day during my year in seminary, I was crossing the street from my apartment to the campus and a fellow seminarian stopped to talk with me. He mentioned that he suspected that I was a latent homosexual. I was stunned, speechless. What? What’s this about? Where’s this coming from? I guess he drew that conclusion because I was not dating and showed no interest in dating. I was not like everyone else. I was not talking about things others were talking about, like one seminarian friend who was telling us about how he seduced a nun, etc. You know the kind of talk, the talk of the good ole boys. Anyway, after that brief encounter on the street and being accused of being a latent homosexual, I started thinking about it all. Maybe I was not heading towards a conventional, traditional marriage and family after all.

After seminary and starting my airline career, I did find a partner, a companion, and we lived together for nine years (late 1970’s to late 1980’s). So, through that experience, I came to learn all about bad relationships. It was bad, really bad ( from my perspective, emotionally, but, yes it could have been much worse if it was physical abuse, etc.). A total narcissist, pot-smoking, manipulating and controlling phony. And I spent nine years in that horrible relationship. I learned a lot of lessons.

What did I learn? I learned to be aware, to be very attentive to the “vibes,” the “energy” that people have and project. I learned to be aware of harsh emotional treatment and put-downs, no matter if even very subtle and often brushed off as “oh well, no big deal.” I learned if a person is not kind and loving in a real way almost all the time and understanding and compassionate, watch out. If after lashing out they are always begging for forgiveness and then repeat the same behavior ( again and again), that’s a warning sign things are not right with this person. I learned what pathological liars are. Wow, what an eye opener.

By the time I was halfway through my airline career, we had broken up and I met my second partner. By this time I had wised up a lot and had decided to make a good relationship a reality in my life if at all possible. I guess I really did believe change was possible, that we don’t always keep choosing the same people over and over again. It took a lot of work and a lot of time, but the result was a stunning success and resulted in my eventual marriage . So, I did eventually get to experience marriage and a real, good intimate relationship, even though it was not the conventional type I had imagined in my earlier years. But you know what? Relationships are relationships, love is love, and living with someone is the same whether in a conventional, traditional manner or in an unconventional one, as our world sees it.

So, good versus bad relationships. I feel I could write a book about this topic but for this blog I’ll keep it brief. I already mentioned many of the clues and signs of a bad relationship. Bad relationships often involve two people just coming together without much thought about it all, without working on changing themselves into compatible, honest, loving people, as I see it. Left as they are, they are often selfish, self-centered, impulsive, compulsive, egotistical, reactive, whiny, victim acting and possibly addictive. I know I was some of those things. I had to change if I was to have a real working relationship.

As I see it, to have a good working relationship with longevity, it takes a lot of work. It does not “just happen.” You do not just hook up. It takes an objective look at life and all our quirks and faults and negative traits and thought patterns. We have to work on ourselves. Sometimes some very deep work to extricate our demons, our dark side that is often well hidden. This can be done by ourselves, but sometimes it may require professional help, whether a therapist, counselor, spiritual worker, mentor, coach or whatever. Whatever works, I say, go for it. Do what needs to be done.

I see lots of people who have been together for many years in what they consider is a “good, loving” relationship. I look at them, think about it, and think to myself, no, I don’t quite see it that way. They often fight a lot, nag continuously ( usually not even aware they are always nagging ). They are hurtful and unkind as I observe them. I just don’t get it. A better life is available if you will just do the work required. A much better, a much more evolved relationship is possible. I know as I’ve been on both sides of the coin. I learned from the miserable times and I will never go back!

Wally

Sorry to disappoint you, but no, this is not going to be a sleazy tell-all of my intimate love life. We’ll let that come out when I get into politics. No, what I’m thinking about here is the real loves we all have which form our lives and give us purpose and meaning on our journey on this earth. We all have different lives and the loves we develop are what motivate us and give us enthusiasm and energy and fulfillment. I’m always interested is what drives people to be who they are.

Exploring my loves, one of the earliest loves I developed in life was my love of the mountains. My family had a cabin in the local mountains and we would often spend weekends there. We would just chill out and enjoy the mountain air and go swimming and boating and even fishing in a nearby lake. My parents were in a club at the lake that always had activities going on. It was a great time! I absolutely loved the time there. Being in a family I was not always happy with, it was a transformation for us. We all got along together and just had a blissful experience. That was a love in my formative years that has stayed with me to this day. I still get up to the mountains when I can and anyone who has gone with us or visited us there knows how Terry and I love the time up there.

In a previous blog post (#3), I wrote about how I spontaneously developed my love of aviation when I took my first airplane trip with my parents around age five or six. That wasn’t just an interest, it was an instant love. I may not have realized my first dream at the time of becoming an airline pilot, but I did become a flight instructor and a commercial pilot working at a local airport as a side job to my airline job. I did accomplish my dreams and am thrilled I did push myself to get my pilot licenses. Otherwise today I would have deep regret that I never did that. Mission accomplished!

Along with my love of aviation I also developed a love of travel (there is a relationship there, you see). As a kid I did a couple of trips with my parents and that inspired an interest is seeing the big, big world out there someday. So, of course, when I got hired on with an international airline, that dream and love germinated in a big way. I traveled the world, literally (my fist airline pass was a trip around the world, blog #6). I traveled all the time. Again, I’m so glad I did as I am not as enthused in traveling that much these days with crowded airplanes and all the rest that has changed over the years. So, my love of travel got satisfied to the hilt.

In my youth, another interest that became a love was photography. Somehow, I just loved taking good pictures and I was so into it that I turned my bedroom closet into a (very cramped) darkroom. Yes, those were the days before digital photography. The only way to take pictures was to use film. I loved the whole process of pictures taking and developing the film at home. In fact, in high school I took photography class and got accolades from my teacher, he loved my picture taking ability and talent. I felt very good about all of that. A love fulfilled once again.

Turning a little more intellectual, now, I must admit another love, that of reading and being curious of my great big mysterious world. As a kid I somehow joined a book club for kids with books titled, “All About….” All About Nature, All About Science, All About the Cosmos, All About Photography, Aviation, Etc. You get the idea. Those books arriving every month or two sparked my curiosity about everything and that curiosity and love of reading has stayed with me. Another true love in my life.

Related to this love of reading and curiosity was my life-long love of religion and spirituality (even during those few years of my atheism (blog#7). Ever since my “born again, come to Jesus” experience as a teenager I have loved studying the world beyond this world, the religious and spiritual world. And yes, I know all about the horrible part of that “religious” world. I majored in history in college, so I know what has been done in the name of God and religion. But we all have a connection to life and the eternal that fascinates me. A mystery we’ll never comprehend, I’m sure. After all, I did go to seminary and studied deeper religion and theology. Once again, I’m glad I did all of this and I have no regrets about following my love to see where it led.

The last love I want to look at in this blog is my love of good relationships. I truly love deep, sincere, real relationships. I have friendships that have lasted over fifty years. I treasure those true relationships. I have no time or energy or interest in flaky relationships. God knows I’ve had a few in my lifetime, what a waste (although lessons have always been learned in those relationships also; I always believe there are lessons to be learned in all that happens in our lives).

So, my love of good relationships has culminated in my marriage now with the love of my life. It took everything that happened to get me here to this place of true happiness and bliss. Whether others understand my marriage or not is not my concern or business. It is the best part of this long life and the trials and struggles encountered along the way. My belief has proven true for me, at least, that in the end, it all works out!

Wally