Category: Life Stories

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The Stuff; And the Swedish Art of Death Cleaning [ Post #69 ]

Have you ever seen the documentaries about “hoarders?” OMG, isn’t that amazing, what some people do, what they live with? And, yes, I have known and do know some hoarders. People that can’t easily move about their house or apartment and have paths they have to make to get to another room, often with stuff piled up to the ceiling. It is real. It is unbelievable, at least to me and non-hoarders. An illness? Well, yes!

So, in all honesty, I must admit, I am no “neat freak” either. Yes, I’m somewhere in between. ( Please don’t ask my husband, he’d place me more on the hoarder side of the spectrum, but I won’t get into that here). Speaking of “neat freaks,” I’ve seen documentaries on them also, and that can be a bit abnormal sometimes, when people are extreme in that practice.

So, a couple of years ago I read about this book on the practice of “Swedish death cleaning” and it got my interest and so I bought the book. It was very popular, and I was getting older and I realized I needed to simplify my life so when I go to my “reward” of the next existence (okay, death, to be crude), I would not leave my survivors with a horrible mess to go through and clean up. Not the stuff we like to think about, usually, but, well, it’s going to happen some day, like it or not. I’m not much for denial. Denial has not worked well in my life as a habit to promote and live by.

I know many of you have had your time of cleaning up the clutter and mess of dealing with the passing of parents and others. Not pleasant, is it? A whole lifetime of “stuff.” It has to be taken care of, let go of, released. So, I figured I had better at least start cleaning up my lifetime accumulation of crap, so maybe this book would get me started in that direction.

For a normal person, it does feel great to clean things up and live a more simple, purposeful life. I admire people I know who live like that. I hope to get there some day, but I see a lot of work ahead of me. As the book says, it is a slow process with many pitfalls ahead once one gets started in seriously doing “death cleaning.” Oh, just that term bothers me, but being the stoic I am I realize it is the truth. We’ve taken a lifetime making our mess and if we have any integrity and honesty and compassion for those who are going to be left with our “clean up” project one day, we’d better get started and just “dig in.”

The ideal clean up and organization will probably never be achieved but it needs to be initiated. Procrastination just makes it worse. The morbid aspect of it all just makes procrastination the easier path to take. Well, at least last wills and testaments and a trust have been achieved, so now it’s time to handle the messy part. Like I say, I admire those of you who have cleaned up your lives and are keeping it simple. I hope I’m heading in that direction. Well, I am… I just hope I can keep up the momentum. Got to keep a positive attitude, I guess, just like with everything else in life. It can’t get me down, that would be a disaster. “One step at a time….”

Wally

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I’m Not Normal, and That’s Okay [ Post #67 ]

(There has been a gap between my last blog and this one due to my brother’s passing. Losing someone close in the family disrupts life, so I have put aside completing this blog for a bit but now have resumed writing. Perhaps in a future blog I will reflect on my sibling and all that is involved in sibling relationships. We’ll see.)

Are you normal? I’m sure a lot of people think they are. And that’s good. But I know some people that don’t think they are “normal” and I would include myself in that group of people. I’ve always felt like an “outsider,” I guess. In earlier blogs I described what my childhood and growing up was like. Some struggles and rough and dark times. That’s probably very normal in the whole scheme of things. I have had some “dark times” beyond the usual childhood experiences, times I will not discuss at this time. But beyond all of that, I’ve never felt that I “fit in.”

I was advised there are certain ways to live and certain things to do to be a normal, all-American young man. Of course I tried to adhere to the advice given. I accepted what my elders told me at that young age. Some things worked out, some did not. Some made sense, of course, and some did not, in my mind. I feel that my father had great dreams of me being a great athlete. I did get the message and I really did try to fulfill his wishes. I played Little League baseball for a short while but I was not that great. I was never that good at other sports, either. But I tried. I did like activities like archery and I really got into golf in my youth. My parents belonged to a local country club and I did a lot of golfing for a while. I enjoyed it. But then, one day a relative told me that it was very important to be a good golfer in life, especially in the life of a young man, That was imperative if one was going to be a successful person in life. At that point, I began to lose my interest in golf as it was explained to me that it was a status thing, something any business person must do and be skillful at. I guess, for me, that was a turnoff. Killed my interest.

In a lot of other things, I never really “fit in.” I see myself now as being a “sampler” of life. I “sampled” this and that. I dabbled in this and that. I, of course, had the All-American dream of being a family man with a perfect family , with all the trappings. In my twenties I realized that was not to be, that was not me. Great for others, but not my “thing.” So, then I had to decide what was I going to be? After much thinking and confusion and tasting of this and that in life, I realized I could still have an amazing life, a fulfilling life, a life of relationships and love and complete happiness. There was nothing, really, to prevent that from being my life experience. So, onward I went and did find a good life. Sure, I may have never “fit in” to the program that was laid out for me, but I survived and actually thrived.

I was a pilot and none of my friends were pilots or had the deep interest in aviation that I had. But that did not stop me from pursuing my dreams in that field. Even when I was very active in that field, I never felt very close to those pilots I did become friends with. I did not share the whole “macho” culture they all seemed to relish.

I was involved in the church a lot, but, also there I also feel I did not really “fit in.” I went to seminary, I studied a lot of church history and theology but could not really feel a part of the whole church culture. I feel that I was probably too much of an independent thinker to just go along with the crowd in religious thinking. I found a lot of messy church situations to be the norm rather than the exception. So, even though I became an occasional preacher of sorts, again, I never felt that I really fit in.

So, now I’m retired, in that later stage of life where some of us do a lot of “life review” contemplation. I see that perhaps I was not “normal.” I did not do the things my society and culture “programmed” me for. I did not fit the dreams my parents may have had for me, well, especially my father. Too bad. I lived my life as it unfolded and I feel I did a good job of living the life that I wanted. The life that I feel was laid out as mine to live.

Some of us do great things in life. Some of us become very successful and famous. Others live a more quiet life, unknown to the rest of the world. What really matters? How do we feel when we come to that last breath that we take on this earthly plane? I think the best way to conclude life is to be happy. Feel satisfied. Feel fulfilled. Having loved totally. To be one with all of life, and if you have any faith, belief, spiritual perception, to be totally with God.

Wally

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Tough Decisions We Sometimes Must Make [ Post # 66 ]

Thinking about my life, I’ve come to look at three sort-of major decisions I was forced to make in order for my life to have some integrity and meaning and direction so I could go on and live the “good life,” as I see it. I will take three major decisions I had to face in chronological order. I have touched briefly on these three decisions in previous blogs but will expand my thoughts on them here, get them out of my mind and down on paper, as it were.

I’ve written about my decision to leave my home environment at an early age (high school graduation). I had experienced an unpleasant home environment for some time and realized it was just too toxic to hang around any longer. For my survival I needed to leave and get out on my own, not knowing for sure what that meant, really. I only knew I was not going to go down the path that was laid out for me by my father, especially. His dream for me was, just get a boring job, work all your life, then die. Really inspiring! Not for me.

I left home, lived a couple of other places and then decided to go to college, against my father’s wishes (“a waste of time and money”). Opened a whole new life for me. I was free to determine my own life. I eventually started my career in the airline industry and enjoyed my love of aviation. I became a commercial pilot and flight instructor besides having my ground job.

There have always been antiwar movements. Very controversial.

While in college, another major decision had to be made. I had been enjoying college life when my draft board contacted me to tell me that they saw that I had lost some college credits when I transferred from a junior college to my four-year college (Yes, in the days of the military draft and the Vietnam War). I was going to lose my college deferment and be drafted. I wrote my draft board explaining my situation, but they didn’t care. (By the way, my college roommate saw my letter and was very impressed with my writing. I think that was the first time anyone complimented my writing abilities. He was sure that letter would get my deferment back, but it didn’t.)

One person’s opinion, shared by many.

So, it looked like I was about to be drafted and most likely be sent to Vietnam. A situation I never considered facing before. The government was going to take me out of college, train me to kill people ( people that the government decided I should kill). Wait a minute, I am going to be a trained killer? Wait a minute. No, no, no. (And people are upset/crazy today that government says wear a mask, hmmm.) It was time for me to decide what I thought about of this “war stuff.” No way was I in favor of the war. But what was I to do? What choices did I have? Declare myself as a “conscientious objector?” Flee to Canada (be a “draft dodger?”) Go to jail? Decide I was a pacifist? Something had to be decided. The next step came, having to take the draft physical. So the day came. I did not have bone spurs, but I did have knowledge of how to get my heart racing to dangerous levels which might help me fail my physical. Also, on the paperwork for the physical there was a question asking if I was a homosexual. Hmmm, I guess that would work, except at that time in my life I did not consider myself in that category at all. So, I did the physical and I did flunk it because my heartbeat was too fast for their standards. Problem averted. Draft deferment achieved.

But, I had to confront what my feelings were about the government, the military, war, killing, and following orders going against everything I believed, because the government said so. I must admit, I still struggle with this whole philosophical matter of war, killing, the military, etc. The whole concept of a “just war.” Not an easy subject in this world which has always been a warring world full of evil people. Having been a history major in college, I know how this world is and always has been. Not a pretty picture in many ways.

I wish I could talk with those who have had to handle these questions, but they won’t talk, I have discovered. War veterans come home and are silent on these things. Many have been severely damaged in one way or another. I had a friend who was a bombardier in WWII, a Christian missionary. How did he feel dropping bombs and killing lots of people? And then being on the mission field bringing salvation to people?

This is a very complex subject and I have no answers. I have lots of questions. It’s a dangerous subject to approach, usually because people’s feeling are so strong. I remember a supervisor at work once told me when we approached the subject of Vietnam that if he ever discovered I was against the war, my job would be hell, he’d see to that (he was an ex-Marine who served in the war.

I remember a conversation I had with my brother-in-law when I was nine. He ended up being a very conservative, right-wing person politically, But he was under the threat of being drafted and was absolutely opposed to being in the military. He had just had one kid and was hoping to get my sister pregnant with a second child because that would give him a deferment from the draft. He was a bit panicked as he hated the thought of being in the military. He had done ROTC training in college and hated the military regimen. Would love to have conversations about all of this, and his strong political and patriotic views.

I have had friends and family that have served in wars. I get it. They did what they believed they had to do. I really do get that. I’m just saying, when I had to face what I had to face, I would not kill on command just because the government says I have to. Today, people are going crazy about being told to wear masks. I had to face being trained and commanded to kill. I think there is a bit difference in these dilemmas

There are different types of relationships in this world.

So, the third big decision I had to make in my life, besides leaving my family to go off on my own and allowing myself to be drafted to fight in a war was how was I to live out my life? The track to follow was to be a good, normal family man. Marry, have a good family and live the typical family life of the American dream. At some point, after graduate school and beginning my airline career, I realized I was not going to live out that dream. I only knew it was not for me. Not knowing how I was going to live out my life, I knew it was not as a typical family man. I just had to “go with life” and see how it would turn out. It was a long road to find out who I was and how I was to live, but it did all work out. To quote my simple personal religion one more time, “Love; and trust God.”

Wally

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Surrender [ Post # 65 ]

Ahh, yes, another of those words that we often take as a bad, negative word in this world. To surrender is to be a loser, to give up, to admit defeat. Whether in a war, in a relationship or whatever, we usually mean something bad, losing, giving up as there’s no other choice, etc. But, in my later years I’m looking at that term in a different light. After living a long time, going through a lot of turmoil, chaos, confusion, uncertainty, etc., I have a revised view of what surrender can mean. I mean, after all, we are all going to have to eventually surrender our lives to the “whatever” that awaits us at the end of life. Well, perhaps some of us surrender at that point but others fight, often put up a valiant fight to the very end. Guess that’s our choice to make at that juncture.

So, surrender… looking back on my life, I wish I had had a better understanding of that word. In my early life I was a fighter. I rejected any thought of “surrendering.” I fought, even if the fighting was an internal struggle and conflict. I fought people trying to put me down, suppress me, control me, direct my life how they thought it should go (family and parents mostly and some teachers). And that was good, of course, as I went on to be myself as best I could under the circumstances at the time. I did not crumble, give in to the negative forces active in my early years. I fought for what I believed in, what I wanted to do and the direction I wanted to take in my life. A lot of fighting. Fortunately I was young and energetic. I succeeded in creating the life I wanted.

Probably my mantra in my early life even if I did not articulate it this way. Thinking this way probably saved me during that rough time in my life.

Looking back at that time now, I just wish I had had some sense of the good aspects of surrendering. By that I mean, yes, it was good that I fought for my best interests, but I could have felt so much better if I had surrendered to the fact that life was going to work out if I just trusted in life, that there is good in life and that good is mine to claim and live. I guess you could say a trust in God (or whatever good force there is in life). A “knowing” that all was going to be well, even while putting up the “good fight” against the negative forces.

Now in my later years I don’t have the energy and interest or time to waste in fighting everything in life. Fortunately my early years of fighting so many things and influences did pay off and I created the good life that was meant for me. I am grateful for that now. I ” fought the good fight,” to use a biblical quote. I now have a much greater appreciation for the concept of “surrendering.” I am living now a more surrendered life. Having engaged in a deep study of religion and philosophy recently, I realize that the philosophy that best fits who I am seems to be stoicism. Yes, that seems to fit best. I see that life must be faced, as it really is. Life is as it is. We may not always like that, but so it is. And the best, highest life is the ethical life. Doing right, living right. Making the best life with what we have. Living opposite to these ways, as I see it, creates a miserable life. A lot of people do live the miserable life, but it’s not for me. I’ve been there during brief times in my growing up and it was not good.

So, I am not advocating fatalism, a giving in to fate or destiny and resignation to what looks to be inevitable. Being powerless, believing defeatism, no, not at all. So let me say what I mean by having a healthy sense of surrender in life as I see it.

We can make good use of the practice of surrender in life. I’m doing a lot more of it than I ever did before now. Let me list some of the ways I see surrender now and have experienced surrender at this point in life.

My mantra now. My life today. The only way for me to live now at this stage in my life.

For me personally, I have had to surrender to the fact that some people may not, do not like me. I may not understand why, but that doesn’t really matter. And, I may have medical situations I wish I did not have, but I have them currently. I, at times, must suffer loss. Friends and family die. People leave my life, sometimes I understand, sometimes I don’t. Politics today is a “hot-button” issue. I’m very upset by what I see, how people I know are acting and believing. I can’t do much about that, they are the way they are. In my marriage, I don’t have the energy to fight. I surrender to the relationship, which, fortunately is a very good one (perfect in my humble opinion). So, let me give my thoughts on surrendering as I’ve come to understand the term and concept.

Fighting everything in life is draining and unpleasant and is a miserable way to live. You can’t control everything. For control freaks, that’s not good news. It works better to pause, step back, take your hands off the wheel at times to renew yourself. Recognize that obstacles can be detours leading you in a new, better direction. Surrender to that when that happens. If you are a spiritual person, pray and meditate and spend time in the silence with your higher self. Trust that things will work out, surrender to that truth. All will work out; trust it will all be okay. In other words, have faith.

Yes, surrender… a new way of living. Doesn’t mean accepting evil in any way, but surrendering to a “higher power.” God or Spirit is that higher power for many.

So, yes, my life has improved since I’ve surrendered to the idea of surrendering. Maybe it wasn’t so necessary in my earlier life, but it sure is now. Perhaps this is the great lesson for this period of life. Like I said, there is a big experience of the final surrendering coming up, like it or not.

So, I believe surrender can help us open up more to life, to embrace life fully, to be with the Divine Goodness (God) if one believes in that.

Wally

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A Christian? Hmmm…. [ Post # 64 ]

That’s one term that I’m not fond of. A term I say has been corrupted for a long, long time. Since the invention of the term, actually, around two thousand years ago. The term was coined to describe the followers of Jesus around the first century C.E. A new religion was being formed and the troubles began from the get-go. It was not a cohesive, unified religion. It was, to say the least, a bit fractured from the beginning. There were many factions, many struggles and fights over the beliefs these new “Christians” were developing and inventing in those first decades and centuries. And you know what? Those wars and struggles never really stopped. It’s still going on today. There were fights and conferences centuries ago to develop the Christian religion and Christian canon, the eventual New Testament. Long story short, the history of this new religion, an offshoot from Judaism, has been a mess.

Early Christianity had many theological battles, many wars and killings. Now we have creeds, etc. but really, has it changed that much?

Just study the horrendous things that occurred through the centuries. Those great “Christians” that killed viciously the “heretics” and other dissenters from the “true” religion. Yes, even the Protestants did these evil deeds.

Fast forwarding to modern times, we can see that today the word Christian can be referring to some crazy groups and people. Not that there are not many good, sincere believers in the good aspects of the Christian religion, there certainly are. I have been involved in churches all of my life in one way or another. I even prepared for the Christian ministry earlier in my life. I’m just saying I don’t like using the term in identifying myself. As a theologian I know says, he describes his religion or beliefs as “culturally Christian, spiritually unlimited.” That’s as good way to put it. I’d agree with that. I would identify myself as a “disciple of Christ,” a “follower of Jesus.” That seems more accurate to me than the general term “Christian.” I don’t subscribe to creeds, the narrow beliefs, the established dogma, etc. the different churches often demand.

The position of many today. I get it! Ironically, I still “do church,” but I’m very careful and selective about what groups I associate with.

My “religion” is an open one. That’s it. I’ve been all over the spiritual/religious map at different phases in my life. When I was in seminary preparing for the ministry, I remember a professor telling the class, “don’t ever preach or teach your church people what you learn here in seminary (when you are a minister), you will destroy their faith!” Wow, that says it all.

So, there is a lot of darkness and unpleasant stuff in church history over the centuries. No question about that. But, here’s what I say to you, believe what you want. I’m not going to tell you what to believe, what church or religious group to attend or join. Or even whether or not to attend any church or religious organization. You figure that out for yourself. You figure out your belief system. Think for yourself. Don’t just follow some popular or charismatic preacher or guru. Study, think, reason. Be true to yourself. For me, the term Christian just has too many bad connotations. I can use the term to describe myself, but if I do I certainly mean certain things by that definition that many others do not understand in this world and society. There is more than one way to see the Christian religion or religion in general. I’ve given my definition of my religion in previous blogs. It’s basically, love, and trust God. Works for me. Keeps it simple. And, at the same time, I am deeply studying religion and theology and related subjects. Guess that’s the historian in me, I majored in history in college.

So, my parting words… think, reason, be open-minded. Chill…if you “connect” with the invisible, the “more,” the something, your higher self, Jesus, whatever you call it… enjoy the journey. It can be a good one if you do some work and love a lot.

This statement is no problem for me….

Wally

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Addictions [ Post #63 ]

One of the blessings I am very grateful for is the blessing of not being an addict. Well, not an addict in any bad sense of the word. By that I mean having any “bad,” or destructive addictions. I think you know what I mean. If you’ve lived for a while on this earth, you have seen and known people with terrible and damaging addictions. Perhaps you have some yourself or have had at some point in your life.

I will be honest and admit that there is an addictive gene in my own family. Several family members have had problems with addictions. It is very sad to witness and live through the addictive/destructive experiences they encounter continually in their lives. I experienced this in childhood and later with my first partner/relationship. And of course, several friends have had addiction problems, often never spoken of but there to be seen by all who have any awareness.

It is hard for a non-addict to comprehend, I think, what it is like to have this force, this destructive, negative energy driving one’s life to constant turmoil and problems. Sure, there are periods when things seem normal, but they are not, not for long, anyway.

Of course I’m no medical or psychological professional, so what I’m talking about is from a layman’s point of view. Just my observations and opinions, as in my other blogs on various subjects. I would never claim to be a professional in any field, except, perhaps, being an expert in my own life on this earth.

A book I read many years ago that gave me a different perspective on addictions in our lives.

So, we all know the negative power addictions have on people. But, wait. I’m talking about what we call “negative” addictions. When we talk about addiction, that’s what we are usually talking about, right? Many years ago I happened to pick up and read a book by William Glasser, M.D. called “Positive Addiction” which opened up my mind to a new way of viewing this subject. Yes, we are all familiar with the many negative addictions out there in the world, but do we ever consider that there may be positive addictions that and not destructive. They may even be helpful, healthy and inspiring. Hmmm, that got me thinking. Are there such things as “positive addictions?”

So, what is meant by positive addictions? Well, things like exercise, eating healthy, volunteering, being passionate about the work you do, being giving and helpful to others. Good, healthy relationships (not so much co-dependent relationships), etc. You can come up with many such positive addictions, I’m sure. The runner’s high, meditation, spiritual practices, creating art, music, acting, addiction to “excellence” (being careful of becoming addicted to “perfectionism.” Being passionate about your work can be good, being a workaholic can cross the line to a negative addiction. Being passionate and addicted to a spiritual life is expressed in several psalms in the Bible. And the Poet Rumi, “It is a burning of the heart I want; it is this burning I want more than anything….”

So I have come to the conclusion that there are both positive and negative addictions. I recently wrote a blog on my interest in, okay, my “addiction” to life-long learning, life-long education. I feel okay with that addiction. It pushes me forward towards continual growth, and that is good, in my book.

Just a little aside on this topic. A year and a half ago I decided to eliminate alcohol from my life. My body was not tolerating alcohol consumption very well. It did for many (pleasurable) years, but it reached a point that a drink would just put me to sleep or drain me for the rest of the day. I did a little research and discovered that, medically, there was a point in many peoples lives where alcohol did not work well with the body, exactly what I was experiencing. Well, the bottom line is one day I just quit. And that was that. Again, I say I am very grateful that I am not an addict (alcoholic) as it was no problem to stop. It just does not work for me anymore. It is like my father who gave up smoking one day after sixty some years of smoking daily. Just quit. No therapy, no hypnosis like some require to kick the habit.

So, the point of all of this is that I’m lucky to have missed the family gene that seems to have affected several others. Maybe I have an addiction to life-time learning, but that is okay. I prefer that one over the others I see in this world.

Wally

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Special Friendships [ Post # 62 ]

I recently lost a very special friend. A very unique friend. A very, very rare friend. Never connected before with someone in the way I connected with this friend. And, it was someone I did not frequently see or get together with. And, it was not a life-long friendship but rather a friendship of the last several years. And yet it was one of the closest friendships I have had. Deep and authentic and well, hard to express in words. That’s why the loss is deeply felt. She would be surprised to find herself the subject of one of my blogs. She was a strong supporter of my blogging from day one. She really loved my blogs and always let me know. The fact that she did not respond to my last blog concerned me, I knew something bad had happened, that’s how closely connected we were.

One of many birthday lunches

Every year since we met she would take me out for a birthday lunch. It was a given that we would always go out for my birthday and have a great time visiting since we often didn’t see each other that much. Of course, last year was the exception with the pandemic going on. Otherwise our meetings would be at church functions and church fund raisers at my home which she always attended. So, why was this friendship so different than all the other friendships I’ve had in my lifetime? I had to stop and think about that question. It’s hard to articulate, but I’ll try.

We always connected on a very deep, authentic level. This was a “no BS” type of friendship. No silly, time-wasting chit-chat or gossiping type of conversations. Always very open conversations about our lives, past and present. And very deep conversations about our personal lives and feelings. A couple of times I was surprised at the “wild times” that were confessed. It’s always refreshing to find out that the good people in our lives do have their indiscretions, hey, that’s life. But life is so much more than those times we were a bit wild in the distant past.

Another birthday gathering

So, really, I don’t know what else to say. I don’t experience relationships like this usually. And I have some very good friendships. This one just came along and I enjoyed it while it lasted. I may feel it passed too quickly, but I did thoroughly take advantage of the opportunity and enjoyed it. It affected my life. I am thankful I was there for this and did not just brush this off as a “friendship.”

We did meet at church. We were in a class when we met and agreed to become prayer partners for the class. So there was a spiritual element in our relationship. That probably helped start things off and it just took off from there.

At one of her church fundraisers

So, my point is, there are friendships and there are friendships. There are some “once-in-a-lifetime” friendships that are unique and can change us, for the better. I say, when they occur, go for it and enjoy the time, however long or brief.

At one of many church fundraisers

Wally

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Wow, Sixty Blog Posts… A Reflection [ Post #60 ]

So, nearly three years and sixty blog essays. An experiment of exploring my life, my thoughts, my feelings and judgements. At times a scary experience revealing life experiences and secrets and reliving memories of long ago. If anything, it has been a form of self-therapy. Just writing out my experiences and reflections and seeing how my life has evolved has been an enlightening time for me. It has actually solidified and clarified some practices I engage in.

Says it all for me… I can blame my father… learned to cuss from him, but I admit I took it to a new level… my bad!

For example, when I wrote about the Sabbath, my commitment to a disciplined Sabbath became became a deeper experience for me. I liked the concept of a day of rest and I practiced that concept in a haphazard way, but after writing my blog I decided it was time to get serious about the practice and really delay any normal work for the next day; to not do work on my day of rest (my “Christian Sabbath,” Sunday)

I have written about how I achieved dreams I had in childhood and how I never let people squash any aspirations I had (and they certainly tried to). I created my “perfect life,” I really did. It amazes me, now that I reminisce about all of this. I became a pilot. I traveled the world. I found love. I did work I enjoyed. I never really hated. If I did, it was a temporary experience. I do not have any real regrets. How many can say that? I’ve lived a good life. I got to live long enough to see all of this. I did not leave this life during one of my “dark” times, thank God.

I have enjoyed good reviews from friends. Not that that was what I was writing for, but it was nice that they could see my viewpoints and enjoyed my writing. I’ve never been much good at writing fiction ( I’ve tried ),but non-fiction has worked out for me.

So. this experiment of blogging has been satisfying for me and I guess I will keep at it. I see no shortage of material to draw from. My self-therapy has enhanced my life, so, what the hell. Let’s continue onward….

Wally

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Smooth Flying? Well, Mostly [ Post # 59 ]

I have been asked by friends a few times, “have you ever had scary or unusual experiences with all of the flying you have done?” Well, here’s the answer to that question. Yes, I have had a few frightening experiences. Considering the many many hours I have spent in the air, the few incidents were rare, but those were my moments of thinking,” is this it? So, this is how it is going to end?

I was on an airline flight where an engine exploded and it looked bad. I was piloting my own rental airplane and the throttle cable broke and I had no control over the engine, it was at full power with no control whatsoever. I once escaped from a jetliner through the emergency over-the-window exit and crawled through it to the wing, awaiting rescue. And of course, during my pilot training I had to recover from unusual situations, such as being in a spiral dive heading right for impact with the earth. Plus a couple of jetliner engine stalls in flight which got everyone’s attention. So, let me splain….

The big scare for me was on a flight from Los Angeles to London on my birthday many many years ago. In my early years with my airline I would take trips to London quite often, several time a year. I’d do the tourist things, go to plays on the west end, often first run plays and musicals, such as when “Cats” just came out. Also went to discos, etc., for my entertainment and wild times. So, in this case I was going especially to try out a brand new airplane that TWA bought, the Boeing 747SP. Being a pilot, I was curious what this new airplane was like. Was it any different than the regular Boeing 747, this new, updated version?

Well, all was going well until about an hour after takeoff. All of the sudden, there was an explosion and a shaking and a sudden drop in altitude. We were advised to buckle up and and put everything away that we may have had out. The flight attendants went running through the plane putting their things away as they were in the middle of starting the meal service. Soon, the pilot came back to look out the window to assess the damage and situation. As all that was happening, my thought was, “wow, I’m going to die on my birthday, how is that going to be talked about by my family and friends?” How ironic, being born and dying on the same day. Well, we did make it back to Los Angeles, made an emergency landing with all the firetrucks and emergency equipment following us as we touched down. The pilot had warned us they would be following us as we landed. After a couple of hours, we boarded another airplane and made our trip to London. But, for a moment or two, I was thinking, “this is it!’

I had three other “unusual” incidents on airline flights. Twice I experienced what is called an “engine stall” on a jetliner. What that is is when the airflow through the engine gets disrupted and the engine “stalls,” it makes a big “boom” and scares the hell out of you. Both times the pilot explained it as best he could and we continued our flight. Another time, something happened, which was not explained and we made an unscheduled landing in Kansas City. We were in route to St. Louis from Los Angeles, so it must have been something serious as Kansas City is not that far from St. Louis and for some reason we did not continue a little bit longer to St. Louis. The scary thing for me was, I was on my way to San Antonio, Texas to attend the American Atheist’s Convention and be with with Madelyn Murray Ohare and her family. As we diverted to Kansas City, my thoughts were along the line of “I knew I should not have come to this convention… God’s punishing me!” Well, everything turned out okay and I did enjoy my time at the convention.

When i was piloting my plane and the throttle cable broke I happened to be with my flight instructor, so between the two of us we figured out how to get to an airport and land. It was not easy. I think we figured out how to turn the engine off and back on in order to lose altitude and eventually stop the aircraft once on the ground. If I had been alone I don’t know that I would have figured out how to get back safely on the ground.

Okay, the opening of the over-the-wing emergency exit and climbing out to the wing is a bit misleading in a sense. Yes it did happen, but it was a voluntary situation. I was going to school in Seattle, Washington and Boeing Aircraft was there in Seattle at Boeing Field, where they manufactured jetliners. I volunteered to take part in an emergency evacuation of a jet for certification purposes. We were to pretend being on a flight, landing, and then, on cue. evacuate. We had to be able to evacuate within 90 seconds, and we did.

So, those were my abnormal experiences in my flying on airliners and in my own aircraft. I have had my moments of concern. I have been lucky.

Wally

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Wrong Turns? I Don’t Think So! [Post # 58]

So, being in the last decade(s) of life, I do a bit of reflecting over a life of many decades, many adventures, many challenges, battles, dark times, joyous times, loves and disappointments. Recently the thought came to me… have I made any wrong turns on this journey? Surely, I’m thinking, everybody has made “wrong turns.” Made some big mistakes, journeyed down the wrong paths, etc. Got to be a universal experience. Got me thinking deeply. Thinking, thinking, thinking.

I’m here to tell you, I finally decided that, no, I do not at all feel that I have made any wrong turns in my life! Wow, that almost feels weird to say, like that can’t be true. Everybody regrets making the “wrong turns” in life, I’m thinking. But it is not true for me, I feel in the depths of my soul. As you have read in previous blogs, I certainly have had difficult times in my life, dark periods, real internal, emotional struggles. But you know what? I stayed on the path I now feel was laid out before me. Since I have a thing called faith, I would say a path God laid out for me, or the universe or whatever if that is easier for you to swallow.

I would not have wanted my life to go in a different direction. No, really. It may have been a long road, but I am now in a good place and I have had good experiences and realized my dreams and loves. What can beat that? In my book, nothing! Oh, yeah, I could daydream of having accomplished some great tasks and changing the world and becoming famous. That may be a great daydream, but that was not to be my life. That’s just not my path in this life. A great path for others I would agree. If that’s your path, your journey, great. I’m all for good people doing good things and making a difference in the world. Totally behind you.

Do you get envious of other people that seem to have a life of miraculous accomplishments and success? Thank goodness I do not waste any energy on that one. I am all for good people that make a real difference in this crazy world. But, you know what? I had to live my life, do my things. Find my own path, do those things I dreamed of, be happy with my life. And, I have no regrets! I did not make wrong turns. I certainly messed up at times, made mistakes, had bad thoughts, etc., but that’s a lot different than traveling down the wrong road. No major mistakes were made (thank goodness!).

I have friends that have accomplished great things. Artists, teachers, lawyers, politicians, doctors. I love that they did their “thing.” I am sorry for those who feel that they did take the wrong turns, lost or never found their purpose in this life. That is sad. I would say that that did not have to be. But what do I know, really. Maybe that was their “path” to travel in this lifetime. And those I know who have committed suicide by intention or by neglect. How sad, how painful. Thinking of all of this does reinforce my stand that my life has involved making no wrong turns. Something guided me. Something encouraged me. Something inspired me. Even when I did not feel it at all, something was there, in my soul, in my inner being. I never shut that something, that voice, out. That’s why my blog’s theme is “On the Path,” “It’s a Wonderful Life!”

So, I wonder, were there times I could have made the “wrong turns?” Well, thinking along those lines, I could have pursued my finishing theological seminary and become a minister/pastor in a church. Had a nice normal family with children and all. No, that would not have been good. Not in my life. Or what if I had been successful in becoming an airline pilot ( I came very close but something told me this was not the right thing for me.) So, my stand is that I have not made wrong turns.

Yep, me on the right. At elementary school. Early in life. Before I made any real decisions regarding my life, whether right turns or wrong turns. A time of innocence. All of life lay ahead of me. Turns out it was a good life that was awaiting me.

So, that’s my philosophy, I guess. I made no wrong turns. I can’t speak for anyone else. Are there really wrong turns in life or is there just the way our life goes because of our intensions and choices. Something to ponder. I do have compassion for those who have a messed up life. Yes, there’s a lot of sh*t in this world. I believe we are co-creators in life. Co-creators with whatever you call it. Fate, the Universe, God. I am very grateful for my life and all the right turns I made.

Wally