So, being in the last decade(s) of life, I do a bit of reflecting over a life of many decades, many adventures, many challenges, battles, dark times, joyous times, loves and disappointments. Recently the thought came to me… have I made any wrong turns on this journey? Surely, I’m thinking, everybody has made “wrong turns.” Made some big mistakes, journeyed down the wrong paths, etc. Got to be a universal experience. Got me thinking deeply. Thinking, thinking, thinking.
I’m here to tell you, I finally decided that, no, I do not at all feel that I have made any wrong turns in my life! Wow, that almost feels weird to say, like that can’t be true. Everybody regrets making the “wrong turns” in life, I’m thinking. But it is not true for me, I feel in the depths of my soul. As you have read in previous blogs, I certainly have had difficult times in my life, dark periods, real internal, emotional struggles. But you know what? I stayed on the path I now feel was laid out before me. Since I have a thing called faith, I would say a path God laid out for me, or the universe or whatever if that is easier for you to swallow.
I would not have wanted my life to go in a different direction. No, really. It may have been a long road, but I am now in a good place and I have had good experiences and realized my dreams and loves. What can beat that? In my book, nothing! Oh, yeah, I could daydream of having accomplished some great tasks and changing the world and becoming famous. That may be a great daydream, but that was not to be my life. That’s just not my path in this life. A great path for others I would agree. If that’s your path, your journey, great. I’m all for good people doing good things and making a difference in the world. Totally behind you.
Do you get envious of other people that seem to have a life of miraculous accomplishments and success? Thank goodness I do not waste any energy on that one. I am all for good people that make a real difference in this crazy world. But, you know what? I had to live my life, do my things. Find my own path, do those things I dreamed of, be happy with my life. And, I have no regrets! I did not make wrong turns. I certainly messed up at times, made mistakes, had bad thoughts, etc., but that’s a lot different than traveling down the wrong road. No major mistakes were made (thank goodness!).
I have friends that have accomplished great things. Artists, teachers, lawyers, politicians, doctors. I love that they did their “thing.” I am sorry for those who feel that they did take the wrong turns, lost or never found their purpose in this life. That is sad. I would say that that did not have to be. But what do I know, really. Maybe that was their “path” to travel in this lifetime. And those I know who have committed suicide by intention or by neglect. How sad, how painful. Thinking of all of this does reinforce my stand that my life has involved making no wrong turns. Something guided me. Something encouraged me. Something inspired me. Even when I did not feel it at all, something was there, in my soul, in my inner being. I never shut that something, that voice, out. That’s why my blog’s theme is “On the Path,” “It’s a Wonderful Life!”
So, I wonder, were there times I could have made the “wrong turns?” Well, thinking along those lines, I could have pursued my finishing theological seminary and become a minister/pastor in a church. Had a nice normal family with children and all. No, that would not have been good. Not in my life. Or what if I had been successful in becoming an airline pilot ( I came very close but something told me this was not the right thing for me.) So, my stand is that I have not made wrong turns.
Yep, me on the right. At elementary school. Early in life. Before I made any real decisions regarding my life, whether right turns or wrong turns. A time of innocence. All of life lay ahead of me. Turns out it was a good life that was awaiting me.
So, that’s my philosophy, I guess. I made no wrong turns. I can’t speak for anyone else. Are there really wrong turns in life or is there just the way our life goes because of our intensions and choices. Something to ponder. I do have compassion for those who have a messed up life. Yes, there’s a lot of sh*t in this world. I believe we are co-creators in life. Co-creators with whatever you call it. Fate, the Universe, God. I am very grateful for my life and all the right turns I made.
Love. There’s a word that’s used a lot. Thrown around a lot. Casually and very seriously. “I love this!, I Love that! Love’s what makes the world go round,” etc., etc., etc. Yeah, we use the word love a lot, don’t we? Everyone desires love in their life. They say it gives life meaning. Even with the psychologically unbalanced, with the hardened criminals, all the misfits in life, the psychological experts would agree. The lack of love in their lives is part of their problem. It seems that love is required to have a real, meaningful and satisfying life.
Having gone through a lot in life, I would have to agree that one thing that is required to fully live, is love. In fact, at this stage of life, I would go so far as to say it is really everything. That may sound extreme, may sound very “new age.” But after living a long life, I would stick with my statement that love is everything. After studying a lot about religions, about philosophy, about life, psychology and evil or the dark side of life, it seems the only thing that really matters is, “have we loved? Really loved? Has our life been about love?
I am of the belief that love is Divine. True love is beyond us. It is from another realm. It is not part of the ego. It is, well, like, “magical.” The apostle Paul wrote the famous chapter on love in the New Testament which I think sums it up very well. Says it all, I think.
At this point in life, I am totally committed to living a life of love. I’ve lived other types of life. I’ve lived a life of turmoil. I’ve lived a life of confusion, bitterness, hate, resentment, revenge. Like most people, I’ve “acted out” at times in life. I’ve reacted to manipulations and abuse in so many ways. I feel “I’ve done it all.” From here on out, just give me love or forget it. No more crap. If you are not going to relate to me in a loving way, well, be on your way. Have a good life. Just stay out of mine. I do not accept the unloving stuff in my environment any more. Period. This past four-year period of the political situation this country has been in has had its affect on me. I’ve seen so much unloving action and expression that it has changed me. I cannot respect people I have previously had respect for. Some were close people. Does not matter. When I see the hate, the false accusations and slander, I’m done. Now the biblical passage of Jesus telling his disciples to “shake the dust off of your feet and leave the unaccepting people and move on” makes sense, takes on a whole new meaning for me.
So, I will only live in love from here on out. Decision made. But what does that entail? That question brings me to the second part of my essay. I strongly believe that to love with true, real love, one must go through a process of surrender. Yes, I know that word has bad connotations in this world and society. Surrender. Usually means, to people, to give up, give in, lose, be a loser, etc., etc. And some of that is true. But I think we need to re-define the word.
If you are truly going to love, I say some surrender is necessary. One must surrender some (I’m saying some, not all) of the ego. Some of our strongly held beliefs, feelings and opinions. If you love, you are going to be changed to some degree. An internal change and to some degree, an external change. Required, I say.
When I decided to live a life of love, I had to give up some things. When I got married, I had to surrender to the new arrangement, the new type of relationship. I even had a pastor tell me, oh, that’s dangerous. Hmmm, I thought. Wonder how his life is if he really thinks that way. I hope he was kidding, but it didn’t sound like it.
So, living a life of love and surrender. In a way that does sound like it is a way of life fraught with danger. Being a doormat, being controlled and manipulated and all that. Well, I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about being strong, assertive, solid, forceful in living in love and surrender. Not weak, cowering and subject to the jerks of this world. It’s a matter of saying, “no, I will not accept that!,” Do not talk to me like that or treat me like that. We’re done here.
Yeah, these last few years have really had an impact on my life. Forced me to face what I will accept in my life now. What energies I will accept in my immediate environment. No more sh*t now. I’ve seen and experienced too much now.
Currently I am involved in a personal project, an in-depth study of philosophy. I just happened to stumble onto this project recently, and I am absolutely enthralled with the study I’m doing. Let me backtrack briefly and tell you how I got here into this unexpected place. I have a collection of some good, intelligent educational cassette tapes left over from years ago when I had my own business of selling and distributing educational and motivational tapes. I gave up the business when cassettes became outdated and CDs became the new technology. The old tapes got stored away and as I was recently decluttering my office area I came across these tapes and realized a lot of them I never actually listened to. The time came to decide, “throw then out, or listen to them and see if they are of any interest to me at this stage of my life.”
Some of the tapes I’ve converted to CDs and am currently studying. Each CD case contains four CDs..
I made the decision to listen to them, at least those that possibly interested me. I converted the tapes to CDs and began listening. For some reason I never put much effort into studying philosophy in school. I learned enough to get through college, but the bare minimum. I studied religion a lot but neglected philosophy (even though they are very interconnected and complementary in one getting a “complete” education, as I see it.
But, this blog post is not going to be about philosophy. Perhaps in a future post I will cover that subject. This post is about a life long habit I have just been thinking about recently, the habit or practice of being a “life-long learner.” At this stage of my life, I realize that habit or practice has been a great motivator and has kept me going, intellectually, and been my salvation, in a sense.
As child, somehow I got into a children’s book club that was a series of “All About” books. All about astronomy, mathematics, geography, etc. I would get a new book every month or so and I would devour it. Loved it. I loved learning new things. In a previous blog I mentioned how I was being steered to not go on to further education after high school. In fact, my thinking when I was young was, “I can’t wait to just be done with high school so I can just go get a job and live my life.” But when my high school counselor refused to let me take English literature class in high school and told me I was not “college material,” that set my mind in a new direction. I did not accept that label and eventually did get into a college and graduate school after that. I did not settle for what people thought of me, how they judged me or tried to limit me.
So, I spent my years getting my “higher education.” I loved that time. I loved college and then theological seminary (see my earlier blogs). I had my mind opened. I saw a big world out there. I traveled the world with my airline job. I developed a side business selling educational tapes for a few companies like Simon and Schuster, etc. I did listen and study the various subjects those tapes covered. (I even sold Trump tapes on how to become rich, etc., but never liked him much way back then).
When I decided it was time to realize my dream of being a pilot (a dream since about age six), I thought, well, nobody is going to help me, motivate me, guide me, so I just better get started and do some studying and pass my written exam for my private pilot license. I did just that. Found some good books, found a study guide, and on my own sat down and did some intense study. All self motivated. I went and passed my written test and then found a flight school to begin my flight training. After that, I got my commercial pilot’s license, my flight instructor’s certificate, my instrument flight instructor’s certificate and my advanced ground instructor’s certificate and did some flight instructing and commercial flying.
So, there are many instances like this where I just persisted in pushing myself in pursuit of more knowledge, or pursuing my quest of “lifelong learning.” I got my amateur radio (ham) radio license a long time ago, I used to log all my reading of books. It was an amazing list every year. In college I took a course in piano playing (I had taken lessons as a kid). I would force myself to take guest speaking gigs when offered, preaching sermons when the opportunity arose. So, even though I, like most people, experienced and fought procrastination from time to time, I always eventually pushed myself forward and learned new stuff. I’ve heard it said that our “in box” will never be empty, even at our death. I certainly believe that is true. I will never complete all the tasks I have set for myself.
So, what are the alternatives to being a lifelong learner? Well, I suppose one can just be a “drifter,” One can just drift along in life. Eat, drink and be merry, as they say. Yes, that can be a good life. Others can be more melancholy throughout their life. Living a more sad type of life. I see that as sad, but a way of life that many seem to choose or as they would see it, they are stuck with. At the opposite extreme of being a lifelong learner as I see it would be the lost individual. The person with no enjoyment in living, perhaps a gang member or a committed criminal who just has no purpose, meaning or any real motivation in life. Now, I’m not talking about a person going through a period of depression, perhaps a long and deep depression. I’m referring to a way of life. A lifelong choice.
So, lifelong learning. I see it as my salvation. I had dark periods in my early life but I propelled myself out of those prisons. Reading my previous blogs will show you that. It has been a struggle at times to make my life meaningful, give it purpose. I am now glad for those experiences. I learned my lessons and they have served me well.
A book from my library. It got me in touch with this whole subject of lifelong learning.
So, now I’m deeply involved in studying philosophers and philosophy. An area I have previously avoided in my life. It is amazing how it is opening up my eyes and thoughts to new ways of seeing things. Not that there is one philosophy, or one religion, one philosopher or guru or one way to believe (my blog, “Only One Way” goes into that way of thinking). I am on a new path in my learning adventure. I will probably purchase more university courses (CDs and DVDs) from a company I deal with. The learning will never end while I still have a breath within me. Then it’s on to learning new things, “somewhere else.”
I had been working on two upcoming blog posts when I had an experience that caused me to put those two projects aside and consider this post as more necessary at this particular time due to current events. I delayed working on this blog until I was sure I wanted to write this post in a public forum. I feel it is time to discuss this particular childhood experience as I relate it to what is happening right now, this very week in our world, our country.
I awoke two nights ago with a very strong memory and thought on my mind. The subject was how we personally handle a mental problem, an unstable person, an insane person. Yes, I know insanity is a “legal” term but you know what I mean, a person who we say has become “unhinged.”
I had an experience when I was probably six years old or so. An experience most people would never talk about, you know, one of those “family secrets” that we take to our graves, as thy say. I wrote out this brief essay and gave it to a few very close friends. I said, just yesterday, “this is not going to be a blog but I just want to tell you something.” Well, just twenty-four hours later, after reading my essay several times, I had a change of mind and decided I needed to say this since I have an experience that I relate to what is happening in our country right now. Embarrassed? Ashamed? No. Embarrassing your family, no. I don’t see it that way. If anyone is, that’s their problem, not mine. So following is the short essay I gave to a few very close friends:
Ok, time to say what all that’s going on is doing to me. Yeah, bringing up memories that I see parallel the current world situation.
I lived with someone who, as I see it, had three psychotic breaks as they are called (my view, I’m not a trained medical person). There were three incidents I am aware of when my mother “became unhinged.”
I was involved and present in one of those events. It is burned into my memory. It’s one of those “family secrets” that never gets talked about, never dealt with, just “forgotten,” hopefully, so life can go on. Yeah, don’t face it, don’t deal with it.
So, the one incident I was a witness to and a participant in was when I was very young, probably around six years of age or so. My mother “went crazy.” I don’t know the why or the what, I just remember my family subdued and tied my mother with rope to a chair in our dining room. My father commanded us to go through the house and collect all knives and scissors that may be lying around anywhere. We did, and secured them so they were4 out of her reach.
Someone, probably my father, called the police while we kept her tied up. Eventually the police arrived and took her away. She ended up in a psychiatric hospital/sanitarium in Glendale, not far from our house. She was there for some time and received shock treatment, which was quite a cruel experience in those days. One day we got a call that she had escaped from the facility through a window and was loose in town. Somehow, as I recall, she made it the few miles to our house in Eagle Rock. That’s my memory.
So, how does this relate to current events for me? Well, I see our president in a bad mental state. As I see it, he is “unhinged” right now. He is crazy and out of control. He has a lot of power, he has the nuclear codes, the military at his command, etc. Similar to my mother having access to knives and sharp objects, etc. lying around the house. Yes, a crazy person in a crazy state of mind and the number one priority in that emergency situation is to subdue the person and protect ourselves, whatever it takes. Yes, even with a person one loves very deeply, one’s own mother. Protection is number one!
There. That’s my story. That’s the experience I had as a young kid. Trauma, yes. A memory forever burned in one’s memory, yes. This memory was deeply hidden in my unconscious mind but surfaced in the middle of the night due to our situation of us (this country) having a president that is unhinged, in my opinion. Yes, you people of his base have all types of excuses of why this is not so bad a thing or how this was “set up” by the Antifa people, etc. etc. Well, I say this is a dangerous situation. An unhinged person with such great power needs to be reigned in and brought under control. Period. Whatever it takes. I had to do it with a family member. A loved one. We do what we have to do for the safety of all.
My mother had two other major incidents similar to this. My purpose in discussing this should be obvious. So this memory is now out there and you know why I think dangerous people must be subdued and controlled, no matter who the person is or what the situation is.
One of the biggest problems I have with this life is the thought, the belief, that “there is only one way.” This dilemma confronts me almost everywhere I turn. Perhaps the problem arises for me because I am an open-minded person (as I see myself), compared to many people I know. I see that in life, there are often “many ways” to think, many ways to live, many ways to believe, many ways to have a faith or a religion. Let me explain what I am talking about.
Most currently, we are seeing in the political realm right now a very divisive situation. The extreme right wing and the extreme left wing in politics see their way as the only way. There seems to be no middle ground any more in the political world. I have always seen myself as more in the middle, a centrist or a moderate in politics. Perhaps a bit left-leaning at times, but I have been open-minded. In fact, over the past thirty years or so I have voted for both major parties in presidential races. Yes, I have not voted a straight party line in every election. I study the candidate and make my decision from my investigation rather than vote the “party line.” I know everyone has good ideas and bad ideas, so I have to consider all that I am aware of. Many people I know do not really do that, they just vote the party line, which is often the political belief that they grew up with in in their family. Not always, but often, from what I’ve seen.
Another example of “only one way.” I grew up as most people do, believing that there really is only one way to live the good life, the normal life, the All American life, the Godly life or whatever. That correct way of living was to have attraction to the opposite sex, to date and find a “good woman,” (or “good man” for a woman), and marry and have a nice family with children. That really was the only way to live a “normal” life. That was the American dream, God’s way, etc. etc. There was no alternative. Those that did not marry, well, there was something strange about them. They were not normal not playing the role they were assigned by the Almighty. And I, of course, bought into this teaching from my youth. It didn’t even cross my mind that there was any other life to live than this “ideal” life. Once again, there was only “one way.”
Then, considering faith and religion. Oh, my . I bonded with the evangelical Christian movement and faith group in my teens. In that group there is only one way to live and believe. There are only two groups of people, the “saved,” and the “unsaved.” The saved go to heaven upon death, the unsaved to hell. And the only way to salvation, of course was the “Christian” way of accepting Jesus as your personal savior. Repent and accept Jesus and live for Jesus. One way, once again. And of course, if you were Catholic, the Catholic Church taught that they were the real, only true church, the only church. And don’t forget the Mormons, the Jehovah Witnesses. They think they have the true religion. And so on and so on for many other religions. Just “one way.”
To many, heterosexuality is the only way to live when it comes to love. Love, true romantic, physical love can only exist with the opposite sex. Of course brotherly love is allowed, but anything beyond that is not allowed. That’s how I was brought up. Same-sex attraction of course was a no-no, sinful, condemned, punished. Again, regarding love of a romantic, emotional, physical nature, there is only one way. No alternatives. Got to get with the plan, do the right thing, the only right thing. Get a good job, have a good marriage and have children.
So, when it comes to other cultures, other races, people different than us. Gee, does racism exist in this world? Do we think we are superior to other races, other cultures. You betcha! Need I say much about this subject? There’s only way if you are a white supremacist, only one “good” race. I was brought up with this way of thinking in my childhood environment and I rejected that way of thinking. I did not follow the racist thinking of my childhood of the 1950’s. It made no sense to me and I suffered because of my stand, being called nasty names because of the stand I took. I just saw everyone as a child of God and could not understand why there should be only one race.
So, this idea that there is only “one way.” I don’t accept it. I never really have. I won’t. It is closing your mind to reality. The idea that there’s only one way to live, to think, to believe, to act and react. That’s not how I live. I will never fit into that box. There are many different ways to live. Some good ways, some bad ways. But there are many ways.
I will occasionally tune in a Christian radio station when I’m in the car, just to see what they are up to these days, what they are “preaching” over the airwaves. And of course, they are pushing the conservative Christian idea that there is only one way a Christian should be. They assume any religious person is in alignment with their political views. Also their views on other topics. No room for opposing views. Very narrow perspective, very rigid beliefs.
Wow!
So, it’s not very popular these days being open-minded. It’s easier to just go along with the thinking and believing that there’s “just one way.” Sorry, that’s not for me, not on my path not part of my wonderful life.
Ever thought about the various things and names you’ve been called in your lifetime? I’m finding it to be an interesting pondering recently after doing a little experiment of responding to a “friend” on social media. I have family and friends that have views about life that are very different than mine. Don’t we all, unless we are really isolated in our personal circle of friends and acquaintances and are around only those who think exactly alike, like we think.
Well, after responding to someone whose views are opposite of mine, I thought, “let’s just see where this goes.” Yeah, it went right where I thought it might, immediately. Into an emotional and name-calling response. Yes, this world, this country, this society is really divided right now. More than I have ever experienced in my lifetime, with perhaps the exception of the 1960’s. It ain’t like it used to be, where you could calmly discuss issues and different opinions over a cup of coffee (or beer, or martini, depending on your inclination). It used to be, “oh, you’re a republican, or you’re a democrat, or conservative or liberal or centrist or moderate. Well, let’s just sit down and talk. Ha, it appears that those days are long gone.
So, after this “experiment” regarding our intolerant and emotionally crazed atmosphere regarding politics and other topics, I began reflecting on my past and how I’ve been perceived over my lifetime by others. The more I pondered this line of thinking, the more interesting it all became to me. I will try to relate my story chronologically to give it some order and sense.
In my childhood, I was called, by my family, a “n*gger lover.” Yep, that was in the 1960’s. The civil rights movement and all of that was going on at the time. I’ve mentioned in previous blogs how my family was not into civil rights consciousness at all. I didn’t understand their feelings, it didn’t make sense to me. So I must have expressed my opposition to their stand and hence the name calling began. I think that at an early age I must have decided I was not going to be a hater. Hating people just because of their skin color or they look different just made no sense to me. So, I had my introduction to racism at an early age and I didn’t like it.
As most of you know, well, at least people of my age, anyway, the 1960’s were a wild time. Nothing like it. I was a curious person. I was very curious about the world. One of my hobbies back then was radio. I had a CB radio, I got my ham radio license, I had a shortwave radio and listened to shortwave broadcasts from many countries around the world, interested in different cultures. At that time, the Vietnam War was raging and was big news. I was interested in the world and I happened to tune in Radio Hanoi one day. I listened to their broadcasts and eventually sent in a request to them to verify that I actually heard them. If you could prove you listened to a foreign broadcast station they would send you a verification card, which shortwave enthusiasts collected, especially of hard to hear countries around the world.
Well, it was not long before I heard from the F.B.I. They were aware I was sending mail to North Vietnam. They let me know that I was now on their “radar” and they would be watching me closely. When Radio Hanoi sent me a package which was Chairman Mao Zedong’s “little red book,” the FBI really went wild. They basically let me know they were considering me a possible communist sympathizer and they were monitoring me closely because of my mail contacts with a communist country. Boy, I wish I had kept those communications from the FBI. They would be a good laugh now, and fun to read.
I was also called a communist by others during that time period. I happened to not be a fan of the Vietnam War and in the 1972 presidential election I was not a supporter of and did not vote for Richard Nixon. At that time, if you did not vote for Nixon and if you dared vote for George McGovern, you were considered to be a communist for sure by many people. You were, if not a communist, actually, at least “un-American.” So during this time I was called a communist by both my country (at least the FBI) and some family and friends.
After this time period, later in life, I was also called a communist again, twice. Once after church years ago, in the social hall after a church service, I was having a casual conversation and somehow the subject of schooling came up. I was talking to a friend’s mother and when I mentioned I was a college graduate, she turned to me and snapped, oh, you’re a liberal, a communist. She was not kidding, she was dead serious. And I was shocked, speechless. I had never encountered such thinking before. And once again a couple of years later when talking to a co-worker one day, when I found out he was from Seattle, I mentioned “oh, I love Seattle. I lived four years there when I went to college.” Yep, his response, “oh, you went to college. You are a liberal, a communist,” he said in a rather nasty tone. Wow, I thought, just being a college graduate made me a communist in some people’s eyes. The ironic thing is, the college I went to was a small, conservative Christian college, but what do facts matter when people have very prejudiced opinions.
So, I went to a conservative Christian college. I got involved in a charismatic, Pentecostal group of friends. This was the 60’s, the Vietnam War, hippies, and Jesus Freaks. Now I was in this group of friends and we were not really the “Jesus freak” type of people, but regardless, some friends and family thought of me as a Jesus freak. Okay, that’s the way it was. Better than being considered and called a communist or n*gger lover.
After college I went to theological seminary. Several years after seminary I had a crisis of faith and decided I was really an atheist after all. That self-identification lasted a few years before I re-established a new, better, more logical, real faith for me. The childhood concept of God did not work as an adult, as is often the case for people who mature in their faith or religion. Well, I got some strong reactions during the time I called myself an atheist. As if I can’t think for myself and I have to accept other’s concept of religion.
The next name-calling incident came when a co-worker at a flight school I was working at got in a conversation with me and was telling how he really liked me and all that. In the conversation I happened to open up and let him know I was gay when he was carrying on about women and his locker-room kind of talk. Wow, did that change the atmosphere immediately. He was shocked. He called me a fag and said God should give me AIDS and I should die, in fact I would die, because I deserved it. Like I said, WOW! Never very friendly after that.
So, now to the present and my experiencing name-calling on social media. Like I said, I disagreed with what someone was saying about the political situation we are in. Immediately I got called by my “friend” and my friend’s friends names such as MoFo (term for MotherFers), bitch, hater (any non-Trump person), etc. Again, wow. I didn’t say anything nasty, mean, I just offered a different opinion that what was being promoted on the social media post.
You know what. I think it is all laughable now. All this name-calling. the current experience of this and also the past experiences. Yes, at the time it may have hurt, but now looking at it all, what a joke. People are just revealing who they really are, nothing about me, actually. I’m not a communist, never have been. I am against all racism. I’m a lover, not a hater. I know who I am.
A very hard skill to learn, perhaps the hardest practice or skill to acquire in life is the “art of letting go.” If one can truly learn to let go in life, one can live a better life, a good life, even a great, joyous and happy life. Not being able to acquire this skill can wreak havoc emotionally and psychologically and mentally for one’s entire existence.
I feel very fortunate that I have been blessed with this ability as as innate part of my psychological makeup, or so it seems. Of course I’ve been hurt, I’ve been through some really dark periods, perhaps abused and abandoned at times. I’m not denying deep hurts in my life. But, I have been able to, with time and personal inner work and occasionally assistance from others been able to heal my wounds and move forward. Healing and moving on has saved me much mental turmoil and allowed me to live a freer, fuller life. I’m so glad I am not a clinger, a hanger-on to both bad and good experiences. I feel one of the great teachings of Buddhism is to not have attachments, to not cling to desires.
Now, I know what I just said can be easily misunderstood and often is in our culture. Desires and attachments and clinging and greed are big things in our society. They are normal, most people would say. But, I say the more you can eliminate these habits, the better off you will be.
Lets take bad experiences. We all will have bad, hurtful, even tragic experiences in life. Just gonna happen. They can destroy us if we can’t move through them and find some way to heal from our wounds. Death is one of the hardest experiences to go through. No one can avoid the horrible feelings of losing a loved one in death. Well, except for the psychopath or sociopath personality. I’m talking about normal people.
Some people get stuck at that point. They have experienced the gut-wrenching experience of having a loved one die, gone completely and forever from this earth. We feel we’ll never get over the loss and some people never do. I’ve come to believe that may be true. In fact, I believe that it may be true that we never really “get over a death of a loved one,” but we can “get through” the loss and have a great deal of healing from the experience over time, often a long time. On the other hand, some people never recover from a tragic loss, they are permanently damaged. I saw that in my mother, when her father died when I was a little kid. She went off the deep end, as they say. She went mental and never recovered, just got progressively worse over the years until her death when I was twenty-five.
We all have to let go of loved ones, like our parents if we outlive them. Those times with my parents (above), gone forever.
I have experienced the death of loved ones and friends as difficult times. I have grieved. I have eventually gotten through the grieving and moved on in life, not forgetting the loss, but accepting it as part of life. I certainly don’t mean to minimize the depth of hurt or the sometimes long process of healing. What I’m saying is that I don’t get permanently stuck in a bad mental state.
Now, besides the death experience, there are lots of times during our lifetimes that we have to “let go” of things and experiences and periods and phases of our lives. I’ve had to let go of my first experience of having a life partner. It was a sick relationship as I see it. It was bad, psychologically and emotionally. It was very unhealthy, as I see it now. I have had to let go of friends that were not good for me in my life. Friends and acquaintances who were mean, nasty, crazy, unbalanced, etc. Haven’t most of us? Not always easy. Not pleasant, but such a relief once we have done it and healed from our “sin” (mistake) of picking the wrong people to have around us in our perhaps more “needy” times.
Loved my flying days. Fulfilled my dream, but those days are in the past.
I have had to let go of some loves and pleasures of my life. I relinquished my wonderful “hobby” of piloting airplanes, my childhood dream come true. I thoroughly enjoyed the many years of flying, but the time came when it was too expensive and I didn’t have the time to keep up with all I needed to do to keep my licenses current and active. Yes, I have friends that don’t understand how I could give up that great love in my life, but that’s okay, they don’t have to understand me. I just knew the time had come to “let it go .” I did what I had to do at that time in my life.
I had no problem retiring from my airline career. It was mostly a great experience, my thirty-three years as an airline employee. I had picked the right industry and field of work for me and really loved it. But after my time there, I easily let it go. I know some friends that have a very difficult time retiring, adjusting to a new lifestyle, but not me. I had my great time working and it was time to go, time to begin a new experience of being “retired.” Yes, it did take a time of adjustment in some ways, but my head was good with it all. I let it go!
Looking at a different aspect of letting go, I’ve also had to let go of some assumptions and dreams, expectations and promptings of society and friends that were not right for me, in all honesty. I had to give up the assumed role in society of becoming a “family man,” getting married (heterosexually, of course), and having children, you know, that whole experience. It was in my twenties that I realized that dream, that picture was not going to happen for me. That was not the path I would want to choose. I had to let go of that expectation. I had expected that after college graduation I would follow the plan and become a stereotypical family man with all the trimmings. There was a different path awaiting me.
The good times. Playing charades with friends. Temporarily gone but will return.
So, life is a lot about living true to yourself, enjoying the good times when they come along, not grasping to hang on to them (yes, the good times), and also experiencing the dark or bad times and also not grasping and holding on to them, also. The bad times, I feel, must be worked through, doing whatever work one must to get centered again in life, grieve, and move on. Always working to be emotionally healthy, balanced, authentic, joyous and happy, that’s the formula for living a good life, as I see it. Not resisting what reality is staring you in the face right now, this moment. Handle it, heal it, and move forward.
Now, as I write this, the world is going through a complete upending of everything, with the virus affecting the entire world. Talk about “letting go!” We are being forced to let go of so much, all at once, almost everything which we consider a normal part of life. Living freely, gathering in groups, socializing, going to events. traveling, going to restaurants, whatever. Everything we took to granted as just a part of everyday life. We have had to let go, period. Not much choice involved. Just mundane shopping now involves dressing up in protective gear and avoiding people.
That final “letting go,” letting go of life, everything we were, everything we dreamed, all our loves, at least on this earthly plane.
So, of course we will all have to experience that final, grand letting go of all time. The letting go of life on our death bed or wherever. Yes, I know in our culture we avoid all thought of this final release of all we are, all we have been, with no hope of anything more in this life, on this planet. All of life. Adios, farewell, and all of that. The big release, letting go. How do you feel about that? How have you handled that thought? Will you handle that thought with the time you have left? Personally, I have had two experiences in my life where I faced my death. I mentioned them in previous blogs. I have a feeling those experiences will resurface in my final hours or minutes in as vivid a way as they did previously, except this time I will know that “this is it, for real.” Perhaps there was a reason I had a dress rehearsal for this event many years ago.
To sum this all up, letting go is a good skill to have as we navigate through life. A difficult skill for most of us, an impossible skill for some of us. It will affect how we live our lives. It will affect our deep serenity and happiness and joy in life, I believe.
I believe in enjoying life, the good times, such as a helicopter tour of Kauai, Hawaii, above. But I say don’t cling , hold on the the good times in an unhealthy way , enjoy them and let them be fun memories.
Okay, I’m not comfortable with calling myself or thinking of myself as a prophet. I’m speaking of “prophet” in the biblical sense. A Prophet in the Bible was someone inspired by God, someone who would speak for God to the people. So, I certainly don’t want to put myself in that role, but maybe it’s time to play that role, if only temporarily right now. I do have some definite thoughts of the world situation right now, and in the past I do admit to having very mysterious experiences of Spirit, God, the Universe, the “whatever” speaking to me. I have had a former friend proclaim herself a prophet and travels the world speaking with world leaders, pronouncing her experiences as the word she receives from what she calls God. It is often awful stuff she proclaims, such as terrible things happening in the world because of same-sex marriage and gays being allowed in the military, etc. So, I certainly have as much right to feel I hear God speaking to me, especially when what is spoken turns out to be true, not just speculation and personal prejudice and judgments.
I have strong feeling about what is happening right now in the world. I’m looking at the facts. I’m doing my best to leave politics out of this. I am relating what I am seeing. I am accessing deep feelings from a prayerful and spiritual perspective. What you think of any of this is your business. I am doing what I feel I must do.
My number one rule in life, for me, is to deal with what is right in front of me. Deal with reality, what’s happening right now, in this moment. No hiding, no turning away, no denying what is visible before my eyes. Got to deal with it, I say to myself, whatever “it” is. That’s just the way it is, that’s just life as it come to me moment-by-moment.
We are experiencing a global crisis right now. Overnight, the world has turned upside down. We are experiencing something we have not experienced before. Basically, the world is shut down. Everything is grinding to a halt. The unbelievable is happening. We are forced to be exposed for who we really are. We are stunned. That’s what’s happening, in real time, right before our eyes.
This is time to face the facts. I have received your texts, facebook postings, emails, whatever, telling me this is all a hoax, this “virus” thing. I have seen the right -wing celebrities (Rush Limbaugh, Judge Jeanine Pirro, Sean Hannity, government leaders) on tape laughing, saying this is not real, this is nothing but a common cold, a total hoax, a political tactic to influence the upcoming election. It’s on tape, folks. I received posts saying the media, liberals, democrats are making this up, asking if I know anyone who has gotten the virus.
I want to put politics aside and just deal with the health issue. It is real. You were wrong about this being a democratic tactic, a media hoax. The whole world is involved in this crisis, this horror. It is right before your eyes. Something unbelievable is going on. This is about our basic humanity. You are playing with a real crisis. You are in denial. This is life or death, folks.
Where is God in all of this? Who can say? I happen to believe God always is and God is everywhere. Things still happen that we can’t explain or understand. Yet, there is life in the middle of all this. Humanity has always faced and suffered these things. We all have to face the end of this earthly existence at some point. The big question is when, how, and for many, why? I cannot give any answers to these questions. That’s the mystery for everyone.
Face the facts, folks. This IS happening. This IS serious. This is NOT a political game. People are showing who they really are in this situation. No one has control of this. Politicians do not have a handle on this. Politicians are not medical professionals.
It’s time to be real. It’s time to come from love, compassion. This is not time to let your obvious or repressed hate control you. Not time for stupid politics. Find your “higher self.” Evolve to something better than being obsessed with petty politics and conspiracy theory bulls**t. You claim to be God’s children? Then begin to live like that is so. God is not impressed with how some of you are acting.
Life is basically pretty simple, if you look at it that way. At least the basics of life, as I see it. First off, this world is made up of quite an assortment of personalities. Billions, actually. Everyone is a bit different and many are very different, some extremely different. Thinking about it, I’m amazed we get along at all. We often don’t. Hence the fighting, conflicts, violence, divorces, killings and wars that we have in the world. Of course it’s all very complex, but our different personalities are at the core of it all, as I see it.
Besides the range of personalities we also have a plethora of spiritualities, or if you prefer the term, religions. We have official, well defined religions and we have many individuals that have their own beliefs or spiritual feelings. We all, I think, individualize our belief systems as we all see life differently. Some just accept an established religion as is, some believe parts of organized religion but reject other parts.
For example, I know several “good Catholics” that believe Catholicism, yet have problems or disagreements with certain “Catholic” beliefs, i.e. abortion, homosexuality, papal authority or infallibility, only one true church, etc. So it seems no two people have the same exact religion or spirituality. Wouldn’t you agree?
So, back to our personalities.How do we get along and to some extent accept other personalities in this complex and diverse world? Personally, I’m amazed that we do get along as well as we do most of the time. I guess enough of us have flexibility and openness and compassion to hear each other out and decide to get along or tolerate or sort of agree and accept others in this world. Truth be told, there are a lot of people I don’t care for or really like at all. That’s just the way it is. I have no guilt about not liking some people, even though they may be good people, not bad people. There are many mean, nasty, vicious, intolerant, hateful people. Stay out of my world if that describes you. I have no time for you.
As to religion, I have more toleration for the many different religions in this world. As I see it, religion is our attempt to make some sense out of life, to have something to help us deal with the mystery of existence. Different people choose different religions. It’s as simple as that. Many, if not most people choose the religion they were brought up in in their childhood. Others develop a religion or a spirituality of their own as they grow up and mature in life. Some claim to have absolutely no religion (hence, atheism), but I see atheism as a religion in a sense, especially after spending a few years in the atheism camp of believers in atheism. They definitely have their strong, often inflexible beliefs in the nonexistence of God in any sense.
So, we have these many different personalities, ranging from very good to very evil, from very easy going and compatible to very difficult and impossible to deal with. We also have all of these religions and spiritual paths, some or most, perhaps, very loving and helpful to people coping with life, and some rather harsh and perhaps abusing and violent in the extreme. So, what is the result of all this mixture of personalities and religions?
My perspective is that the result of all of this is that the world is a mess. It really is, as I see it. Yes, the world works, you may say. Many would debate that statement. A case could be made that the world does not really work, not for everyone. You could point out all the problems and suffering in the world. No disputing that. So, perhaps the world works for some people, but certainly not for all.
So, what do we do? How do we create a world that really does work, that works for everyone? There are people that say they have the answers. There are people that say they feel they have a call to “save” the world. There are groups, there are cults, there are religions claiming to have the answers, the solutions to this dilemma. Well, that does not seem to be so. Look at history. There have been horrible periods in world history,and there have been better periods, but always, mankind has been fighting, warring, manipulating and controlling the world’s populations. As I see it, it all depends on individuals. We each have a part to play in keeping this world somewhat sane and “less messy.” It’s that simple. How we live each day, each decision we make, each conversation we have, each action we take affects the world at large. Enough good people will and do make a difference in making the world a better place. More bad people and it gets messier and more evil. Well, that’s not very profound you may say. Well, perhaps, but that is the way the world works. Good people, heroes, saints, sages, teachers have kept this world growing and evolving. they have saved life from extinction and we must be grateful for that, for those people who have stepped up and done their good work they had to do. The exciting thing is that we can be a part of this group of extraordinary of people by how we live our lives. By how we live our lives every day, every moment. Every action we take is important. Are we contributing to the good of the world? That’s the question we need to ask ourselves. That’s how we need to live and be.
Postscript
Once again, after I wrote this blog and let it sit before publishing it, world events have occurred pertaining to my blog’s subject. The virus situation exploded and the world has turned upside down it seems. People’s opinions and feelings and anger are extreme as I write this in late March 2020. The world is experiencing something we haven’t experienced in this way before in our modern age. Many people are making this all about politics, downplaying the situation saying this is all just a conspiracy and hype by the media and liberals and democrats to affect the 2020 presidential elections. Wow. The whole world is doing this just as a political ploy it would seem by their logic. Wow. I really can’t say much more than that now, just wow. I will stick with science, facts, what I observe and know using my intelligence. This is a very unusual time. People are revealing how they think. They are revealing their ignorance, their rigid, fixed political beliefs, at the risk of life itself to prove their point. I still have hope for humanity, but it is being tested to the extreme.
I’ve written a couple of blogs regarding death and survivor’s guilt, so I don’t want to rehash those subjects. I want to look at some other aspects of the end-of-life topic. As we age and watch our friends and loved ones leave us one by one, it makes us look at what life is, really. I’ve stated earlier that death has stared me in the face my whole life. I’ve never been able to deny it like some people have.
So, yes, when your heart stops, it all over. Period. Everything you’ve done all those years, it’s gone, over. You may have been a great person, accomplished a lot, had a terrific impact on the world, but your heart stopping ends it all, instantly. You were there one second, completely gone the next. That really is impossible to handle when you go through that experience, if you’ve ever been with someone as they “passed away.” I remember when we had to put our cat down and I held her in my arms as the vet administered the deadly injection. She’s purring affectionately one second and the next one, gone. It makes you think, “what is life” What is non-life? Here one second, gone the next. All that lifetime, all those events over all those years, all that work, all those loves and relationships, gone, over.
Now, of course, I’m talking about this physical, material, earthly perspective from the standpoint of us living when we experience someone transitioning instantaneously from this life to death. I’m not talking about the possible continuation of existence in the spirit realm. That’s another blog. In fact, I covered that topic in an earlier blog. I’m talking about what a fragile thing life is. We think it’s so solid, so certain, so impossible to suddenly be gone. But it’s not really.
I remember in college my friend assured me that he was never going to die as he was going to be “raptured,” when Christ returned, according to some popular Christian theologies He was absolutely sure he would just float up into the sky to heaven. Hmmm, I thought, that’s how he is going to deny death. Okay, that’s his choice to believe in that. Not my theology, though.
I believe that by contemplating our demise deeply, it can actually help us live a better life. I think some great lessons can be learned. So what can be learned by looking at this subject that many would say is a morbid topic to probe and contemplate? Here are my thoughts on looking at the unpleasant end of our existence.
Life and death are a package deal. If we are alive, we know there is an end to it all. We see it all the time, sometimes motivating us, sometimes scaring us, sometimes depressing us and causing serious mental problems. On the flip side of the coin, there is wisdom that death can teach us.
We can take the position of welcoming everything in our life. Not that we have to like everything. We don’t have to like it, but if we are brave we can be open to all that happens, to all that we encounter. We can be with the present situation, we can be a manifestation of love and compassion, even through those times of great suffering. Sh*t happens. It’s always going to happen from time to time. We need to travel light as much as we can because the world can be very heavy.
I don’t mean to get preachy, but we can learn the skill of letting our burdens go. We can learn the sometimes very hard lesson of forgiving. We can learn to love deeply, no matter what. Yes, life is heavy at times.
I read the analogy recently that regarding life and death, we are all on the edge of the canyon (that deep, dark canyon of death), we just don’t know how close to the edge we are at any moment, at what moment we are going to fall in.
So far, I have not seen a book titled “”Dying for Dummies,” so it looks like we all have to deal with this subject as best as we can, however that may be. I know there are very unpleasant and tragic ways of dealing with this, but I know there are better, healthier, mentally stabilizing and more peaceful ways of dealing with all of this. And, yes, it is horrible to think of this all ending and not being able to control this end of the spectrum, usually.
We all deal with this as we do The best way I can handle this at this later stage of life is to make the commitment every morning to “live like this is my last day!” One day it will be. Where exactly is the edge of the canyon?
POSTSCRIPT
Those killed in the recent helicopter crash after this post was written.
I wrote this post a couple of weeks ago. I let my posts sit for a bit to be sure I feel like publishing them and seeing if they need any revisions, etc. The Kobe Bryant helicopter crash occurred after this post was written and I thought, wow, this illustrates so much of what I was writing about. Life is so fragile. We are gone in an instant. We are doing our life, just going along and wham, it’s over. Life can be very sad when we experience these situations.
Kobe with his wife and two daughters at the White House
