Category: Just My Thoughts on Things

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Only One Way!

One of the biggest problems I have with this life is the thought, the belief, that “there is only one way.” This dilemma confronts me almost everywhere I turn. Perhaps the problem arises for me because I am an open-minded person (as I see myself), compared to many people I know. I see that in life, there are often “many ways” to think, many ways to live, many ways to believe, many ways to have a faith or a religion. Let me explain what I am talking about.

Most currently, we are seeing in the political realm right now a very divisive situation. The extreme right wing and the extreme left wing in politics see their way as the only way. There seems to be no middle ground any more in the political world. I have always seen myself as more in the middle, a centrist or a moderate in politics. Perhaps a bit left-leaning at times, but I have been open-minded. In fact, over the past thirty years or so I have voted for both major parties in presidential races. Yes, I have not voted a straight party line in every election. I study the candidate and make my decision from my investigation rather than vote the “party line.” I know everyone has good ideas and bad ideas, so I have to consider all that I am aware of. Many people I know do not really do that, they just vote the party line, which is often the political belief that they grew up with in in their family. Not always, but often, from what I’ve seen.

Another example of “only one way.” I grew up as most people do, believing that there really is only one way to live the good life, the normal life, the All American life, the Godly life or whatever. That correct way of living was to have attraction to the opposite sex, to date and find a “good woman,” (or “good man” for a woman), and marry and have a nice family with children. That really was the only way to live a “normal” life. That was the American dream, God’s way, etc. etc. There was no alternative. Those that did not marry, well, there was something strange about them. They were not normal not playing the role they were assigned by the Almighty. And I, of course, bought into this teaching from my youth. It didn’t even cross my mind that there was any other life to live than this “ideal” life. Once again, there was only “one way.”

Then, considering faith and religion. Oh, my . I bonded with the evangelical Christian movement and faith group in my teens. In that group there is only one way to live and believe. There are only two groups of people, the “saved,” and the “unsaved.” The saved go to heaven upon death, the unsaved to hell. And the only way to salvation, of course was the “Christian” way of accepting Jesus as your personal savior. Repent and accept Jesus and live for Jesus. One way, once again. And of course, if you were Catholic, the Catholic Church taught that they were the real, only true church, the only church. And don’t forget the Mormons, the Jehovah Witnesses. They think they have the true religion. And so on and so on for many other religions. Just “one way.”

To many, heterosexuality is the only way to live when it comes to love. Love, true romantic, physical love can only exist with the opposite sex. Of course brotherly love is allowed, but anything beyond that is not allowed. That’s how I was brought up. Same-sex attraction of course was a no-no, sinful, condemned, punished. Again, regarding love of a romantic, emotional, physical nature, there is only one way. No alternatives. Got to get with the plan, do the right thing, the only right thing. Get a good job, have a good marriage and have children.

So, when it comes to other cultures, other races, people different than us. Gee, does racism exist in this world? Do we think we are superior to other races, other cultures. You betcha! Need I say much about this subject? There’s only way if you are a white supremacist, only one “good” race. I was brought up with this way of thinking in my childhood environment and I rejected that way of thinking. I did not follow the racist thinking of my childhood of the 1950’s. It made no sense to me and I suffered because of my stand, being called nasty names because of the stand I took. I just saw everyone as a child of God and could not understand why there should be only one race.

So, this idea that there is only “one way.” I don’t accept it. I never really have. I won’t. It is closing your mind to reality. The idea that there’s only one way to live, to think, to believe, to act and react. That’s not how I live. I will never fit into that box. There are many different ways to live. Some good ways, some bad ways. But there are many ways.

I will occasionally tune in a Christian radio station when I’m in the car, just to see what they are up to these days, what they are “preaching” over the airwaves. And of course, they are pushing the conservative Christian idea that there is only one way a Christian should be. They assume any religious person is in alignment with their political views. Also their views on other topics. No room for opposing views. Very narrow perspective, very rigid beliefs.

Wow!

So, it’s not very popular these days being open-minded. It’s easier to just go along with the thinking and believing that there’s “just one way.” Sorry, that’s not for me, not on my path not part of my wonderful life.

Wally

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A Communist, Jesus Freak, Godless Atheist, Fag, MoFo, N*gger Lover, Etc. [Post #37]

Ever thought about the various things and names you’ve been called in your lifetime? I’m finding it to be an interesting pondering recently after doing a little experiment of responding to a “friend” on social media. I have family and friends that have views about life that are very different than mine. Don’t we all, unless we are really isolated in our personal circle of friends and acquaintances and are around only those who think exactly alike, like we think.

Well, after responding to someone whose views are opposite of mine, I thought, “let’s just see where this goes.” Yeah, it went right where I thought it might, immediately. Into an emotional and name-calling response. Yes, this world, this country, this society is really divided right now. More than I have ever experienced in my lifetime, with perhaps the exception of the 1960’s. It ain’t like it used to be, where you could calmly discuss issues and different opinions over a cup of coffee (or beer, or martini, depending on your inclination). It used to be, “oh, you’re a republican, or you’re a democrat, or conservative or liberal or centrist or moderate. Well, let’s just sit down and talk. Ha, it appears that those days are long gone.

So, after this “experiment” regarding our intolerant and emotionally crazed atmosphere regarding politics and other topics, I began reflecting on my past and how I’ve been perceived over my lifetime by others. The more I pondered this line of thinking, the more interesting it all became to me. I will try to relate my story chronologically to give it some order and sense.

In my childhood, I was called, by my family, a “n*gger lover.” Yep, that was in the 1960’s. The civil rights movement and all of that was going on at the time. I’ve mentioned in previous blogs how my family was not into civil rights consciousness at all. I didn’t understand their feelings, it didn’t make sense to me. So I must have expressed my opposition to their stand and hence the name calling began. I think that at an early age I must have decided I was not going to be a hater. Hating people just because of their skin color or they look different just made no sense to me. So, I had my introduction to racism at an early age and I didn’t like it.

As most of you know, well, at least people of my age, anyway, the 1960’s were a wild time. Nothing like it. I was a curious person. I was very curious about the world. One of my hobbies back then was radio. I had a CB radio, I got my ham radio license, I had a shortwave radio and listened to shortwave broadcasts from many countries around the world, interested in different cultures. At that time, the Vietnam War was raging and was big news. I was interested in the world and I happened to tune in Radio Hanoi one day. I listened to their broadcasts and eventually sent in a request to them to verify that I actually heard them. If you could prove you listened to a foreign broadcast station they would send you a verification card, which shortwave enthusiasts collected, especially of hard to hear countries around the world.

Well, it was not long before I heard from the F.B.I. They were aware I was sending mail to North Vietnam. They let me know that I was now on their “radar” and they would be watching me closely. When Radio Hanoi sent me a package which was Chairman Mao Zedong’s “little red book,” the FBI really went wild. They basically let me know they were considering me a possible communist sympathizer and they were monitoring me closely because of my mail contacts with a communist country. Boy, I wish I had kept those communications from the FBI. They would be a good laugh now, and fun to read.

I was also called a communist by others during that time period. I happened to not be a fan of the Vietnam War and in the 1972 presidential election I was not a supporter of and did not vote for Richard Nixon. At that time, if you did not vote for Nixon and if you dared vote for George McGovern, you were considered to be a communist for sure by many people. You were, if not a communist, actually, at least “un-American.” So during this time I was called a communist by both my country (at least the FBI) and some family and friends.

After this time period, later in life, I was also called a communist again, twice. Once after church years ago, in the social hall after a church service, I was having a casual conversation and somehow the subject of schooling came up. I was talking to a friend’s mother and when I mentioned I was a college graduate, she turned to me and snapped, oh, you’re a liberal, a communist. She was not kidding, she was dead serious. And I was shocked, speechless. I had never encountered such thinking before. And once again a couple of years later when talking to a co-worker one day, when I found out he was from Seattle, I mentioned “oh, I love Seattle. I lived four years there when I went to college.” Yep, his response, “oh, you went to college. You are a liberal, a communist,” he said in a rather nasty tone. Wow, I thought, just being a college graduate made me a communist in some people’s eyes. The ironic thing is, the college I went to was a small, conservative Christian college, but what do facts matter when people have very prejudiced opinions.

So, I went to a conservative Christian college. I got involved in a charismatic, Pentecostal group of friends. This was the 60’s, the Vietnam War, hippies, and Jesus Freaks. Now I was in this group of friends and we were not really the “Jesus freak” type of people, but regardless, some friends and family thought of me as a Jesus freak. Okay, that’s the way it was. Better than being considered and called a communist or n*gger lover.

After college I went to theological seminary. Several years after seminary I had a crisis of faith and decided I was really an atheist after all. That self-identification lasted a few years before I re-established a new, better, more logical, real faith for me. The childhood concept of God did not work as an adult, as is often the case for people who mature in their faith or religion. Well, I got some strong reactions during the time I called myself an atheist. As if I can’t think for myself and I have to accept other’s concept of religion.

The next name-calling incident came when a co-worker at a flight school I was working at got in a conversation with me and was telling how he really liked me and all that. In the conversation I happened to open up and let him know I was gay when he was carrying on about women and his locker-room kind of talk. Wow, did that change the atmosphere immediately. He was shocked. He called me a fag and said God should give me AIDS and I should die, in fact I would die, because I deserved it. Like I said, WOW! Never very friendly after that.

So, now to the present and my experiencing name-calling on social media. Like I said, I disagreed with what someone was saying about the political situation we are in. Immediately I got called by my “friend” and my friend’s friends names such as MoFo (term for MotherFers), bitch, hater (any non-Trump person), etc. Again, wow. I didn’t say anything nasty, mean, I just offered a different opinion that what was being promoted on the social media post.

You know what. I think it is all laughable now. All this name-calling. the current experience of this and also the past experiences. Yes, at the time it may have hurt, but now looking at it all, what a joke. People are just revealing who they really are, nothing about me, actually. I’m not a communist, never have been. I am against all racism. I’m a lover, not a hater. I know who I am.

Wally

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Letting Go [Post 36]

A very hard skill to learn, perhaps the hardest practice or skill to acquire in life is the “art of letting go.” If one can truly learn to let go in life, one can live a better life, a good life, even a great, joyous and happy life. Not being able to acquire this skill can wreak havoc emotionally and psychologically and mentally for one’s entire existence.

I feel very fortunate that I have been blessed with this ability as as innate part of my psychological makeup, or so it seems. Of course I’ve been hurt, I’ve been through some really dark periods, perhaps abused and abandoned at times. I’m not denying deep hurts in my life. But, I have been able to, with time and personal inner work and occasionally assistance from others been able to heal my wounds and move forward. Healing and moving on has saved me much mental turmoil and allowed me to live a freer, fuller life. I’m so glad I am not a clinger, a hanger-on to both bad and good experiences. I feel one of the great teachings of Buddhism is to not have attachments, to not cling to desires.

Now, I know what I just said can be easily misunderstood and often is in our culture. Desires and attachments and clinging and greed are big things in our society. They are normal, most people would say. But, I say the more you can eliminate these habits, the better off you will be.

Lets take bad experiences. We all will have bad, hurtful, even tragic experiences in life. Just gonna happen. They can destroy us if we can’t move through them and find some way to heal from our wounds. Death is one of the hardest experiences to go through. No one can avoid the horrible feelings of losing a loved one in death. Well, except for the psychopath or sociopath personality. I’m talking about normal people.

Some people get stuck at that point. They have experienced the gut-wrenching experience of having a loved one die, gone completely and forever from this earth. We feel we’ll never get over the loss and some people never do. I’ve come to believe that may be true. In fact, I believe that it may be true that we never really “get over a death of a loved one,” but we can “get through” the loss and have a great deal of healing from the experience over time, often a long time. On the other hand, some people never recover from a tragic loss, they are permanently damaged. I saw that in my mother, when her father died when I was a little kid. She went off the deep end, as they say. She went mental and never recovered, just got progressively worse over the years until her death when I was twenty-five.

We all have to let go of loved ones, like our parents if we outlive them. Those times with my parents (above), gone forever.

I have experienced the death of loved ones and friends as difficult times. I have grieved. I have eventually gotten through the grieving and moved on in life, not forgetting the loss, but accepting it as part of life. I certainly don’t mean to minimize the depth of hurt or the sometimes long process of healing. What I’m saying is that I don’t get permanently stuck in a bad mental state.

Now, besides the death experience, there are lots of times during our lifetimes that we have to “let go” of things and experiences and periods and phases of our lives. I’ve had to let go of my first experience of having a life partner. It was a sick relationship as I see it. It was bad, psychologically and emotionally. It was very unhealthy, as I see it now. I have had to let go of friends that were not good for me in my life. Friends and acquaintances who were mean, nasty, crazy, unbalanced, etc. Haven’t most of us? Not always easy. Not pleasant, but such a relief once we have done it and healed from our “sin” (mistake) of picking the wrong people to have around us in our perhaps more “needy” times.

Loved my flying days. Fulfilled my dream, but those days are in the past.

I have had to let go of some loves and pleasures of my life. I relinquished my wonderful “hobby” of piloting airplanes, my childhood dream come true. I thoroughly enjoyed the many years of flying, but the time came when it was too expensive and I didn’t have the time to keep up with all I needed to do to keep my licenses current and active. Yes, I have friends that don’t understand how I could give up that great love in my life, but that’s okay, they don’t have to understand me. I just knew the time had come to “let it go .” I did what I had to do at that time in my life.

I had no problem retiring from my airline career. It was mostly a great experience, my thirty-three years as an airline employee. I had picked the right industry and field of work for me and really loved it. But after my time there, I easily let it go. I know some friends that have a very difficult time retiring, adjusting to a new lifestyle, but not me. I had my great time working and it was time to go, time to begin a new experience of being “retired.” Yes, it did take a time of adjustment in some ways, but my head was good with it all. I let it go!

Looking at a different aspect of letting go, I’ve also had to let go of some assumptions and dreams, expectations and promptings of society and friends that were not right for me, in all honesty. I had to give up the assumed role in society of becoming a “family man,” getting married (heterosexually, of course), and having children, you know, that whole experience. It was in my twenties that I realized that dream, that picture was not going to happen for me. That was not the path I would want to choose. I had to let go of that expectation. I had expected that after college graduation I would follow the plan and become a stereotypical family man with all the trimmings. There was a different path awaiting me.

The good times. Playing charades with friends. Temporarily gone but will return.

So, life is a lot about living true to yourself, enjoying the good times when they come along, not grasping to hang on to them (yes, the good times), and also experiencing the dark or bad times and also not grasping and holding on to them, also. The bad times, I feel, must be worked through, doing whatever work one must to get centered again in life, grieve, and move on. Always working to be emotionally healthy, balanced, authentic, joyous and happy, that’s the formula for living a good life, as I see it. Not resisting what reality is staring you in the face right now, this moment. Handle it, heal it, and move forward.

Now, as I write this, the world is going through a complete upending of everything, with the virus affecting the entire world. Talk about “letting go!” We are being forced to let go of so much, all at once, almost everything which we consider a normal part of life. Living freely, gathering in groups, socializing, going to events. traveling, going to restaurants, whatever. Everything we took to granted as just a part of everyday life. We have had to let go, period. Not much choice involved. Just mundane shopping now involves dressing up in protective gear and avoiding people.

That final “letting go,” letting go of life, everything we were, everything we dreamed, all our loves, at least on this earthly plane.

So, of course we will all have to experience that final, grand letting go of all time. The letting go of life on our death bed or wherever. Yes, I know in our culture we avoid all thought of this final release of all we are, all we have been, with no hope of anything more in this life, on this planet. All of life. Adios, farewell, and all of that. The big release, letting go. How do you feel about that? How have you handled that thought? Will you handle that thought with the time you have left? Personally, I have had two experiences in my life where I faced my death. I mentioned them in previous blogs. I have a feeling those experiences will resurface in my final hours or minutes in as vivid a way as they did previously, except this time I will know that “this is it, for real.” Perhaps there was a reason I had a dress rehearsal for this event many years ago.

To sum this all up, letting go is a good skill to have as we navigate through life. A difficult skill for most of us, an impossible skill for some of us. It will affect how we live our lives. It will affect our deep serenity and happiness and joy in life, I believe.

I believe in enjoying life, the good times, such as a helicopter tour of Kauai, Hawaii, above. But I say don’t cling , hold on the the good times in an unhealthy way , enjoy them and let them be fun memories.

Wally

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Playing the Role of a Prophet [ Post # 35 ]

Okay, I’m not comfortable with calling myself or thinking of myself as a prophet. I’m speaking of “prophet” in the biblical sense. A Prophet in the Bible was someone inspired by God, someone who would speak for God to the people. So, I certainly don’t want to put myself in that role, but maybe it’s time to play that role, if only temporarily right now. I do have some definite thoughts of the world situation right now, and in the past I do admit to having very mysterious experiences of Spirit, God, the Universe, the “whatever” speaking to me. I have had a former friend proclaim herself a prophet and travels the world speaking with world leaders, pronouncing her experiences as the word she receives from what she calls God. It is often awful stuff she proclaims, such as terrible things happening in the world because of same-sex marriage and gays being allowed in the military, etc. So, I certainly have as much right to feel I hear God speaking to me, especially when what is spoken turns out to be true, not just speculation and personal prejudice and judgments.

I have strong feeling about what is happening right now in the world. I’m looking at the facts. I’m doing my best to leave politics out of this. I am relating what I am seeing. I am accessing deep feelings from a prayerful and spiritual perspective. What you think of any of this is your business. I am doing what I feel I must do.

My number one rule in life, for me, is to deal with what is right in front of me. Deal with reality, what’s happening right now, in this moment. No hiding, no turning away, no denying what is visible before my eyes. Got to deal with it, I say to myself, whatever “it” is. That’s just the way it is, that’s just life as it come to me moment-by-moment.

We are experiencing a global crisis right now. Overnight, the world has turned upside down. We are experiencing something we have not experienced before. Basically, the world is shut down. Everything is grinding to a halt. The unbelievable is happening. We are forced to be exposed for who we really are. We are stunned. That’s what’s happening, in real time, right before our eyes.

This is time to face the facts. I have received your texts, facebook postings, emails, whatever, telling me this is all a hoax, this “virus” thing. I have seen the right -wing celebrities (Rush Limbaugh, Judge Jeanine Pirro, Sean Hannity, government leaders) on tape laughing, saying this is not real, this is nothing but a common cold, a total hoax, a political tactic to influence the upcoming election. It’s on tape, folks. I received posts saying the media, liberals, democrats are making this up, asking if I know anyone who has gotten the virus.

I want to put politics aside and just deal with the health issue. It is real. You were wrong about this being a democratic tactic, a media hoax. The whole world is involved in this crisis, this horror. It is right before your eyes. Something unbelievable is going on. This is about our basic humanity. You are playing with a real crisis. You are in denial. This is life or death, folks.

Where is God in all of this? Who can say? I happen to believe God always is and God is everywhere. Things still happen that we can’t explain or understand. Yet, there is life in the middle of all this. Humanity has always faced and suffered these things. We all have to face the end of this earthly existence at some point. The big question is when, how, and for many, why? I cannot give any answers to these questions. That’s the mystery for everyone.

Face the facts, folks. This IS happening. This IS serious. This is NOT a political game. People are showing who they really are in this situation. No one has control of this. Politicians do not have a handle on this. Politicians are not medical professionals.

It’s time to be real. It’s time to come from love, compassion. This is not time to let your obvious or repressed hate control you. Not time for stupid politics. Find your “higher self.” Evolve to something better than being obsessed with petty politics and conspiracy theory bulls**t. You claim to be God’s children? Then begin to live like that is so. God is not impressed with how some of you are acting.

Wally

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Different Personalities, Spiritualities, and the World’s a Mess [ Post # 34 ]

Life is basically pretty simple, if you look at it that way. At least the basics of life, as I see it. First off, this world is made up of quite an assortment of personalities. Billions, actually. Everyone is a bit different and many are very different, some extremely different. Thinking about it, I’m amazed we get along at all. We often don’t. Hence the fighting, conflicts, violence, divorces, killings and wars that we have in the world. Of course it’s all very complex, but our different personalities are at the core of it all, as I see it.

Besides the range of personalities we also have a plethora of spiritualities, or if you prefer the term, religions. We have official, well defined religions and we have many individuals that have their own beliefs or spiritual feelings. We all, I think, individualize our belief systems as we all see life differently. Some just accept an established religion as is, some believe parts of organized religion but reject other parts.

For example, I know several “good Catholics” that believe Catholicism, yet have problems or disagreements with certain “Catholic” beliefs, i.e. abortion, homosexuality, papal authority or infallibility, only one true church, etc. So it seems no two people have the same exact religion or spirituality. Wouldn’t you agree?

So, back to our personalities.How do we get along and to some extent accept other personalities in this complex and diverse world? Personally, I’m amazed that we do get along as well as we do most of the time. I guess enough of us have flexibility and openness and compassion to hear each other out and decide to get along or tolerate or sort of agree and accept others in this world. Truth be told, there are a lot of people I don’t care for or really like at all. That’s just the way it is. I have no guilt about not liking some people, even though they may be good people, not bad people. There are many mean, nasty, vicious, intolerant, hateful people. Stay out of my world if that describes you. I have no time for you.

As to religion, I have more toleration for the many different religions in this world. As I see it, religion is our attempt to make some sense out of life, to have something to help us deal with the mystery of existence. Different people choose different religions. It’s as simple as that. Many, if not most people choose the religion they were brought up in in their childhood. Others develop a religion or a spirituality of their own as they grow up and mature in life. Some claim to have absolutely no religion (hence, atheism), but I see atheism as a religion in a sense, especially after spending a few years in the atheism camp of believers in atheism. They definitely have their strong, often inflexible beliefs in the nonexistence of God in any sense.

So, we have these many different personalities, ranging from very good to very evil, from very easy going and compatible to very difficult and impossible to deal with. We also have all of these religions and spiritual paths, some or most, perhaps, very loving and helpful to people coping with life, and some rather harsh and perhaps abusing and violent in the extreme. So, what is the result of all this mixture of personalities and religions?

My perspective is that the result of all of this is that the world is a mess. It really is, as I see it. Yes, the world works, you may say. Many would debate that statement. A case could be made that the world does not really work, not for everyone. You could point out all the problems and suffering in the world. No disputing that. So, perhaps the world works for some people, but certainly not for all.

So, what do we do? How do we create a world that really does work, that works for everyone? There are people that say they have the answers. There are people that say they feel they have a call to “save” the world. There are groups, there are cults, there are religions claiming to have the answers, the solutions to this dilemma. Well, that does not seem to be so. Look at history. There have been horrible periods in world history,and there have been better periods, but always, mankind has been fighting, warring, manipulating and controlling the world’s populations. As I see it, it all depends on individuals. We each have a part to play in keeping this world somewhat sane and “less messy.” It’s that simple. How we live each day, each decision we make, each conversation we have, each action we take affects the world at large. Enough good people will and do make a difference in making the world a better place. More bad people and it gets messier and more evil. Well, that’s not very profound you may say. Well, perhaps, but that is the way the world works. Good people, heroes, saints, sages, teachers have kept this world growing and evolving. they have saved life from extinction and we must be grateful for that, for those people who have stepped up and done their good work they had to do. The exciting thing is that we can be a part of this group of extraordinary of people by how we live our lives. By how we live our lives every day, every moment. Every action we take is important. Are we contributing to the good of the world? That’s the question we need to ask ourselves. That’s how we need to live and be.

Postscript

Once again, after I wrote this blog and let it sit before publishing it, world events have occurred pertaining to my blog’s subject. The virus situation exploded and the world has turned upside down it seems. People’s opinions and feelings and anger are extreme as I write this in late March 2020. The world is experiencing something we haven’t experienced in this way before in our modern age. Many people are making this all about politics, downplaying the situation saying this is all just a conspiracy and hype by the media and liberals and democrats to affect the 2020 presidential elections. Wow. The whole world is doing this just as a political ploy it would seem by their logic. Wow. I really can’t say much more than that now, just wow. I will stick with science, facts, what I observe and know using my intelligence. This is a very unusual time. People are revealing how they think. They are revealing their ignorance, their rigid, fixed political beliefs, at the risk of life itself to prove their point. I still have hope for humanity, but it is being tested to the extreme.

Wally

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And When Your Heart Stops Beating, Its All Over, Baby! [Post # 32]

I’ve written a couple of blogs regarding death and survivor’s guilt, so I don’t want to rehash those subjects. I want to look at some other aspects of the end-of-life topic. As we age and watch our friends and loved ones leave us one by one, it makes us look at what life is, really. I’ve stated earlier that death has stared me in the face my whole life. I’ve never been able to deny it like some people have.

So, yes, when your heart stops, it all over. Period. Everything you’ve done all those years, it’s gone, over. You may have been a great person, accomplished a lot, had a terrific impact on the world, but your heart stopping ends it all, instantly. You were there one second, completely gone the next. That really is impossible to handle when you go through that experience, if you’ve ever been with someone as they “passed away.” I remember when we had to put our cat down and I held her in my arms as the vet administered the deadly injection. She’s purring affectionately one second and the next one, gone. It makes you think, “what is life” What is non-life? Here one second, gone the next. All that lifetime, all those events over all those years, all that work, all those loves and relationships, gone, over.

Now, of course, I’m talking about this physical, material, earthly perspective from the standpoint of us living when we experience someone transitioning instantaneously from this life to death. I’m not talking about the possible continuation of existence in the spirit realm. That’s another blog. In fact, I covered that topic in an earlier blog. I’m talking about what a fragile thing life is. We think it’s so solid, so certain, so impossible to suddenly be gone. But it’s not really.

I remember in college my friend assured me that he was never going to die as he was going to be “raptured,” when Christ returned, according to some popular Christian theologies He was absolutely sure he would just float up into the sky to heaven. Hmmm, I thought, that’s how he is going to deny death. Okay, that’s his choice to believe in that. Not my theology, though.

I believe that by contemplating our demise deeply, it can actually help us live a better life. I think some great lessons can be learned. So what can be learned by looking at this subject that many would say is a morbid topic to probe and contemplate? Here are my thoughts on looking at the unpleasant end of our existence.

Life and death are a package deal. If we are alive, we know there is an end to it all. We see it all the time, sometimes motivating us, sometimes scaring us, sometimes depressing us and causing serious mental problems. On the flip side of the coin, there is wisdom that death can teach us.

We can take the position of welcoming everything in our life. Not that we have to like everything. We don’t have to like it, but if we are brave we can be open to all that happens, to all that we encounter. We can be with the present situation, we can be a manifestation of love and compassion, even through those times of great suffering. Sh*t happens. It’s always going to happen from time to time. We need to travel light as much as we can because the world can be very heavy.

I don’t mean to get preachy, but we can learn the skill of letting our burdens go. We can learn the sometimes very hard lesson of forgiving. We can learn to love deeply, no matter what. Yes, life is heavy at times.

I read the analogy recently that regarding life and death, we are all on the edge of the canyon (that deep, dark canyon of death), we just don’t know how close to the edge we are at any moment, at what moment we are going to fall in.

So far, I have not seen a book titled “”Dying for Dummies,” so it looks like we all have to deal with this subject as best as we can, however that may be. I know there are very unpleasant and tragic ways of dealing with this, but I know there are better, healthier, mentally stabilizing and more peaceful ways of dealing with all of this. And, yes, it is horrible to think of this all ending and not being able to control this end of the spectrum, usually.

We all deal with this as we do The best way I can handle this at this later stage of life is to make the commitment every morning to “live like this is my last day!” One day it will be. Where exactly is the edge of the canyon?

POSTSCRIPT

Those killed in the recent helicopter crash after this post was written.

I wrote this post a couple of weeks ago. I let my posts sit for a bit to be sure I feel like publishing them and seeing if they need any revisions, etc. The Kobe Bryant helicopter crash occurred after this post was written and I thought, wow, this illustrates so much of what I was writing about. Life is so fragile. We are gone in an instant. We are doing our life, just going along and wham, it’s over. Life can be very sad when we experience these situations.

Kobe with his wife and two daughters at the White House

R.I.P.

Wally

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When People Don’t Like Us [ Blog #31 ]

If you are a human being, I’m sure you have had the experience of some people not liking you. Usually we can sort of figure out why there is no chemistry between us and another person, but there are also some times when we have no idea why we are not liked. I remember an episode in the sitcom of The Golden Girls on TV when the character of Rose was being driven crazy by someone at work who did not seem to like her. Eventually, after trying everything to get him to like her, she asked him what his problem with her was and he finally blurted out, “Rose, I just don’t like you!” Some of us have had similar situations in life.

So, this business of not being liked. How does that affect you? Can you brush it off as nothing, really, or does it eat at you, like it did for Rose? I think we all get hurt by rejection, no matter what we tell ourselves or others. I’m finding that at this stage of life, retirement or the later stage of life, I am not as concerned with not being liked as I was earlier in my life. That is probably because I now choose my friends more carefully and I eliminate those who seem to be a problem for me. Earlier, in my working days, I did not have much control of who was in my environment, such as my coworkers and my managers and bosses. I had to function in a system, not completely under my control.

Looking back over my life, I can see where some people did not care for me, especially, and I can usually understand why that was so. As they say, the chemistry was not good or we did not care for the same things or saw things differently or could not stand each other’s habits or actions. That’s just the way it was.

On the other hand, one thing that really puzzled and bothered me was when someone seemed to automatically, at first sight and meeting, to just not like me or even hate me, with no logical reason, as far as I could tell. With no experience or history with me, this person did not seem to like me and I was stunned. I just could feel their energy. That’s how I would put it. I’m sure that this is not an uncommon experience. If fact , I asked a couple of friends and they confirmed that they have had similar experiences.

Fortunately I can say that this has not happened much in my life. Yet, once I started thinking on this topic, I realized there were occasions in each stage of my life where I experienced this. Of course I experienced hurt when this happened. I was probably only bullied twice or so that I remember and the other times were not that type of situation. I even feel some hurt resurfacing as I think about this. I am fortunate that these rare situations did not affect me as far as altering my life or my basic outlook or perspective on life and people.

We have all seen the tragic results when situations like bullying have psychologically damaged people and they act out in mass murder situations, situations far too common in this day and age. So it is imperative that that we handle these occurrences of rejection and not being liked by everyone in our world in a healthy manner. That we be psychologically sound and balanced and able to handle rejection and the hurt it often inflicts. We are going to run into this situation from time to time during our time on this earth, as I see it.

Getting back to the general topic of not everybody liking us, it seems that just participating in life and in society will cause us to face this dilemma time and again. In my life, the 1960’s were a tough time and tempers and hatred flared over many issues. There was the civil rights movement, the Vietnam War, Federal agents shooting and killing college students protesting, etc. It was nearly impossible to not take stands on these issues, and once you did, you were loved or hated by others, family and friends. That’s the way it was.

Well, so what’s this got to do with living the good life, the general overall theme of my blogs? I feel we do have to honestly face the issues before us and make some decisions, sometimes some difficult decisions of where we stand. We can be very outspoken or be more quiet and reserved, but we must face the issues in our world, especially in our personal world. Take your stand and let the chips fall where they may, I would say. Yes, some people may be upset. Close friends or family, and that sometimes really hurts, I know. But I say, don’t go for being liked. Go for being honest and authentic and loving and compassionate and fair, as much as you can. Some people don’t like me… so what! I’ll survive.

Wally

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Thinking vs. Following [ Post # 28 ]

It is said that things are really bad these days. It’s never been like this, the world and the political situation, etc. Well, having studied history as a history major in college, my opinion is that no matter what period of history you study, you can always find the worst thing happening somewhere in the world. There are always good things and bad things happening somewhere. I see the real problem in our world being that people choose to “follow” rather than “think.”

This came to mind recently when watching tv and a person was interviewed regarding the current political situation. She told the interviewer that she would back President Trump no matter what he ever did. No matter what, anything goes. I sat there thinking really, REALLY?! Wow. And believe me, I’m not really being political on this as I would be just as shocked if a political fan of a left wing politician were to say the same thing. It is hard for me to think people actually think and believe this way. I would say I have never followed any politician so radically. Or any other “authority” figure, such as a minister, teacher, leader, etc. I do not blindly follow anybody, and I don’t think any of us should if we are to be intelligent beings.

I am in favor of thinking rather than following. I know this is a society and culture of followers rather than serious, deep thinkers. We can see that everywhere. People follow celebrities, religious leaders, gurus, charismatic con artists and cult leaders. They follow cultural trends, religious teachings, childhood teachings, often without much thought of why they do. You may say, hey these are all good things. “Teach a child in the way he should go and he will not depart from it” the Good Book says. Well, okay, there is some truth there, but that does not negate our individual responsibility to seek truth, to think deeply and look at the facts and the ramifications of all our actions and beliefs and pronouncements. We must always think! Don’t just follow. We have to decide what we believe, what we see is truth, and decide how we will live.

Now, I do allow an exception, in a sense, for someone in the military. In the military you are trained to take orders and carry out those orders. You are trained to kill when ordered. That is a different situation, a subject for another essay, perhaps. But I would still say we must think and take the responsibility for our beliefs and actions, always.

I have read a spiritual writer recently who said to not take automatically as truth what someone says, no matter who they are. A Mother Teresa, the Dalai Lama, Thich Nhat Hanh, whoever. I agree. Someone is not necessarily right or speaking truth just because they are “spiritual.” Again, no matter what, think!

I learned to think for myself. I grew up in the 1960’s. A wild, tumultuous, chaotic time in this country’s history. I had to, was forced to, think things through . We were faced with new dramas every day. Emotions were crazy, that’s the only way I can put it. I was called a communist because I did not vote for Nixon in 1972. I was told years later by a supervisor at work that he had better never hear that my views of the Vietnam War were any different than his (he served in the war) or I was dead meat. He had no idea what my position was, as we never talked about it, he was just warning me that he accepted no opinions different that his.

Regarding following family beliefs, I was the “black sheep” of my family. I did not share many of my family’s beliefs and feelings about things. I was called a ni**er lover because I did not share the prejudices of my family. I chose to think for myself and not just follow the family beliefs. Again, thinking vs. following.

In thinking about all this, I realize that there are some terms in our culture and society that I do not really like much because of the “code” word they seem to be,as I see it. For example, I’ve never been fond of the term “team player.” My feeling is that what is meant is you will submit, follow blindly, give in to whoever has the authority in the group, not be an independent thinker. Or the term “a good American.” That was used a lot by my family. It usually is a code word for someone who thinks like a person who has very specific political beliefs and opinions that are very defined and narrow. Similarly, the word patriot I feel is often misused to mean something very narrow and specific in meaning.

So, my point is, so much of our world’s problems stem from the fact that so many people choose to just follow (often blindly) beliefs, authority figures, prejudices, society and family teachings rather than using their intellect and seriously study what their positions on life issues are. Less following and more thinking is demanded if this world is going to get any better.

Wally

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Opportunities, Cycles, Phases and the Good Life [ Post # 27 ]

They say opportunities come and they go. That this or that is the opportunity of a lifetime. This is your opportunity, it will never come again. Or, perhaps, that’s okay, you’ll have another opportunity later sometime.

Cycles… all of life is a cycle. There’s conception, birth, life, and eventually, death. (Okay, spiritually oriented people will say there is more beyond death, but that’s for another essay, not this one.) All of life is a cycle. Even our sun is in a life cycle, scientists say eventually our sun will die out and earth will one day be gone. And, all cycles are composed of phases. All of life can be broken down into phases.

So, what does all of this have to do with the “Good Life?” Well, as I see it, just about everything. When I think about the good life, my thoughts often include thinking about the opportunities that come our way during our life and what we do with them. Do we even see them, become aware of them, or just ignore them or because of ignorance or fear just let them pass by? We do have “windows of opportunity” and we never know how long they will last, do we?

I’ve mentioned many opportunities that came along in my life in my previous blogs, so I won’t rehash all of those experiences here. Let me just say that I am glad I had the opportunities I had and I’m glad I usually took advantage of them for my own good and advancement on my life’s journey. Taking advantage of the opportunities changed my life several times.

I have also taken time to realize exactly what phase of life I was in as I journeyed on my path. In youth I worked on getting an education. During my working life phase, I worked hard and tried to manage things and finances so I could someday retire. Yes, it seemed like an impossible dream to get to retirement and enjoy life without reporting to a boss, corporation and the other unpleasantries of the working life phase. I survived and succeeded in that phase. It seemed impossible for a long time, but you know what, I made it!

So now I’m in the retirement phase of my life. The last third of life, if you divide a long life into thirds of thirty years each. I am enjoying the good life, no doubt about it. My hard work and perseverance has paid off. Life is good.

Many people live what they would consider a miserable life or at least an unhappy life. They continually complain about how “life treats them,” how they have made so many bad decisions, how people and life have treated them poorly, etc. etc. Yet, on the other hand, some people seem to have very little in life as far as possessions and wealth but are very happy people.

So, what’s the deal? Well, as I see it, all of life is made up of moments of decisions. Every day we make numerous decisions, day in and day out. We make decisions on what we will do, what we will think, what actions we will take, etc. Every day. And these decisions are cumulative. They determine the direction our life will take. We get to where we are by the many thoughts, actions, and decisions we make daily.

And then there are the big moments, the big decisions, the big opportunities that come along. What do we do then? Well, as I see it, if we make the best use of our daily moments, our daily opportunities, when the big momentous opportunities come, we are somewhat prepared for that time. We have been acting and thinking in ways that lead us to the right direction to take. We are on the path of the “good life.”

So, this is how I see my life at this point. At this phase of life, my “retirement” phase, I am enjoying, as they say, the “fruits of my labors.” I have made many good choices and decisions and the result is the life I’m living now. What about pain, suffering, grief, hurt, disappointment, loss, etc.? Have I avoided these? Of course not, those experiences are all part of life, for everyone. I am no exception. What I’m saying is that regardless of the apparent “bad times, dark times, confusing times,” I believe we can create our own good life, no matter what. It really is a result of the way we have handled the opportunities, the cycles of life, and the different phases of life. This is how I see it, this is what I believe. I’ve lived a good life, I’m living a good life. I have achieved my childhood dreams. I’ve known success in so many areas, I’ve found genuine love in my relationships. I am grateful.

Wally

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The Garden

It’s interesting that in religion and myths of the beginning of life on this planet, the “garden” is the starting point of civilization. I think most of us can relate to a love of a nice garden, a nice garden setting in which to relax, to sit in silence, to contemplate or visit with friends and family or just nature alone. The beauty of a nice garden is a transcendent experience.

I’ve always had a love of gardens, it’s part of my love of nature, beauty, mountains, lakes, oceans and spiritual encounters. I have enjoyed gardens from a young age. I remember being introduced to vegetable gardening in elementary school. My school had a nice garden and we got to work in it and grow crops. I noticed that these days the garden there is gone and has been paved over. I guess schools don’t do those types of activities any more. That’s sad.

At home as a kid, we had a large back yard and I got to plant my vegetable garden every year and I loved the experience of growing food we could eat. There was a long stretch of many years when I could not continue with my vegetable gardening, living in apartments and being too busy making a living, etc. I didn’t realize what I was missing until I had a yard again and my spouse-to-be asked if I liked to do vegetable gardening. That prompt got me back into the practice of growing food again.

Now that I’ve returned to my old childhood hobby of vegetable gardening I have started thinking about all the life lessons the garden gives us. It teaches us very subtly if we are aware and contemplate what our interaction with nature is all about. Leaving the big world out there and retreating to our secret garden is a spiritual retreat of sorts.

Our everyday world can be almost totally removed from the natural world, the world of nature, the world of God’s creation some would say. The world of God’s beauty and wonders. We allow big industry to produce our food, we never even have to think about where things come from, we just go to the store and buy whatever we want, whenever we want.

Now, I was thinking I was so original and creative in thinking about the lessons gardens teach us about life, but just for fun I googled “Lessons gardens teach us” and “the garden as a metaphor for life,” etc. and I was amazed how many blogs covered this topic in an excellent way. Better than I could, I thought. So maybe I’ll just state a few simple things I’ve learned along the way while tending my garden.

The things I have learned from having gardens are many. I have to first have a desire to grow a vegetable garden. No desire, no interest and nothing will happen. It is just a thought. Once I create the desire, then I have to do some planning. I have to think it all out, have a vision of what I want. I have to have some knowledge of the basics of gardening. I do my research for what I need to know. Relying totally on trial and error is not going to work out very well.

With a plan in mind, the seeds or plants must be purchased and the project is underway. I do the best I can in setting up the garden. The soil, the location and the space required are worked out . Once the project is underway, it takes continual attention if it is to be a successful garden. The watering needs must be taken care of daily or there will be problems. As time goes on, weeds will appear and at that time the decision must be made to rid the garden of weeds as they appear or if I decide to be lazy and not take care of them, they will take over and mess up my well laid plans for a successful harvest.

So, isn’t life a lot like this? Some people have no vision in life, they really have no plans, no desires, no commitments, no overall plan. They just drift through life and get caught up in this thing or that, this addiction or that bad habit. And when weeds appear in their life, they often just ignore them and they, the weeds, end up growing wild and taking things over. There is no maintenance in their life, no cleaning up, no weeding out what is not beneficial to a good life.

If the garden project is successful, a nice plentiful harvest is the wonderful (and tasty) reward. Life is good. We have learned how to produce success in life and enjoy it and share it with others. And, we can look forward to doing this again, repeating the success and possibly changing some of the crops, trying new things and seeing how it all goes from year to year.

As I’ve said, I’ve found several blogs on the internet covering this subject of how the garden is a metaphor for life, and they are very good. I’d recommend checking them out if you are interested. In this short essay I just wanted to give some of my ideas on the subject. I have learned a lot from my time over the years spent in the dirt growing my vegetables. It has been a great learning experience.

Wally