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Living and Working in a National Park [Post #42]

My last blog (#41) covered my summer experience living and working in a small Eskimo village in Alaska in the summer of 1971. So, come the summer of 1972, I’m having another exciting adventure living in a new, unexpected place again, the adventure of living and working in Yosemite National Park, California. Let me back up and tell you how that came about.

Overlooking Yosemite Valley

I attended grad school, a theological seminary from the fall of 1971 until the spring of 1972. Another good time in my life. lots of new activities for me, like preaching at a local hospital of my church’s denomination. Another event during the year was attending a presentation at the seminary from the head of an organization called “A Christian Ministry in the National Parks.” The man talked to us about his organization, which provided a summer program to interested seminary students to live and work and minister in the National Park system. If we were accepted into the program, we would be housed and provided a secular job in the park and also have the responsibility to assist the park’s Christian minister in providing services for the park visitors on Sundays. I had no idea National Parks had Christian ministers providing worship services on Sundays.

Well, after hearing his spiel, I thought, wow, that would be interesting, living and working in a National Park for the summer. So, of course I inquired and applied for the upcoming summer’s program with the organization. That would be a good experience to have when I returned the next fall to continue my studies, I thought.

Well, I was accepted and told to report for an orientation program coming up in Madison, Wisconsin ( the seminary I was attending was in Chicago). I was told that the way the program worked was if you were accepted. you would be assigned a National Park by the organization, you did not get to choose where you would be placed. Okay, I thought, I’ll take whatever they assign me. This will be an adventure, not knowing where I’ll be or exactly what I’ll be doing. Let’s do it!

So the school year comes to a close. By the end of my first year I had decided I needed a break from the academic life. I’d spent several years in college and grad school and was a bit tired of it all. It was just time for a break. Time to have a talk with the dean of the seminary and advise him I probably would not be returning to school in the fall.

He seemed to understand and he told be that he felt he knew me well enough to tell me, “sure, take a break, but I know you’ll be back because this place and the ministry are for you.” I was surprised to hear him say that, being so supportive of my ministerial studies. It felt good being validated like that.

But I had this summer responsibility coming up with this National Park commitment. Well, it turned out that that was no problem. I could still fulfill that commitment even if I was not planning on returning to school in the fall. Whew, I still get to have my summer adventure, I’m stoked.

So, after a drive back home from to Los Angeles from Chicago (seminary) I once again pack up my ’67 VW bug and head north to Yosemite National Park, just northeast of Fresno, California. Never been there before. There’s a lookout point after you enter the park which is a stunning view of the valley, the mountains and the cliffs. I am stunned by the natural beauty like I’ve never seen before. Wow, I’m thinking, this is my new home for the summer. I’m in heaven. I am speechless.

The first view when entering the park of Yosemite Valley.

I spend the day getting settled in. It turns out my “secular” job is to be a busboy at the Yosemite Lodge cafeteria. My ministerial job is to be a chaplain at the Yosemite Hospital. I didn’t even know they had a hospital in the park. It is there for those visitors that get injured in the park or get sick. Well, this is something new for me, but I’m game, so let’s do it. I meet the park minister and get a little bit acquainted and orientated to my surroundings. Then over to the cafeteria to meet my boss there and get my housing taken care of. I will be housed in a tent encampment for workers. I will be sharing a tent with another park worker nicknamed “Frog.” Hmmm, this is going to be interesting I’m thinking.

High above Yosemite Valley.

So, the work begins. I actually liked the busboy job. I get fed. make some money, and live in a tent. I’m cool with this. I meet some interesting people as customers at the cafeteria. I get to know one couple over a period of days and even get a job offer for when my park commitment is over. It was in the insurance business, so I was not really interested, but I did think it over a bit.

After hours were fun times. I would attend park ranger talks in the evenings, explore the valley, enjoy the beautiful falls. I would spend some evenings in the bar where I became fond of “Singapore Slings.” Good times.

The lodging arrangement was a bit of a strain for me. Turns out “Frog” was a nice guy but really into drugs. He had his group of friends over to the tent often at night and they did peyote and magic mushrooms regularly. Needless to say, I did not often get good, sound sleep because of the nightly ruckus. I was not into drugs ( although in seminary I did indulge a bit in marijuana with a couple of seminarians). So, the lodging was a bit of an uncomfortable situation, but I survived.

In the valley.

Every now and then I would visit the hospital to see if anyone there needed some assistance. Often there’d be nobody there (patients), but sometimes there would be and I would visit them. I would offer prayer if requested.

There was a church in the park, an historic church, in fact. They held Sunday services there and I sometimes attended. I was not involved in those services as my ministerial job was at the hospital as a chaplain/assistant.

Some good friends from Los Angeles came to the park for a couple of days. That was fun having them there. I even went home for a weekend once just for a break. I thought that was strange. Here I was in paradise and I had to take a break and get away to the big city. But after a couple of days in L.A. I was ready to return.

It was fun making temporary friends with the workers there. We had lots of laughs and adventures. I did have one or two guys try to hit on me but I had not come to terms with that part of my life yet. In fact, at the orientation in Wisconsin before the summer, in one of the panels we were asked how we would handle a situation if we discovered someone in our ministry group was gay and I responded with a very homophobic response about how wrong it was. People seemed a bit shocked at my response and when questioned further my response was “because the Bible condemns homosexuality.” I was a bit close-minded back then.

Oh, well, summer was coming to an end. When I called home I was shocked to hear that my mother was suddenly diagnosed with cancer so I advised my bosses that I had to terminate my summer commitment a bit early and head home. A sad way to end this adventure, but that’s the way it was. Once again, I grabbed an opportunity to have a grand adventure and I had a great time. Another once-in-a-lifetime experience on my path.

Wally

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My Experience on the Mission Field (Yes, Me!) [ Post # 41]

Something most people don’t know about me is that I spent time on the mission field. No, I am not a Mormon, this was not the mandatory Mormon mission field that Mormons are required to serve in. This was the evangelical Christian mission field. This was during the summer of 1971, between my college graduation and my entering theological seminary in the fall of 1971 to work towards my Masters of Divinity degree (M.Div.) and possible ordination as a minister. I volunteered to be a summer helper and worker for my friends who were missionaries in an Eskimo village in Alaska, right on the Bering Sea, just a hundred miles south of Nome, Alaska. It was one of those unique, once-in-a-lifetime experiences I’m so glad I took advantage of when the opportunity arose.

I was nearing my college graduation in Seattle and the church I was a member of sent out an appeal for volunteers to spend the coming summer in this Eskimo village, helping to build a dormitory for the mission high school. The high school was run by friends of mine and I decided that that would be an excellent way to spend my summer between schools. Construction skills were not required, just the ability and commitment to work hard and learn what needed to be done, just follow instructions from the skilled workers on the project. I applied for the position, was supported by the church, and accepted.

Wow, three months in the wilds of Alaska! I was excited. Something I’d never imagined doing, something new for this young college graduate to try out. A weird feeling came over me just imagining what may lay ahead of me.

I told my family what I was going to do. Of course they had no idea what I was talking about or why I was doing this (they were not “church people” as I disclosed in previous blogs). To them, this was just another weird thing I (the Christian/Jesus freak, in their eyes, I’m sure) was planning to do in my strange (to them) life.

So, off to Alaska. I decided to get to the village by taking Alaska Airline’s “milk run” up the coast from Seattle to Anchorage, making several stops along the way so I could get a good view of the Alaska coast and the cities and villages and glaciers. There were stops at Ketchikan, Juneau and one or two other places. It was an exciting trip seeing all this new territory.

Settling in there once we arrived in this small village, we worked every day (except Sunday) doing construction work. There was a summer volunteer crew and we got to know each other. It was a fun time. One worker went to college with Franklin Graham, Billy Graham’s son. He told us stories about what a wild kid Franklin was. Another worker became attracted to the daughter of my missionary friends. He later told me how uncomfortable he was knowing that the daughter and I were friends for years. He really had no reason to be concerned, as she and I had no romantic intensions, we were just friends. He eventually married her a couple of years later and I made a return trip to the village to attend the wedding.

We had the president of the church denomination visit the school and the missionaries. That was an exciting time for me. It was also exciting being involved in the various activities that filled our off-duty time. We were all provided with fishing licenses and often went fishing on the river. It was amazing catching the large (huge, actually) salmon without much effort. This was all new territory for me, one exciting experience after another. It was also quite an experience having sunlight twenty-four hours a day. I don’t know that I would like the winters there with twenty-four hours of darkness every day, but the summers can be handled with dark curtains in the bedroom.

The village Eskimo people were great. I enjoyed the time with them. A couple of the workers got to go to Nome, a hundred miles up the coast, to assist in teaching vacation bible school. So we were always busy doing something but we also had enough down time to enjoy the area, the Alaskan wilderness.

It was a good experience expanding my awareness of life, the world, and different cultures. We were treated very well and were really a “summer family.” I wouldn’t change that experience for anything. A great time in my life. A time to ready myself for seminary in the fall.

So, the day came for me to leave. I worked the morning of my last day, as the Alaska Airlines flight to take me to Anchorage and back to Seattle would not be there until the afternoon. I didn’t think anything of it, but Don, the missionary leader of the summer work force came to me and said how impressed he was with me for my work there, and he was especially appreciative that I worked even on my last day there. I guess he just assumed I’d not work that half a day before the plane arrived to take me away from this wonderful summer experience.

So, heading home now, the plan was to get home, load up my VW bug with all my belongings for grad school experience coming up and drive to
Chicago. My brother decided to accompany me half-way on my trip to Chicago as he had a few days off from his work. He went with me as far as Denver then flew home. I was now on my own again, heading to a new experience. It was a wonderful time. A good life.

Wally

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Defining Moment in the Desert [ Post # 40]

This is a story I presented at a story-telling brunch at a church fund-raiser a while back. It was a fun time hearing people’s brief five minute life stories. This was one of those defining, life changing, transformative moments I think many of us have experienced at some time in our personal history.

It was probably 1967 and I was at a very low, depressed time in my life. I can’t remember exactly why I was so depressed, but everything was falling apart in my life, at least in my own messed-up mind. I had graduated from high school and was working at uninspiring, menial jobs. My close friends were gone away to college. I had moved away from home as I was very unhappy living at home before my graduation. One night I just decided it was time to run away from all my problems and unhappiness. I got in my 1956 Chevy (the best car I ever had), filled it with gas and headed east from Los Angeles on the I-10, which goes from Los Angeles to Jacksonville, Florida. My plan was was to keep going east until I found a new place to start a new life. I assumed I’d end up in the Midwest or somewhere on the east coast, probably. The first big city on my route was Phoenix, so I figured that would be my first stop. So on I drove, into the pitch black night in the California desert.

Many hours spent driving in the pitch black night of the California desert on my way to Arizona.

I had lots of time to think as the hours passed by. A lot of various thoughts. It was scary doing this, I had no idea what was ahead for me. I only knew that I had to do this. I knew, also, that this was a better plan than totally giving up and considering something more drastic. This was the best option, as I saw it.

After a few hours I realized I’d need to gas up at the Colorado River, which was coming up before too long. It was maybe 2am or so and it was pitch black with the starry desert sky overhead. I was so absorbed in thought I suddenly realized it was totally silent in the car. I decided to turn on the radio. I had been so transfixed in such deep thought, deep, depressed thought for hours I decided it was time for a break and listen to the radio.

I turned on the radio, and of course I was in the middle of nowhere, so the radio had no strong radio stations coming through, just lots of static and some very weak, distant stations. Tuning the radio, I heard a somewhat strong station and continued listening. Eventually the station identified itself as KOMO in Seattle, Washington. Wow, I thought, a very distant station but coming through as a pretty good signal. I kept listening.

Best car I ever had and the one I was driving one night when my whole life changed in an instant!

As I listened, my mind kicked in and I started thinking of Seattle. I had never been to Seattle. Wondered what Seattle was like. Hmmm, Seattle, Washington. Then it hit me, right out of the blue, as they say. I had three friends attending college up there in Seattle. Three friends I had met in high school in Los Angeles. They were attending a college there in the Pacific Northwest. My mind started thinking, I have three friends in Seattle attending college. Hey, maybe I should consider going to Seattle to start my new life! Hmmm… why not? That might a better solution to my problems than just running away to who knows where. Hey, why not go to the same college that my friends were attending? I really had not thought of attending college and getting a degree. In a previous blog I mentioned how my high school counselor told me one day I was not college material and don’t even think of trying to get into a college.

So, I have friends there right now, I was thinking. I bet I could get into college if I worked at it. It just might work out. This was a spontaneous thought, or inspiration is perhaps a better way to see it. Wow, all of the sudden my whole body reacted to the thought and I felt a wonderful feeling. This could be my escape from my depressed period of my life. I suddenly snapped out of my deep state of thought and said to myself, “I’m going to do it, at least try to do it.” Time to turn around and head home and begin my new plan. Just about then I was coming up on the town of Blyth, California, at the Arizona border and the Colorado River. Time to fill up my car for the return trip to Los Angeles.

My whole life changed in that instant of listening to the car radio and imagining myself attending college in Seattle. Back home, I had a long rest from that eventful night and the next day began working on my project of getting admitted to college. I had to take the SAT test, get recommendations, one from my pastor if I was attending a church (it was a small, conservative Christian college). I did all the things I needed to do and the result was that I was finally accepted. Wow, a new adventure and life awaited me. I had no idea where this was going to lead me, but I was on board with the plan to get a college education. It was not that I had any particular feeling about having a college education, as I never even entertained the idea before, really.

The big day came when a friend took me to the airport and I boarded the plane for Seattle. I was on my way. My very early blogs pick up from this point. They cover my college years, briefly, and then my graduate school experiences in a theological seminary. Then my leaving school to get into the world again and begin job hunting, where I eventually got started in my airline career.

So, this desert experience. What a major turning point in my life story. What a story of salvation, in a sense. What would my life have been like if I had relocated to some unknown place in the country after my unplanned road trip in desperation and depression. I know now that I was being led to do the right thing, as I always have been even when I had no awareness of some sort of Divine guidance. Yes, something has kept me on the path of this wonderful life I’ve lived!

Wally

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My Religion; Your Religion; The “Church” [ Post # 39]

I planned to change my topic after several blogs of the “religious” and “spiritual” theme, but felt I needed one more essay along these lines since my last blog on not being fond of church. In that blog I was referring to the organization and physical building called “the church.” Upon reflection, I realize there is the greater definition of “church,” meaning the community of like-minded people, the community of people or “believers” outside an organization or physical structure.

In this sense people are the church yet may never “go” to church, attending formal services. As I see it, we all have our different beliefs, even those proclaiming no beliefs at all. In order to function at all in life, I believe we all have beliefs in something. Most of us have a belief in science. If we travel in an airplane, we believe in the science of aerodynamics. You get the point.

So we all have belief in something. In the religion/spiritual dimension, we all believe in something. Everyone’s belief is individual, as I see it. Some may believe in just luck or randomness in this universe. Religious denominations have their official doctrines, beliefs, and structures. Mormons, Catholics, Baptists, Unitarians, Jews, Buddhists, Hindus all have their different beliefs. You have your beliefs, also, your particular beliefs. They may align or agree with a particular denomination/religion, but I bet your individual beliefs may differ somewhat from the organization’s official beliefs.

So, turning to my personal, individual religion. Over the years I’ve thought about what beliefs I have. They have changed over the years. Over the past two years or so, since I’ve started blogging, especially, I have gelled my spiritual and religious thoughts and contemplations into my personal and very brief statement of my religion. It’s simple, it works, and it’s how I live my life now. It is so easy, now, for me to live my religion. And the best part is I have no guilt, no regrets, no bad feelings, no having to answer to an organization trying to control me in any way to live up to the organization’s standards and rules.

My religion consists of just seven words. Yes, it’s that simple, seven words. Simple, perhaps, but the seven word statement covers a lot. It covers everything as far as I’m concerned. Short and sweet, as the saying goes. My religion is: ” LOVE: TRUST GOD; AND F THE REST.” (For the easily offended, more proper people, let the F stand for “fooey with.”) So, there you have it, my religion, my credo, my standard for living my life.

For me, that statement covers everything. Everything that a religion should cover. Let me elaborate. “LOVE;” that covers a lot. That is what life is all about, as I see it. I love rather than hate. If I love, I don’t intentionally hurt people. I do my best to be a representative of the Divine, of living as “the Father and I are One,” as Jesus said. Sure, I’m flawed, everyone is flawed. But looking over my life, I don’t feel that I have ever “hated” anyone. Extremely disliked someone, perhaps, but not what I would call hate. Hate to me is a crossing of the line, going over the edge. I love peace, tranquility, harmony, tolerance, diversity. I love compassion, sincerity, well, you get the picture. I do not seek revenge. I practice forgiveness, even in very difficult situations, for my psychological and mental health, not to accept bad behavior or let people get away with bad actions . I leave the “getting even” aspect to karma, to life, to consequences that may come to evil doers.

As for the “trust God” part, well, that covers a lot also. I spent much of my life worrying, being frustrated, anxious, confused, angry and pessimistic. After a long life, I have learned to trust. Trust life, God, the universe, whatever you want to call it, I’ll call it God. The loving, creative energy of the universe. It will work out, as I see it. Life goes as it goes. I just need to be “connected,” to God, as I see it. I don’t have that much control over things. Life is basically a mystery. Things are happening behind the scenes as I see and experience it. That’s just something I have come to see after all this time struggling in life. I guess that is what faith is. I do what I need to do every day (every moment, actually) and let that something behind the scenes take care of me and lead me on. When I stumble I don’t need to lose my faith, just collect myself, spiritually, and move on.

As for the F (“fooey with”) everything else, I see most of structured religion as intellectual mind games theologians play with the people. Theologians theorize, speculate, proclaim, pronounce, and organize religious life in human terms. They tell you what God is, what everything is, how you should live, what truth is, etc. They have rituals and actions you should or must perform to be “holy,” “sanctified,” “saved,” etc. They have liturgies and formulas, etc. All find and dandy, I say, if that is your religion, the religion you choose to follow, the religion you believe is the right one. Go for it if it gives you life, a happy and good life, as you see it.

My altar at home in my meditation, prayer room.

What I’m saying in all this is, my personal religion is pretty simple. I like things stated simply. Jesus stated the commandments in a simple statement of, ” love God and your neighbor as yourself.” Meister Eckart the mystic/priest centuries ago) said “if the only prayer you ever prayed is “thank you,” that is sufficient. So, I’m saying, (for me, my religion is), “Love; Trust God and F the rest.” My parting word to you is “Namaste: I bow to the Divinity in you.”

Wally

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Not Fond of Church [ Post # 38 ]

I’m sure this post will be controversial to many people, or confusing, especially to people who know me. It may even seem hypocritical for me to be taking such a stand considering my long history of being involved with churches. Yes, I have been involved with churches for most of my life; but you know, I’ve never felt really, I mean REALLY comfortable with church, the organization and the people.

To make a big generalization, I would say there are two types of people (in the “Christian world” anyway). There are church people, people who have been involved in church for most of their lives, and non-church people. The church people often just grow up in the church, sometimes not giving it much thought, just accepting the church structure and belief system promoted by their church denomination. The non-church people just grow up unattached to church and often unknowledgeable about religious things. Of course there are those in between and those who grew up in the church in their youth and turned away or people who “got burned” by church and church people, church culture, or whatever.

I chose to become a “church person,” which I covered in previous blogs. My family was not a religious family but I rebelled and became part of a church community in my teens. So, after getting religion, or finding God, coming to Jesus, or however you want to see it, I studied for the ministry but stopped short of finishing my graduate, theological studies. So, I was involved in churches most of my life. Some good times and experiences were had and some frustrating and contentious times also. I could never be a complete follower of any line of belief or thought or social group. I have never been a complete “team player” in my life as I value independent thought and personal truth seeking, always. I have an aversion to “group think,” cult following and behavior, guru worshipping, etc. You get my drift.

Yes, it is a bit ironic that I voluntarily got so involved in church and religion but also hold these feelings and beliefs. I definitely live a spiritual life but it is beyond what most churches promote, proclaim, preach and try to enforce by their various means, including coercion and shunning. I remember being kicked out of a church after I returned to my home church after leaving seminary and expressing that I did not believe all the things I pretended or thought I believed earlier. Seminary had opened my eyes to a bigger world, especially a bigger theological world, I guess you could say.

To sum up my feelings regarding church in our world, our culture and society, I feel there is great opportunity for churches and church communities to be a vibrant, inspiring force in the world. Yes, there are good churches and religious organizations in the world. No question about that. I applaud the good organizations doing good things in the world.

I just am a bit leery of organizations and groups of people and political structures and power structures. I have seen too many people abused or hurt or shunned unlovingly in the church arena and community. I am cautiously aware of the undercurrents going on in group situations, especially church and religious settings.

A bit paradoxical that I can be in church and feel this way about church at the same time. Perhaps. The best way I can say it at this time is, “I am not fond of church.” Church can be good. I can enjoy church and participate at times in church, but I am aware of the pitfalls of organizations, groups, power plays and politics. You wont find me selling my soul to any group or guru. I’m a truth seeker, I’m a lover, not a hater.

During my atheist years (late 1980’s) I belonged to the American Atheists Association. I went to their convention in Austin, Tx. and was with Madalyn Murray O’Hare and her family for a couple of days. That was my rebellion to the conservative, evangelical, fundamentalist church. I recovered and found better religion.

So, if you love church, are enjoying a good relationship with a church and its people, go for it. I just say, beware. Beware of “group think,” of narrow-mindedness, of disguised forms of hate and prejudice and self-righteous people. You will find these types of people more in the fundamental, evangelical, legalistic type of churches, I believe, than in the more open, liberal and free-thought type of churches. I wish the church world was a perfect world, but, well, you know, it isn’t. By having the awareness I have regarding this institution, I don’t get burned and hurt and angry like some people do ( like several people I know). I may at times become disappointed in a minister or a congregant, but I try to be realistic and fair and understanding about the situation. I will not make the decision to “have nothing to do with church ever” just because of the above mentioned situations. Some people make that decision, and that’s their decision to make. I just say that that is sad. You can have a spiritual group in your life to help make your life better and more complete, just beware! Maybe this essay sounds convoluted since I’m saying “I’m not fond of church,” and also, “I often enjoy church and it can be a good experience. But, after all, isn’t life like that? Paradoxical, contradictory, uncertain, confusing, crazy and wonderful. I can live with all that and the mystery of it all. At least, most of the time.

Wally

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A Communist, Jesus Freak, Godless Atheist, Fag, MoFo, N*gger Lover, Etc. [Post #37]

Ever thought about the various things and names you’ve been called in your lifetime? I’m finding it to be an interesting pondering recently after doing a little experiment of responding to a “friend” on social media. I have family and friends that have views about life that are very different than mine. Don’t we all, unless we are really isolated in our personal circle of friends and acquaintances and are around only those who think exactly alike, like we think.

Well, after responding to someone whose views are opposite of mine, I thought, “let’s just see where this goes.” Yeah, it went right where I thought it might, immediately. Into an emotional and name-calling response. Yes, this world, this country, this society is really divided right now. More than I have ever experienced in my lifetime, with perhaps the exception of the 1960’s. It ain’t like it used to be, where you could calmly discuss issues and different opinions over a cup of coffee (or beer, or martini, depending on your inclination). It used to be, “oh, you’re a republican, or you’re a democrat, or conservative or liberal or centrist or moderate. Well, let’s just sit down and talk. Ha, it appears that those days are long gone.

So, after this “experiment” regarding our intolerant and emotionally crazed atmosphere regarding politics and other topics, I began reflecting on my past and how I’ve been perceived over my lifetime by others. The more I pondered this line of thinking, the more interesting it all became to me. I will try to relate my story chronologically to give it some order and sense.

In my childhood, I was called, by my family, a “n*gger lover.” Yep, that was in the 1960’s. The civil rights movement and all of that was going on at the time. I’ve mentioned in previous blogs how my family was not into civil rights consciousness at all. I didn’t understand their feelings, it didn’t make sense to me. So I must have expressed my opposition to their stand and hence the name calling began. I think that at an early age I must have decided I was not going to be a hater. Hating people just because of their skin color or they look different just made no sense to me. So, I had my introduction to racism at an early age and I didn’t like it.

As most of you know, well, at least people of my age, anyway, the 1960’s were a wild time. Nothing like it. I was a curious person. I was very curious about the world. One of my hobbies back then was radio. I had a CB radio, I got my ham radio license, I had a shortwave radio and listened to shortwave broadcasts from many countries around the world, interested in different cultures. At that time, the Vietnam War was raging and was big news. I was interested in the world and I happened to tune in Radio Hanoi one day. I listened to their broadcasts and eventually sent in a request to them to verify that I actually heard them. If you could prove you listened to a foreign broadcast station they would send you a verification card, which shortwave enthusiasts collected, especially of hard to hear countries around the world.

Well, it was not long before I heard from the F.B.I. They were aware I was sending mail to North Vietnam. They let me know that I was now on their “radar” and they would be watching me closely. When Radio Hanoi sent me a package which was Chairman Mao Zedong’s “little red book,” the FBI really went wild. They basically let me know they were considering me a possible communist sympathizer and they were monitoring me closely because of my mail contacts with a communist country. Boy, I wish I had kept those communications from the FBI. They would be a good laugh now, and fun to read.

I was also called a communist by others during that time period. I happened to not be a fan of the Vietnam War and in the 1972 presidential election I was not a supporter of and did not vote for Richard Nixon. At that time, if you did not vote for Nixon and if you dared vote for George McGovern, you were considered to be a communist for sure by many people. You were, if not a communist, actually, at least “un-American.” So during this time I was called a communist by both my country (at least the FBI) and some family and friends.

After this time period, later in life, I was also called a communist again, twice. Once after church years ago, in the social hall after a church service, I was having a casual conversation and somehow the subject of schooling came up. I was talking to a friend’s mother and when I mentioned I was a college graduate, she turned to me and snapped, oh, you’re a liberal, a communist. She was not kidding, she was dead serious. And I was shocked, speechless. I had never encountered such thinking before. And once again a couple of years later when talking to a co-worker one day, when I found out he was from Seattle, I mentioned “oh, I love Seattle. I lived four years there when I went to college.” Yep, his response, “oh, you went to college. You are a liberal, a communist,” he said in a rather nasty tone. Wow, I thought, just being a college graduate made me a communist in some people’s eyes. The ironic thing is, the college I went to was a small, conservative Christian college, but what do facts matter when people have very prejudiced opinions.

So, I went to a conservative Christian college. I got involved in a charismatic, Pentecostal group of friends. This was the 60’s, the Vietnam War, hippies, and Jesus Freaks. Now I was in this group of friends and we were not really the “Jesus freak” type of people, but regardless, some friends and family thought of me as a Jesus freak. Okay, that’s the way it was. Better than being considered and called a communist or n*gger lover.

After college I went to theological seminary. Several years after seminary I had a crisis of faith and decided I was really an atheist after all. That self-identification lasted a few years before I re-established a new, better, more logical, real faith for me. The childhood concept of God did not work as an adult, as is often the case for people who mature in their faith or religion. Well, I got some strong reactions during the time I called myself an atheist. As if I can’t think for myself and I have to accept other’s concept of religion.

The next name-calling incident came when a co-worker at a flight school I was working at got in a conversation with me and was telling how he really liked me and all that. In the conversation I happened to open up and let him know I was gay when he was carrying on about women and his locker-room kind of talk. Wow, did that change the atmosphere immediately. He was shocked. He called me a fag and said God should give me AIDS and I should die, in fact I would die, because I deserved it. Like I said, WOW! Never very friendly after that.

So, now to the present and my experiencing name-calling on social media. Like I said, I disagreed with what someone was saying about the political situation we are in. Immediately I got called by my “friend” and my friend’s friends names such as MoFo (term for MotherFers), bitch, hater (any non-Trump person), etc. Again, wow. I didn’t say anything nasty, mean, I just offered a different opinion that what was being promoted on the social media post.

You know what. I think it is all laughable now. All this name-calling. the current experience of this and also the past experiences. Yes, at the time it may have hurt, but now looking at it all, what a joke. People are just revealing who they really are, nothing about me, actually. I’m not a communist, never have been. I am against all racism. I’m a lover, not a hater. I know who I am.

Wally

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Letting Go [Post 36]

A very hard skill to learn, perhaps the hardest practice or skill to acquire in life is the “art of letting go.” If one can truly learn to let go in life, one can live a better life, a good life, even a great, joyous and happy life. Not being able to acquire this skill can wreak havoc emotionally and psychologically and mentally for one’s entire existence.

I feel very fortunate that I have been blessed with this ability as as innate part of my psychological makeup, or so it seems. Of course I’ve been hurt, I’ve been through some really dark periods, perhaps abused and abandoned at times. I’m not denying deep hurts in my life. But, I have been able to, with time and personal inner work and occasionally assistance from others been able to heal my wounds and move forward. Healing and moving on has saved me much mental turmoil and allowed me to live a freer, fuller life. I’m so glad I am not a clinger, a hanger-on to both bad and good experiences. I feel one of the great teachings of Buddhism is to not have attachments, to not cling to desires.

Now, I know what I just said can be easily misunderstood and often is in our culture. Desires and attachments and clinging and greed are big things in our society. They are normal, most people would say. But, I say the more you can eliminate these habits, the better off you will be.

Lets take bad experiences. We all will have bad, hurtful, even tragic experiences in life. Just gonna happen. They can destroy us if we can’t move through them and find some way to heal from our wounds. Death is one of the hardest experiences to go through. No one can avoid the horrible feelings of losing a loved one in death. Well, except for the psychopath or sociopath personality. I’m talking about normal people.

Some people get stuck at that point. They have experienced the gut-wrenching experience of having a loved one die, gone completely and forever from this earth. We feel we’ll never get over the loss and some people never do. I’ve come to believe that may be true. In fact, I believe that it may be true that we never really “get over a death of a loved one,” but we can “get through” the loss and have a great deal of healing from the experience over time, often a long time. On the other hand, some people never recover from a tragic loss, they are permanently damaged. I saw that in my mother, when her father died when I was a little kid. She went off the deep end, as they say. She went mental and never recovered, just got progressively worse over the years until her death when I was twenty-five.

We all have to let go of loved ones, like our parents if we outlive them. Those times with my parents (above), gone forever.

I have experienced the death of loved ones and friends as difficult times. I have grieved. I have eventually gotten through the grieving and moved on in life, not forgetting the loss, but accepting it as part of life. I certainly don’t mean to minimize the depth of hurt or the sometimes long process of healing. What I’m saying is that I don’t get permanently stuck in a bad mental state.

Now, besides the death experience, there are lots of times during our lifetimes that we have to “let go” of things and experiences and periods and phases of our lives. I’ve had to let go of my first experience of having a life partner. It was a sick relationship as I see it. It was bad, psychologically and emotionally. It was very unhealthy, as I see it now. I have had to let go of friends that were not good for me in my life. Friends and acquaintances who were mean, nasty, crazy, unbalanced, etc. Haven’t most of us? Not always easy. Not pleasant, but such a relief once we have done it and healed from our “sin” (mistake) of picking the wrong people to have around us in our perhaps more “needy” times.

Loved my flying days. Fulfilled my dream, but those days are in the past.

I have had to let go of some loves and pleasures of my life. I relinquished my wonderful “hobby” of piloting airplanes, my childhood dream come true. I thoroughly enjoyed the many years of flying, but the time came when it was too expensive and I didn’t have the time to keep up with all I needed to do to keep my licenses current and active. Yes, I have friends that don’t understand how I could give up that great love in my life, but that’s okay, they don’t have to understand me. I just knew the time had come to “let it go .” I did what I had to do at that time in my life.

I had no problem retiring from my airline career. It was mostly a great experience, my thirty-three years as an airline employee. I had picked the right industry and field of work for me and really loved it. But after my time there, I easily let it go. I know some friends that have a very difficult time retiring, adjusting to a new lifestyle, but not me. I had my great time working and it was time to go, time to begin a new experience of being “retired.” Yes, it did take a time of adjustment in some ways, but my head was good with it all. I let it go!

Looking at a different aspect of letting go, I’ve also had to let go of some assumptions and dreams, expectations and promptings of society and friends that were not right for me, in all honesty. I had to give up the assumed role in society of becoming a “family man,” getting married (heterosexually, of course), and having children, you know, that whole experience. It was in my twenties that I realized that dream, that picture was not going to happen for me. That was not the path I would want to choose. I had to let go of that expectation. I had expected that after college graduation I would follow the plan and become a stereotypical family man with all the trimmings. There was a different path awaiting me.

The good times. Playing charades with friends. Temporarily gone but will return.

So, life is a lot about living true to yourself, enjoying the good times when they come along, not grasping to hang on to them (yes, the good times), and also experiencing the dark or bad times and also not grasping and holding on to them, also. The bad times, I feel, must be worked through, doing whatever work one must to get centered again in life, grieve, and move on. Always working to be emotionally healthy, balanced, authentic, joyous and happy, that’s the formula for living a good life, as I see it. Not resisting what reality is staring you in the face right now, this moment. Handle it, heal it, and move forward.

Now, as I write this, the world is going through a complete upending of everything, with the virus affecting the entire world. Talk about “letting go!” We are being forced to let go of so much, all at once, almost everything which we consider a normal part of life. Living freely, gathering in groups, socializing, going to events. traveling, going to restaurants, whatever. Everything we took to granted as just a part of everyday life. We have had to let go, period. Not much choice involved. Just mundane shopping now involves dressing up in protective gear and avoiding people.

That final “letting go,” letting go of life, everything we were, everything we dreamed, all our loves, at least on this earthly plane.

So, of course we will all have to experience that final, grand letting go of all time. The letting go of life on our death bed or wherever. Yes, I know in our culture we avoid all thought of this final release of all we are, all we have been, with no hope of anything more in this life, on this planet. All of life. Adios, farewell, and all of that. The big release, letting go. How do you feel about that? How have you handled that thought? Will you handle that thought with the time you have left? Personally, I have had two experiences in my life where I faced my death. I mentioned them in previous blogs. I have a feeling those experiences will resurface in my final hours or minutes in as vivid a way as they did previously, except this time I will know that “this is it, for real.” Perhaps there was a reason I had a dress rehearsal for this event many years ago.

To sum this all up, letting go is a good skill to have as we navigate through life. A difficult skill for most of us, an impossible skill for some of us. It will affect how we live our lives. It will affect our deep serenity and happiness and joy in life, I believe.

I believe in enjoying life, the good times, such as a helicopter tour of Kauai, Hawaii, above. But I say don’t cling , hold on the the good times in an unhealthy way , enjoy them and let them be fun memories.

Wally

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Playing the Role of a Prophet [ Post # 35 ]

Okay, I’m not comfortable with calling myself or thinking of myself as a prophet. I’m speaking of “prophet” in the biblical sense. A Prophet in the Bible was someone inspired by God, someone who would speak for God to the people. So, I certainly don’t want to put myself in that role, but maybe it’s time to play that role, if only temporarily right now. I do have some definite thoughts of the world situation right now, and in the past I do admit to having very mysterious experiences of Spirit, God, the Universe, the “whatever” speaking to me. I have had a former friend proclaim herself a prophet and travels the world speaking with world leaders, pronouncing her experiences as the word she receives from what she calls God. It is often awful stuff she proclaims, such as terrible things happening in the world because of same-sex marriage and gays being allowed in the military, etc. So, I certainly have as much right to feel I hear God speaking to me, especially when what is spoken turns out to be true, not just speculation and personal prejudice and judgments.

I have strong feeling about what is happening right now in the world. I’m looking at the facts. I’m doing my best to leave politics out of this. I am relating what I am seeing. I am accessing deep feelings from a prayerful and spiritual perspective. What you think of any of this is your business. I am doing what I feel I must do.

My number one rule in life, for me, is to deal with what is right in front of me. Deal with reality, what’s happening right now, in this moment. No hiding, no turning away, no denying what is visible before my eyes. Got to deal with it, I say to myself, whatever “it” is. That’s just the way it is, that’s just life as it come to me moment-by-moment.

We are experiencing a global crisis right now. Overnight, the world has turned upside down. We are experiencing something we have not experienced before. Basically, the world is shut down. Everything is grinding to a halt. The unbelievable is happening. We are forced to be exposed for who we really are. We are stunned. That’s what’s happening, in real time, right before our eyes.

This is time to face the facts. I have received your texts, facebook postings, emails, whatever, telling me this is all a hoax, this “virus” thing. I have seen the right -wing celebrities (Rush Limbaugh, Judge Jeanine Pirro, Sean Hannity, government leaders) on tape laughing, saying this is not real, this is nothing but a common cold, a total hoax, a political tactic to influence the upcoming election. It’s on tape, folks. I received posts saying the media, liberals, democrats are making this up, asking if I know anyone who has gotten the virus.

I want to put politics aside and just deal with the health issue. It is real. You were wrong about this being a democratic tactic, a media hoax. The whole world is involved in this crisis, this horror. It is right before your eyes. Something unbelievable is going on. This is about our basic humanity. You are playing with a real crisis. You are in denial. This is life or death, folks.

Where is God in all of this? Who can say? I happen to believe God always is and God is everywhere. Things still happen that we can’t explain or understand. Yet, there is life in the middle of all this. Humanity has always faced and suffered these things. We all have to face the end of this earthly existence at some point. The big question is when, how, and for many, why? I cannot give any answers to these questions. That’s the mystery for everyone.

Face the facts, folks. This IS happening. This IS serious. This is NOT a political game. People are showing who they really are in this situation. No one has control of this. Politicians do not have a handle on this. Politicians are not medical professionals.

It’s time to be real. It’s time to come from love, compassion. This is not time to let your obvious or repressed hate control you. Not time for stupid politics. Find your “higher self.” Evolve to something better than being obsessed with petty politics and conspiracy theory bulls**t. You claim to be God’s children? Then begin to live like that is so. God is not impressed with how some of you are acting.

Wally

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Different Personalities, Spiritualities, and the World’s a Mess [ Post # 34 ]

Life is basically pretty simple, if you look at it that way. At least the basics of life, as I see it. First off, this world is made up of quite an assortment of personalities. Billions, actually. Everyone is a bit different and many are very different, some extremely different. Thinking about it, I’m amazed we get along at all. We often don’t. Hence the fighting, conflicts, violence, divorces, killings and wars that we have in the world. Of course it’s all very complex, but our different personalities are at the core of it all, as I see it.

Besides the range of personalities we also have a plethora of spiritualities, or if you prefer the term, religions. We have official, well defined religions and we have many individuals that have their own beliefs or spiritual feelings. We all, I think, individualize our belief systems as we all see life differently. Some just accept an established religion as is, some believe parts of organized religion but reject other parts.

For example, I know several “good Catholics” that believe Catholicism, yet have problems or disagreements with certain “Catholic” beliefs, i.e. abortion, homosexuality, papal authority or infallibility, only one true church, etc. So it seems no two people have the same exact religion or spirituality. Wouldn’t you agree?

So, back to our personalities.How do we get along and to some extent accept other personalities in this complex and diverse world? Personally, I’m amazed that we do get along as well as we do most of the time. I guess enough of us have flexibility and openness and compassion to hear each other out and decide to get along or tolerate or sort of agree and accept others in this world. Truth be told, there are a lot of people I don’t care for or really like at all. That’s just the way it is. I have no guilt about not liking some people, even though they may be good people, not bad people. There are many mean, nasty, vicious, intolerant, hateful people. Stay out of my world if that describes you. I have no time for you.

As to religion, I have more toleration for the many different religions in this world. As I see it, religion is our attempt to make some sense out of life, to have something to help us deal with the mystery of existence. Different people choose different religions. It’s as simple as that. Many, if not most people choose the religion they were brought up in in their childhood. Others develop a religion or a spirituality of their own as they grow up and mature in life. Some claim to have absolutely no religion (hence, atheism), but I see atheism as a religion in a sense, especially after spending a few years in the atheism camp of believers in atheism. They definitely have their strong, often inflexible beliefs in the nonexistence of God in any sense.

So, we have these many different personalities, ranging from very good to very evil, from very easy going and compatible to very difficult and impossible to deal with. We also have all of these religions and spiritual paths, some or most, perhaps, very loving and helpful to people coping with life, and some rather harsh and perhaps abusing and violent in the extreme. So, what is the result of all this mixture of personalities and religions?

My perspective is that the result of all of this is that the world is a mess. It really is, as I see it. Yes, the world works, you may say. Many would debate that statement. A case could be made that the world does not really work, not for everyone. You could point out all the problems and suffering in the world. No disputing that. So, perhaps the world works for some people, but certainly not for all.

So, what do we do? How do we create a world that really does work, that works for everyone? There are people that say they have the answers. There are people that say they feel they have a call to “save” the world. There are groups, there are cults, there are religions claiming to have the answers, the solutions to this dilemma. Well, that does not seem to be so. Look at history. There have been horrible periods in world history,and there have been better periods, but always, mankind has been fighting, warring, manipulating and controlling the world’s populations. As I see it, it all depends on individuals. We each have a part to play in keeping this world somewhat sane and “less messy.” It’s that simple. How we live each day, each decision we make, each conversation we have, each action we take affects the world at large. Enough good people will and do make a difference in making the world a better place. More bad people and it gets messier and more evil. Well, that’s not very profound you may say. Well, perhaps, but that is the way the world works. Good people, heroes, saints, sages, teachers have kept this world growing and evolving. they have saved life from extinction and we must be grateful for that, for those people who have stepped up and done their good work they had to do. The exciting thing is that we can be a part of this group of extraordinary of people by how we live our lives. By how we live our lives every day, every moment. Every action we take is important. Are we contributing to the good of the world? That’s the question we need to ask ourselves. That’s how we need to live and be.

Postscript

Once again, after I wrote this blog and let it sit before publishing it, world events have occurred pertaining to my blog’s subject. The virus situation exploded and the world has turned upside down it seems. People’s opinions and feelings and anger are extreme as I write this in late March 2020. The world is experiencing something we haven’t experienced in this way before in our modern age. Many people are making this all about politics, downplaying the situation saying this is all just a conspiracy and hype by the media and liberals and democrats to affect the 2020 presidential elections. Wow. The whole world is doing this just as a political ploy it would seem by their logic. Wow. I really can’t say much more than that now, just wow. I will stick with science, facts, what I observe and know using my intelligence. This is a very unusual time. People are revealing how they think. They are revealing their ignorance, their rigid, fixed political beliefs, at the risk of life itself to prove their point. I still have hope for humanity, but it is being tested to the extreme.

Wally

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Public Speaking, Preaching, Writing, Blogging, and the “Good Life”

They say public speaking is the biggest fear that most people have, worse than the fear of death. I never really understood that, but, okay, maybe it is. I’ve never been terrified of it, but after my first experiences with it, maybe I should have been. In college I took a speech class, just for fun. Didn’t really think much about it, just jumped right in to see what it would be like. All went well until our first real challenge, impromptu speaking. We had to give a three-to-five minute talk about whatever the professor picked as our individual topic after we were standing in front of the class. So, there I am standing in front of the class as professor Hanson says, “talk about a comb.” Um, really, okay, um…. I have no memory of how I handled that one. I must have said something for the allotted time. A comb Really I remember standing there and I must have survived somehow.

The next time I got into a similar situation was when somehow I got persuaded to go to a Toastmasters meeting where people practice public speaking. Once again, I just jumped in and said to myself, “why not, maybe I’ll learn something.” Similar experience. For the newcomers, they had us stand up and talk about whatever topic the speaker gave us. The leader said, talk about jodhpurs.” Huh, I thought. What the hell. “You know, the English horse riding attire, she said. Huh, I thought. Once again I cannot recall how I stood there and talked about something I knew nothing about, but once again I survived.

My seminary where I studied 1971-1972, North Park Theological Seminary of the Evangelical Covenant Church of America, in Chicago, Ill. The denomination is one of the homophobic ones, shown by actions in the past year. I enjoyed my studies there, but had not come out at the time. Now I think to myself, “what was I thinking?”

So, I end up in seminary after college preparing for a possible ministry career. At least now I can choose the subjects of my talks and prepare them in advance. My first preaching experience was at a hospital chapel. At least I had a grasp of my subject but it was not encouraging that most of the audience had been wheeled into the chapel in their wheelchairs and slept through my sermon. That should have been the end of this public speaking project now that I look back at all of this, but I kept going.

Well, I did not complete my seminary education and get my Masters of Divinity degree or get ordained in the denomination I was studying in. I did do some public speaking and preaching engagements over the years since, though. As a guest speaker I did okay and got some good reviews. If I had pursued that line of work I’m sure I would have done well with more experience (“practice makes perfect”, they say).

Guest speaking filling in for a vacationing minister friend

But as fun as being a guest speaker was for me, it was a bit unsatisfying for me because it took so much work, the task lasted for maybe fifteen minutes or so and a few days later, nobody really remembers what I said. I found that rather limiting as far as any real impact in the whole scheme of things for me. I realized that the written word has a little more impact and permanence and I started thinking about writing. People had told me they were impressed with my writing when I wrote essays, etc. My college roommate was very impressed when I had to write my draft board to beg them to renew my draft exempt status because I lost it during my college education.

I had always enjoyed writing. In an earlier blog I wrote about how my father was a writer and I must have picked up that interest from him. As a kid I published a neighborhood newspaper and really enjoyed that experience. I tried writing short stories and fiction in school but didn’t do well with that. I was better at nonfiction .

So, fast forward to today. I had always thought of writing my memoirs, just as my dad had done a long time ago. I found that project too much for me and realized I’d never sit down and write a whole book, an autobiography. I made attempts, but found it all a bit overwhelming. Then I began to consider writing short essays or what was becoming popular in our technical/computer age as “blogging.” That made more sense to me, I could handle that. I can write short pieces regarding my life and thoughts, etc., whereas I’d probably never put my life into a book.

So, about a year and a half ago I explored what would be involved in writing a blog. The more I studied blogging the more interested and excited I got with the idea. I talked the idea over with my spiritual consultant that I see periodically and decided I was going to give it a go.

Exploring the internet, I discovered a site that laid out how to get a blogging website up and running and I went for it ( after the usual procrastination involved in trying something new like this and pushing myself out of my “comfort zone”). Hey, just like starting out in public speaking. Just decide to go for it!

When I sat down to set up my website it asked for a title I wanted for my blog. The strangest thing was that I didn’t have to even think about that one, a title just came to me automatically, instantaneously, “On the Path.” It just popped into my head. That’s what life is, I was thinking, we are all on the path of our lives, whatever that may be for us. Then it asked for a subtitle, or whatever term they used. Again, no hesitation, no real thought involved, a phrase just popped into my head, again, “It’s a Wonderful Life.” That’s my feeling at this stage of my life, it is a wonderful life! It’s a wonderful life being on my path.

So, it’s a year and a half after this “experiment” began and I’m quite satisfied. I’ve gotten good responses and reviews. People I’ve known since my very early years have said things like, “I’ve known you through all these years and experiences and seen you go through all these things, but it’s interesting to see how you viewed the events and situations and how you see them now.” And those more recent friends who don’t know much about me have the opportunity to read my posts and get caught -up-to-speed.

It’s an interesting process to get my thoughts together and organized and out of my head and into the written word. It’s also a bit of therapy for me to see these things now and how I express them. Before getting them down into the written word, sometimes these thoughts and memories are just a jumbled mess in my mind. It is like doing therapy on myself.

So, I tried public speaking. I tried preaching. I tried writing. All good experiences. Writing seems to be my preferred means of expression at this point on my path. We never know that the future will bring, maybe something new and different, but this is where I am today, writing my life and thoughts in blog posts, in a public forum. It truly is a wonderful life. Thanks for joining me on this journey.

Wally