Month: August 2021

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Tough Decisions We Sometimes Must Make [ Post # 66 ]

Thinking about my life, I’ve come to look at three sort-of major decisions I was forced to make in order for my life to have some integrity and meaning and direction so I could go on and live the “good life,” as I see it. I will take three major decisions I had to face in chronological order. I have touched briefly on these three decisions in previous blogs but will expand my thoughts on them here, get them out of my mind and down on paper, as it were.

I’ve written about my decision to leave my home environment at an early age (high school graduation). I had experienced an unpleasant home environment for some time and realized it was just too toxic to hang around any longer. For my survival I needed to leave and get out on my own, not knowing for sure what that meant, really. I only knew I was not going to go down the path that was laid out for me by my father, especially. His dream for me was, just get a boring job, work all your life, then die. Really inspiring! Not for me.

I left home, lived a couple of other places and then decided to go to college, against my father’s wishes (“a waste of time and money”). Opened a whole new life for me. I was free to determine my own life. I eventually started my career in the airline industry and enjoyed my love of aviation. I became a commercial pilot and flight instructor besides having my ground job.

There have always been antiwar movements. Very controversial.

While in college, another major decision had to be made. I had been enjoying college life when my draft board contacted me to tell me that they saw that I had lost some college credits when I transferred from a junior college to my four-year college (Yes, in the days of the military draft and the Vietnam War). I was going to lose my college deferment and be drafted. I wrote my draft board explaining my situation, but they didn’t care. (By the way, my college roommate saw my letter and was very impressed with my writing. I think that was the first time anyone complimented my writing abilities. He was sure that letter would get my deferment back, but it didn’t.)

One person’s opinion, shared by many.

So, it looked like I was about to be drafted and most likely be sent to Vietnam. A situation I never considered facing before. The government was going to take me out of college, train me to kill people ( people that the government decided I should kill). Wait a minute, I am going to be a trained killer? Wait a minute. No, no, no. (And people are upset/crazy today that government says wear a mask, hmmm.) It was time for me to decide what I thought about of this “war stuff.” No way was I in favor of the war. But what was I to do? What choices did I have? Declare myself as a “conscientious objector?” Flee to Canada (be a “draft dodger?”) Go to jail? Decide I was a pacifist? Something had to be decided. The next step came, having to take the draft physical. So the day came. I did not have bone spurs, but I did have knowledge of how to get my heart racing to dangerous levels which might help me fail my physical. Also, on the paperwork for the physical there was a question asking if I was a homosexual. Hmmm, I guess that would work, except at that time in my life I did not consider myself in that category at all. So, I did the physical and I did flunk it because my heartbeat was too fast for their standards. Problem averted. Draft deferment achieved.

But, I had to confront what my feelings were about the government, the military, war, killing, and following orders going against everything I believed, because the government said so. I must admit, I still struggle with this whole philosophical matter of war, killing, the military, etc. The whole concept of a “just war.” Not an easy subject in this world which has always been a warring world full of evil people. Having been a history major in college, I know how this world is and always has been. Not a pretty picture in many ways.

I wish I could talk with those who have had to handle these questions, but they won’t talk, I have discovered. War veterans come home and are silent on these things. Many have been severely damaged in one way or another. I had a friend who was a bombardier in WWII, a Christian missionary. How did he feel dropping bombs and killing lots of people? And then being on the mission field bringing salvation to people?

This is a very complex subject and I have no answers. I have lots of questions. It’s a dangerous subject to approach, usually because people’s feeling are so strong. I remember a supervisor at work once told me when we approached the subject of Vietnam that if he ever discovered I was against the war, my job would be hell, he’d see to that (he was an ex-Marine who served in the war.

I remember a conversation I had with my brother-in-law when I was nine. He ended up being a very conservative, right-wing person politically, But he was under the threat of being drafted and was absolutely opposed to being in the military. He had just had one kid and was hoping to get my sister pregnant with a second child because that would give him a deferment from the draft. He was a bit panicked as he hated the thought of being in the military. He had done ROTC training in college and hated the military regimen. Would love to have conversations about all of this, and his strong political and patriotic views.

I have had friends and family that have served in wars. I get it. They did what they believed they had to do. I really do get that. I’m just saying, when I had to face what I had to face, I would not kill on command just because the government says I have to. Today, people are going crazy about being told to wear masks. I had to face being trained and commanded to kill. I think there is a bit difference in these dilemmas

There are different types of relationships in this world.

So, the third big decision I had to make in my life, besides leaving my family to go off on my own and allowing myself to be drafted to fight in a war was how was I to live out my life? The track to follow was to be a good, normal family man. Marry, have a good family and live the typical family life of the American dream. At some point, after graduate school and beginning my airline career, I realized I was not going to live out that dream. I only knew it was not for me. Not knowing how I was going to live out my life, I knew it was not as a typical family man. I just had to “go with life” and see how it would turn out. It was a long road to find out who I was and how I was to live, but it did all work out. To quote my simple personal religion one more time, “Love; and trust God.”

Wally

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Surrender [ Post # 65 ]

Ahh, yes, another of those words that we often take as a bad, negative word in this world. To surrender is to be a loser, to give up, to admit defeat. Whether in a war, in a relationship or whatever, we usually mean something bad, losing, giving up as there’s no other choice, etc. But, in my later years I’m looking at that term in a different light. After living a long time, going through a lot of turmoil, chaos, confusion, uncertainty, etc., I have a revised view of what surrender can mean. I mean, after all, we are all going to have to eventually surrender our lives to the “whatever” that awaits us at the end of life. Well, perhaps some of us surrender at that point but others fight, often put up a valiant fight to the very end. Guess that’s our choice to make at that juncture.

So, surrender… looking back on my life, I wish I had had a better understanding of that word. In my early life I was a fighter. I rejected any thought of “surrendering.” I fought, even if the fighting was an internal struggle and conflict. I fought people trying to put me down, suppress me, control me, direct my life how they thought it should go (family and parents mostly and some teachers). And that was good, of course, as I went on to be myself as best I could under the circumstances at the time. I did not crumble, give in to the negative forces active in my early years. I fought for what I believed in, what I wanted to do and the direction I wanted to take in my life. A lot of fighting. Fortunately I was young and energetic. I succeeded in creating the life I wanted.

Probably my mantra in my early life even if I did not articulate it this way. Thinking this way probably saved me during that rough time in my life.

Looking back at that time now, I just wish I had had some sense of the good aspects of surrendering. By that I mean, yes, it was good that I fought for my best interests, but I could have felt so much better if I had surrendered to the fact that life was going to work out if I just trusted in life, that there is good in life and that good is mine to claim and live. I guess you could say a trust in God (or whatever good force there is in life). A “knowing” that all was going to be well, even while putting up the “good fight” against the negative forces.

Now in my later years I don’t have the energy and interest or time to waste in fighting everything in life. Fortunately my early years of fighting so many things and influences did pay off and I created the good life that was meant for me. I am grateful for that now. I ” fought the good fight,” to use a biblical quote. I now have a much greater appreciation for the concept of “surrendering.” I am living now a more surrendered life. Having engaged in a deep study of religion and philosophy recently, I realize that the philosophy that best fits who I am seems to be stoicism. Yes, that seems to fit best. I see that life must be faced, as it really is. Life is as it is. We may not always like that, but so it is. And the best, highest life is the ethical life. Doing right, living right. Making the best life with what we have. Living opposite to these ways, as I see it, creates a miserable life. A lot of people do live the miserable life, but it’s not for me. I’ve been there during brief times in my growing up and it was not good.

So, I am not advocating fatalism, a giving in to fate or destiny and resignation to what looks to be inevitable. Being powerless, believing defeatism, no, not at all. So let me say what I mean by having a healthy sense of surrender in life as I see it.

We can make good use of the practice of surrender in life. I’m doing a lot more of it than I ever did before now. Let me list some of the ways I see surrender now and have experienced surrender at this point in life.

My mantra now. My life today. The only way for me to live now at this stage in my life.

For me personally, I have had to surrender to the fact that some people may not, do not like me. I may not understand why, but that doesn’t really matter. And, I may have medical situations I wish I did not have, but I have them currently. I, at times, must suffer loss. Friends and family die. People leave my life, sometimes I understand, sometimes I don’t. Politics today is a “hot-button” issue. I’m very upset by what I see, how people I know are acting and believing. I can’t do much about that, they are the way they are. In my marriage, I don’t have the energy to fight. I surrender to the relationship, which, fortunately is a very good one (perfect in my humble opinion). So, let me give my thoughts on surrendering as I’ve come to understand the term and concept.

Fighting everything in life is draining and unpleasant and is a miserable way to live. You can’t control everything. For control freaks, that’s not good news. It works better to pause, step back, take your hands off the wheel at times to renew yourself. Recognize that obstacles can be detours leading you in a new, better direction. Surrender to that when that happens. If you are a spiritual person, pray and meditate and spend time in the silence with your higher self. Trust that things will work out, surrender to that truth. All will work out; trust it will all be okay. In other words, have faith.

Yes, surrender… a new way of living. Doesn’t mean accepting evil in any way, but surrendering to a “higher power.” God or Spirit is that higher power for many.

So, yes, my life has improved since I’ve surrendered to the idea of surrendering. Maybe it wasn’t so necessary in my earlier life, but it sure is now. Perhaps this is the great lesson for this period of life. Like I said, there is a big experience of the final surrendering coming up, like it or not.

So, I believe surrender can help us open up more to life, to embrace life fully, to be with the Divine Goodness (God) if one believes in that.

Wally

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A Christian? Hmmm…. [ Post # 64 ]

That’s one term that I’m not fond of. A term I say has been corrupted for a long, long time. Since the invention of the term, actually, around two thousand years ago. The term was coined to describe the followers of Jesus around the first century C.E. A new religion was being formed and the troubles began from the get-go. It was not a cohesive, unified religion. It was, to say the least, a bit fractured from the beginning. There were many factions, many struggles and fights over the beliefs these new “Christians” were developing and inventing in those first decades and centuries. And you know what? Those wars and struggles never really stopped. It’s still going on today. There were fights and conferences centuries ago to develop the Christian religion and Christian canon, the eventual New Testament. Long story short, the history of this new religion, an offshoot from Judaism, has been a mess.

Early Christianity had many theological battles, many wars and killings. Now we have creeds, etc. but really, has it changed that much?

Just study the horrendous things that occurred through the centuries. Those great “Christians” that killed viciously the “heretics” and other dissenters from the “true” religion. Yes, even the Protestants did these evil deeds.

Fast forwarding to modern times, we can see that today the word Christian can be referring to some crazy groups and people. Not that there are not many good, sincere believers in the good aspects of the Christian religion, there certainly are. I have been involved in churches all of my life in one way or another. I even prepared for the Christian ministry earlier in my life. I’m just saying I don’t like using the term in identifying myself. As a theologian I know says, he describes his religion or beliefs as “culturally Christian, spiritually unlimited.” That’s as good way to put it. I’d agree with that. I would identify myself as a “disciple of Christ,” a “follower of Jesus.” That seems more accurate to me than the general term “Christian.” I don’t subscribe to creeds, the narrow beliefs, the established dogma, etc. the different churches often demand.

The position of many today. I get it! Ironically, I still “do church,” but I’m very careful and selective about what groups I associate with.

My “religion” is an open one. That’s it. I’ve been all over the spiritual/religious map at different phases in my life. When I was in seminary preparing for the ministry, I remember a professor telling the class, “don’t ever preach or teach your church people what you learn here in seminary (when you are a minister), you will destroy their faith!” Wow, that says it all.

So, there is a lot of darkness and unpleasant stuff in church history over the centuries. No question about that. But, here’s what I say to you, believe what you want. I’m not going to tell you what to believe, what church or religious group to attend or join. Or even whether or not to attend any church or religious organization. You figure that out for yourself. You figure out your belief system. Think for yourself. Don’t just follow some popular or charismatic preacher or guru. Study, think, reason. Be true to yourself. For me, the term Christian just has too many bad connotations. I can use the term to describe myself, but if I do I certainly mean certain things by that definition that many others do not understand in this world and society. There is more than one way to see the Christian religion or religion in general. I’ve given my definition of my religion in previous blogs. It’s basically, love, and trust God. Works for me. Keeps it simple. And, at the same time, I am deeply studying religion and theology and related subjects. Guess that’s the historian in me, I majored in history in college.

So, my parting words… think, reason, be open-minded. Chill…if you “connect” with the invisible, the “more,” the something, your higher self, Jesus, whatever you call it… enjoy the journey. It can be a good one if you do some work and love a lot.

This statement is no problem for me….

Wally

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Addictions [ Post #63 ]

One of the blessings I am very grateful for is the blessing of not being an addict. Well, not an addict in any bad sense of the word. By that I mean having any “bad,” or destructive addictions. I think you know what I mean. If you’ve lived for a while on this earth, you have seen and known people with terrible and damaging addictions. Perhaps you have some yourself or have had at some point in your life.

I will be honest and admit that there is an addictive gene in my own family. Several family members have had problems with addictions. It is very sad to witness and live through the addictive/destructive experiences they encounter continually in their lives. I experienced this in childhood and later with my first partner/relationship. And of course, several friends have had addiction problems, often never spoken of but there to be seen by all who have any awareness.

It is hard for a non-addict to comprehend, I think, what it is like to have this force, this destructive, negative energy driving one’s life to constant turmoil and problems. Sure, there are periods when things seem normal, but they are not, not for long, anyway.

Of course I’m no medical or psychological professional, so what I’m talking about is from a layman’s point of view. Just my observations and opinions, as in my other blogs on various subjects. I would never claim to be a professional in any field, except, perhaps, being an expert in my own life on this earth.

A book I read many years ago that gave me a different perspective on addictions in our lives.

So, we all know the negative power addictions have on people. But, wait. I’m talking about what we call “negative” addictions. When we talk about addiction, that’s what we are usually talking about, right? Many years ago I happened to pick up and read a book by William Glasser, M.D. called “Positive Addiction” which opened up my mind to a new way of viewing this subject. Yes, we are all familiar with the many negative addictions out there in the world, but do we ever consider that there may be positive addictions that and not destructive. They may even be helpful, healthy and inspiring. Hmmm, that got me thinking. Are there such things as “positive addictions?”

So, what is meant by positive addictions? Well, things like exercise, eating healthy, volunteering, being passionate about the work you do, being giving and helpful to others. Good, healthy relationships (not so much co-dependent relationships), etc. You can come up with many such positive addictions, I’m sure. The runner’s high, meditation, spiritual practices, creating art, music, acting, addiction to “excellence” (being careful of becoming addicted to “perfectionism.” Being passionate about your work can be good, being a workaholic can cross the line to a negative addiction. Being passionate and addicted to a spiritual life is expressed in several psalms in the Bible. And the Poet Rumi, “It is a burning of the heart I want; it is this burning I want more than anything….”

So I have come to the conclusion that there are both positive and negative addictions. I recently wrote a blog on my interest in, okay, my “addiction” to life-long learning, life-long education. I feel okay with that addiction. It pushes me forward towards continual growth, and that is good, in my book.

Just a little aside on this topic. A year and a half ago I decided to eliminate alcohol from my life. My body was not tolerating alcohol consumption very well. It did for many (pleasurable) years, but it reached a point that a drink would just put me to sleep or drain me for the rest of the day. I did a little research and discovered that, medically, there was a point in many peoples lives where alcohol did not work well with the body, exactly what I was experiencing. Well, the bottom line is one day I just quit. And that was that. Again, I say I am very grateful that I am not an addict (alcoholic) as it was no problem to stop. It just does not work for me anymore. It is like my father who gave up smoking one day after sixty some years of smoking daily. Just quit. No therapy, no hypnosis like some require to kick the habit.

So, the point of all of this is that I’m lucky to have missed the family gene that seems to have affected several others. Maybe I have an addiction to life-time learning, but that is okay. I prefer that one over the others I see in this world.

Wally