Tolerant No More! Shy No More! (well….) [Post #14]

Tolerant is an interesting word. It’s defined as “to put up with,” usually. Or, sometimes to be “open minded, liberal, broad-minded, to endure,” etc. It can sound good, like toleration is good, a good thing, a good trait to possess. Yes, that’s how I’ve viewed the meaning of the word over the years. But, you know, I’m beginning to not like the term so much anymore. The deeper I go in thinking about toleration, the more I begin to dislike the word.

My whole life I have been taught to just “tolerate” everything. Tolerate abusive people, even family and loved ones, bad teachers, bad work environments, bad co-workers, bad bosses, incompetent “experts” and “professionals,” etc. You get the idea. To live a good life, just tolerate almost everything. Get along and just put up with whatever. Sounds good? I’m not sure that’s the best strategy to live the good life.

I think that I have tolerated too much over the years. I’ve played the game. Yes, I’ve gotten some of the “goodies” as rewards for going along and playing the game. But I think it’s time to step up the game and move beyond toleration. There’s a higher level than toleration. I want to see people live and function on a higher, more evolved level than toleration. Do you want people to just tolerate you Or do you want people to like you and love you? And if they don’t like you, let that be. But to be tolerated? Not really what I want. I certainly don’t want to tolerate awful, nasty, mean, cruel people. I’m tired of tolerating people’s sh*t and sh*tty attitudes and behaviors. And in today’s highly charged political climate, especially. I will not engage with some people who are a bit out of control of their anger, in my view of things. Tolerate hate and hate talk, no way! I will set “my” boundaries; you set yours if you want.

This brings up a connection of sorts to another aspect of life for me. Ever since I was a child, some people always thought of me as shy, a shy person. My brother-in-law, especially, drilled into me his opinions of my shyness as well as his perceived shyness of my two siblings. I won’t argue with that. As he saw it, the three of us were shy in comparison with others. We were definitely more introverted and shy than most people. More on the introverted end of the scale than the extroverted side. My point is that being a bit shy and taught to just tolerate everything in life probably didn’t move me along on the fast track to good emotional and psychological health in my early years.

But decades have passed, we’ve grown and moved on and accomplished things in our lives. At this stage of life, however, being somewhat introverted and overly tolerant of way too much crap in life and the world is not a good thing for me personally. I now realize that I need, I must, be more definite and adamant about setting boundaries on what I will allow into my immediate personal environment, or what you might call my “energy field.” So, yes, maybe I am becoming more intolerant of things that I used to give a pass to. So be it! I see this intolerance as being a good thing. I’ve learned my lessons from the past regarding being shy, introverted and tolerant and too accepting of sh*t.

I’ve lived a long and very good life. I’ve make mistakes. I’ve lived with not the best people at times and for way too long. But hey, that’s how life goes, right? At least I’ve survived and grown and transcended the muck to find a new freedom in life by being true to myself, my truth, and my God.

So, toleration is not my favorite term or preferred way of life. Like me or love me or don’t like me, that’s up to you, but tolerate me… hmmmm.

Wally